Advice on trying again

Jun 1, 2022
2
2
1
Hubby here needing advice for a complicated situation. We’ve been together for 18 years, open for 10, focused on hotwife bbc separate play for last 5 years.
In 2020, right when Covid arrived, my wife and I started having marriage issues. For the last 2 years we have been going to therapy and improving our relationship, but it has affected our intimacy; and her and her bulls intimacy. My wife and I have not had sex for 7 months, and she has not been with her bull that entire time…I know this because we both agreed she could play with him even if we were not intimate, and she has chosen not to. I think my wife and I are close to healed, and ready to be intimate again, but she is expressing reservations about trying the lifestyle again. As much as I know I shouldn’t push it, we were doing the IR hotwife thing for so long that I can’t imagine not having that as a part of our relationship. Her last regular bbc bull of 4 years, who she regularly keeps in touch with, was a perfect situation. He has a massive cock, he’s a gentleman, he cums over and over without stopping, lives relatively close, and most importantly has established trust so they never use condoms.
Bottom line: in a perfect world, she would be down to try it again with this guy. I’d also like for him to have primary access to her sexually…my kink is starting to grow into a few cuckold tendencies. I’m not a beta who wants to be humiliated, but rather I want my wife to become addicted to his bbc such that he gets way more access to her pussy, but not exclusive access.
Yesterday she made it clear to me that she is not closing any doors, but I can tell I need to tread carefully here. Any advice for re-entering this lifestyle after a ****** break? This is different than the threads on convincing a wife to try ….she’s been there done that. It’s convincing her to try again.
Thanks!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Visitor12
Hubby here needing advice for a complicated situation. We’ve been together for 18 years, open for 10, focused on hotwife bbc separate play for last 5 years.
In 2020, right when Covid arrived, my wife and I started having marriage issues. For the last 2 years we have been going to therapy and improving our relationship, but it has affected our intimacy; and her and her bulls intimacy. My wife and I have not had sex for 7 months, and she has not been with her bull that entire time…I know this because we both agreed she could play with him even if we were not intimate, and she has chosen not to. I think my wife and I are close to healed, and ready to be intimate again, but she is expressing reservations about trying the lifestyle again. As much as I know I shouldn’t push it, we were doing the IR hotwife thing for so long that I can’t imagine not having that as a part of our relationship. Her last regular bbc bull of 4 years, who she regularly keeps in touch with, was a perfect situation. He has a massive cock, he’s a gentleman, he cums over and over without stopping, lives relatively close, and most importantly has established trust so they never use condoms.
Bottom line: in a perfect world, she would be down to try it again with this guy. I’d also like for him to have primary access to her sexually…my kink is starting to grow into a few cuckold tendencies. I’m not a beta who wants to be humiliated, but rather I want my wife to become addicted to his bbc such that he gets way more access to her pussy, but not exclusive access.
Yesterday she made it clear to me that she is not closing any doors, but I can tell I need to tread carefully here. Any advice for re-entering this lifestyle after a ****** break? This is different than the threads on convincing a wife to try ….she’s been there done that. It’s convincing her to try again.
Thanks!
Your marriage has been on the rocks and you haven't had sexual intimacy with your wife in 7 months. She's spent the last 2 years working on saving her marriage. Perhaps you should figure out your relationship first, intimacy between the two of you, etc and then think about the other stuff. She doesn't seem interested right now so maybe she's actually interested in saving her marriage and having some sort of relationship with her husband rather than pursuing sex outside of marriage, or maybe she's just lost interest due to many outside factors. You don't state your ages but it can be difficult for women to become interested in sex again once they've lost interest and have more pressing matters on their minds. This is especially true for older women. More mature women need to nurture sex and be proactive about keeping desire and energy up. If she's lost it mentally for the time being then the chances or her giving it up completely, like so many women do as they age, is quite likely. If she's lost interest, then that's and issue.
 
Your marriage has been on the rocks and you haven't had sexual intimacy with your wife in 7 months. She's spent the last 2 years working on saving her marriage. Perhaps you should figure out your relationship first, intimacy between the two of you, etc and then think about the other stuff. She doesn't seem interested right now so maybe she's actually interested in saving her marriage and having some sort of relationship with her husband rather than pursuing sex outside of marriage, or maybe she's just lost interest due to many outside factors. You don't state your ages but it can be difficult for women to become interested in sex again once they've lost interest and have more pressing matters on their minds. This is especially true for older women. More mature women need to nurture sex and be proactive about keeping desire and energy up. If she's lost it mentally for the time being then the chances or her giving it up completely, like so many women do as they age, is quite likely. If she's lost interest, then that's and issue.
Thanks for the well thought out response. I should mention that BOTH my wife and I have been working hard to heal our relationship. I did not want to paint the picture that my poor wife was struggling to fix the relationship while I sat there fantasizing about sharing her. I guess what I’m wondering is, based on your feedback, if the lifestyle is a critical part of my intimacy now, and she has grown out of that interest, it seems someone is not going to get their needs met…I don’t want that to grow into resentments from either of us, so….again, any general advice? By the way, I’m 43 and she is 37.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Visitor12
I don't know why I have the impression that you insist on what you want and what you feel, when what she feels and wants must be the most important thing in your life, it is possible that giving up your fantasies will save your marriage, otherwise you can live with these fantasies that you will not be able to realize anyway if you lose her.
 
The points mentioned earlier are completely valid, about focusing on your marriage - and her - first. The (terrible) analogy I might make is, you're on a cruise liner eating at wonderful meal. The ship hit an iceberg and the captain is asking you to get into a lifeboat. I would recommend doing -that- rather than think about the meal I'm going to be missing out on. Once I get to shore, I can refocus on scheduling another cruise. Follow her lead on this, she's giving you both a lifeline.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Visitor12
I think if its there. She knows she can have it. Then if she wants it she will take it and lead you willingly by the hand. By the sounds of things you've done great work so far and its probably good to keep exploring how to give her what she wants to a certain extent. Can't be easy but got to put your marriage first. Having such a good bull in the wings means that when the time is right the time will be right without you really needing to do anything.
Wishing the best
 
  • Like
Reactions: Visitor12
Your marriage has been on the rocks and you haven't had sexual intimacy with your wife in 7 months. She's spent the last 2 years working on saving her marriage. Perhaps you should figure out your relationship first, intimacy between the two of you, etc and then think about the other stuff. She doesn't seem interested right now so maybe she's actually interested in saving her marriage and having some sort of relationship with her husband rather than pursuing sex outside of marriage, or maybe she's just lost interest due to many outside factors. You don't state your ages but it can be difficult for women to become interested in sex again once they've lost interest and have more pressing matters on their minds. This is especially true for older women. More mature women need to nurture sex and be proactive about keeping desire and energy up. If she's lost it mentally for the time being then the chances or her giving it up completely, like so many women do as they age, is quite likely. If she's lost interest, then that's and issue.
I agree. She is trying to save her marriage. Her bull is just a guy that she can have sexual pleasure with even though its someone she trust and confides in but at the end of the day she is your wife. So before that she needs intimacy with you first and that starts off by saving marriage and you both loving each other very much. All this is a domino affect one thing leads to another. Not in every marriage but yours that’s what it looks like. So don’t mention it or push it even though you want that. Let the marriage fix and bet you, you won’t have to convince her of anything. Just work on your marriage and intimacy with her and that will change things
 
  • Like
Reactions: Visitor12
Can't be certain without more detail on the relationship issues, but I'm guessing that there needs to be intimacy beterrn thr teo of you before she's going to be comfortable going outside the relationship again. I can;t believe how many guys don;t understand that women do this BECAUSE you have a good relationship and not because they need more or bigger cock. Most aren't made that way.
Either that, or the relationship issue is that she fell for the other guy, and she is afraid of that happening again if she strays. Most women do have a hard time separating Love and Intimacy, despite what one reads here in guy fantasies, LOL.

CW