I like your no BS. i might be a fit for what you are looking for. I would provide the proof you are asking for...but i would also ask for verification that your wife is your wife.
if you put it in the freezer it won't evaporate so fast...sorry that info is a little late;) How about making a Popsicle for you to use on/in your wife until it is all melted, then get a picture of her for this post? ;)
sounds good fifiturner!...next step is to post a picture of her vest she is wearing in the second picture in her closet and i'll get to work on my side