I am a newbie here. I have had this fantasy for about as long as the wife and I have been together. My wife had a very conservative upbringing however when we met as teenagers I soon realized she did have somewhat of a rebellious side. That's what I think drew me to her. I never brought up my fantasy of watching her with another guy until we had been married some 15 years and then I tried to keep it very light. So it was kind of thing we would throw around in more of a jokingly manner. I did notice that she always kind of went along with it and never said yes but never said no. She was always kind of coy about it. I do know that if I sat her down and had a serious one on one talk she would feel compelled to say no .I might also mention she has never been with another man (that I know of) I'm almost sure of that. So I have been thinking the only way this happens is if I can present her with some opportunity to tempt her and go from there. For example I'm thinking of trying to find some man thru an ad on some website and work out a situation where he would meet us "by chance" at some nice nightclub, particularly where there is dancing and strike up a conversation. Since he knows that I would be in on it he wouldn't be afraid of flirting with her a little and see where it goes. I mean I have seen it before when we have been in that situation and a few times the wife got very chummy with men sitting next to us. Anyway since he and I are both on the same track he could push it a little along with some alcohol and a dance or two and maybe ...just maybe she will give into temptation and go for it and we end up back in a hotel room. I know she has admitted to being curious what it would be like with someone else but then changes the topic when I try to pull her along. Well I would love to know what you all think and I'm up for suggestions
Looking for advice.
- Thread starter mav625
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You are not thinking like a woman. What you describe is cheating but I do not think that is what you want or what she wants. To have third person with agreement is very different to cheating. It is done together for everybody to be happy. You cannot do this unless you talk about what she wants I think.
If you've always played it off like you're joking, don't expect that she will be the one to move the needle. And you can't jump from joking and pretending you're not serious to suddenly sitting her down and having a serious talk.
In any event, this will take time. She has a lot to overcome from her upbringing for one thing. Don't be pushy. Be very patient, and think in terms of years. Sorry, that's what I believe it will take. Your best bet is to learn to enjoy where you're at with it, and the small steps as she moves forward, and then backward, on this journey.
Stop phrasing it as a joke, but don't get overly serious either. Tell her it really turns you on, and don't get deflated when she tells you that it's never going to happen. You already know she "has" to tell you that. Just roll with it. Own your desires, say "Yeah, I know, but it still really turns me on to imagine it."
But since she goes along with it, doesn't say yes, but doesn't say no, be willing to let that be the way it is. She is likely to gradually allow herself to embrace the idea as fantasy, and to get into it. But that doesn't mean it's time to press. Enjoy where she is. One day, she may shyly tell you, in a "joking" way (since she will still be unsure of your reaction) that she was talking to someone, and he was flirting with her, etc. And when that day comes, what do you do? Right. You got it. You keep cool and don't press and understand that the day has not yet come. Later when you're fucking her, you tell her how hot it made you when she told you about flirting. Let her see how hard it makes you and how intensely you cum. But. Don't. Press. Ever.
In any event, this will take time. She has a lot to overcome from her upbringing for one thing. Don't be pushy. Be very patient, and think in terms of years. Sorry, that's what I believe it will take. Your best bet is to learn to enjoy where you're at with it, and the small steps as she moves forward, and then backward, on this journey.
Stop phrasing it as a joke, but don't get overly serious either. Tell her it really turns you on, and don't get deflated when she tells you that it's never going to happen. You already know she "has" to tell you that. Just roll with it. Own your desires, say "Yeah, I know, but it still really turns me on to imagine it."
But since she goes along with it, doesn't say yes, but doesn't say no, be willing to let that be the way it is. She is likely to gradually allow herself to embrace the idea as fantasy, and to get into it. But that doesn't mean it's time to press. Enjoy where she is. One day, she may shyly tell you, in a "joking" way (since she will still be unsure of your reaction) that she was talking to someone, and he was flirting with her, etc. And when that day comes, what do you do? Right. You got it. You keep cool and don't press and understand that the day has not yet come. Later when you're fucking her, you tell her how hot it made you when she told you about flirting. Let her see how hard it makes you and how intensely you cum. But. Don't. Press. Ever.
Thanks for that advice...makes sense. I not sure about having to wait years since we are now a much older couple. Wife still looks great though. Just have to try and go where "the men are" and try to see her do flirt thing then do what you suggest and tell her later how much of a turn on it was.
Who knows? It can happen sooner. Just don't hope for that too much, and find a way to enjoy the journey, and the little steps. If it never happens, what did you lose? To me, it's a lot like an orgasm. Yeah, that's what we want, of course! But if we jump right to it, we and our partners both miss out on a lot of fun. Probably you've noticed that with an orgasm, if you get close and then stop yourself from cumming, delaying it results in a more powerful and intense orgasm. YMMV
You both can experience some incredible sex together long before she actually spreads her legs for another man. Help her to feel "safe" in the fantasy realm, and confident that if she allows herself to play along with it as a hot shared fantasy, that she won't have to contend with you urging her to go further. She knows you want it, she knows how much it turns you on. She can't miss how hard and hot you get when you share this fantasy with her in bed. That's really all the pressing you should do. And believe me, it is so much hotter when the wife brings it up, or says something that suggests she may have had a slight shift in her thinking about this!
You both can experience some incredible sex together long before she actually spreads her legs for another man. Help her to feel "safe" in the fantasy realm, and confident that if she allows herself to play along with it as a hot shared fantasy, that she won't have to contend with you urging her to go further. She knows you want it, she knows how much it turns you on. She can't miss how hard and hot you get when you share this fantasy with her in bed. That's really all the pressing you should do. And believe me, it is so much hotter when the wife brings it up, or says something that suggests she may have had a slight shift in her thinking about this!
What your saying all makes sense...she needs time to process and your right about feeling safe with the real thing. I did remember not long ago we were having sex and all of a sudden she just said "maybe I do need a little strange"....okay I had forgotten that. I do remember saying "and I think you'd love it...I know it would be the hottest thing I could see" Oh she's thinking about it okay and I think it even surprises her a bit. I just know her and if she would just let go and jump in she would go crazy with it. I'm already thinking where we could go on a short weekend away she would have to be away from home and friends. For her anonymous would be primary. She once said if she ever did that the man could never know who she was. There's another good sign she's considering seriously.
Bob and I started out by slowly getting in to the swinger lifetyle. I was a little hesitant at first but I quickly realized that I loved it. I don't know where you're from but there are clubs countrywide. Or you could try it one with just another couple. We've been with many first timers. 
Hey thanks for your advice. I thought about swinger clubs but I know my wife would never agree to me fucking another woman. Actually my ultimate goal is to watch her with another man. The couple swinging wouldn't work for us.....I just have to convince her to try it. She's never been with another man and the curiosity has to be driving her crazy. I know she would do it under the right circumstances....just not sure if she would want me to watchBob and I started out by slowly getting in to the swinger lifetyle. I was a little hesitant at first but I quickly realized that I loved it. I don't know where you're from but there are clubs countrywide. Or you could try it one with just another couple. We've been with many first timers.
Women will either be into this or completely turned off. There doesn’t appear to be a middle ground with them. At least that’s what I’ve found out!
I think, to a great degree, BKM57 is right.
But u have mothing to lose. Apply alcohol liberally (my GF luvs L.I. icetea, 3 and shes realy for play with anyone), maybe an intimate club or bar with music & dancing...and a good looking, experienced bull to take her off ur hands for a bit.
Make a new woman outta her.
Make absolutely sure u meet bull b4 and he knows its her 1st attempt. Don't wanna cum on too strong & scare her off.
Just want to get 8 or 9 inches into her for the 1st time...and she'll love u for it.
But u have mothing to lose. Apply alcohol liberally (my GF luvs L.I. icetea, 3 and shes realy for play with anyone), maybe an intimate club or bar with music & dancing...and a good looking, experienced bull to take her off ur hands for a bit.
Make a new woman outta her.
Make absolutely sure u meet bull b4 and he knows its her 1st attempt. Don't wanna cum on too strong & scare her off.
Just want to get 8 or 9 inches into her for the 1st time...and she'll love u for it.
That's what I've been thinking. We have been out numerous times where she has started chatting with a man sitting near us. She has actually openly flirted with a few of them and at least twice I am sure she would have had sex with either. The unfortunate thing is since she's with her husband they generally don't pick up on her vibes cause if they did the next stop would have been the hotel room. Maybe I should have said something to encourage them when she went to the ladies room...that would have been the perfect moment to let them know I want them to go for it. This maybe the most likely scenario that would work. Its spontaneous and exciting and I think she would be too tempted to refuse. I know she thinks about it a lot .......... trying a different man at least once in her life
OK, so you have her going out, enjoying herself with you. REINFORCE that. Compliment her looks, sensuality. Take her to buy some nice (SEXY) things to wear when u go out.
Tell her u enjoy seeing her interact with people (guys) & there's not a thing wrong with that. In fact u enjoy seeing her relaxed & social.
Now, as I read it, you're sitting at the bar with her and either u or she is telling guys ur her husband??? Thats a non-starter my friend. Gotta stop that or ur wasting ur time.
So maybe she doesn't want to sit at the bar alone. OK, get her seated & u go use the mens room & take ur time. When u come back, if a guy is hitting on her, take a seat nearby and let them go for a bit. Then go back & see what gives. Invite the guy to join you. After a bit, u need to use the toilet again, beer goes right thru u. Give her time alone. Let her know ur ok, its ok. Relax & enjoy.
Once you get her out a few times like this, she'll begin to open up & enjoy the attention.
Most of all, take ur time. Slow, easy & reassuring. Make it light & fun for her.
NO convos with the guy about it being ok by you. Let it develop organically, on its own.
Even better if u go to a place with music & dancing.
Remember, the beer goes right thru u = she can get hit on and KNOWS its ok by you.
Just let her relax & enjoy. Once she gets really well fucked by a new guy, she'll love you for helping her make that happen
Tell her u enjoy seeing her interact with people (guys) & there's not a thing wrong with that. In fact u enjoy seeing her relaxed & social.
Now, as I read it, you're sitting at the bar with her and either u or she is telling guys ur her husband??? Thats a non-starter my friend. Gotta stop that or ur wasting ur time.
So maybe she doesn't want to sit at the bar alone. OK, get her seated & u go use the mens room & take ur time. When u come back, if a guy is hitting on her, take a seat nearby and let them go for a bit. Then go back & see what gives. Invite the guy to join you. After a bit, u need to use the toilet again, beer goes right thru u. Give her time alone. Let her know ur ok, its ok. Relax & enjoy.
Once you get her out a few times like this, she'll begin to open up & enjoy the attention.
Most of all, take ur time. Slow, easy & reassuring. Make it light & fun for her.
NO convos with the guy about it being ok by you. Let it develop organically, on its own.
Even better if u go to a place with music & dancing.
Remember, the beer goes right thru u = she can get hit on and KNOWS its ok by you.
Just let her relax & enjoy. Once she gets really well fucked by a new guy, she'll love you for helping her make that happen
Great advice. I know she likes to get attention from men she thinks are attractive. I think taking a trip to the mens room and extending the time away is a great idea....when I come back ...if she is talking with someone I'll give her some time from a distance. I'll let her see me but I wont approach right away ....ill give her some space and see how it goes.
I have to thank you .That's great advice and since its from a woman's perspective makes it that much more valuable. I have been encouraging her to talk more about sex lately and she seems to be picking up on it.I also have mentioned that we need to start planning a get away weekend and she's agreed. She actually said it would be great since we haven't been any place since Covid. She said maybe we can have some fun like we used to. All good so far
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