Any advice for next steps?

[anthonytimmermans]

I'm 33 years old. My wife slightly older at 38. We're together now for 8 years and we have a son (6).

Basically my wife, 5"4 tall, slim (size 4), blonde, C-cup, and very hot (although I'm biased), before we got a relationship was not shy of being a single woman with (several) FWB situations going on. She's into the bad-boy kind of thing and has shared that in the past with a guys she has done a MFM threesome.

I'm not of the bad-boy breed. A regular guy, well educated, entrepreneur, good job, very good income and in all aspects of what I do not considered "sub" or anything of the sort, but in general by all as very "reliable, trustworthy, etc.". Now after years of fooling around with not-marriage-material-guys, she settled down with me. Our relationship is generally good and strong.

Now, over the years her sex drive has gone down. Whereas at the beginning of our relationship we knew our way around the bedroom, we now have sex on average every other week or so. Not that often. The sex is good though, but more in the "making love" category, than "pounding, hardcore porno sex"... let's say the kind of sex she used to have with all her past FWB-types.

To cut to the chase, I'm a safe haven for her. We have a son and a family and she will not want to jeopardise that. When referring to her past threesome, she claims not really to be into that, because "it's a lot of work" for her.

Now, I know I'm a very decent lover, but I'm not champions league. I think that for her that is absolutely fine and we have a good thing going, but given her past I think there is more beneath the surface that can come out if given the chance.

But, after the pregnancy of our son she gained weight and stopped finding herself attractive. Now, she's lost the extra weight (she's a size 4), but her stomach/belly is not as tight as it used to be and she's (unnecessarily) insecure about her body and still thinks she's not that good-looking when in reality she really is.
That is a blocking factor too... she will need to overcome showing her body to somebody else too.

I've been fantasizing about hotwifing/cuckolding for a long time now.

So a whileback we were out, just the two of us, having a nice dinner and staying at a hotel. Had a great time, couple of glasses of wine.

Some small background. My wife doesn't like porn and doesn't appreciate me watching it. She said so eary on in our relationship.

Now, we get back to our hotel room and start the fun. We're full into foreplay, almost fully naked, when she - out of nowhere - surprises me with a question if I ever watch porn. I was kind of stumbled, so she knew I'd be lying if I'd say now... She starts asking all kinds of quesitons about how often, what kind of porn, etc. Not in a bad way, still in a teasing sexy way - we're continuing foreplay.

I'm kind of surprised by all of this and don't really know what to do. I tell her I image it's her in the porn.
-But she still continues to ask what kind of porn.
-Lame as me says: you know, a girl getting fucked good.
-She starts asking so, one guys, two guys, three guys...
-Me: yes
-She: 3 guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: would you want me to fuck three guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: and you would be okey with that?
-Me: Yes
-She: Well that's not going to happen? I just want want cock and that's yours

This then kind of spiralled into us having very good, steaming sex...
Afterwards there was only some comment that she did not understand why I needed to watch porn. She doesn't and doesn't masturbate... but nothing further.


A few days ago, we had a hot session. I gave her a massage, which ended in me fucking her with a good dildo, while she sucked me off... We've never done this and this was our first 'split-roast' kind of thing.

The day after, after a couple of drinks, she comes back to the porn thing and she asked me if I really wanted that. Her with other guys. I told her yes and we had a good conversation about what exactly my fantasy was, and why.

She didn't get upset and the conversation was good. I told her and now she knows. She doesn't understand though, as she says that she cannot imagine me fucking other women and her watching... I told her that's not what my fantasy was. It's about seeing her.

We had a fantastic fuck.

Afterwards she says that she will need some time to digest and process this. This is my fantasy, not hers and she would is not - yet - willing to go down this path... She had some concerns about me pursuing this fantasy outside our relationship. I told her I was not interested in that, because I want to see her, not somebody else; that's the whole point.

There are some openings ("if we were ever to do this, I'd be doing it for you, not me"). But also some hesitations ("what if I don't want this and you do, then what?")

I guess it needs some time, but would like to know if any couple or hotwifes have any experiences to share that recognize this situation?

 

[SIcouple4MFM]

Almost the same with us. She wants to, she loves dildo play and fuck machine while we have sex, but she is reluctant, she fears she will hate someone else touching her...and that is the only problem. Experts, help...where to go next?

 

[MrBlueyz]

So, we had similar conversations, which, at least, let her know how I felt and was willing to have happen. The door opened when she talked about "the one that got away", which was a guy from high school she was still in touch with. I told her she shouldn't let that fester and if she needs to fulfill that need, to go for it and let him know that I'm okay with it and I'd love pictures. Well, while away for a couple weeks on business, she invited him over and I got some amazing pictures in return; the best being his cum dripping from her pussy. Eventually that evolved into a regular thing for them and we also had plenty of 3 ways. Then she confessed she had another who got away and a guy she was talking to on tinder, to which I said "go for it",which she did. Those also ended in 3 ways and her hotwife door was officially open. So, every conversation with her is an opportunity to open that door a bit wider for you buddy

 

[MrBlueyz]

Almost the same with us. She wants to, she loves dildo play and fuck machine while we have sex, but she is reluctant, she fears she will hate someone else touching her...and that is the only problem. Experts, help...where to go next?

Your wife is smoking hot

 

[bunnyandtim]

I'm 33 years old. My wife slightly older at 38. We're together now for 8 years and we have a son (6).

Basically my wife, 5"4 tall, slim (size 4), blonde, C-cup, and very hot (although I'm biased), before we got a relationship was not shy of being a single woman with (several) FWB situations going on. She's into the bad-boy kind of thing and has shared that in the past with a guys she has done a MFM threesome.

I'm not of the bad-boy breed. A regular guy, well educated, entrepreneur, good job, very good income and in all aspects of what I do not considered "sub" or anything of the sort, but in general by all as very "reliable, trustworthy, etc.". Now after years of fooling around with not-marriage-material-guys, she settled down with me. Our relationship is generally good and strong.

Now, over the years her sex drive has gone down. Whereas at the beginning of our relationship we knew our way around the bedroom, we now have sex on average every other week or so. Not that often. The sex is good though, but more in the "making love" category, than "pounding, hardcore porno sex"... let's say the kind of sex she used to have with all her past FWB-types.

To cut to the chase, I'm a safe haven for her. We have a son and a family and she will not want to jeopardise that. When referring to her past threesome, she claims not really to be into that, because "it's a lot of work" for her.

Now, I know I'm a very decent lover, but I'm not champions league. I think that for her that is absolutely fine and we have a good thing going, but given her past I think there is more beneath the surface that can come out if given the chance.

But, after the pregnancy of our son she gained weight and stopped finding herself attractive. Now, she's lost the extra weight (she's a size 4), but her stomach/belly is not as tight as it used to be and she's (unnecessarily) insecure about her body and still thinks she's not that good-looking when in reality she really is.
That is a blocking factor too... she will need to overcome showing her body to somebody else too.

I've been fantasizing about hotwifing/cuckolding for a long time now.

So a whileback we were out, just the two of us, having a nice dinner and staying at a hotel. Had a great time, couple of glasses of wine.

Some small background. My wife doesn't like porn and doesn't appreciate me watching it. She said so eary on in our relationship.

Now, we get back to our hotel room and start the fun. We're full into foreplay, almost fully naked, when she - out of nowhere - surprises me with a question if I ever watch porn. I was kind of stumbled, so she knew I'd be lying if I'd say now... She starts asking all kinds of quesitons about how often, what kind of porn, etc. Not in a bad way, still in a teasing sexy way - we're continuing foreplay.

I'm kind of surprised by all of this and don't really know what to do. I tell her I image it's her in the porn.
-But she still continues to ask what kind of porn.
-Lame as me says: you know, a girl getting fucked good.
-She starts asking so, one guys, two guys, three guys...
-Me: yes
-She: 3 guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: would you want me to fuck three guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: and you would be okey with that?
-Me: Yes
-She: Well that's not going to happen? I just want want cock and that's yours

This then kind of spiralled into us having very good, steaming sex...
Afterwards there was only some comment that she did not understand why I needed to watch porn. She doesn't and doesn't masturbate... but nothing further.


A few days ago, we had a hot session. I gave her a massage, which ended in me fucking her with a good dildo, while she sucked me off... We've never done this and this was our first 'split-roast' kind of thing.

The day after, after a couple of drinks, she comes back to the porn thing and she asked me if I really wanted that. Her with other guys. I told her yes and we had a good conversation about what exactly my fantasy was, and why.

She didn't get upset and the conversation was good. I told her and now she knows. She doesn't understand though, as she says that she cannot imagine me fucking other women and her watching... I told her that's not what my fantasy was. It's about seeing her.

We had a fantastic fuck.

Afterwards she says that she will need some time to digest and process this. This is my fantasy, not hers and she would is not - yet - willing to go down this path... She had some concerns about me pursuing this fantasy outside our relationship. I told her I was not interested in that, because I want to see her, not somebody else; that's the whole point.

There are some openings ("if we were ever to do this, I'd be doing it for you, not me"). But also some hesitations ("what if I don't want this and you do, then what?")

I guess it needs some time, but would like to know if any couple or hotwifes have any experiences to share that recognize this situation?

Congratulations, and welcome to first base.
Keep the dialogue with her steadily open. Keep reiterating that you don't want to fuck other women, that this is about pleasure for you two together. Start selling her points regarding the excitement, fun and power she can access through this.
A great bit of rhetorical leverage is the old "come on this adventure with me" angle. Suggest that it could be something to bond over and learn together from. Draw it away from the "I might do it, but I'm just doing it for you" zone, and into the 'our fun sexy new thing' zone.
From what I can tell (which admittedly isn't a lot), you're on like Voltron, you've just gotta cultivate it right.

 

[anthonytimmermans]

Congratulations, and welcome to first base.
Keep the dialogue with her steadily open. Keep reiterating that you don't want to fuck other women, that this is about pleasure for you two together. Start selling her points regarding the excitement, fun and power she can access through this.
A great bit of rhetorical leverage is the old "come on this adventure with me" angle. Suggest that it could be something to bond over and learn together from. Draw it away from the "I might do it, but I'm just doing it for you" zone, and into the 'our fun sexy new thing' zone.
From what I can tell (which admittedly isn't a lot), you're on like Voltron, you've just gotta cultivate it right.

Thanks so much for your advice. Much appreciated!!

 

[WNY3somecple]

The "I am only doing it for you" line is very dangerous. It could mean she just does not want to admit she wants it. But just as likely it means she is not into it and feeling pressured. If she does give it a try, it could easily come back to haunt your relationship as she will always feel she was some what forced into it.

My feelings are if she isn't into for herself at least as much as you then don't do it.

 

[anthonytimmermans]

The "I am only doing it for you" line is very dangerous. It could mean she just does not want to admit she wants it. But just as likely it means she is not into it and feeling pressured. If she does give it a try, it could easily come back to haunt your relationship as she will always feel she was some what forced into it.

My feelings are if she isn't into for herself at least as much as you then don't do it.

I fully agree with you.

But to be fair to her, it was one of her first reactions after hearing it. Whilst surprised, she was actually quite mellow in her response. Not weird or angry at all; she just didn't understand why I would want that.

So, I guess I need to find out from future conversations how she feels about this and if it's more the first (not yet ready to admit or still thinking about it) or the second (feeling pressured).

I'll at least make sure I'm just open and answering questions and am not trying to pressure her at all.

 

[TonyPeroni]

I'm 33 years old. My wife slightly older at 38. We're together now for 8 years and we have a son (6).

Basically my wife, 5"4 tall, slim (size 4), blonde, C-cup, and very hot (although I'm biased), before we got a relationship was not shy of being a single woman with (several) FWB situations going on. She's into the bad-boy kind of thing and has shared that in the past with a guys she has done a MFM threesome.

I'm not of the bad-boy breed. A regular guy, well educated, entrepreneur, good job, very good income and in all aspects of what I do not considered "sub" or anything of the sort, but in general by all as very "reliable, trustworthy, etc.". Now after years of fooling around with not-marriage-material-guys, she settled down with me. Our relationship is generally good and strong.

Now, over the years her sex drive has gone down. Whereas at the beginning of our relationship we knew our way around the bedroom, we now have sex on average every other week or so. Not that often. The sex is good though, but more in the "making love" category, than "pounding, hardcore porno sex"... let's say the kind of sex she used to have with all her past FWB-types.

To cut to the chase, I'm a safe haven for her. We have a son and a family and she will not want to jeopardise that. When referring to her past threesome, she claims not really to be into that, because "it's a lot of work" for her.

Now, I know I'm a very decent lover, but I'm not champions league. I think that for her that is absolutely fine and we have a good thing going, but given her past I think there is more beneath the surface that can come out if given the chance.

But, after the pregnancy of our son she gained weight and stopped finding herself attractive. Now, she's lost the extra weight (she's a size 4), but her stomach/belly is not as tight as it used to be and she's (unnecessarily) insecure about her body and still thinks she's not that good-looking when in reality she really is.
That is a blocking factor too... she will need to overcome showing her body to somebody else too.

I've been fantasizing about hotwifing/cuckolding for a long time now.

So a whileback we were out, just the two of us, having a nice dinner and staying at a hotel. Had a great time, couple of glasses of wine.

Some small background. My wife doesn't like porn and doesn't appreciate me watching it. She said so eary on in our relationship.

Now, we get back to our hotel room and start the fun. We're full into foreplay, almost fully naked, when she - out of nowhere - surprises me with a question if I ever watch porn. I was kind of stumbled, so she knew I'd be lying if I'd say now... She starts asking all kinds of quesitons about how often, what kind of porn, etc. Not in a bad way, still in a teasing sexy way - we're continuing foreplay.

I'm kind of surprised by all of this and don't really know what to do. I tell her I image it's her in the porn.
-But she still continues to ask what kind of porn.
-Lame as me says: you know, a girl getting fucked good.
-She starts asking so, one guys, two guys, three guys...
-Me: yes
-She: 3 guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: would you want me to fuck three guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: and you would be okey with that?
-Me: Yes
-She: Well that's not going to happen? I just want want cock and that's yours

This then kind of spiralled into us having very good, steaming sex...
Afterwards there was only some comment that she did not understand why I needed to watch porn. She doesn't and doesn't masturbate... but nothing further.


A few days ago, we had a hot session. I gave her a massage, which ended in me fucking her with a good dildo, while she sucked me off... We've never done this and this was our first 'split-roast' kind of thing.

The day after, after a couple of drinks, she comes back to the porn thing and she asked me if I really wanted that. Her with other guys. I told her yes and we had a good conversation about what exactly my fantasy was, and why.

She didn't get upset and the conversation was good. I told her and now she knows. She doesn't understand though, as she says that she cannot imagine me fucking other women and her watching... I told her that's not what my fantasy was. It's about seeing her.

We had a fantastic fuck.

Afterwards she says that she will need some time to digest and process this. This is my fantasy, not hers and she would is not - yet - willing to go down this path... She had some concerns about me pursuing this fantasy outside our relationship. I told her I was not interested in that, because I want to see her, not somebody else; that's the whole point.

There are some openings ("if we were ever to do this, I'd be doing it for you, not me"). But also some hesitations ("what if I don't want this and you do, then what?")

I guess it needs some time, but would like to know if any couple or hotwifes have any experiences to share that recognize this situation?

It seems to me that this is an incredibly positive start. However, good open dialogue is absolutely key. She will almost certainly have some lingering concerns that need to be addressed - the most obvious and most common ones are:
1. Are you losing interest in me?
2. Will you be able to manage the jealousy?
3. What if I like it too much and want to carry on, but you don't?
4. What if I become attached to the other guy or he becomes attached to me?
5. Will this damage our relationship?
6. Is it fair that I am having all the fun?
Many of these questions have surprisingly counter-intuitive answers, which can and should be addressed really clearly and openly between you. Perhaps the one that wives often find the hardest to get their heads around is the jealousy aspect - for cuckold men the exquisite mixture of pain, pleasure and jealousy lies at the very heart of the fantasy and is intrinsic to its success. Also the vast majority of couples who explore cuckolding in an open and thoughtful way find that it massively enhances their relationship rather than harms it.
There are also lots of other things that need to be discussed. Some of the more obvious ones:
1. What role is hubby going to have?
2. Will hubby be involved in choosing her partners?
3. Will she meet her partners 1:1 or will hubby always be present or will they play it by ear?
4. Is she free to arrange a meeting with a partner without the knowledge of hubby, provided she tells him afterwards?
5. If hubby is going to be present, will he be an active participant and if so, to what extent?
6. Are there any activities or aspects of cuckolding that are a complete no-no for either hubby or wife?
7. Do there need to be any ground rules?
8. How will you both make sure you are always 'on the same page'?
There will be lots of other things you should discuss too. But be careful not to overthink everything - leave some room for improvisation, serendipity and surprise.
Most of all, just keep talking to each other.
I have coached men, women and couples interested in exploring cuckolding and the thing that never ceases to amaze me is just how much help people need to get the communication right. Lots of men have no idea how to even introduce the idea of cuckolding in a positive way. Cuckold sites are full of guys who have a strong cuckold fantasy, but have either never raised it with their partner or when they did, they raised it in a way that caused their partner to be repelled by the very idea.

 

[Joboo]

I'm 33 years old. My wife slightly older at 38. We're together now for 8 years and we have a son (6).

Basically my wife, 5"4 tall, slim (size 4), blonde, C-cup, and very hot (although I'm biased), before we got a relationship was not shy of being a single woman with (several) FWB situations going on. She's into the bad-boy kind of thing and has shared that in the past with a guys she has done a MFM threesome.

I'm not of the bad-boy breed. A regular guy, well educated, entrepreneur, good job, very good income and in all aspects of what I do not considered "sub" or anything of the sort, but in general by all as very "reliable, trustworthy, etc.". Now after years of fooling around with not-marriage-material-guys, she settled down with me. Our relationship is generally good and strong.

Now, over the years her sex drive has gone down. Whereas at the beginning of our relationship we knew our way around the bedroom, we now have sex on average every other week or so. Not that often. The sex is good though, but more in the "making love" category, than "pounding, hardcore porno sex"... let's say the kind of sex she used to have with all her past FWB-types.

To cut to the chase, I'm a safe haven for her. We have a son and a family and she will not want to jeopardise that. When referring to her past threesome, she claims not really to be into that, because "it's a lot of work" for her.

Now, I know I'm a very decent lover, but I'm not champions league. I think that for her that is absolutely fine and we have a good thing going, but given her past I think there is more beneath the surface that can come out if given the chance.

But, after the pregnancy of our son she gained weight and stopped finding herself attractive. Now, she's lost the extra weight (she's a size 4), but her stomach/belly is not as tight as it used to be and she's (unnecessarily) insecure about her body and still thinks she's not that good-looking when in reality she really is.
That is a blocking factor too... she will need to overcome showing her body to somebody else too.

I've been fantasizing about hotwifing/cuckolding for a long time now.

So a whileback we were out, just the two of us, having a nice dinner and staying at a hotel. Had a great time, couple of glasses of wine.

Some small background. My wife doesn't like porn and doesn't appreciate me watching it. She said so eary on in our relationship.

Now, we get back to our hotel room and start the fun. We're full into foreplay, almost fully naked, when she - out of nowhere - surprises me with a question if I ever watch porn. I was kind of stumbled, so she knew I'd be lying if I'd say now... She starts asking all kinds of quesitons about how often, what kind of porn, etc. Not in a bad way, still in a teasing sexy way - we're continuing foreplay.

I'm kind of surprised by all of this and don't really know what to do. I tell her I image it's her in the porn.
-But she still continues to ask what kind of porn.
-Lame as me says: you know, a girl getting fucked good.
-She starts asking so, one guys, two guys, three guys...
-Me: yes
-She: 3 guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: would you want me to fuck three guys?
-Me: Yes
-She: and you would be okey with that?
-Me: Yes
-She: Well that's not going to happen? I just want want cock and that's yours

This then kind of spiralled into us having very good, steaming sex...
Afterwards there was only some comment that she did not understand why I needed to watch porn. She doesn't and doesn't masturbate... but nothing further.


A few days ago, we had a hot session. I gave her a massage, which ended in me fucking her with a good dildo, while she sucked me off... We've never done this and this was our first 'split-roast' kind of thing.

The day after, after a couple of drinks, she comes back to the porn thing and she asked me if I really wanted that. Her with other guys. I told her yes and we had a good conversation about what exactly my fantasy was, and why.

She didn't get upset and the conversation was good. I told her and now she knows. She doesn't understand though, as she says that she cannot imagine me fucking other women and her watching... I told her that's not what my fantasy was. It's about seeing her.

We had a fantastic fuck.

Afterwards she says that she will need some time to digest and process this. This is my fantasy, not hers and she would is not - yet - willing to go down this path... She had some concerns about me pursuing this fantasy outside our relationship. I told her I was not interested in that, because I want to see her, not somebody else; that's the whole point.

There are some openings ("if we were ever to do this, I'd be doing it for you, not me"). But also some hesitations ("what if I don't want this and you do, then what?")

I guess it needs some time, but would like to know if any couple or hotwifes have any experiences to share that recognize this situation?

I’m no expert but it looks like a opportunity you may never get again. When ladies get premenopausal many, like my wife did, develop a near insatiable desire to fuck. I was using a large dildo on my wife regularly when she was early and into mid forties. At least 4 to 5 years. When doing this she was very willing to talk about how a real one that size would feel.
I did make the opportunity availability to her and while she said she wouldn’t do it she had lots of questions about how we would find someone and how do you know how big someone is.
If I would have pressed it further I may have made headway. She would cum like crazy on that dildo.

 

[SIcouple4MFM]

I guess our dildo play will eventually progress...as we both want it

 

[hotwifeluvr]

FWIW, my wife said all those same things, and I've heard others report it as well. "It's not going to happen. You can dream about it if you want to, but it will never happen." Then a couple years later, "Were you serious about that? And you'd really be OK with it if I did?" That was 12 years ago, and her first lover fucked her a few months later. Now 12 years later, she's had 10 different lovers, 11 if you count the guy whose dick she sucked but who couldn't go through with it (yet) because she is married. She's enthusiastic, and while she knows I love it, she does it for her pleasure.

 

[Demented_Donny]

The "I am only doing it for you" line is very dangerous. It could mean she just does not want to admit she wants it. But just as likely it means she is not into it and feeling pressured. If she does give it a try, it could easily come back to haunt your relationship as she will always feel she was some what forced into it.

My feelings are if she isn't into for herself at least as much as you then don't do it.

this is true. My friend after hearing about our adventures during a night of heavy drinking, talked his wife into trying it over a period of a few months. she only did it because he was pressuring her to do it, and wouldn't drop it. she ended up sleeping with one of her coworkers she was kind of fond of. she regretted it, and it created big tension between them. he also couldn't handle the jealousy and ramifications as well as he thought he could. ended in divorce.

 

[anthonytimmermans]

Thanks guys!

 

[hotwifeluvr]

I completely agree that if she isn't doing it for herself, then I wouldn't do it. I can't imagine how that would even be any fun, unless the husband is into domination and control (and hopefully they are a match if so!). 90% of the pleasure in sex has its origins in the enthusiasm of my partner. That's not because I am noble, it's just that's what feels sexy. Even in vanilla sex, if my wife does not seem to be into it, I will probably not be able to cum, if it even gets that far in the first place.

That said, I have seen that women will say such things as a sort of proactive defense in case the husband later gets upset, or to not feel like a slut or bad wife, or whatever the hang-up might be. It is still not a comment to be disregarded. I would hold off moving forward until she is comfortable acknowledging her own desire.

The "I am only doing it for you" line is very dangerous. It could mean she just does not want to admit she wants it. But just as likely it means she is not into it and feeling pressured. If she does give it a try, it could easily come back to haunt your relationship as she will always feel she was some what forced into it.

My feelings are if she isn't into for herself at least as much as you then don't do it.

 

[anthonytimmermans]

I completely agree that if she isn't doing it for herself, then I wouldn't do it. I can't imagine how that would even be any fun, unless the husband is into domination and control (and hopefully they are a match if so!). 90% of the pleasure in sex has its origins in the enthusiasm of my partner. That's not because I am noble, it's just that's what feels sexy. Even in vanilla sex, if my wife does not seem to be into it, I will probably not be able to cum, if it even gets that far in the first place.

That said, I have seen that women will say such things as a sort of proactive defense in case the husband later gets upset, or to not feel like a slut or bad wife, or whatever the hang-up might be. It is still not a comment to be disregarded. I would hold off moving forward until she is comfortable acknowledging her own desire.

So how would you read into the context here? If she says that but continues to be curious?

 

[hotwifeluvr]

I would see it as her feeling like she should not want it, and that a "good wife" would neither want it nor agree to it. And so her desire for it is repressed, likely without her even being aware of it.

If so, it will take time for her to reconcile this. IMO, this is something that she must do more or less on her own. The husband can passively support her or encourage her, but it could all too easily become, or feel to her, like pressure.

To try to persuade her, even gently, can be counterproductive. Once she has had the idea planted in her awareness and been given "permission" to consider it by way of the husband saying it excites him and that he would like it, the rest is up to her. In my experience, if she is given the freedom to explore this mentally, her attraction to it will naturally increase, over time. The "over time" bit is where it becomes challenging for we men to sit on our hands. We want it now. But the woman has to come to it on her own timeline, if she is to be comfortable with it. Freedom cannot be forced or pressured, or it's not really freedom. A woman needs to feel safe. What men don't want to hear is that it often takes years for a woman to be ready to engage in this with a man she loves and does not want to risk losing.

Of course, blanket statements have plenty of exceptions. YMMV, but this has consistently been my experience.

The good news is that the journey can be a lot of exciting fun. Much as we may want to race through it, the build-up can be a lot of fun in its own way, and the delay of gratification enhances the outcome.

So how would you read into the context here? If she says that but continues to be curious?

 

[anthonytimmermans]

I would see it as her feeling like she should not want it, and that a "good wife" would neither want it nor agree to it. And so her desire for it is repressed, likely without her even being aware of it.

If so, it will take time for her to reconcile this. IMO, this is something that she must do more or less on her own. The husband can passively support her or encourage her, but it could all too easily become, or feel to her, like pressure.

To try to persuade her, even gently, can be counterproductive. Once she has had the idea planted in her awareness and been given "permission" to consider it by way of the husband saying it excites him and that he would like it, the rest is up to her. In my experience, if she is given the freedom to explore this mentally, her attraction to it will naturally increase, over time. The "over time" bit is where it becomes challenging for we men to sit on our hands. We want it now. But the woman has to come to it on her own timeline, if she is to be comfortable with it. Freedom cannot be forced or pressured, or it's not really freedom. A woman needs to feel safe. What men don't want to hear is that it often takes years for a woman to be ready to engage in this with a man she loves and does not want to risk losing.

Of course, blanket statements have plenty of exceptions. YMMV, but this has consistently been my experience.

The good news is that the journey can be a lot of exciting fun. Much as we may want to race through it, the build-up can be a lot of fun in its own way, and the delay of gratification enhances the outcome.

That's great advice. Thanks a lot. So what would you consider "support" and "encouragement"? Pointing out other guys to start the conversation on this? Or would you think this is too much "pressure"?

 

[anthonytimmermans]

UPDATE

So somewhere last week; we had a real conversation about the fantasy and what I'd really like. Unlike the initial reactions she had when we spoke about this (as mentioned above), she actually got pretty upset this time. Now, we talked about it some more the day after and again yesterday. She's quite upset about it and a couple of topics come up:

1. She doesn't understand why I would want to share. She would never want to share me with other women.

2. She's "been there done that" when it comes to experimenting with sexuality and doesn't want to now.

3. She's worried about me pursuing these things anyway and then outside our marriage. I'm younger than she (33 vs 38) and have not "been there and done that" and she's worried about that. It's also a trust thing, as a few years ago (after we just got together) it became apparent that her father cheated on her mother and her brother to his wife... so she's quite open about the fact that this plays a serious role in her mind.

4. We've had quite a downer in our sex life for some years actually. This was after our son was born, but then kind of enhanced when her parents ended up in a very, very nasty divorce. This effects is in two ways: (i) she is very insecure about her body. Her stomach is not firm and smooth any more, where it always was. And she hates this. She doesn't like her body image and it's very hard to convince her that she's beautiful and it's mostly just in her head. And (ii) our sex life really in the last half year picked up again. She literally said that she'd really be unhappy if she would have sex with another guy.

Now, there was some emotion in this. I've ready a lot of threads on this process and most of the responses I guess are fairly common. Especially the first one. I guess this will take some time (or never materialise).

My plan is to 'lay low' for a while now. I've been able to explain my fantasy more and why I would like it. I've expressed my 1000% committment to her very clearly and frequently. I guess for now I just need to let it sink in with her and see what happens after a while and if she'll bring it up again.

But, I'm reaching out for advice anyway. Does the above story sound familiar with anybody.
Any advice in how to proceed?
I'm kind of reluctant for now to bring it up again, as she's been clear and I don't want to appear pushy.

 

[whiskeytrot]

UPDATE

So somewhere last week; we had a real conversation about the fantasy and what I'd really like. Unlike the initial reactions she had when we spoke about this (as mentioned above), she actually got pretty upset this time. Now, we talked about it some more the day after and again yesterday. She's quite upset about it and a couple of topics come up:

1. She doesn't understand why I would want to share. She would never want to share me with other women.

2. She's "been there done that" when it comes to experimenting with sexuality and doesn't want to now.

3. She's worried about me pursuing these things anyway and then outside our marriage. I'm younger than she (33 vs 38) and have not "been there and done that" and she's worried about that. It's also a trust thing, as a few years ago (after we just got together) it became apparent that her father cheated on her mother and her brother to his wife... so she's quite open about the fact that this plays a serious role in her mind.

4. We've had quite a downer in our sex life for some years actually. This was after our son was born, but then kind of enhanced when her parents ended up in a very, very nasty divorce. This effects is in two ways: (i) she is very insecure about her body. Her stomach is not firm and smooth any more, where it always was. And she hates this. She doesn't like her body image and it's very hard to convince her that she's beautiful and it's mostly just in her head. And (ii) our sex life really in the last half year picked up again. She literally said that she'd really be unhappy if she would have sex with another guy.

Now, there was some emotion in this. I've ready a lot of threads on this process and most of the responses I guess are fairly common. Especially the first one. I guess this will take some time (or never materialise).

My plan is to 'lay low' for a while now. I've been able to explain my fantasy more and why I would like it. I've expressed my 1000% committment to her very clearly and frequently. I guess for now I just need to let it sink in with her and see what happens after a while and if she'll bring it up again.

But, I'm reaching out for advice anyway. Does the above story sound familiar with anybody.
Any advice in how to proceed?
I'm kind of reluctant for now to bring it up again, as she's been clear and I don't want to appear pushy.

Most of what you said here resonates with me and my wife. She couldn't really understand why I would want to do this, not body confident etc. She didn't, however, doubt my intentions or that I would be 100% loyal. I think that it was a matter of catching her at the right moment/mood. If she was feeling horny, then she would definitely be more receptive. It really is about a slowly, slowly approach. Keep convincing her about your intentions and feelings. She's welcome to speak to me/us at any stage to understand how it worked for us and hopefully calm her fears. My wife really enjoyed the encounters once she had agreed to try.