She's cheated on me

[StaggedCuck]

I am new here, don't even know if I am posting this in the right place.

A couple of months ago my wife out of the blue confessed to having an affair, which she apparently ended.

I have been upset and angry but also very weirdly turned on by it.

I am hurt and angry that she could do this to me.

But I am turned on by the fact that she could do it and I can't help imagining them doing it.

I have no one to confide in or discuss this with.

 

[Caras263]

Sorry to hear brother. You should talk to her about how it turns you on but also give boundaries. Maybe ask why she felt the need to?

 

[tonetantillo]

Sorry to hear brother. You should talk to her about how it turns you on but also give boundaries. Maybe ask why she felt the need to?

Tell her the truth that it turned you on. Then ask for details. If you tell her you like it then she is more likely to tell you the real details

 

[StaggedCuck]

Sorry to hear brother. You should talk to her about how it turns you on but also give boundaries. Maybe ask why she felt the need to?

I wish I knew, I had encouraged her to dress sexier and flirt more but on the understanding that nothing happened without consulting me first. So she had no need as such

 

[StaggedCuck]

Tell her the truth that it turned you on. Then ask for details. If you tell her you like it then she is more likely to tell you the real details

I have tried and but I really have to push to get stuff out of her and it all don't ring true

 

[Snoopsissy]

Maybe she is only saying to you that she has ended it but in reality it’s still ongoing or on hold for some reason which is why she’s not giving much away ? . As you say what she has said isn’t ringing true so maybe more and detailed things may cause her to slip up or give you different stories ?. She doesn’t want to condemn herself so is keeping quiet .? She knew you wanted to be involved in some of the decisions but had the affair anyway - So don’t understand why she didn’t tell you - unless even the other guy is actually someone you would not approve of or someone out of bounds ? - so how did you find out about the affair then ?

 

[2wheel]

Don't put her on the spot, don't back her into a corner. Asking questions that will feel judgemental to her will do that. Make the discussion about her, not you. Tell her you're glad she had fun, you're glad she got out of the relationship what you couldn't give her (regardless of what that may be). Tell her that you're sad it ended that you would have been OK had she told you about it and it would have been OK for it to continue. Add that should the situation arise again she should go for it and just be honest with you, there'll be no judgements, no convictions. That it's about her happiness and satisfaction.

 

[StaggedCuck]

Maybe she is only saying to you that she has ended it but in reality it’s still ongoing or on hold for some reason which is why she’s not giving much away ? . As you say what she has said isn’t ringing true so maybe more and detailed things may cause her to slip up or give you different stories ?. She doesn’t want to condemn herself so is keeping quiet .? She knew you wanted to be involved in some of the decisions but had the affair anyway - So don’t understand why she didn’t tell you - unless even the other guy is actually someone you would not approve of or someone out of bounds ? - so how did you find out about the affair then ?

I wouldn't have approved as I really disliked him.
It came in the early hours of the morning She was feeling ill, hyperventilating and I had to call the doctor.
When she settled down, she suddenly blurted it out and told me she had been stupid and that she had ended it. she wouldn’t tell me me who.
I spent hours going through everyone I knew, doubting everyone.
I felt a real mug having to get up and take her to hospital for tests.

 

[StaggedCuck]

Don't put her on the spot, don't back her into a corner. Asking questions that will feel judgemental to her will do that. Make the discussion about her, not you. Tell her you're glad she had fun, you're glad she got out of the relationship what you couldn't give her (regardless of what that may be). Tell her that you're sad it ended that you would have been OK had she told you about it and it would have been OK for it to continue. Add that should the situation arise again she should go for it and just be honest with you, there'll be no judgements, no convictions. That it's about her happiness and satisfaction.

I was all over the place for weeks, but I did push her for detail telling her that part kind of turned me on but it was the decision to cheat that angered and hurt.
with regards to telling her to not end it, I can’t because I hate the smarmy git. But even that is bitter sweet.

 

[Snoopsissy]

I wouldn't have approved as I really disliked him.
It came in the early hours of the morning She was feeling ill, hyperventilating and I had to call the doctor.
When she settled down, she suddenly blurted it out and told me she had been stupid and that she had ended it. she wouldn’t tell me me who.
I spent hours going through everyone I knew, doubting everyone.
I felt a real mug having to get up and take her to hospital for tests.

I knew it - I still think it’s put on hold between them as she got herself all stressed out about telling you but still not who it was as you must know him then for to dislike him and call him smarmy . It’s like the lesser of two evils - one sort of cancels the other out and in her mind makes it not seem as bad that she has cheated but ended it . My advice as I have been there is to play deaf / dumb / blind hubby and she WIlL slip up , tiny slight things out of character or dress etc etc will speak volumes and let you know it’s not over , she knew like me that you were ok with her doing something but wanted some say but went behind your back anyway . I caught mines some might say controversially with a tiny voice recorder chatting away while I’m grafting at work with a guy she knew and she also knew I hated him but like you knew something wasn’t right and wanted to know for sure 100% I’m my own mind

 

[kort6776]

I am new here, don't even know if I am posting this in the right place.

A couple of months ago my wife out of the blue confessed to having an affair, which she apparently ended.

I have been upset and angry but also very weirdly turned on by it.

I am hurt and angry that she could do this to me.

But I am turned on by the fact that she could do it and I can't help imagining them doing it.

I have no one to confide in or discuss this with.

have you discussed it with her? maybe she has similar feelings

 

[StaggedCuck]

I knew it - I still think it’s put on hold between them as she got herself all stressed out about telling you but still not who it was as you must know him then for to dislike him and call him smarmy . It’s like the lesser of two evils - one sort of cancels the other out and in her mind makes it not seem as bad that she has cheated but ended it . My advice as I have been there is to play deaf / dumb / blind hubby and she WIlL slip up , tiny slight things out of character or dress etc etc will speak volumes and let you know it’s not over , she knew like me that you were ok with her doing something but wanted some say but went behind your back anyway . I caught mines some might say controversially with a tiny voice recorder chatting away while I’m grafting at work with a guy she knew and she also knew I hated him but like you knew something wasn’t right and wanted to know for sure 100% I’m my own mind

The reason she ended it apparently is that he got serious and wanted her to leave me and she got stressed. Knowing his background I have to say I have trouble believing this.

 

[StaggedCuck]

have you discussed it with her? maybe she has similar feelings

That is the thing we discussed and fanatsised for many years and she was encouraged but in an open way where I would have some element of control

 

[Sgt Ray]

You lost your "control"

Truth is, you never had control, SHE DID!

 

[StaggedCuck]

You lost your "control"

Truth is, you never had control, SHE DID!

I obviously never had control, but I don't think she did either

 

[Sgt Ray]

Now you know better. She knew what she was doing, and who, all along.
Are you good with it? You realize she's cucked
you, right?
Can you deal with being her cuckold in order
to be with her?
She's gonna fuck other guys.

 

[StaggedCuck]

I am fully aware she has cucked me, but I am not her cuckold, I think you have her wrong or are projecting your desire on to me

 

[Sgt Ray]

I'm sure you're correct. Apologies.
Good luck.

 

[tonetantillo]

I'm sure you're correct. Apologies.
Good luck.

 

[StaggedCuck]

I'm sure you're correct. Apologies.
Good luck.

Sorry, didn’t mean to bite. Just that she is naturally quite submissive not the pushy type