I am into hotwifing for two reasons.
First, I am bisexual and indulging in MMF is a way of me getting to be around a naked man in a sexual situation and if, as is my preference, the guy is also bisexual, then getting to play with him. I believe I have a need to show my partner this side of me and believe she will be aroused by it having known that I am bisexual but never seen evidence of it.
Second, I was cheated on by my first three significant girls during long-term relationships. I think I concluded that perhaps they needed to go with other straight men because as a bisexual (or at that point maybe I even thought I was gay) I wasn't able to satisfy them fully. Certainly when I have watched some men fuck previous girlfriends and my first wife, I have been surprised by how rough and manly some men are compared to the way I prefer to make love. In any case, I believe I developed a fetish interest in threesomes as a method of dealing with infidelity before it happened, to bring a woman's desire to fuck around out into the open rather than having to deal with it subsequently and as a destructive deceit.
I have yet to open up fully to my current wife about the idea of hotwifing. We have discussed it in the past but although she becomes aroused by the idea and knows that at least in part it's to do with my previous same sex experiences, she is reluctant like many to take it further than fantasy.
I was also the victim of childhood sex abuse while away at boarding school. A teacher aged around 28 was seducing a number of the boys within his care but I was one of perhaps two chosen ones with whom he took things further. Although this was definitely abuse and has had a profound effect on me for the rest of my life, I did enjoy spending time alone with this man in his room. He would invite me into his bed and have me play with his enormous cock. I was only 11 at the time, so his penis was manly, hairy and grew into this huge and fascinating thing. He showed me how to wank and suck him and I loved hearing him moan as he approached orgasm and then found a flood of hot semen over my hands or face and even in my mouth. To those that know about these things, you won't be surprised to learn that this cock and cum combination became something of a core sexual script blueprinting my expectations of sex and indeed of shame ever since.
For the last year or so, I have been seeing an excellent and very patient therapist close to where I live. It's been a slow process of coming to trust Carmen and I've been surprised at how long it's taken me to open up.
Actually, the last month has been the most interesting period in my therapy journey.
In August this year (2021), we completed the first 12 months of regular weekly sessions, which had taken place in person and then during the main Covid lockdowns via .... I felt that we had got to a point where we weren't achieving much. We had started going around in circles and we concluded that we had arrived at a certain point and should make a pause. In retrospect, I can see that I wasn't ready to address the real issue for which I had sought therapy, which was my sexuality.
Carmen recognised that we hadn't broken through to what I really needed to talk about but she wasn't going to push it if I wasn't ready. I was slightly resentful of the implication but can see now in retrospect that she was right. She said the door is always open and that she would be back in touch in the autumn to see how I was.
After a break of around three months, as promised Carmen reached out to me to inquire how things were. I replied via an email to say that things had been busy and stressed with work and that I'd had a difficult conversation with my brother concerning our parents' behaviour to us as children and their role in not protecting me and my other brother (who was also abused) better. He told me that I had bullied him as a child and I disclosed to him my CSA and he was kind enough to understand that perhaps my bullying (of which I have no recollection) was quite likely my anger at the abuse coming out.
I said to Carmen via email that it would be good to talk through this development. In reality, since I had seen her last, I had become more and more obsessed by gay porn and had been trying quite hard to find a SSA encounter in the time that had elapsed since our last session. I had rejoined Grindr and was travelling a lot and using gay chat lines and basically looking to act out in my old ways. It was an intense thing and very exhausting to live with. My bi-cycle was out of control and I found myself writing my wife a long letter, which was basically my way of coming out fully to her.
So, I went back to the therapist and used the first session to go back to the discussions about family where we had got stuck previously but talked about the most conversation with my brother.
Then, the following week, I found myself opening up a bit more, in fact much more than I had expected. I think I finally decided to trust this woman, that if I was paying £50 a session what was the point in hiding stuff when she was there to help me? In the earlier sessions, my shame and almost a wish to impress her and not be the person I am had got in the way. I was worried what she would think of me.
So, suddenly it all started to come out. I told her about the furnace of gay desire that had been burning and what I had been doing to find it but that I had also not gone on to do anything about it whereas in my past I would have found an outlet one way or the other, to make a meet happen. After this session, the fire burning in me died down and I spent the next week's session telling Carmen in no uncertain terms that the problem was over, out of the way and we didn't really need to go into it any more.
Once again I was heading into denial, pushing the issue under the carpet. We talked about why I could be so hyper sexual for a period of 6-8 weeks and then almost burn through it so that I had almost no interest in sex thereafter and couldn't understand why it had all seemed so important to me and I had been so fixated on my gay desires.
Then a penny dropped and I decided this last week to cut the bullshit and go in to see Carmen with some methodical thoughts written down. These I prepared and ordered on one of my early morning walks when my head isn't full of emails and the day's business.
What I wrote down was a full revelation of my true sexuality. An admission to myself for the first time truly and certainly to a third person that I am bisexual. Sure, I have played with that moniker almost as an insult to myself and it's made me horny but this was different. Here I was confiding sincerely in my therapist that my lust for hotwifing and sharing a man with my female partner is really driven by my wish and need to be sexual with the guy more than my kink for seeing her with him. Although that does appeal too but for different reasons due as I said above to the infidelity of my three most significant long-term girlfriends.
It was interesting how my Carmen helped me take this step because pretty much the last thing she had said the previous week was that we will never know whether my acting out with men was part of my true sexual identity that was always going to be there or whether it was the direct product of my abuse. This, like many on here, has confused me for nearly 40 years and I suppose I have always tried to deny my true feelings or excuse them on the basis of the abuse itself.
By opening this little chink and placing the question directly into my mind, I had to face it directly myself and hence the disclosure. I was so nervous taking my notes to this week's session and launching into my prepared spiel. She was impressed and said I had made a real breakthrough although by the end of my speech my mouth was dry and I felt this sense of excitement and relief.
Instead of saying that I am bisexual to scold myself and get off on it, I have finally accepted that this is who and what I am. I am now able to look back at every moment when I fancied a boy or had a crush on a contemporary or wanked about one that I fancied that these were genuine sexual leanings. The number of men I have met on the sly, the saunas I have visited, the discreet sex I have had, hours spent on phone chatlines and an increasing use of gay porn that makes me giddy with lust, are all true indicators of who I am and what arouses me.
The abuse was still abuse of course but the reason I enjoyed the sex acts was because I was probably always going to. The reason I continued to seek out gay sex was not because of the abuse but in a way was coincidentally my first experience and normalised it quite (too) early. My penchant for hard cock and cum is pretty much a mirror blueprint of the abuse but I have since gone to enjoy being fucked which played no role in the abuse itself.
The other thing I a quite clear about is that I am not gay. My attraction to men, male sex, cock and cum is purely physical. Yes, I would prefer to have a bisexual FWB than heartless hookups but I have no romantic attraction to guys. I don't even look at clothed guys on the street or on the TV and think phwoar. But I sure as hell find a naked man with large cock horny as hell and want to taste it and feel it cum and inside me. There is something about the physical sensation of sex with a man that I don't get from a woman although the same is true in the opposite direction. I like both.
Furthermore, I love women and their bodies and having sex with my current partner. It feels right and good and like home.
The challenge now is coming out to my wife fully and where we go from there. I have been so unhappy hiding this secret for so long and while she knows that I have slept with men over the years, I don't think she has really taken it on board that I may actually be bisexual and wish to live life as one. It's not something that I'm going to go around boasting about but at least it will be out in the light between us. That's the theory anyway.
Hotwifing is my solution to integrating all this into my life openly and honestly. We'll see what happens.
I will have to cross this bridge next and it's great to have my therapist on my side and to have opened up to her properly now at last. She talks about peeling away the layers of the onion and I can see now that I was only ready to go to this core questions when ready.
It's about integrating my bisexuality into my life and relationship. I don't want to be out fucking guys every week but I do want to be able to acknowledge and even enjoy this aspect of my being without the stress of hiding it from the one I love. How will my partner react? That remains to be seen.
I welcome your thoughts.
First, I am bisexual and indulging in MMF is a way of me getting to be around a naked man in a sexual situation and if, as is my preference, the guy is also bisexual, then getting to play with him. I believe I have a need to show my partner this side of me and believe she will be aroused by it having known that I am bisexual but never seen evidence of it.
Second, I was cheated on by my first three significant girls during long-term relationships. I think I concluded that perhaps they needed to go with other straight men because as a bisexual (or at that point maybe I even thought I was gay) I wasn't able to satisfy them fully. Certainly when I have watched some men fuck previous girlfriends and my first wife, I have been surprised by how rough and manly some men are compared to the way I prefer to make love. In any case, I believe I developed a fetish interest in threesomes as a method of dealing with infidelity before it happened, to bring a woman's desire to fuck around out into the open rather than having to deal with it subsequently and as a destructive deceit.
I have yet to open up fully to my current wife about the idea of hotwifing. We have discussed it in the past but although she becomes aroused by the idea and knows that at least in part it's to do with my previous same sex experiences, she is reluctant like many to take it further than fantasy.
I was also the victim of childhood sex abuse while away at boarding school. A teacher aged around 28 was seducing a number of the boys within his care but I was one of perhaps two chosen ones with whom he took things further. Although this was definitely abuse and has had a profound effect on me for the rest of my life, I did enjoy spending time alone with this man in his room. He would invite me into his bed and have me play with his enormous cock. I was only 11 at the time, so his penis was manly, hairy and grew into this huge and fascinating thing. He showed me how to wank and suck him and I loved hearing him moan as he approached orgasm and then found a flood of hot semen over my hands or face and even in my mouth. To those that know about these things, you won't be surprised to learn that this cock and cum combination became something of a core sexual script blueprinting my expectations of sex and indeed of shame ever since.
For the last year or so, I have been seeing an excellent and very patient therapist close to where I live. It's been a slow process of coming to trust Carmen and I've been surprised at how long it's taken me to open up.
Actually, the last month has been the most interesting period in my therapy journey.
In August this year (2021), we completed the first 12 months of regular weekly sessions, which had taken place in person and then during the main Covid lockdowns via .... I felt that we had got to a point where we weren't achieving much. We had started going around in circles and we concluded that we had arrived at a certain point and should make a pause. In retrospect, I can see that I wasn't ready to address the real issue for which I had sought therapy, which was my sexuality.
Carmen recognised that we hadn't broken through to what I really needed to talk about but she wasn't going to push it if I wasn't ready. I was slightly resentful of the implication but can see now in retrospect that she was right. She said the door is always open and that she would be back in touch in the autumn to see how I was.
After a break of around three months, as promised Carmen reached out to me to inquire how things were. I replied via an email to say that things had been busy and stressed with work and that I'd had a difficult conversation with my brother concerning our parents' behaviour to us as children and their role in not protecting me and my other brother (who was also abused) better. He told me that I had bullied him as a child and I disclosed to him my CSA and he was kind enough to understand that perhaps my bullying (of which I have no recollection) was quite likely my anger at the abuse coming out.
I said to Carmen via email that it would be good to talk through this development. In reality, since I had seen her last, I had become more and more obsessed by gay porn and had been trying quite hard to find a SSA encounter in the time that had elapsed since our last session. I had rejoined Grindr and was travelling a lot and using gay chat lines and basically looking to act out in my old ways. It was an intense thing and very exhausting to live with. My bi-cycle was out of control and I found myself writing my wife a long letter, which was basically my way of coming out fully to her.
So, I went back to the therapist and used the first session to go back to the discussions about family where we had got stuck previously but talked about the most conversation with my brother.
Then, the following week, I found myself opening up a bit more, in fact much more than I had expected. I think I finally decided to trust this woman, that if I was paying £50 a session what was the point in hiding stuff when she was there to help me? In the earlier sessions, my shame and almost a wish to impress her and not be the person I am had got in the way. I was worried what she would think of me.
So, suddenly it all started to come out. I told her about the furnace of gay desire that had been burning and what I had been doing to find it but that I had also not gone on to do anything about it whereas in my past I would have found an outlet one way or the other, to make a meet happen. After this session, the fire burning in me died down and I spent the next week's session telling Carmen in no uncertain terms that the problem was over, out of the way and we didn't really need to go into it any more.
Once again I was heading into denial, pushing the issue under the carpet. We talked about why I could be so hyper sexual for a period of 6-8 weeks and then almost burn through it so that I had almost no interest in sex thereafter and couldn't understand why it had all seemed so important to me and I had been so fixated on my gay desires.
Then a penny dropped and I decided this last week to cut the bullshit and go in to see Carmen with some methodical thoughts written down. These I prepared and ordered on one of my early morning walks when my head isn't full of emails and the day's business.
What I wrote down was a full revelation of my true sexuality. An admission to myself for the first time truly and certainly to a third person that I am bisexual. Sure, I have played with that moniker almost as an insult to myself and it's made me horny but this was different. Here I was confiding sincerely in my therapist that my lust for hotwifing and sharing a man with my female partner is really driven by my wish and need to be sexual with the guy more than my kink for seeing her with him. Although that does appeal too but for different reasons due as I said above to the infidelity of my three most significant long-term girlfriends.
It was interesting how my Carmen helped me take this step because pretty much the last thing she had said the previous week was that we will never know whether my acting out with men was part of my true sexual identity that was always going to be there or whether it was the direct product of my abuse. This, like many on here, has confused me for nearly 40 years and I suppose I have always tried to deny my true feelings or excuse them on the basis of the abuse itself.
By opening this little chink and placing the question directly into my mind, I had to face it directly myself and hence the disclosure. I was so nervous taking my notes to this week's session and launching into my prepared spiel. She was impressed and said I had made a real breakthrough although by the end of my speech my mouth was dry and I felt this sense of excitement and relief.
Instead of saying that I am bisexual to scold myself and get off on it, I have finally accepted that this is who and what I am. I am now able to look back at every moment when I fancied a boy or had a crush on a contemporary or wanked about one that I fancied that these were genuine sexual leanings. The number of men I have met on the sly, the saunas I have visited, the discreet sex I have had, hours spent on phone chatlines and an increasing use of gay porn that makes me giddy with lust, are all true indicators of who I am and what arouses me.
The abuse was still abuse of course but the reason I enjoyed the sex acts was because I was probably always going to. The reason I continued to seek out gay sex was not because of the abuse but in a way was coincidentally my first experience and normalised it quite (too) early. My penchant for hard cock and cum is pretty much a mirror blueprint of the abuse but I have since gone to enjoy being fucked which played no role in the abuse itself.
The other thing I a quite clear about is that I am not gay. My attraction to men, male sex, cock and cum is purely physical. Yes, I would prefer to have a bisexual FWB than heartless hookups but I have no romantic attraction to guys. I don't even look at clothed guys on the street or on the TV and think phwoar. But I sure as hell find a naked man with large cock horny as hell and want to taste it and feel it cum and inside me. There is something about the physical sensation of sex with a man that I don't get from a woman although the same is true in the opposite direction. I like both.
Furthermore, I love women and their bodies and having sex with my current partner. It feels right and good and like home.
The challenge now is coming out to my wife fully and where we go from there. I have been so unhappy hiding this secret for so long and while she knows that I have slept with men over the years, I don't think she has really taken it on board that I may actually be bisexual and wish to live life as one. It's not something that I'm going to go around boasting about but at least it will be out in the light between us. That's the theory anyway.
Hotwifing is my solution to integrating all this into my life openly and honestly. We'll see what happens.
I will have to cross this bridge next and it's great to have my therapist on my side and to have opened up to her properly now at last. She talks about peeling away the layers of the onion and I can see now that I was only ready to go to this core questions when ready.
It's about integrating my bisexuality into my life and relationship. I don't want to be out fucking guys every week but I do want to be able to acknowledge and even enjoy this aspect of my being without the stress of hiding it from the one I love. How will my partner react? That remains to be seen.
I welcome your thoughts.
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