I’m dying to watch my wife with another man

Slyland

Male
Jul 16, 2022
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I’ve been super into the thought of my wife with another man. She knows this and we talk about it somewhat often. We got really close while on vacation but she got cold feet at the last minute.

She danced with a guy, made out with him, and he even fingered him but when it was time to go back to the room she couldn’t go through with it. We ended up having great sex but I really wanted to see her with another man.

How do I get her over the hump?
 

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this needs to be about what she wants. not what you want. she won't continue until, & unless, she wants it...i know some women submit to please their husbands, but it's better if she is interested.
I love how dude's say that on here but that's just not how a lot of women work.

It's not usually as simple as "she's interested or she's not." Women are complex creatures and seem to often have conflicting feelings around this sort of thing. Part of them may want it, but they may also be feeling guilt, worrying about potential consequences to the relationship or just fear taking the plunge into a strange and unknown lifestyle.

At the same time, women are also not typically as sex-driven as men. Many nights I'll want sex but my wife is tired, not really horny and kind of reluctantly lets me feel her up while she watches the news - then at some point, she starts to get horny, we start having sex and next thing you know she's riding me to orgasm, wants me to pull her hair and pound her from behind, then after I cum, she needs me to go down on her because, after already having two orgasms, she "got horny again" from me cumming in her. Yet, if I had just been passive and left her alone to wait until she was "interested" it would be a month before we had sex and we'd both miss out on many great nights of satisfaction. I can also tell you, she's in a much better mood the day after a good fucking.

On the flip side, there have been zero times when my wife came looking for sex and I told her I was too tired.

I know my wife is very turned on by the fantasy but she has all kinds of hangups and fears about making it a reality that may be acting against her interest. She also just has less drive for sexual adventure but has thanked me for pushing her to be adventurous and keeping our sex lives exciting.

Given how far your wife went already, I think she maybe just wasn't ready to go all the way the first time. You should talk about it during sex, give her positive reinforcement, show her how much it turned you on. Then probably you just need to create the right situation where she can be more adventurous again and maybe she'll feel ready to go a bit further... or maybe not but at least you provided the opportunity. Vacations always seem to loosen the inhibitions.
 
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I love how dude's say that on here but that's just not how a lot of women work.

It's not usually as simple as "she's interested or she's not." Women are complex creatures and seem to often have conflicting feelings around this sort of thing. Part of them may want it, but they may also be feeling guilt, worrying about potential consequences to the relationship or just fear taking the plunge into a strange and unknown lifestyle.

At the same time, women are also not typically as sex-driven as men. Many nights I'll want sex but my wife is tired, not really horny and kind of reluctantly lets me feel her up while she watches the news - then at some point, she starts to get horny, we start having sex and next thing you know she's riding me to orgasm, wants me to pull her hair and pound her from behind, then after I cum, she needs me to go down on her because, after already having two orgasms, she "got horny again" from me cumming in her. Yet, if I had just been passive and left her alone to wait until she was "interested" it would be a month before we had sex and we'd both miss out on many great nights of satisfaction. I can also tell you, she's in a much better mood the day after a good fucking.

On the flip side, there have been zero times when my wife came looking for sex and I told her I was too tired.

I know my wife is very turned on by the fantasy but she has all kinds of hangups and fears about making it a reality that may be acting against her interest. She also just has less drive for sexual adventure but has thanked me for pushing her to be adventurous and keeping our sex lives exciting.

Given how far she went already, I think she maybe just wasn't ready to go all the way the first time. You should talk about it during sex, give her positive reinforcement, show her how much it turned you on. Then probably you just need to create the right situation where she can be more adventurous again. Vacations always seem to loosen the inhibitions.
lots of words here, but not relevant to what i said.

you are talking about you & your wife. my comments were directed at a husband who wanted his wife to have sex with SOMEONE, other than him.
 
lots of words here, but not relevant to what i said.

you are talking about you & your wife. my comments were directed at a husband who wanted his wife to have sex with SOMEONE, other than him.

I think you just don't get it dude, but that's okay. It seems like a very male perspective to suggest it all just comes down to being interested or not, and if they're interested, why wouldn't they do it... Maybe your wife is like that but I don't think most are. You didn't offer this guy any useful advice, just told him his wife needs to be interested, as if he should just wait around until she decides to do something on her own or give up.

The whole point of my previous example is that what applies to sex in general, applies even more so to sex with someone else. She may be interested (fact she already went so far suggests she is) but was unable to go all the way due to conflicting feelings, which could be fear, guilt, shame, lack of confidence, etc. She may just need encouragement and support to work through that or simply further opportunities to ease into things.

I just don't think this is as simple as, you just tell the wife you want to see her fuck another dude and she will do it or not, depending on her interest.
 
I think you just don't get it dude, but that's okay. It seems like a very male perspective to suggest it all just comes down to being interested or not, and if they're interested, why wouldn't they do it... Maybe your wife is like that but I don't think most are. You didn't offer this guy any useful advice, just told him his wife needs to be interested, as if he should just wait around until she decides to do something on her own or give up.

The whole point of my previous example is that what applies to sex in general, applies even more so to sex with someone else. She may be interested (fact she already went so far suggests she is) but was unable to go all the way due to conflicting feelings, which could be fear, guilt, shame, lack of confidence, etc. She may just need encouragement and support to work through that or simply further opportunities to ease into things.

I just don't think this is as simple as, you just tell the wife you want to see her fuck another dude and she will do it or not, depending on her interest.
well, if you think pressure & manipulation are the way to go good for you.

i never said to wait for her to decide on her own. i, merely, meant that if she agrees to participate in the LS, it should be her decision. whether it takes two weeks or 10 years is immaterial.

how she gets there is not relevant to my comments.
 
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well, if you think pressure & manipulation are the way to go good for you.
Feel like you're being a bit obtuse here. Not sure how "may just need encouragement and support to work through that or simply further opportunities to ease into things." = pressure and manipulation.

i never said to wait for her to decide on her own. i, merely, meant that if she agrees to participate in the LS, it should be her decision. whether it takes two weeks or 10 years is immaterial.

how she gets there is not relevant to my comments.
The guy asked "how to get her over the hump" in the context of a wife who fooled around with a guy on vacation but got cold feet about actual sex - I don't think he was looking for ways to force his wife do something against her will. The "how she gets there" is the only thing relevant to this guy's question, so your comments offer zero help.

I do agree with what you said above though - that he can do more than just wait, without being overbearing and manipulative, and that it might take two weeks or 10 years. Maybe you should offer some advice for what he can do to help her without being coercive, beyond just waiting and hoping. That's all I was trying to do.
 
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