Found my wife's ex boyfriend on facebook

kano85

Well-Known Member
Jul 10, 2018
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I've been with my wife for 6 years. Completely faithful, etc. She had only ever had 1 other serious boyfriend and several guys she 'dated' shortly - not sure what that means. She is very very unsexual. She has a really small vagina so sex with even me (averagish size) can be very painful for her. We have sex about twice every 5-6 months- actually didn't even have sex on our wedding night. Anyways, as typical I am highly sexual but find it disgusting to ask my wife to have sex with me - so yeah, we rarely ever have sex and I have slowly developed strange fetishes like cuckolding.

Anyways, several months ago I was incredibly horny and went against my better judgement and ended up contacting her original boyfriend. She was with the guy for two years in college and she was extremely in love with him. I found some of their old love notes and she was really happy with him. She had told me that he cheated on her and she left him. But I read in her notes that she tried staying with him after he cheated then he eventually broke up with her anyways.

I was dying to know what their sex life was like - was it like ours?! I assumed it had to be much more passionate and consistent. It was killing me inside. I couldn't imagine this sorry to say, boring woman being so sexually turned on. When we do have sex it is so robotic and slow and she gets upset i hurt her by accident - though i never go hard or fast, in fact i am barely ever inside all the way and i usually just end up rubbing my head on her clit til she tells me to stop. It's horrible and so disappointing...

The only thing that truly turns me on anymore is the THOUGHT of her being sexually aroused and because I cant imagine her feeling that way with me, it has to be another guy in the fantasy. So to think that she actually has felt that way in real life in her prior relationship really really turns me on. Not even to the point where I want to have sex with her, I just get excited at the idea that she can actually enjoy sex with someone like i am happy for her. My favorite part of sex is always seeing the girl pleasured.

Like I said, i contacted her ex and he actually responded. i slowly let him know the situation and he seemed to understand. He said he dealt with some of her issues (specifically the overly small vagina), but he was able to overcome them by satisfying her and getting her to relax. Then I ask what their experiences were like, and he told me how once they stayed at his parents cabin alone, and one day they were just naked around the house and ended up finger banging her from behind in front of a window while he squeezed her tits and she stroked his cock slowly. He also mentioned how whenever they would hang out she would casually play with his cock like while watching tv, etc. And sometimes not even sexually, but just non chalantly rubbed around his limp cock head with her fingers while they sat on the couch.

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. I was turned on but at the same time pretty hurt. I can add more, but just had to get this off my chest. Its been like 4 months since then and i feel so strange around her. Anyways... thanks for listening.
 
Talk with her!! She will open up about it I am sure. There are so many ways to create an orgasm for a woman so dont get hung up on your dick doing the work. Your tongue could probably blow her mind. Small vibrators and a lot of foreplay and does she have a shallow ass? Anal sex may be enjoyable to her. Good luck!!
 
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She orgasms really easy when i use my fingers. But she is extremely picky and it has been hard work to get to the point im at now in terms of satisfying her efficiently without causing discomfort. I do go down on her whenever she allows but again she is extremely oicky and easily turned off. She has no problem stopping sex without either of us cumming. She seems to really enjoy me using my fingers but i think the act of initiaiting or starting sex is really uncomfortable for her. She prefers to be seduced but i have been denied many times and i have lost a lot of confidence over the years. I am only 30 and athletic but feel unattractive to her.

At this point i just hope my sex drive dries up fast.

I dont really have a plan for us. Im a web developer and im just learning about this niche community that i happen to also enjoy thinking about
 
My wife has told me after I shared your story with her that she wants to have sex with you!!! Dont let your confidence wain because of how your wife feels. 30 and athletic I am sure you have plenty to offer. Maybe you should express to her that her actions are causing you pain. If I can get my wife to you to enjoy I will!!
 
My wife has told me after I shared your story with her that she wants to have sex with you!!! Dont let your confidence wain because of how your wife feels. 30 and athletic I am sure you have plenty to offer. Maybe you should express to her that her actions are causing you pain. If I can get my wife to you to enjoy I will!!

Thanks for the support and giving me a boost in confidence. I will keep you updated.
 
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Hello, I hope you will not take it personally, my opinion is that you cannot solve the issue using this forum.
I think it could be a health issue which needs a professional adviser, a doctor and even a psihologist. Such problem might affect your life for long time, don't ignore it now for future conflicts would appear over the years.
Always humans compare their own status with others. Sooner or later she will understand that something is wrong with her body and sexual attitude and she'll be unhappy.
Both of you have to be open, sincere and trying to help each other. Beyond sex, hotwifing, adventures and fantasies you are a couple and being a couple means to accept, face and solve problems together.
Sorry for being honest and going on the serious side of life, I do not intend to offend you but if you eliminate the potential medical issue she might have you could fully enjoy all the bright aspects of intimate life :)
 
BTW there is a book we are reading that we think will help you with the issue's you're dealing with. It may seem like a womans perspective but it covers both views well. Its called F*cked being sexually explorative and self-confident in a world thats screwed. I am including a pic of the book.
 
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Its a shame that when a man has sexual dysfunction or lack of libido, hes EXPECTED to turn to a billion dollar industry to get it resolved...but when a woman is in a similar situation, meh.....its just accepted and tolerated, and not even seen as something detrimental to her marriage , relationship or self-esteem.

you aren't alone, brother. My wife doesnt have a small vagina, quite the contrary...but she has so little sexuality, lust or even understanding of how to turn a man on. I don't know if its a low confidence thing, or related to some sort of trauma (shes never wanted to discuss our sexual pasts), hormonal imbalance, repressed lesbianism, or some sort of ingrained sexual inhibitions/hangups. I understand your frustration.

good for you for reaching out and at least getting some more insight.
 
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Thanks for all the support everyone. No need to worry about offending me, im here to learn and hear other opinions. No real update, its been a rough week ar work and at home. Her periods are always rough and we dont really get along during these times. No potential for a conversation about our sex lives on the horizon but i will let u know when that day comes... thanks again everyone
 
That`s a dark place to honestly go. Nothing positive can come from it and it won`t change your feelings. Back to the top, need to talk to her. But not about her, about you.