Our experience is a little different as we are more swingers than anything and when we do have another guy join us we are together. But for the part about becoming engrossed I will share our experience. Once we started, we jumped in heavy. It was every weekend for months. And we did forgo time with friends and family turning down invitations regularly to enjoy our new lifestyle. We eventually realized we were ignoring important people in our lives and we began to feel bad for making excuses for not spending time with them. We made a conscious effort to slow down and not lose those connections. I think balance is really important.
After a while, we also had a desire to share our lifestyle with friends. We were never ashamed of what we were doing but worried about what others may think of us. In time we decided to tell a few carefully chosen friends who we thought wouldn't look down on us for our choices. Most were shocked, but totally fine with it. A couple were even envious of us. However, one couple surprised us and did not approve and it hurt our relationship with them to the point I really wouldn't consider them friends any longer. We see them at some group gatherings and are friendly with them but it's different for sure. And we never hang out with just them any longer.
As for family, her brother knows a little. He over heard us talking once and we explained it by making it sound like it was a one time thing. I am not sure he believed us about it being just once but my wife didn't want him to know anymore than we accidently let out. And my daughter accidently knows in a horrible way. One night after spending the evening with a guy friend, I went to send pictures I took of the action to my wife. They have the same initials and at a glance similar looking names in my contacts on my phone. Well, I sent them to my daughter. She was away at college at the time. She is my daughter from a previous marriage so my wife's step daughter. She didn't take it well at first. In fact after an initial "why????" response, she didn't talk to me for a couple weeks. I felt horrible. But then we talked it out and it's actually fine. She asked a lot of questions and I was honest with her in my answers. We have a great relationship and while it took a little longer with her step mom, they are fine now as well. Other than a few jokes she makes about it from time to time, it's not really a topic of conversation with her now.
After a while, we also had a desire to share our lifestyle with friends. We were never ashamed of what we were doing but worried about what others may think of us. In time we decided to tell a few carefully chosen friends who we thought wouldn't look down on us for our choices. Most were shocked, but totally fine with it. A couple were even envious of us. However, one couple surprised us and did not approve and it hurt our relationship with them to the point I really wouldn't consider them friends any longer. We see them at some group gatherings and are friendly with them but it's different for sure. And we never hang out with just them any longer.
As for family, her brother knows a little. He over heard us talking once and we explained it by making it sound like it was a one time thing. I am not sure he believed us about it being just once but my wife didn't want him to know anymore than we accidently let out. And my daughter accidently knows in a horrible way. One night after spending the evening with a guy friend, I went to send pictures I took of the action to my wife. They have the same initials and at a glance similar looking names in my contacts on my phone. Well, I sent them to my daughter. She was away at college at the time. She is my daughter from a previous marriage so my wife's step daughter. She didn't take it well at first. In fact after an initial "why????" response, she didn't talk to me for a couple weeks. I felt horrible. But then we talked it out and it's actually fine. She asked a lot of questions and I was honest with her in my answers. We have a great relationship and while it took a little longer with her step mom, they are fine now as well. Other than a few jokes she makes about it from time to time, it's not really a topic of conversation with her now.
