Erica and me from the beginning

Mar 15, 2023
I don't really have anyone to talk to about this part of our marriage, so it's nice being able to share it with strangers. I'm sure I'm going to mix events and timelines up as I go, but here's my story as I know it.

I met my wife, Erica, a couple years out of college. We had been in the same wide friend group so we knew each other for a while but we weren't really close. More like acquaintances. One night we were at a party at a mutual friend’s place and started talking to each other. We got along really well and made plans to go out on a date.

Before we went on our first date she informed me she had just gotten out of a relationship, wasn’t looking to jump into something too serious and wanted to make sure I was okay with being non-exclusive for a while. I was fine with that, we didn’t really know each other very well so no need to rush things.

We dated like this for maybe six months or so. I knew she occasionally went on other dates with other people, as did I, but we spent the majority of our time together.

She always tried to be discreet about her other dates, she might just tell me that she was going out with a friend or something like that. I could usually tell by how vague she was if it was a friend or a date. But there were also plenty of times that I was away for work that she wouldn’t necessarily let me know since I wasn't around.

Anyway, sometime after the six month mark she comes over to my place and tells me she thinks we need to break-up. Since we were non-exclusive I figured she found someone she liked better. Turns out that wasn’t the case.

She told me that she’s having a problem with jealousy. She hates the idea of me dating other girls and it’s affecting our relationship. But at the same time she said she’s not ready to go exclusive herself. Erica didn’t think that was fair to me so thought it best if we ended it.

I tried to talk her out of it and we were in a sort of relationship limbo for a couple weeks. Basically I wasn’t interested in dating anyone else and since I seemed to be her priority I didn’t think anything would change. We could always go exclusive at some future date. I didn’t want to end a good thing.

Eventually she reluctantly agreed that I would only date her but she could still date other guys for now if she wanted to and we’d discuss this arrangement again later on.

The change in her was like night and day. I didn’t realize how moody or snippy she had gotten over the last little while and now she was so much happier and fun to be with. I guess the change was slow enough that I never really saw it, but I loved having the old Erica back.

About six months after “the talk” we moved in together. I guess I always figured we’d eventually become a “normal” couple. But we just kinda stayed with what worked.

At some point, probably a month or two after we moved in together, we had a long heart to heart talk where she admitted she was having sex with someone else “usually at least once, sometimes a few times a week” and it was usually with one of the two guys she told me she regularly saw. I was kind of surprised at the frequency since we did it probably four or five times a week as it was. She was obviously getting a lot of sex.

Like I mentioned earlier, she generally tried to be discreet about her dates but sometimes there were obvious tells. Like her coming home late and rushing to the shower as soon as she got in the door, finding the bed sheets changed randomly in the middle of the week when no other laundry was done, and of course the time I saw a condom wrapper in the trash.

These things probably should have bothered me but I still felt we had a great relationship. We cuddled all the time, had regular amazing sex, and could talk for hours with each other about anything. It was hard to complain, so I went with it.

Around a year later we got engaged and another year after that got married. We’ve been married for almost ten years now and while the men have changed over the years, we still have the agreement in place.

I know I’ve left all kinds of gaps and questions here, but this seemed to be going on a little long. I’ll try to add more soon.


Well-Known Member
May 26, 2018
Interesting story. I was in a similar situation with my first wife. She would go out with girlfriends and have sex with guys she hooked up with while out. Her friends would be doing the same. I had no problem, but she was extremely jealous of me with other women. Funny how it works out.
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Mar 15, 2023
Where to continue…

In all the years I’ve been with Erica it’s hard to say how many lovers she’s had. She tends to hold onto the same guys for months or even years in one case before things end for one reason or another. Most of the time it’s just one other guy besides me, although there have been times when we were younger where she was juggling two or possibly three other guys at the same time.

My best guess is probably around 30 guys since we’ve been together but I could be wrong. Back then I was never really sure when one fling ended and another began. I’m sure I’m missing some short term ones and one night stands. So who knows, I could be way off with the number. It could be twice that for all I know.

Early on Erica rarely shared with me who her lovers were, but there were some exceptions. She once mentioned she didn’t want to tell me because it would be awkward for me to know. Before backtracking and saying awkward might be the wrong word. I took this to mean she was hooking up with people I knew, otherwise why would a stranger’s name be awkward for me?

When we were first dating I didn’t really care, but as we got more serious I would get curious and try to figure out who she was seeing on the side.

As much as she tried to be discreet, she didn’t really go out of her way to hide most of them. There’d be messages on her phone or in her email that would quickly give the person's identity away. This really wasn’t too hard when we both shared passwords to each other's phone and email. Usually turned out to be a co-worker, someone she met through the gym, a friend from her sports league or whatever. People I didn’t really know but I was still happy to have a name all the same.

I think for some reason she preferred me to find out this way instead of directly telling me.

Sometimes though, she’d be much more careful. She doesn’t realize she changes her habits when it’s someone I know but it’s quickly apparent to me. Then I have a decision to make on whether or not I want to find out, my curiosity always wins out eventually.

It’s not like I’d need to follow her around, but everyone makes mistakes and eventually I’d find out who it was. I’ll get into some of these in another post if people seem to be interested, but you can be safe in assuming she's fucked some of the guys from our main friend group.

Even after ten years of marriage she still doesn’t like telling me who her lovers are, but nowadays she believes that as her husband I deserve to know where she is if she’s not coming home for the evening. Even with that, I’m not always sure when the affairs start and end.

More to come as I think of what to say.
Mar 15, 2023
I mentioned that Erica rarely mentioned who her lovers are. There are a few major exceptions to this, one of these is a guy she once worked with named Chris. Another is my best friend, Mike. There’s a couple others but I’ll talk about them first.

The two situations couldn’t be more different. In fact, I don’t even count Mike in the list of guys she’s cheated with. I’m not even sure cheated is the right word since she’s always had my consent, but I’m going to use it anyway.

Let me talk about Chris for a moment. He’s been in and out of her life for probably the last 8 years now and I think of him as the typical fling Erica would have with the difference being how long he’s been around for. Most guys she cheats with are only around for a few months.

Erica met Chris through the job she had at the time. They didn’t work for the same company but rather he worked for a major customer of Erica’s. As a major customer, Erica’s company had a team dedicated to supporting them and she was a part of that team. Chris was either a Manager or Director at the other company and often dealt with her. She’s never really said exactly how things started between them but she was often visiting their offices and working late nights to resolve issues so I’m sure it was just attraction and ample opportunity.

I remember meeting Chris once at a summer company picnic that Erica’s company was hosting. He was a good looking guy, fit, and somewhat charming, but I don’t remember much about him actually. I think he was already fucking Erica by the time I met him but I didn’t realize it was him at the time and I didn't pick up on any vibes that he was.

Chris started out as one of the affairs she didn’t try to hide but instead just didn’t mention. But as was often the case, she left the flirty texts and emails out in the open for me to see. She knows I’ll see them and it saves her from having to tell me, I don’t know why it’s so hard for her and why she does it this way, but it is what it is. I doubt she’s going to change her ways now.

By the time she actually said his name to me, she was probably six months or so into sleeping with him. They were going to be out of town for a couple days at a trade show and she told me they would probably be sharing a hotel room. This was the first time since we were married that she was doing something like this and she thought it was important that I knew where she was and who she was with. Just in case.

If I objected to them staying in the same room I’m sure she would have respected my wishes, she always has many times before, but it seemed silly to do that now. Although she didn’t mention him by name before, the fact that they were having sex wasn’t a secret between us and I was already fine with that. Telling her to get her own room wouldn’t change anything or stop them from having sex anyway.

In any case, I appreciated the gesture since I do worry about her.

We didn’t communicate much while she was gone, just a few messages a day letting me know when she was out, when she was back at the hotel, that things were going well and she was fine.

When she got back I asked her how her time with Chris was. I think she was caught off guard since we don’t usually talk about it. She said it was fun but she was happy to be back home with me. We talked for a while and she confirmed they shared a room the whole time and had a lot of sex but didn’t really want to get into any details. I wasn’t looking for details anyway, so that was fine.

She was tired and went to bed early that night and things were back to normal with us by the next day.

I asked Erica once why Chris has been in the picture so long when others haven’t. She said it’s because they have no attachment or real feelings for each other. It makes it easy to come and go without worrying about the other person.

I’ve asked her if sex with him is good. She says it’s good, sometimes very good, but she said I’m better and prefers sex with me. She might just be saying that since I’m her husband, but it’s nice to hear anyway.

I also asked her once if there’s anything she does with him that she doesn’t do with me. Her answer to that was something like “nothing that you’d want to do anyway. But if you ever asked I would.” She wouldn’t give specifics then, but her reply stuck in my head. “Sometimes it’s easier to do things when you don’t care what the other person thinks of you in the morning.”

I’ll talk a little about Mike next.
Mar 15, 2023
As I mentioned, the situation with Mike is much different than her other partners. I feel I brought this one on myself as opposed to Erica seeking someone out.

I’ve been friends with Mike for a long time, longer than I’ve known Erica, and he knows everything about the agreement between me and her. He thought I was crazy for suggesting it, and even crazier for still having it in place so many years later. But he also understands how things got to this point and why things are the way they are.

The night that started everything happened not long after Erica and I were engaged. We were over at Mike’s place, hanging out, drinking and enjoying his new hot tub. Just the three of us.

When we came over we never thought we’d be using the hot tub that night so we didn’t come with bathing suits. We decided we could just wear our shorts and Erica would wear a t-shirt too.

It was me that suggested that we’re all friends and who cares if we’re naked. Erica and I didn’t have a change of clothes and would have to dry them anyway.

Mike and Erica agreed and we stripped down and hopped in the tub.

Erica was flirting like she always does, maybe even more than usual because of how close and comfortable the three of us were with each other.

Things escalated quickly with her moving back and forth between Mike and me. Sitting on our laps and making sure her breasts kept appearing over the water.

Mike’s hands were all over Erica and things moved from teasing, to groping, to making out. I wasn’t left out of any of this, but Erica’s attention kept going back to Mike.

Even though I knew Erica had been with many other guys during our time as a couple, it was a completely different experience to see her straddling my friend and passionately making out with him.

She stopped kissing him and turned to look at me for approval. I nodded and she smiled back.

Mike got up out of the tub, lifted up Erica, carried her to a lounge chair and fucked her right there in front of me. When he was done she motioned me to come over and asked me to fuck her too. So I did.

We stayed over that night and he fucked her again in the morning when we got up.

Aside from me being the one that helped start things with Mike, I also feel that her hook ups with him are more opportunity based rather than planned. She doesn’t really “go on dates” with him, but if they’re alone together, or it’s just the three of us, they will often take advantage of the situation.

The biggest example of this is when I go away on business trips. With my job I’m usually gone for a couple days each month, and then a week long trip every three or four months.

Erica has always had a phobia of being alone due to some things in her past so she usually has a friend stay with her. Sometimes it’s her best friend, Kathy, and sometimes it’s Mike. She’s joked with me that when Mike is over she basically stays naked for him the whole time he’s there.