I'm just not sure I can do it, but I want to do it for her.

[Brad1990]

I always thought I was open minded and adventurous but I think I’ve reached my limit. How do you guys do it? How can you watch your wife get fucked when you can’t even participate? How do you let her go out alone on a sex date? I’m not disparaging the lifestyle, I thought I wanted this but the reality is far from the fantasy.

We’re not inexperienced in terms of having sex with others. We started as swingers going to parties but it wasn’t really our scene so for 10 years or so we’ve been seeing other couples and occasionally singles just as friends with benefits. It’s always been really casual, we didn’t meet for sex, we met for dinner, or a movie or whatever and sometimes stuff happened and sometimes it didn’t. My wife would have sex on the bed right next to me and I was fine with that, yes I watched, yes I joined in, but I was with the woman at the same time, it was a real turn on, for her as well as me. She would often comment on how she was lucky to have me because I allowed her to explore her inner slut without judgment.

So… here’s where it gets messy. I guess as an evolution of what we were doing she wanted to explore the whole hotwife thing. She was following some couple on twitter and pretty much wanted to mimic their lifestyle minus posting on social media of course. She kept asking if she could go on dates with various men. I was open to listen but it was always a no. She was once away at a work conference and rang me and virtually begged me to let her fuck some guy she had met from one of their other offices. She was telling me how he was so into her and she promised to tell me everything. It made me hard but I still said no.

Her birthday falls in October and for the one just gone she kept begging me to let her do it even if it was only just once. I relented. I don’t know why. On the day I can’t explain how I felt, I was both aroused and disgusted. She had bought new lingerie, a new dress, she spent an hour doing her makeup just right, I mean she’s literally going just to fuck some guy but all the effort she put it turned me on… and disgusted me. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodbye because it would ruin her makeup.

Now when she got home, really really late, at 6am the next morning, I nearly threw up. I could see she was exhausted, her makeup was ruined, there was more than one cum stain on her new dress. It was obvious what happened. She told me she loved me and lead me to the bedroom. Now the sex was great, awesome in fact, but then it all came tumbling down. I was going down on her and she asked it I could taste him, WTF!!! We had an argument after that. She had let this guy fuck her without a condom, let him cum in her. She wasn’t even apologetic, and then the cuckold crap started. She kept telling me to get my loser tongue inside her and taste the other guy. It didn’t end well that night.

I love her to bits but I just can’t be that guy. She's so into this and keeps asking, says she will do anything in return, It’s not about the sex, she can fuck other guys with me, but this going on dates thing, and worse the cuckold thing, it’s not for me. I mean I want to do it for her, she’s clearly into it. But I just can’t. So that’s leads back to the earlier questions, how do you guys do it? Was it just great from the start or did it take time? We’re there hurdles and arguments? I Don’t even know what I’m looking for here, just a sounding board I guess an I decide whether I can do this for her or not. Can you convince me we should continue?

 

[Jeanswatcher]

This lifestyle isnt for everyone and she should accept your dislike of her playing away. You need to talk to her and hope she is honest with you.

I will say however that from my years of experience as a cuck if this is something she wants to do, as is the case from what you write she will not not want to stop even if she says she will. All it will result in is her having one nighter or cheating and then trying to hide it from you which is disasterous in a marriage.

At least she is open and honest with you about what she wants and does, in my view if you cannot accept it then your relationship is doomed.

A lot on here will say your so lucky and it is quite rare for the women to be the driver in a cuckold relationship, my girlfriend then wife was too, the difference is she wanted me involved in anyway i wanted to be and i like her having lovers so it works for us.

To me this part of her is only 5% of what and who she is and i have the other 95% of her to myself as a kind loving wife and mother it completes our friendship that i like and enjoy her 5% too.

Good luck.

 

[Sharedwife16]

Exactly what I tell my wife,it's only 5% of her, I have 95%, I have her heart.
It is only sex, there's so much more to a strong marriage, and if her having sex with other men improves your own sex life as well as having a happy wife , then more good than bad is coming from her having sex with other men.

 

[GoodTimes40]

It sounds like you know what you want and she wants something different. This doesn’t have much to do with the lifestyle. Couples argue about sex, where to live, money and more…some of it leads to divorce. Sounds like you need to decide what you want and she needs to decide how important this is to each other. If this is something she needs and you can’t embrace it, the relationship will be in constant trouble. If one person needs to live in south Chicago and the other wants to live on a farm, then you have a major problem. Both can lead to divorce or some kind of compromise.

Not all hot wife stuff has to be demeaning. She might need to learn the brand that works for you. I have a buddy who plays with his wife and they swing but always together unless the wife plays with a girl. Rules that work for them I guess.

 

[2wheel]

Every couple has their own rules based upon their personal life & lifestyle.

My late wife & I had simple rules, the basic was "IT'S ONLY SEX". She didn't date, dating is an emotional act, sex is not, sex is a physical act.

For me it was compartments. I compartmentalize, sex in one box, kissing in another box, etc. The compartments are isolated from each other.

Her love for me had nothing to do with sex. And she loved me more for allowing her to explore her sexual side to her hearts content without judgement.

BUT this lifestyle isn't for everyone. You're fortunate she asks you, but be assured she doesn't need your approval, and I'm sorry to say that she will most likely do it anyway if you say no. Then you're in cheating mode which is a quagmire that will suck the life out of your relationship.

 

[Vixenlover]

Based on what you wrote she is in it for long haul. She WILL be having sex with other guys with or withour your permission. Now, as everyone above has stated above you need to communmicate with each other on desires. It sounds like she has found her calling as a hotwife but you are not interested in this lifestyle. Fair enough as it's only for the select few who can handle it. Not saying you have to agree to it but if you don't you will be single soon. And that may be the best solution if you can't fathom the idea of her with another guy. Swinging is one thing and this lifestyle can be a different dimension of that. My wife is free to do whatever she wants as it's not my choice it's hers. However we have an incredibly open mindset about sex that most do not. Just my thoughts

 

[Rikx]

I always thought I was open minded and adventurous but I think I’ve reached my limit. How do you guys do it? How can you watch your wife get fucked when you can’t even participate? How do you let her go out alone on a sex date? I’m not disparaging the lifestyle, I thought I wanted this but the reality is far from the fantasy.

We’re not inexperienced in terms of having sex with others. We started as swingers going to parties but it wasn’t really our scene so for 10 years or so we’ve been seeing other couples and occasionally singles just as friends with benefits. It’s always been really casual, we didn’t meet for sex, we met for dinner, or a movie or whatever and sometimes stuff happened and sometimes it didn’t. My wife would have sex on the bed right next to me and I was fine with that, yes I watched, yes I joined in, but I was with the woman at the same time, it was a real turn on, for her as well as me. She would often comment on how she was lucky to have me because I allowed her to explore her inner slut without judgment.

So… here’s where it gets messy. I guess as an evolution of what we were doing she wanted to explore the whole hotwife thing. She was following some couple on twitter and pretty much wanted to mimic their lifestyle minus posting on social media of course. She kept asking if she could go on dates with various men. I was open to listen but it was always a no. She was once away at a work conference and rang me and virtually begged me to let her fuck some guy she had met from one of their other offices. She was telling me how he was so into her and she promised to tell me everything. It made me hard but I still said no.

Her birthday falls in October and for the one just gone she kept begging me to let her do it even if it was only just once. I relented. I don’t know why. On the day I can’t explain how I felt, I was both aroused and disgusted. She had bought new lingerie, a new dress, she spent an hour doing her makeup just right, I mean she’s literally going just to fuck some guy but all the effort she put it turned me on… and disgusted me. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodbye because it would ruin her makeup.

Now when she got home, really really late, at 6am the next morning, I nearly threw up. I could see she was exhausted, her makeup was ruined, there was more than one cum stain on her new dress. It was obvious what happened. She told me she loved me and lead me to the bedroom. Now the sex was great, awesome in fact, but then it all came tumbling down. I was going down on her and she asked it I could taste him, WTF!!! We had an argument after that. She had let this guy fuck her without a condom, let him cum in her. She wasn’t even apologetic, and then the cuckold crap started. She kept telling me to get my loser tongue inside her and taste the other guy. It didn’t end well that night.

I love her to bits but I just can’t be that guy. She's so into this and keeps asking, says she will do anything in return, It’s not about the sex, she can fuck other guys with me, but this going on dates thing, and worse the cuckold thing, it’s not for me. I mean I want to do it for her, she’s clearly into it. But I just can’t. So that’s leads back to the earlier questions, how do you guys do it? Was it just great from the start or did it take time? We’re there hurdles and arguments? I Don’t even know what I’m looking for here, just a sounding board I guess an I decide whether I can do this for her or not. Can you convince me we should continue?

It sounds to me that what you wrote here is exactly what you want. And if not right now, then in a while. Let go, enjoy the ride. You deserve it too. You deserve her to love you this way hugs.

 

[Slaven]

I always thought I was open minded and adventurous but I think I’ve reached my limit. How do you guys do it? How can you watch your wife get fucked when you can’t even participate? How do you let her go out alone on a sex date? I’m not disparaging the lifestyle, I thought I wanted this but the reality is far from the fantasy.

We’re not inexperienced in terms of having sex with others. We started as swingers going to parties but it wasn’t really our scene so for 10 years or so we’ve been seeing other couples and occasionally singles just as friends with benefits. It’s always been really casual, we didn’t meet for sex, we met for dinner, or a movie or whatever and sometimes stuff happened and sometimes it didn’t. My wife would have sex on the bed right next to me and I was fine with that, yes I watched, yes I joined in, but I was with the woman at the same time, it was a real turn on, for her as well as me. She would often comment on how she was lucky to have me because I allowed her to explore her inner slut without judgment.

So… here’s where it gets messy. I guess as an evolution of what we were doing she wanted to explore the whole hotwife thing. She was following some couple on twitter and pretty much wanted to mimic their lifestyle minus posting on social media of course. She kept asking if she could go on dates with various men. I was open to listen but it was always a no. She was once away at a work conference and rang me and virtually begged me to let her fuck some guy she had met from one of their other offices. She was telling me how he was so into her and she promised to tell me everything. It made me hard but I still said no.

Her birthday falls in October and for the one just gone she kept begging me to let her do it even if it was only just once. I relented. I don’t know why. On the day I can’t explain how I felt, I was both aroused and disgusted. She had bought new lingerie, a new dress, she spent an hour doing her makeup just right, I mean she’s literally going just to fuck some guy but all the effort she put it turned me on… and disgusted me. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodbye because it would ruin her makeup.

Now when she got home, really really late, at 6am the next morning, I nearly threw up. I could see she was exhausted, her makeup was ruined, there was more than one cum stain on her new dress. It was obvious what happened. She told me she loved me and lead me to the bedroom. Now the sex was great, awesome in fact, but then it all came tumbling down. I was going down on her and she asked it I could taste him, WTF!!! We had an argument after that. She had let this guy fuck her without a condom, let him cum in her. She wasn’t even apologetic, and then the cuckold crap started. She kept telling me to get my loser tongue inside her and taste the other guy. It didn’t end well that night.

I love her to bits but I just can’t be that guy. She's so into this and keeps asking, says she will do anything in return, It’s not about the sex, she can fuck other guys with me, but this going on dates thing, and worse the cuckold thing, it’s not for me. I mean I want to do it for her, she’s clearly into it. But I just can’t. So that’s leads back to the earlier questions, how do you guys do it? Was it just great from the start or did it take time? We’re there hurdles and arguments? I Don’t even know what I’m looking for here, just a sounding board I guess an I decide whether I can do this for her or not. Can you convince me we should continue?

Wow. In a hard place
Don't know what kind of advice anyone can give you. Valuable advice as each of us are different
Some will be extremely turned on
Some sickened
I believe you still love her
Ask her if she loves you. If yes talk
Counseling licensed sex therapist
I think you can work it out
Personally I haven't eaten a creampie YET. but also not married. So my views will vary
But reading your text got me excited
A little verbal abuse while I eat her out kinda turns me on

 

[Vincenzo]

I always thought I was open minded and adventurous but I think I’ve reached my limit. How do you guys do it? How can you watch your wife get fucked when you can’t even participate? How do you let her go out alone on a sex date? I’m not disparaging the lifestyle, I thought I wanted this but the reality is far from the fantasy.
We’re not inexperienced in terms of having sex with others. We started as swingers going to parties but it wasn’t really our scene so for 10 years or so we’ve been seeing other couples and occasionally singles just as friends with benefits. It’s always been really casual, we didn’t meet for sex, we met for dinner, or a movie or whatever and sometimes stuff happened and sometimes it didn’t. My wife would have sex on the bed right next to me and I was fine with that, yes I watched, yes I joined in, but I was with the woman at the same time, it was a real turn on, for her as well as me. She would often comment on how she was lucky to have me because I allowed her to explore her inner slut without judgment.
So… here’s where it gets messy. I guess as an evolution of what we were doing she wanted to explore the whole hotwife thing. She was following some couple on twitter and pretty much wanted to mimic their lifestyle minus posting on social media of course. She kept asking if she could go on dates with various men. I was open to listen but it was always a no. She was once away at a work conference and rang me and virtually begged me to let her fuck some guy she had met from one of their other offices. She was telling me how he was so into her and she promised to tell me everything. It made me hard but I still said no.
Her birthday falls in October and for the one just gone she kept begging me to let her do it even if it was only just once. I relented. I don’t know why. On the day I can’t explain how I felt, I was both aroused and disgusted. She had bought new lingerie, a new dress, she spent an hour doing her makeup just right, I mean she’s literally going just to fuck some guy but all the effort she put it turned me on… and disgusted me. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodbye because it would ruin her makeup.
Now when she got home, really really late, at 6am the next morning, I nearly threw up. I could see she was exhausted, her makeup was ruined, there was more than one cum stain on her new dress. It was obvious what happened. She told me she loved me and lead me to the bedroom. Now the sex was great, awesome in fact, but then it all came tumbling down. I was going down on her and she asked it I could taste him, WTF!!! We had an argument after that. She had let this guy fuck her without a condom, let him cum in her. She wasn’t even apologetic, and then the cuckold crap started. She kept telling me to get my loser tongue inside her and taste the other guy. It didn’t end well that night.
I love her to bits but I just can’t be that guy. She's so into this and keeps asking, says she will do anything in return, It’s not about the sex, she can fuck other guys with me, but this going on dates thing, and worse the cuckold thing, it’s not for me. I mean I want to do it for her, she’s clearly into it. But I just can’t. So that’s leads back to the earlier questions, how do you guys do it? Was it just great from the start or did it take time? We’re there hurdles and arguments? I Don’t even know what I’m looking for here, just a sounding board I guess an I decide whether I can do this for her or not. Can you convince me we should continue?

 

[Vincenzo]

I always thought I was open minded and adventurous but I think I’ve reached my limit. How do you guys do it? How can you watch your wife get fucked when you can’t even participate? How do you let her go out alone on a sex date? I’m not disparaging the lifestyle, I thought I wanted this but the reality is far from the fantasy.

We’re not inexperienced in terms of having sex with others. We started as swingers going to parties but it wasn’t really our scene so for 10 years or so we’ve been seeing other couples and occasionally singles just as friends with benefits. It’s always been really casual, we didn’t meet for sex, we met for dinner, or a movie or whatever and sometimes stuff happened and sometimes it didn’t. My wife would have sex on the bed right next to me and I was fine with that, yes I watched, yes I joined in, but I was with the woman at the same time, it was a real turn on, for her as well as me. She would often comment on how she was lucky to have me because I allowed her to explore her inner slut without judgment.

So… here’s where it gets messy. I guess as an evolution of what we were doing she wanted to explore the whole hotwife thing. She was following some couple on twitter and pretty much wanted to mimic their lifestyle minus posting on social media of course. She kept asking if she could go on dates with various men. I was open to listen but it was always a no. She was once away at a work conference and rang me and virtually begged me to let her fuck some guy she had met from one of their other offices. She was telling me how he was so into her and she promised to tell me everything. It made me hard but I still said no.

Her birthday falls in October and for the one just gone she kept begging me to let her do it even if it was only just once. I relented. I don’t know why. On the day I can’t explain how I felt, I was both aroused and disgusted. She had bought new lingerie, a new dress, she spent an hour doing her makeup just right, I mean she’s literally going just to fuck some guy but all the effort she put it turned me on… and disgusted me. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodbye because it would ruin her makeup.

Now when she got home, really really late, at 6am the next morning, I nearly threw up. I could see she was exhausted, her makeup was ruined, there was more than one cum stain on her new dress. It was obvious what happened. She told me she loved me and lead me to the bedroom. Now the sex was great, awesome in fact, but then it all came tumbling down. I was going down on her and she asked it I could taste him, WTF!!! We had an argument after that. She had let this guy fuck her without a condom, let him cum in her. She wasn’t even apologetic, and then the cuckold crap started. She kept telling me to get my loser tongue inside her and taste the other guy. It didn’t end well that night.

I love her to bits but I just can’t be that guy. She's so into this and keeps asking, says she will do anything in return, It’s not about the sex, she can fuck other guys with me, but this going on dates thing, and worse the cuckold thing, it’s not for me. I mean I want to do it for her, she’s clearly into it. But I just can’t. So that’s leads back to the earlier questions, how do you guys do it? Was it just great from the start or did it take time? We’re there hurdles and arguments? I Don’t even know what I’m looking for here, just a sounding board I guess an I decide whether I can do this for her or not. Can you convince me we should continue?

For us, it's been agreed upon that the other will be present. She has gone out and gotten tipsy and horny and msgd me to expect company. It has been our regular usually but a few times it has been a guy from the bar. It's our/my opinion that it's both of our pleasure, and if she goes on a date or fucks a guy without me present, it is now cheating. It's hard to give you advice, you have to guy with your gut, but I'd say with me or not at all 🤷‍♂️

 

[jsaltydog]

I always thought I was open minded and adventurous but I think I’ve reached my limit. How do you guys do it? How can you watch your wife get fucked when you can’t even participate? How do you let her go out alone on a sex date? I’m not disparaging the lifestyle, I thought I wanted this but the reality is far from the fantasy.

We’re not inexperienced in terms of having sex with others. We started as swingers going to parties but it wasn’t really our scene so for 10 years or so we’ve been seeing other couples and occasionally singles just as friends with benefits. It’s always been really casual, we didn’t meet for sex, we met for dinner, or a movie or whatever and sometimes stuff happened and sometimes it didn’t. My wife would have sex on the bed right next to me and I was fine with that, yes I watched, yes I joined in, but I was with the woman at the same time, it was a real turn on, for her as well as me. She would often comment on how she was lucky to have me because I allowed her to explore her inner slut without judgment.

So… here’s where it gets messy. I guess as an evolution of what we were doing she wanted to explore the whole hotwife thing. She was following some couple on twitter and pretty much wanted to mimic their lifestyle minus posting on social media of course. She kept asking if she could go on dates with various men. I was open to listen but it was always a no. She was once away at a work conference and rang me and virtually begged me to let her fuck some guy she had met from one of their other offices. She was telling me how he was so into her and she promised to tell me everything. It made me hard but I still said no.

Her birthday falls in October and for the one just gone she kept begging me to let her do it even if it was only just once. I relented. I don’t know why. On the day I can’t explain how I felt, I was both aroused and disgusted. She had bought new lingerie, a new dress, she spent an hour doing her makeup just right, I mean she’s literally going just to fuck some guy but all the effort she put it turned me on… and disgusted me. She wouldn’t even let me kiss her goodbye because it would ruin her makeup.

Now when she got home, really really late, at 6am the next morning, I nearly threw up. I could see she was exhausted, her makeup was ruined, there was more than one cum stain on her new dress. It was obvious what happened. She told me she loved me and lead me to the bedroom. Now the sex was great, awesome in fact, but then it all came tumbling down. I was going down on her and she asked it I could taste him, WTF!!! We had an argument after that. She had let this guy fuck her without a condom, let him cum in her. She wasn’t even apologetic, and then the cuckold crap started. She kept telling me to get my loser tongue inside her and taste the other guy. It didn’t end well that night.

I love her to bits but I just can’t be that guy. She's so into this and keeps asking, says she will do anything in return, It’s not about the sex, she can fuck other guys with me, but this going on dates thing, and worse the cuckold thing, it’s not for me. I mean I want to do it for her, she’s clearly into it. But I just can’t. So that’s leads back to the earlier questions, how do you guys do it? Was it just great from the start or did it take time? We’re there hurdles and arguments? I Don’t even know what I’m looking for here, just a sounding board I guess an I decide whether I can do this for her or not. Can you convince me we should continue?

If at all possible, try to make it work. As others have said, she will continue wanting sex with others and will do it with or without your approval. By make it work, therefore, I mean try to get into it. Enjoy your wife's sexuality and share her sexual adventures. Try to be a part of it instead of fighting it. I was in your situation. I wish that I had been more open minded and had embraced my wife's sexual desires. My life might have been more fulfilling had I embraced her lifestyle wishes. If you cannot make that adjustment, then you probably should consider ending the relationship now.