Convincing her I’m not ‘giving her away’

[CymruBoi]

We are both in our early 50’s, married with grown up children.

I’ve shared my fantasy with my wife of her being fucked by a bigger cock (especially black) while I watch.

She’s happy to join in the fantasy and will say stuff like “would you like me to be fucked by a black cock while you watch” etc while we have sex. She openly admits she finds black men and muscular men attractive.

However she refuses point blank to go through with anything and cannot understand why I would wish to ‘give her away’.

By the way I’m quite small below and really think she’d love a bigger cock if she was brave enough to try it.

How can I convince her I’m not giving her away and really want this for the both of us?

 

[WantToWatchWife]

We are both in our early 50’s, married with grown up children.

I’ve shared my fantasy with my wife of her being fucked by a bigger cock (especially black) while I watch.

She’s happy to join in the fantasy and will say stuff like “would you like me to be fucked by a black cock while you watch” etc while we have sex. She openly admits she finds black men and muscular men attractive.

However she refuses point blank to go through with anything and cannot understand why I would wish to ‘give her away’.

By the way I’m quite small below and really think she’d love a bigger cock if she was brave enough to try it.

How can I convince her I’m not giving her away and really want this for the both of us?

Like you I have shared my fantasy of watching my wife being fucked by another man, and even though she gets so involved with our role play during sex that she has multiple orgasms, she refuses to make it a reality.

 

[CymruBoi]

We have talked and she says she doesn’t want anyone else and feels devalued to be shared. Fair points of course but not what I wanted to hear.

 

[jw_kk]

First you have to convince yourself... in a sense, you are "giving her away," in that you're not only consenting, you're encouraging your wife to have sex with another man. Even if she's conceptually interested, moving from fantasy to reality is a huge leap. For some this is a multi-step process. In the introspective assessment of how you really feel about her taking another man's cock, that feeling of "giving her away" is likely going to persist - until you find deep acceptance of it.

Once you're convinced, that confidence might help her move the needle. Talk about the scenario; does she want you in the room, watching? Or would she be more comfortable solo, on a date with a lover, while you remain elsewhere? If she's OK with you being present, you can take on the role of helper. There is nothing more intimate than helping your reluctant wife fuck another man for the first time.

 

[CymruBoi]

First you have to convince yourself... in a sense, you are "giving her away," in that you're not only consenting, you're encouraging your wife to have sex with another man. Even if she's conceptually interested, moving from fantasy to reality is a huge leap. For some this is a multi-step process. In the introspective assessment of how you really feel about her taking another man's cock, that feeling of "giving her away" is likely going to persist - until you find deep acceptance of it.

Once you're convinced, that confidence might help her move the needle. Talk about the scenario; does she want you in the room, watching? Or would she be more comfortable solo, on a date with a lover, while you remain elsewhere? If she's OK with you being present, you can take on the role of helper. There is nothing more intimate than helping your reluctant wife fuck another man for the first time.

Thanks. I’m convinced. To me sex is not the same as love, companionship and respect. To her sex and love seem intertwined.

 

[jw_kk]

Thanks. I’m convinced. To me sex is not the same as love, companionship and respect. To her sex and love seem intertwined.

The seeming inseparability of love and sex is difficult for some. It in part is cultural conditioning, in part innate biology/psychology. Counter-conditioning, "breaking" that connection, to allow free exploration of sexuality independent the emotion depends on each individual. One set of tactics involves repetition and suggestion.

If you can create fantasy scenarios, pillow-talk if you will, that consistently arouse your wife, and elevate her desire for a zipless fuck, it can eventually become her idea, something she pursues on her own.

 

[CymruBoi]

Great advice JW_KK

Thanks

 

[jw_kk]

Great advice JW_KK

Thanks

As an aside, this tactic isn't risk free. It can work, but in an unexpected way. The possibility exists that she'll be so aroused she's compelled to act on the fantasy, but feels too guilty to involve you - so it becomes a clandestine thing, a secret. This essentially happened with us, for a time KK was fucking other men without my involvement or awareness. In the back of her mind, it was okay, because after all I was encouraging the behavior in the form of pillow-talk.

So, it can backfire on you - you have to pre-think what your reaction is going to be, and how you'll handle it if that's the course things take.

 

[genuinepleasure]

The seeming inseparability of love and sex is difficult for some. It in part is cultural conditioning, in part innate biology/psychology. Counter-conditioning, "breaking" that connection, to allow free exploration of sexuality independent the emotion depends on each individual. One set of tactics involves repetition and suggestion.

If you can create fantasy scenarios, pillow-talk if you will, that consistently arouse your wife, and elevate her desire for a zipless fuck, it can eventually become her idea, something she pursues on her own.

Your replies are VERY specific and helpful! For that, I am grateful!

 

[Wifehot68]

Like you I have shared my fantasy of watching my wife being fucked by another man, and even though she gets so involved with our role play during sex that she has multiple orgasms, she refuses to make it a reality.

That will make at least three of us here…they go along with the role play that we make to the extent one would think, it is getting closer , but once the fun of the role play is done, its all over and will pretend that she was just going along the heat of the moment …very frustrating !!

 

[HotAsianwife]

We are both in our early 50’s, married with grown up children.

I’ve shared my fantasy with my wife of her being fucked by a bigger cock (especially black) while I watch.

She’s happy to join in the fantasy and will say stuff like “would you like me to be fucked by a black cock while you watch” etc while we have sex. She openly admits she finds black men and muscular men attractive.

However she refuses point blank to go through with anything and cannot understand why I would wish to ‘give her away’.

By the way I’m quite small below and really think she’d love a bigger cock if she was brave enough to try it.

How can I convince her I’m not giving her away and really want this for the both of us?

Hard to convince her. I would say you are wasting your time.

 

[thebeginner]

As an aside, this tactic isn't risk free. It can work, but in an unexpected way. The possibility exists that she'll be so aroused she's compelled to act on the fantasy, but feels too guilty to involve you - so it becomes a clandestine thing, a secret. This essentially happened with us, for a time KK was fucking other men without my involvement or awareness. In the back of her mind, it was okay, because after all I was encouraging the behavior in the form of pillow-talk.

So, it can backfire on you - you have to pre-think what your reaction is going to be, and how you'll handle it if that's the course things take.

I agree with jw_kk. The good news is that you are both discussing it openly. It starts with dialogue and opening up about one's fears and desires then working through each one. If you can't talk about it as a couple it will never happen.

For my wife one of her fears of having extramarital sex was that it might weaken or jeopardize our relationship. When I was able to alleviate this fear and show her how it could have the opposite effect - that it would strengthen our bond, and bring us closer together she really started to get on board.

It's interesting that your wife feels as though she will be 'devalued'. Instead of 'lowering her value', I would tackle it from a growth mindset, in that as a couple you will 'grow' your bond to one another, while 'increasing' the pleasure and joy in your sex life. How amazing is that? A stronger marriage, more sex, possibly better sex, all while increasing your partner's happiness (and that goes for both of you).

 

[Devzilla]

We are both in our early 50’s, married with grown up children.

I’ve shared my fantasy with my wife of her being fucked by a bigger cock (especially black) while I watch.

She’s happy to join in the fantasy and will say stuff like “would you like me to be fucked by a black cock while you watch” etc while we have sex. She openly admits she finds black men and muscular men attractive.

However she refuses point blank to go through with anything and cannot understand why I would wish to ‘give her away’.

By the way I’m quite small below and really think she’d love a bigger cock if she was brave enough to try it.

How can I convince her I’m not giving her away and really want this for the both of us?

If she has already said no respect her no and stop trying to convince her you're not going to convince her if anything you're going to agitate the fuck out of her just be happy she chose you and does participate in the fantasy

 

[Devzilla]

to be fair if you want sound advice don't listen to any men on here unless they've been married and in this lifestyle for quite some time if you really want to know ask the women

 

[Bernie84]

to be fair if you want sound advice don't listen to any men on here unless they've been married and in this lifestyle for quite some time if you really want to know ask the women

I've shared my fantasy with my wife and she plays along in the bedroom, experimenting with toys etc. She seems to really enjoy it and says yes when I ask her if she wants more than one cock.

When I raise the subject when we're not having sex she jokes and plays along then sometimes goes cold on the matter.

I've said things like I'd like us to go to a bar and watch you flirt with other men and she laughs and says you'll end up losing me.

I feel I'm getting mixed signals, I haven't came outright with it yet and asked her if she'd like to fuck another guy whilst I watch.