It's a bit confusing why your hubby would appear to give you the OK to be with this guy he hates (and who doesn't like him in return), although he did say in a "don't ask - don't tell" kind of way. We don't know enough about your relationship, but my guess is it's important to him that you're...
Just being direct: you seemed to want advice on how to be an ......, and just keep doing that behind his back.
If you really want advice about your relationship with your husband, then don't ask about being an ......, that won't help it at all.