Need advice

Myrsilos

Male
Sep 8, 2021
114
279
66
Georgia
Hi all, I'm in a very strange situation and need some advice.
A few years ago I and my wife agreed to be in so-called "Open Relationships" which means that we both have a right to play with others.
When we both were ready, my wife was the one who take the first step in real life and found the guy to fuck. I must admit it, her first encounter didn't work well, the guy was small and didn't last longer than 5 min. She was very upset and even give up on this kind of thing, but after a while, her desire to try another cock came back, and she meet a nice guy. After few friendly dates, she told me that she wants to fuck with him. On what I answer her "We are in an open relationship, you already did it once (even if he failed and you don't even consider it as sex, it still was sex) so I don't have a problem, go for it".
Since then she was meeting him for sex for almost two months, once or twice a week. We both were very comfortable with that situation, she was coming back home, telling me how it was and I'm always was reclaiming her. She was always satisfied, she had two cocks fucking her and our sex life became more active. She still was telling me that I'm a better lover, but she was happy with the new cock and she could fuck while I was at work.
Then they broke up and she didn't meet anyone anymore.
On the other hand, during all this time I could not find any other woman to fuck with, I'm not an ugly or loser or something like this lol. Don't love to describe myself but I'm pretty handsome, with a good sense of humor with a lot of friends. But I was unfortunate, mostly because when women find out that you have a wife they refuse you (at least in my experience). So I had few tinder dates and few real-life encounters but with no luck, even my wife was joking to me that she must find a girl for me to fuck lol.
But two months ago I meet one girl, who wasn't so much concerned about my marriage and she present to me a great night with a lot of sex, it was a wonderful night because she was the first person who I fucked, since I get married 10 years ago. On the next day I was very happy and in a good mood and when I came back I told everything to my wife.
And what do you think was her reaction? It was horrible, she start crying and refusing everything that we had an agreement on. She was begging me to not continue my relationship with that girl or any other girl. She told me she doesn't want to be in an open relationship anymore and we must stop even thinking about that.
All this was a hard shock for me because her reaction was radically different than what I was expecting. Since that time your relationship changed, because I feel a huge urge in fucking others (no matter it's someone's wife or not), and also I want my wife to be sexually free as it was a year ago when she was meeting with that guy. But the thing has changed drastically, all this even hit our sex life, we do not have sex as much as we have before, I start visiting adult sites as it was before we open to each other and start an actual open relationship, I'm jerking off to cuckold porn more than actually fucking her and in the same time dreaming about to meet someone to fuck, but in the same time, I do not want to do it behind her back and became a regular cheating husband.
So all in all this is my little story and now the situation is so bad I don't know what to do. My wife asking me why I don't want to have sex with her and I don't know what to tell her, because when I try to bring back this topic she doesn't want to listen to me.
I wrote this huge post to realize some things to myself and maybe to read some advice from experienced people, so feel free to leave me comments I'll gladly read them.

P.S. English is not my native language so sorry for mistakes
 
Hi all, I'm in a very strange situation and need some advice.
A few years ago I and my wife agreed to be in so-called "Open Relationships" which means that we both have a right to play with others.
When we both were ready, my wife was the one who take the first step in real life and found the guy to fuck. I must admit it, her first encounter didn't work well, the guy was small and didn't last longer than 5 min. She was very upset and even give up on this kind of thing, but after a while, her desire to try another cock came back, and she meet a nice guy. After few friendly dates, she told me that she wants to fuck with him. On what I answer her "We are in an open relationship, you already did it once (even if he failed and you don't even consider it as sex, it still was sex) so I don't have a problem, go for it".
Since then she was meeting him for sex for almost two months, once or twice a week. We both were very comfortable with that situation, she was coming back home, telling me how it was and I'm always was reclaiming her. She was always satisfied, she had two cocks fucking her and our sex life became more active. She still was telling me that I'm a better lover, but she was happy with the new cock and she could fuck while I was at work.
Then they broke up and she didn't meet anyone anymore.
On the other hand, during all this time I could not find any other woman to fuck with, I'm not an ugly or loser or something like this lol. Don't love to describe myself but I'm pretty handsome, with a good sense of humor with a lot of friends. But I was unfortunate, mostly because when women find out that you have a wife they refuse you (at least in my experience). So I had few tinder dates and few real-life encounters but with no luck, even my wife was joking to me that she must find a girl for me to fuck lol.
But two months ago I meet one girl, who wasn't so much concerned about my marriage and she present to me a great night with a lot of sex, it was a wonderful night because she was the first person who I fucked, since I get married 10 years ago. On the next day I was very happy and in a good mood and when I came back I told everything to my wife.
And what do you think was her reaction? It was horrible, she start crying and refusing everything that we had an agreement on. She was begging me to not continue my relationship with that girl or any other girl. She told me she doesn't want to be in an open relationship anymore and we must stop even thinking about that.
All this was a hard shock for me because her reaction was radically different than what I was expecting. Since that time your relationship changed, because I feel a huge urge in fucking others (no matter it's someone's wife or not), and also I want my wife to be sexually free as it was a year ago when she was meeting with that guy. But the thing has changed drastically, all this even hit our sex life, we do not have sex as much as we have before, I start visiting adult sites as it was before we open to each other and start an actual open relationship, I'm jerking off to cuckold porn more than actually fucking her and in the same time dreaming about to meet someone to fuck, but in the same time, I do not want to do it behind her back and became a regular cheating husband.
So all in all this is my little story and now the situation is so bad I don't know what to do. My wife asking me why I don't want to have sex with her and I don't know what to tell her, because when I try to bring back this topic she doesn't want to listen to me.
I wrote this huge post to realize some things to myself and maybe to read some advice from experienced people, so feel free to leave me comments I'll gladly read them.

P.S. English is not my native language so sorry for mistakes
You should’ve started by swinging. So that you fuck the other wife while the other hubby fucks her . That would have balanced it out. If you can get her to that point again I suggest you do that after a few times she’ll see it as normal and wouldn’t be insecure
 
You should’ve started by swinging. So that you fuck the other wife while the other hubby fucks her . That would have balanced it out. If you can get her to that point again I suggest you do that after a few times she’ll see it as normal and wouldn’t be insecure
Yes that's a good point, she telling me she don't want to play alone so if we do anything we must do it together.
 
I have had three relationships that have been very much like the one you have described. They each decided that we, as a couple, could have sex with other partners or even many partners at the same time but only when we both present together. After a while each said the same thing that they didn't want me fucking other women but they were still interested in fucking other men, with or without me. Women have the hole so go with the flow. If you are happy with her fucking other guys then let her. She has an amazing body so if you get a thrill out of her fucking other guys then tell her so but try to be present while they do
 
I have had three relationships that have been very much like the one you have described. They each decided that we, as a couple, could have sex with other partners or even many partners at the same time but only when we both present together. After a while each said the same thing that they didn't want me fucking other women but they were still interested in fucking other men, with or without me. Women have the hole so go with the flow. If you are happy with her fucking other guys then let her. She has an amazing body so if you get a thrill out of her fucking other guys then tell her so but try to be present while they do
My wife cried the first time another guy fucked her in my presence. I had to assure her it’s ok . After that her legs were automated . She became a real slutwife fucked guys in front of me and behind my back. She took full advantage of it and I loved it .She sometimes arranged her own more than one guy event. She went from reserved to size queen in a short period . And from swinging to hotwife, I liked it so much for her to have her pussie punished by other men that we started hotwifing with me always last in the queue 😋
 
I have had three relationships that have been very much like the one you have described. They each decided that we, as a couple, could have sex with other partners or even many partners at the same time but only when we both present together. After a while each said the same thing that they didn't want me fucking other women but they were still interested in fucking other men, with or without me. Women have the hole so go with the flow. If you are happy with her fucking other guys then let her. She has an amazing body so if you get a thrill out of her fucking other guys then tell her so but try to be present while they do
I already spoke with a lot of guys online who were in the same situation as me, it seems like 90% of wives want to be fucked by other guys but don't want to share their hubbies' cocks. Only wives who are in a strictly swinging relationship are ok with that (or are in the BDSM lifestyle and are submissives to their husbands).

I'm absolutely ok to have a sexually open wife and I was more than happy when she tried to be a hotwife, but the problem is she does not want me to be sexually free.

It feels like it's not fair play, because I really have a huge urge to fuck some other woman from time to time. Without that, I don't feel sexually satisfied and looking for satisfaction on the adult sites even if I had sex with my wife half-hour or a few hours ago.
 
I already spoke with a lot of guys online who were in the same situation as me, it seems like 90% of wives want to be fucked by other guys but don't want to share their hubbies' cocks. Only wives who are in a strictly swinging relationship are ok with that (or are in the BDSM lifestyle and are submissives to their husbands).

I'm absolutely ok to have a sexually open wife and I was more than happy when she tried to be a hotwife, but the problem is she does not want me to be sexually free.

It feels like it's not fair play, because I really have a huge urge to fuck some other woman from time to time. Without that, I don't feel sexually satisfied and looking for satisfaction on the adult sites even if I had sex with my wife half-hour or a few hours ago.
Women are far more likely to be insecure if there’s another woman involved, they are naturally more territorial than men are. So it sounds to me like you either have to just be comfortable with her playing, with or without you, which ever you both decide, or you need to talk to her about how she would feel if the only time you were with another woman, is if it’s with a couple and you can swap, or if she would feel better having a threesome with another woman. If she’s not on board with either, then you need to let go of your desire or both of you quit the lifestyle altogether completely..
 
Yes that's a good point, she telling me she don't want to play alone so if we do anything we must do it together.
First of all, if she's played before and was simply upset with you at the moment, she WILL play again. Just let her know it's ok, it turns you on and you want her to be sexually free pleasured. Let her know she DOES NOT need your "permission" anymore nor does she have to tell you. Soon enough she will start finding guys who she desires and she will give in to the temptation that she already has before. It's not like it's the first time for her so she really won't be too hesitant.

"It feels like it's not fair play, because I really have a huge urge to fuck some other woman from time to time. Without that, I don't feel sexually satisfied and looking for satisfaction on the adult sites even if I had sex with my wife half-hour or a few hours ago."

This irritates me a bit. You want her to be a hotwife, now leave her alone and let her do it on her terms. You get the satisfaction of knowing she does it, sometimes she may tell you about it and sometimes not. Sometimes you will "catch" her "cheating" and it will be fun for you to just know she's doing it and keeping it secret. Once a wife starts down this path, after YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT, then you are no longer in control. You wanted this and now you have it. If you press her the wrong way her reaction will be to simply stop, or stop telling you about it anyway.

Seriously, you seem to have a "porn addiction" and that can be very destructive to your relationship. Nothing wrong with being turned on and sexually desirous so much but you can't let that fantasy ruin your real life. I read not long ago that Erectile Disfunction is an epidemic among young men now. This is because so much porn is so readily available and guys find it easier to jack off to the fantasy than to go through all of the steps it takes to pleasure a woman in reality. They turn to porn, increasing fantasies and eventually can't get it up anymore. My advice, try to lay off of the porn for awhile and reconnect with your wife.



Mrs Hotwife
 
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First of all, if she's played before and was simply upset with you at the moment, she WILL play again. Just let her know it's ok, it turns you on and you want her to be sexually free pleasured. Let her know she DOES NOT need your "permission" anymore nor does she have to tell you. Soon enough she will start finding guys who she desires and she will give in to the temptation that she already has before. It's not like it's the first time for her so she really won't be too hesitant.

"It feels like it's not fair play, because I really have a huge urge to fuck some other woman from time to time. Without that, I don't feel sexually satisfied and looking for satisfaction on the adult sites even if I had sex with my wife half-hour or a few hours ago."

This irritates me a bit. You want her to be a hotwife, now leave her alone and let her do it on her terms. You get the satisfaction of knowing she does it, sometimes she may tell you about it and sometimes not. Sometimes you will "catch" her "cheating" and it will be fun for you to just know she's doing it and keeping it secret. Once a wife starts down this path, after YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT, then you are no longer in control. You wanted this and now you have it. If you press her the wrong way her reaction will be to simply stop, or stop telling you about it anyway.

Seriously, you seem to have a "porn addiction" and that can be very destructive to your relationship. Nothing wrong with being turned on and sexually desirous so much but you can't let that fantasy ruin your real life. I read not long ago that Erectile Disfunction is an epidemic among young men now. This is because so much porn is so readily available and guys find it easier to jack off to the fantasy than to go through all of the steps it takes to pleasure a woman in reality. They turn to porn, increasing fantasies and eventually can't get it up anymore. My advice, try to lay off of the porn for awhile and reconnect with your wife.



Mrs Hotwife
I really appreciate your comment, but seriously did you even try to read my first post on this topic?
I seems like you miss the whole point of this topic
 
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Women are far more likely to be insecure if there’s another woman involved, they are naturally more territorial than men are. So it sounds to me like you either have to just be comfortable with her playing, with or without you, which ever you both decide, or you need to talk to her about how she would feel if the only time you were with another woman, is if it’s with a couple and you can swap, or if she would feel better having a threesome with another woman. If she’s not on board with either, then you need to let go of your desire or both of you quit the lifestyle altogether completely..
Thanks mate for your replay, I think that's the way. we must try to involve some couple in our relationship and then see want happen then, or we will just give up on this lifestyle as you suggested
 
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I really appreciate your comment, but seriously did you even try to read my first post on this topic?
I seems like you miss the whole point of this topic
OK, I guess I don't get the point. She wanted to fuck another guy, it worked out until they stopped seeing one another. She wanted you to fuck another woman and when you did she got jealous and wanted to quit the lifestyle. You look at lots of porn and have a burning desire to fuck other women and want her to fuck other men. She tells you she doesn't want that anymore but you still do. So far so good??

But she WILL go back to fucking other men, that's in her now, it may take time but she won't quit. I offered a suggestion to you for your own sexual gratification and it may take the form of cheating. I mean, you ARE ON A PORN SITE WWTP chatting with us about it, right? How is feeding your desires with porn any less "cheating" than just getting laid once in awhile. The porn stuff comes at a pretty high cost to your ability to have sex, want sex with your wife and have a normal loving relationship with your life. Loving her and keeping her sexually happy is more likely if you just get laid on the side once in awhile rather than fantasize all the time and support those fantasies with porn. IMHO

I'm sorry if I'm off base and if so, please disregard my commentary. Or, I suppose you wisely both could just try to drop this, become closer emotionally and physically and nurture your marital sex life? Eventually when you become closer then you could revisit this. I suppose I should have offered that as the "obvious" solution rather than trying to take a circuitous route to the point. Best of luck.
 
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OK, I guess I don't get the point. She wanted to fuck another guy, it worked out until they stopped seeing one another. She wanted you to fuck another woman and when you did she got jealous and wanted to quit the lifestyle. You look at lots of porn and have a burning desire to fuck other women and want her to fuck other men. She tells you she doesn't want that anymore but you still do. So far so good??
Yep exactly

But she WILL go back to fucking other men, that's in her now, it may take time but she won't quit. I offered a suggestion to you for your own sexual gratification and it may take the form of cheating.

I don't have a problem with that, in contraverse I would like to, but also I would like to if she let me do the same.

But she WILL go back to fucking other men, that's in her now, it may take time but she won't quit. I offered a suggestion to you for your own sexual gratification and it may take the form of cheating.
To be honest I really don't remember when I last time watch porn, but yes I'm addicted to sites like this because I have a very strong fetish which is called Candaulism. But no matter how much time I spend here or on any other site, I always have the stamina to satisfy my wife. Just one thing which is bothering me: when I was with that girl and with my wife I feel sexually so satisfied, that even my Candaulism fetish disappeared somehow for a while and I did not have a wish to visit any of these sites for more than a month, but after a while, it came back. That's why I strongly believe I need to fuck another woman from time to time, not just believe, I have a huge urge in that


I'm sorry if I'm off base and if so, please disregard my commentary. Or, I suppose you wisely both could just try to drop this, become closer emotionally and physically and nurture your marital sex life? Eventually when you become closer then you could revisit this. I suppose I should have offered that as the "obvious" solution rather than trying to take a circuitous route to the point. Best of luck.
I didn't say we have lost emotional bond to each other, no nothing is changed, we love each other aand I feel that, it's only about sex. Sex became somehow boring or I don't know how to call that feeling, sometime I just don't want to fuck her.
 
I didn't say we have lost emotional bond to each other, no nothing is changed, we love each other aand I feel that, it's only about sex. Sex became somehow boring or I don't know how to call that feeling, sometime I just don't want to fuck her.

Interesting and probably normal. If you don't mix things up a bit and keep them interesting, even sex with the hottest girl on the planet can become boring. I suppose that's why so many monogamous, "vanilla" couples stop enjoying sex as the years pass by. I still go crazy with desire over Mrs Hotwife but she keeps it very interesting and there's a cost. She's a slut and so many other guys get to fuck her. She truly enjoys the attention of men and letting them have sex with her. They seem to want to please her so it's even better. As a husband, you do take a back seat to her other desires and for the satisfaction of other men. Not in some sort of "cuckold" way but just out of necessity. That's just how it works. So you have to get used to knowing how many guys you see have fucked your wife.

My wife always encourages wives on the site to go for it if they've even had a hint of permission. She tells them to "cheat" if they've had permission from their husbands even once. Once they get started she feels it will become pleasurable and then habitual. The biggest factor is to not worry about what the husband is wanting. It's most important to take that first step and then it's been done, there's no going back. This way they can regain the fun and spontaneity of sex and improve things with their husbands. So many wives just give up on sex because they won't stray outside of their marriage. Mrs HW is wired differently than most wives for certain and she's "cheated" since LITERALLY our wedding day. She just has that desire for sex and for sex with new, hotter guys than me. It's fine because she always comes home to me in the end and sex is just sex.

I had a friend who used to tell me "For every hot girl you see, there's somebody who's tired of fucking her". I suppose that's what happens when things get stale.

Mr HW
 
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I didn't say we have lost emotional bond to each other, no nothing is changed, we love each other aand I feel that, it's only about sex. Sex became somehow boring or I don't know how to call that feeling, sometime I just don't want to fuck her.

Interesting and probably normal. If you don't mix things up a bit and keep them interesting, even sex with the hottest girl on the planet can become boring. I suppose that's why so many monogamous, "vanilla" couples stop enjoying sex as the years pass by. I still go crazy with desire over Mrs Hotwife but she keeps it very interesting and there's a cost. She's a slut and so many other guys get to fuck her. She truly enjoys the attention of men and letting them have sex with her. They seem to want to please her so it's even better. As a husband, you do take a back seat to her other desires and for the satisfaction of other men. Not in some sort of "cuckold" way but just out of necessity. That's just how it works. So you have to get used to knowing how many guys you see have fucked your wife.

My wife always encourages wives on the site to go for it if they've even had a hint of permission. She tells them to "cheat" if they've had permission from their husbands even once. Once they get started she feels it will become pleasurable and then habitual. The biggest factor is to not worry about what the husband is wanting. It's most important to take that first step and then it's been done, there's no going back. This way they can regain the fun and spontaneity of sex and improve things with their husbands. So many wives just give up on sex because they won't stray outside of their marriage. Mrs HW is wired differently than most wives for certain and she's "cheated" since LITERALLY our wedding day. She just has that desire for sex and for sex with new, hotter guys than me. It's fine because she always comes home to me in the end and sex is just sex.

I had a friend who used to tell me "For every hot girl you see, there's somebody who's tired of fucking her". I suppose that's what happens when things get stale.

Mr HW
I understood all of you said, but what if husband also want's to "cheat"? Don't ever wanted to fuck "new and hotter" girl than your wife?
 
I understood all of you said, but what if husband also want's to "cheat"? Don't ever wanted to fuck "new and hotter" girl than your wife?
Different dynamic I believe. Mostly the husbands are HERE and want their wives to be involved in this. Tons of vanilla guys want it too, but would not accept a cheating wife unless they were pretty far down this road through discussions with their wives. One thing you read here constantly is that the wives DO NOT WANT their husbands playing around on them. They want it as a "one way street". Not here to argue the logic of that but I believe it to be fact.

I DO NOT advocate husbands "cheating" on their wives! I only advocate the other way around and then ONLY ONCE THE WIFE HAS BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION! A cheated on wife, fantasy or not, is NEVER a good thing.

Mrs Hotwife
 
This is my advice:
Tell her that when you guys were open, you got way more satisfaction imagining her with other guys, than you got being with another woman.
Tell her that you don't know why, but that's just how it is, but it just is. Then start with role playing MFM threesomes with a dildo. Tell her how hot you think this is.

Later down the road ask her if she would be open to her just having and open relationship, but you will just be with her. But tell her that you want to do it as a team. I guarantee your desire for her will go through the roof.
 
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We tried FMF threesomes twice, and I hated it. I wanted to stop the whole threesome idea. But hubby said he would rather do MFMs than give up the whole thing.

I asked if that would be fair to him. He just said he didn't look at it being fair or not, he just wanted to have fun. So that's all we ever did was MFMs.
 
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Different dynamic I believe. Mostly the husbands are HERE and want their wives to be involved in this. Tons of vanilla guys want it too, but would not accept a cheating wife unless they were pretty far down this road through discussions with their wives. One thing you read here constantly is that the wives DO NOT WANT their husbands playing around on them. They want it as a "one way street". Not here to argue the logic of that but I believe it to be fact.

I DO NOT advocate husbands "cheating" on their wives! I only advocate the other way around and then ONLY ONCE THE WIFE HAS BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION! A cheated on wife, fantasy or not, is NEVER a good thing.

Mrs Hotwife
Yep pretty different dynamic, I was trying to get some advice on Cuckold forum on which most guys just want their wives be fucked and cleanup. Very few Stag husbands who might understood me. 🤷‍♂️ Same situation on other forums as well, but to be honest I see that like selfishness, wives want to be shared a lot but could not even imagine sharing their husbands with another woman 🤷‍♂️ In my honest opinion when husband gives you freedom you must pay to him with the same coin. Of course if he wants it, I'm not speaking about the guys who like to ride on one way road.

This is my advice:
Tell her that when you guys were open, you got way more satisfaction imagining her with other guys, than you got being with another woman.
So you advice me to tell a lie?
Tell her that you don't know why, but that's just how it is, but it just is. Then start with role playing MFM threesomes with a dildo. Tell her how hot you think this is.
Been there long ago.
Later down the road ask her if she would be open to her just having and open relationship, but you will just be with her. But tell her that you want to do it as a team. I guarantee your desire for her will go through the roof.
The WHOLE idea of open relationship is the both sides have right to have a fun, in other cases it's just cuckolding my friend.


We tried FMF threesomes twice, and I hated it. I wanted to stop the whole threesome idea. But hubby said he would rather do MFMs than give up the whole thing.

I asked if that would be fair to him. He just said he didn't look at it being fair or not, he just wanted to have fun. So that's all we ever did was MFMs.
What was the true reason why you hated it? Because your husband was fucking another woman or you feel uncomfortable in bi-sexual dynamic with another woman?
 
I didn't say we have lost emotional bond to each other, no nothing is changed, we love each other aand I feel that, it's only about sex. Sex became somehow boring or I don't know how to call that feeling, sometime I just don't want to fuck her.

Interesting and probably normal. If you don't mix things up a bit and keep them interesting, even sex with the hottest girl on the planet can become boring. I suppose that's why so many monogamous, "vanilla" couples stop enjoying sex as the years pass by. I still go crazy with desire over Mrs Hotwife but she keeps it very interesting and there's a cost. She's a slut and so many other guys get to fuck her. She truly enjoys the attention of men and letting them have sex with her. They seem to want to please her so it's even better. As a husband, you do take a back seat to her other desires and for the satisfaction of other men. Not in some sort of "cuckold" way but just out of necessity. That's just how it works. So you have to get used to knowing how many guys you see have fucked your wife.

My wife always encourages wives on the site to go for it if they've even had a hint of permission. She tells them to "cheat" if they've had permission from their husbands even once. Once they get started she feels it will become pleasurable and then habitual. The biggest factor is to not worry about what the husband is wanting. It's most important to take that first step and then it's been done, there's no going back. This way they can regain the fun and spontaneity of sex and improve things with their husbands. So many wives just give up on sex because they won't stray outside of their marriage. Mrs HW is wired differently than most wives for certain and she's "cheated" since LITERALLY our wedding day. She just has that desire for sex and for sex with new, hotter guys than me. It's fine because she always comes home to me in the end and sex is just sex.

I had a friend who used to tell me "For every hot girl you see, there's somebody who's tired of fucking her". I suppose that's what happens when things get stale.


Mr HW
Never heard that before - but it's so true.