Hello everyone,
I am a first time user of this site. This world of play is incredibly new for me. I am not sure if my message or post will be seen by anyone or how this all works exactly, but I will write down some of the things I need to get off my mind below.
My name is Rob. I am a 30 year old Doctor in the USA. My wife Erin is 27 years old, she works as a designer. We have been together for 5 years now, married for about 3.
We are conservative, and devout Christians, but try to approach life with a healthy balance. However, I have to admit that I have always been a bit more strict and uncompromising. I attended a christian school growing up, so you can imagine the influence it had on me. Erin had a much healthier upbringing, I like to say, her parents are incredibly wealthy and sent her to a very balanced private school... and honestly it shows up even to this day with how beautiful of a person she is everyday. When I was younger I was an extremely possessive boyfriend, had a very high guard, and took no nonsense from others... and unfortunately that included my wife. I always had a fear or insecurity even... (I can look back and call it that now).... that most guys are out looking at my wife or speaking to her with bad intentions. It would make me extremely uncomfortable and angry internally. I would have to try my best to hide it. Keep in my mind, my Erin is the sweetest, and most well-intentioned girl I have ever had the blessing of meeting in my life. I trust her more than I trust myself.
It is very hard to write my thoughts down, but I will do my best to continue... thank you for being patient with me reader.
This fear... constantly checking in with her... making sure I keep tabs on her when something arises in my mind... when I'm uncomfortable or second guessing...... eventually it became too much for me. It was overwhelming... the stress of it, my marriage... my health. I couldn't keep going this way for the rest of my life. Not only with my wife, but in most of my relationships and interactions. I just took life way too seriously. It is hard to describe to you how mentally messed up my mind used to be, but eventually something snapped in me. After years of fighting with myself.... whatever brainwashing or indoctrination was fed to me, I just couldn't live with myself anymore in today's world. I try to the best Christian I can, but I am human and I am flawed. Thankfully, I have learned to approach life with a better mindset. To understand that my shortcomings as a religious follower do not define me as a person, nor my connection to God. I try to look at it that way. I also believe that this world was meant to be experienced. Especially, if there is no harm done in it.
Thank you for following me thus far, I can write in loops sometimes. Writing is definitely not a strength of mine.
Recently, I have been having some thoughts that just pop into my mind. It has been going on for a couple months now. And they don't seem to be stopping at all. The more I fight them, the more frustrating it is when they come back, stronger and louder. I have realized that there is an entire world of sex out there that is incredibly taboo and forbidden, especially to someone like me, I'm sure you understand. My Erin is absolutely complete for me. There is no other woman I ever set my eyes on. Not one bit. She is my one and only. However, recently I have been thinking things I shouldn't. I have been wondering about all the looks that we get when we are out together, all of the wandering gazes, mostly directed at her. And to be honest with you, it has made me feel incredibly lucky. It just makes my wife look so beautiful, and hot to be honest. It makes me constantly realize how amazing she is, and how lucky I truly am to have married her. I hope I am not coming across as arrogant or a show off. But my wife is the most attractive and amazingly unique girl in this world. She's very special to me. She has a put together look to her, a bit quirky nerdy, but also very hot.
It has made me a bit excited at times when I recall it. The looks, her dress, how she is effortlessly gathering attention and making nothing of it, her eyes mine, as my wife. It just makes her look so sexy.
I am not sure if I am a voyeur, caundulist. Or what all of these terms exactly mean. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas below please share. Thank you.
I am a first time user of this site. This world of play is incredibly new for me. I am not sure if my message or post will be seen by anyone or how this all works exactly, but I will write down some of the things I need to get off my mind below.
My name is Rob. I am a 30 year old Doctor in the USA. My wife Erin is 27 years old, she works as a designer. We have been together for 5 years now, married for about 3.
We are conservative, and devout Christians, but try to approach life with a healthy balance. However, I have to admit that I have always been a bit more strict and uncompromising. I attended a christian school growing up, so you can imagine the influence it had on me. Erin had a much healthier upbringing, I like to say, her parents are incredibly wealthy and sent her to a very balanced private school... and honestly it shows up even to this day with how beautiful of a person she is everyday. When I was younger I was an extremely possessive boyfriend, had a very high guard, and took no nonsense from others... and unfortunately that included my wife. I always had a fear or insecurity even... (I can look back and call it that now).... that most guys are out looking at my wife or speaking to her with bad intentions. It would make me extremely uncomfortable and angry internally. I would have to try my best to hide it. Keep in my mind, my Erin is the sweetest, and most well-intentioned girl I have ever had the blessing of meeting in my life. I trust her more than I trust myself.
It is very hard to write my thoughts down, but I will do my best to continue... thank you for being patient with me reader.
This fear... constantly checking in with her... making sure I keep tabs on her when something arises in my mind... when I'm uncomfortable or second guessing...... eventually it became too much for me. It was overwhelming... the stress of it, my marriage... my health. I couldn't keep going this way for the rest of my life. Not only with my wife, but in most of my relationships and interactions. I just took life way too seriously. It is hard to describe to you how mentally messed up my mind used to be, but eventually something snapped in me. After years of fighting with myself.... whatever brainwashing or indoctrination was fed to me, I just couldn't live with myself anymore in today's world. I try to the best Christian I can, but I am human and I am flawed. Thankfully, I have learned to approach life with a better mindset. To understand that my shortcomings as a religious follower do not define me as a person, nor my connection to God. I try to look at it that way. I also believe that this world was meant to be experienced. Especially, if there is no harm done in it.
Thank you for following me thus far, I can write in loops sometimes. Writing is definitely not a strength of mine.
Recently, I have been having some thoughts that just pop into my mind. It has been going on for a couple months now. And they don't seem to be stopping at all. The more I fight them, the more frustrating it is when they come back, stronger and louder. I have realized that there is an entire world of sex out there that is incredibly taboo and forbidden, especially to someone like me, I'm sure you understand. My Erin is absolutely complete for me. There is no other woman I ever set my eyes on. Not one bit. She is my one and only. However, recently I have been thinking things I shouldn't. I have been wondering about all the looks that we get when we are out together, all of the wandering gazes, mostly directed at her. And to be honest with you, it has made me feel incredibly lucky. It just makes my wife look so beautiful, and hot to be honest. It makes me constantly realize how amazing she is, and how lucky I truly am to have married her. I hope I am not coming across as arrogant or a show off. But my wife is the most attractive and amazingly unique girl in this world. She's very special to me. She has a put together look to her, a bit quirky nerdy, but also very hot.
It has made me a bit excited at times when I recall it. The looks, her dress, how she is effortlessly gathering attention and making nothing of it, her eyes mine, as my wife. It just makes her look so sexy.
I am not sure if I am a voyeur, caundulist. Or what all of these terms exactly mean. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas below please share. Thank you.
