Questions about Anxiety and Jealousy

Anonymousrob84

Well-Known Member
Sep 23, 2020
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Hello all
I’ve posted on here off and on for the past few years, and after quite a long journey, my wife is beginning to take to the idea of being shared. She has a regular sexting buddy now that she really wants to actually meet.

I have a question for the wives and husbands who have been doing this for a while:
I really want to do this with her and for her. She has come alive again and she has recaptured that piece of herself that we both thought might have been lost. I love it. Our communication has never been better and we both have been completely honest from the beginning. I tell her my fears and concerns and she tells me hers. I read every conversation she has and even help to take pics and what not for her new sexting guy.

I guess my question is that I still have some fears and some inherent jealousy that I know is simply a part of the lifestyle. We are not at all into humiliation. We aren’t sure exactly what our dynamic is yet, as she has yet to actually be shared, but I think we are leaning toward stag/vixen.

How did those of you out there who are experienced deal with some of the fears and anxieties you felt before the first time?
 
Hello all
I’ve posted on here off and on for the past few years, and after quite a long journey, my wife is beginning to take to the idea of being shared. She has a regular sexting buddy now that she really wants to actually meet.

I have a question for the wives and husbands who have been doing this for a while:
I really want to do this with her and for her. She has come alive again and she has recaptured that piece of herself that we both thought might have been lost. I love it. Our communication has never been better and we both have been completely honest from the beginning. I tell her my fears and concerns and she tells me hers. I read every conversation she has and even help to take pics and what not for her new sexting guy.

I guess my question is that I still have some fears and some inherent jealousy that I know is simply a part of the lifestyle. We are not at all into humiliation. We aren’t sure exactly what our dynamic is yet, as she has yet to actually be shared, but I think we are leaning toward stag/vixen.

How did those of you out there who are experienced deal with some of the fears and anxieties you felt before the first time?
The anxiety i had was, "am i making the right decision on this? where is this going to take us? What if she does end up liking this guy more than me? will she lose respect for me? will he be better than me and then always compare? what if i open pandora's box? what if they become an item? will i ever be able to see her the same way again? will i lose respect for her? will i ever hold this over her head? will she come down on me?" there are a ton of things that will pop up that make you really reconsider if this is a good idea.

you both will have some anxiety about doing it because there is the unknown factor involved when you do something risky like this. you never really know how either one will react to it. our egos will tell us we will be one way, but when it becomes real then you see how you really act. I think for you and your wife if you both accept that there may be some jealousy and perhaps regret after, and then agree to discuss it afterwards there will be a bit of peace. being very open and honest. discussing your fears before hand will help after the fact. you also need to make sure there is a no judgment policy and instant forgiveness policy in place if things don't go as well as you hoped for. remember you are in this together. you are introducing a third party into your intimate life. one that doesn't have any history or the same concern for your marriage as you do.

When my wife finally did it I was both confident and a wreck. Both aroused, and devastated. in control, and completely helpless. you will be going into emotional overload for a while. the true test is when it finally happens, and you see how you actually both react. only then will you know for sure if you can handle it or not.

for me there are times i still feel sick to my stomach about it, but i walk into the fire and deal with it. My wife has sex alone with her one night stands. I am not involved in it at all. This is what we both prefer, and what makes us comfortable. she doesn't find bulls, she acts as if she is single and hits the clubs and bars. she prefers the slam bam thank you ma'am. As do I. we both fear of emotional connection happening as this is really the real problem we face.

you have to admit that we have to be completely insane to put ourselves in this situation which can be what causes the end of your marriage. over what? a fantasy? a kink?
 
The anxiety i had was, "am i making the right decision on this? where is this going to take us? What if she does end up liking this guy more than me? will she lose respect for me? will he be better than me and then always compare? what if i open pandora's box? what if they become an item? will i ever be able to see her the same way again? will i lose respect for her? will i ever hold this over her head? will she come down on me?" there are a ton of things that will pop up that make you really reconsider if this is a good idea.

you both will have some anxiety about doing it because there is the unknown factor involved when you do something risky like this. you never really know how either one will react to it. our egos will tell us we will be one way, but when it becomes real then you see how you really act. I think for you and your wife if you both accept that there may be some jealousy and perhaps regret after, and then agree to discuss it afterwards there will be a bit of peace. being very open and honest. discussing your fears before hand will help after the fact. you also need to make sure there is a no judgment policy and instant forgiveness policy in place if things don't go as well as you hoped for. remember you are in this together. you are introducing a third party into your intimate life. one that doesn't have any history or the same concern for your marriage as you do.

When my wife finally did it I was both confident and a wreck. Both aroused, and devastated. in control, and completely helpless. you will be going into emotional overload for a while. the true test is when it finally happens, and you see how you actually both react. only then will you know for sure if you can handle it or not.

for me there are times i still feel sick to my stomach about it, but i walk into the fire and deal with it. My wife has sex alone with her one night stands. I am not involved in it at all. This is what we both prefer, and what makes us comfortable. she doesn't find bulls, she acts as if she is single and hits the clubs and bars. she prefers the slam bam thank you ma'am. As do I. we both fear of emotional connection happening as this is really the real problem we face.

you have to admit that we have to be completely insane to put ourselves in this situation which can be what causes the end of your marriage. over what? a fantasy? a kink?
Yes. I would agree with almost everything you said. Now we have discussed quite a bit already, even though we haven’t even tried to meet someone yet, and we have decided that, at least in the beginning, I will always be there. You did voice my fears rather eloquently and accurately.
You are 100% in line with what my fears are. I am sure though that I want this to happen. I’m just trying to work through some of my issues.
 
The anxiety i had was, "am i making the right decision on this? where is this going to take us? What if she does end up liking this guy more than me? will she lose respect for me? will he be better than me and then always compare? what if i open pandora's box? what if they become an item? will i ever be able to see her the same way again? will i lose respect for her? will i ever hold this over her head? will she come down on me?" there are a ton of things that will pop up that make you really reconsider if this is a good idea.

you both will have some anxiety about doing it because there is the unknown factor involved when you do something risky like this. you never really know how either one will react to it. our egos will tell us we will be one way, but when it becomes real then you see how you really act. I think for you and your wife if you both accept that there may be some jealousy and perhaps regret after, and then agree to discuss it afterwards there will be a bit of peace. being very open and honest. discussing your fears before hand will help after the fact. you also need to make sure there is a no judgment policy and instant forgiveness policy in place if things don't go as well as you hoped for. remember you are in this together. you are introducing a third party into your intimate life. one that doesn't have any history or the same concern for your marriage as you do.

When my wife finally did it I was both confident and a wreck. Both aroused, and devastated. in control, and completely helpless. you will be going into emotional overload for a while. the true test is when it finally happens, and you see how you actually both react. only then will you know for sure if you can handle it or not.

for me there are times i still feel sick to my stomach about it, but i walk into the fire and deal with it. My wife has sex alone with her one night stands. I am not involved in it at all. This is what we both prefer, and what makes us comfortable. she doesn't find bulls, she acts as if she is single and hits the clubs and bars. she prefers the slam bam thank you ma'am. As do I. we both fear of emotional connection happening as this is really the real problem we face.

you have to admit that we have to be completely insane to put ourselves in this situation which can be what causes the end of your marriage. over what? a fantasy? a kink?
This is very accurate. Very well put. What we experienced as we went through the phases Bit of a rollercoaster at first and then you start enjoying the ride .
 
This is very accurate. Very well put. What we experienced as we went through the phases Bit of a rollercoaster at first and then you start enjoying the ride .
Exactly! It's best if she meets him and plays with him without your knowledge. That way when she finally tells you, it's too late to do anything about it, you will not have sat around during her date worried and jealous, and you will want to know all of the details and be turned on. Hopefully she plays a few times so you know she's in to it and she's going to keep doing it. If you've given her permission, tell her to be happy and then just get out of the way and let her enjoy "sexting" and flirting and finally meeting.

Mrs Hotwife
 
Exactly! It's best if she meets him and plays with him without your knowledge. That way when she finally tells you, it's too late to do anything about it, you will not have sat around during her date worried and jealous, and you will want to know all of the details and be turned on. Hopefully she plays a few times so you know she's in to it and she's going to keep doing it. If you've given her permission, tell her to be happy and then just get out of the way and let her enjoy "sexting" and flirting and finally meeting.

Mrs Hotwife
Thanks! We have decided that I will be present, at least in the beginning, though
 
I dated adn fucked hundred of men in college... When one got serious with me adn asked me to stop seeing , dating and fucking other men I would invite him over tie him to chair do a lap dance on his dick slwly sitting on it for a while then answer teh door I would pre arrange for 3-8 men friends to come over to fuck me senseless in front of him.. They always exceeded my hopes!!!! My dates/lovers learned not to ask or demand that I give up my other lovers.
 
I dated adn fucked hundred of men in college... When one got serious with me adn asked me to stop seeing , dating and fucking other men I would invite him over tie him to chair do a lap dance on his dick slwly sitting on it for a while then answer teh door I would pre arrange for 3-8 men friends to come over to fuck me senseless in front of him.. They always exceeded my hopes!!!! My dates/lovers learned not to ask or demand that I give up my other lovers.
While that is hot, this is something that neither of ilia have tried before so the nervousness I feel is probably pretty normal. At least I hope so.
 
To me the word jealousy should not come up. I can understand not knowing how it would play out and being anxious because of that.
But the one thing that I never felt was jealousy. If I thought I had an once of jealousy in me I would not have asked my wife to get into this lifestyle.
Yes I was nervous not knowing what I didn’t know. How would this turn out? Did my wife really want this? Would she hate me for putting her through this? All valid but never once was I jealous.
 
Thanks! We have decided that I will be present, at least in the beginning, though
Then you have to find a way to deal with all of those very real situations which you describe. Jealousy, anxiety, maybe even anger, sadness, all of those things you will feel if she ever agrees to go out on a date and you are sitting elsewhere. That makes the entire enterprise far less likely to occur. It's fine as fantasy too, as long as you both enjoy the fantasy.

Mrs Hotwife
 
Then you have to find a way to deal with all of those very real situations which you describe. Jealousy, anxiety, maybe even anger, sadness, all of those things you will feel if she ever agrees to go out on a date and you are sitting elsewhere. That makes the entire enterprise far less likely to occur. It's fine as fantasy too, as long as you both enjoy the fantasy.

Mrs Hotwife
Thanks so much for the advice. I think jealousy is the wrong word. You described how I was feeling much more accurately and succinctly.
 
Hello all
I’ve posted on here off and on for the past few years, and after quite a long journey, my wife is beginning to take to the idea of being shared. She has a regular sexting buddy now that she really wants to actually meet.

I have a question for the wives and husbands who have been doing this for a while:
I really want to do this with her and for her. She has come alive again and she has recaptured that piece of herself that we both thought might have been lost. I love it. Our communication has never been better and we both have been completely honest from the beginning. I tell her my fears and concerns and she tells me hers. I read every conversation she has and even help to take pics and what not for her new sexting guy.

I guess my question is that I still have some fears and some inherent jealousy that I know is simply a part of the lifestyle. We are not at all into humiliation. We aren’t sure exactly what our dynamic is yet, as she has yet to actually be shared, but I think we are leaning toward stag/vixen.

How did those of you out there who are experienced deal with some of the fears and anxieties you felt before the first time?
Hi! When my wife and I first started, we didn't know what a cuckold was, except for what we'd read in some older literature like Shakespeare, Othello and so on. What we did know was that we both turned on to the idea of her being taken by another man in the context of a threesome. She liked the idea of being taken by "new" men and being taken in front of me while I played a passive role and I wanted pretty much the same thing - over time I grew to love seconds with her. Seconds became my most sought after form of sex with my wife. I first I wanted to be there for the whole thing, but as we had a few guys over we came to like her enjoying the guy alone without me there to distract her. What she really liked was the idea of seducing married men and the guy losing control and cumming inside her. It was somewhat of a control thing! :)))) But first things first. We had a good marriage and talked all of this through. Although my wife likes married guys, neither of us wanted to see marriages coming apart as a result of us having fun. We agreed either one of us could call it off if we felt threatened by what the other one was doing. Our first experience was a threesome with a guy we found in a swinger's publication - a good looking man who had added a picture of all of him (not just his cock), discussed his situation and needs and visited our area once a month for work. We met him for cocktails, we "clicked" and then invited him over the next time he was in town. We played in our bedroom and when he was spent he went back to his hotel while I enjoyed silky seconds with my wife. We slept soundly but woke up horny! :) This was how we played at first and found our footing.

Two years later: My wife came to a point where she had emotional involvement with her boss. We agreed it wasn't a threat to our relationship as long as she could manage it - sex with the boss is something that needs to be thoroughly discussed before it is pursued..... She sometimes had to travel with him, so as the relationship developed they slept together in hotels on a regular basis. The sex she was having with him was very satisfying to her and I was always excited by it all. Kept me hard all the time at first! It went on for 9 years and over time I didn't get as anxious or excited when she was with him, but it always got me up when she came home. And it always got me up when she reminded me that another man's sperm was "swimming inside her right now!" We did discuss her being "exclusive to him," but we both liked fucking each other too much and the "exclusive" thing never happened.
 
Hi! When my wife and I first started, we didn't know what a cuckold was, except for what we'd read in some older literature like Shakespeare, Othello and so on. What we did know was that we both turned on to the idea of her being taken by another man in the context of a threesome. She liked the idea of being taken by "new" men and being taken in front of me while I played a passive role and I wanted pretty much the same thing - over time I grew to love seconds with her. Seconds became my most sought after form of sex with my wife. I first I wanted to be there for the whole thing, but as we had a few guys over we came to like her enjoying the guy alone without me there to distract her. What she really liked was the idea of seducing married men and the guy losing control and cumming inside her. It was somewhat of a control thing! :)))) But first things first. We had a good marriage and talked all of this through. Although my wife likes married guys, neither of us wanted to see marriages coming apart as a result of us having fun. We agreed either one of us could call it off if we felt threatened by what the other one was doing. Our first experience was a threesome with a guy we found in a swinger's publication - a good looking man who had added a picture of all of him (not just his cock), discussed his situation and needs and visited our area once a month for work. We met him for cocktails, we "clicked" and then invited him over the next time he was in town. We played in our bedroom and when he was spent he went back to his hotel while I enjoyed silky seconds with my wife. We slept soundly but woke up horny! :) This was how we played at first and found our footing.

Two years later: My wife came to a point where she had emotional involvement with her boss. We agreed it wasn't a threat to our relationship as long as she could manage it - sex with the boss is something that needs to be thoroughly discussed before it is pursued..... She sometimes had to travel with him, so as the relationship developed they slept together in hotels on a regular basis. The sex she was having with him was very satisfying to her and I was always excited by it all. Kept me hard all the time at first! It went on for 9 years and over time I didn't get as anxious or excited when she was with him, but it always got me up when she came home. And it always got me up when she reminded me that another man's sperm was "swimming inside her right now!" We did discuss her being "exclusive to him," but we both liked fucking each other too much and the "exclusive" thing never happened.
This seems like something incredibly erotic. I don’t like the idea of a boss and definitely not the exclusive idea but the whole situation sounds amazing. Thanks!
 
Hello all
I’ve posted on here off and on for the past few years, and after quite a long journey, my wife is beginning to take to the idea of being shared. She has a regular sexting buddy now that she really wants to actually meet.

I have a question for the wives and husbands who have been doing this for a while:
I really want to do this with her and for her. She has come alive again and she has recaptured that piece of herself that we both thought might have been lost. I love it. Our communication has never been better and we both have been completely honest from the beginning. I tell her my fears and concerns and she tells me hers. I read every conversation she has and even help to take pics and what not for her new sexting guy.

I guess my question is that I still have some fears and some inherent jealousy that I know is simply a part of the lifestyle. We are not at all into humiliation. We aren’t sure exactly what our dynamic is yet, as she has yet to actually be shared, but I think we are leaning toward stag/vixen.

How did those of you out there who are experienced deal with some of the fears and anxieties you felt before the first time?
Fears and jealousy = cuckolding not for you
 
We discussed her having a new cock" her boss was the first choice. Was younger and allways trying to get in her panties " we talked about it for months jurying sex. She got more horny while I told her 'how I'd like him to duck and fun in her.
 
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Thanks! We have decided that I will be present, at least in the beginning, though
We think you have made the correct decision here in this regard. Our first time was at our house one evening with my lifestyle best friend. It was my wife who initiated the play. As others here have stated, it was an emotional rollercoaster for me. On the one hand, it was an emotional high to watch another man's much larger penis enter my wife. To hear her moan in full enjoyment as she wrapped her legs around his back and kissed him passionately almost as if I were not in the room. To hear my best friend ask my wife where she wanted him to cum, and to hear her eagerly tell him not to stop and to cum inside her. Then to watch and hear them both climax and to see my friend fill my wife's fertile pussy with his cum load.

I was also scared of losing her, jealous, and a wreck myself as after they both climaxed, and then lay together, him still inside her, as they kissed in their own little bliss-filled world. To hear my wife tell Jeremy that he was amazing and how good he made her feel. I wanted to run my friend out of my house, I wanted to leave and crawl into a hole. I wondered if my wife would ever be content again with my small cock, or if she would leave to spend the rest of her life with Jeremy.

After what felt like many hours, but in reality, was more like a few minutes, Jeremy slid out of my wife as his cock lost its erection. My wife kissed me and told me thanks for allowing her to experience another man. She told me she loved sex with Jeremy but told me she needed me to make love to her. I felt victorious as I entered my wife and reclaimed her sexually.

That was close to 20 years ago, I have shared my wife with literally hundreds of other men since that first night. She has my complete permission and freedom to have sex with anyone she desires, and she has had a few times she has played with other men alone when I was not present. While she and I continue to talk about everything there are still times I get that feeling of jealousy in the pit of my stomach or feeling of fear of losing her. It is inevitable.

Would I change anything about our relationship? No, the emotions are all a part of the experience. If anything, the Lifestyle has brought us closer together and more in love with each other. I have no doubt that my wife will ring in the New Year with a strange cock pulsating and cumming deep inside her. But, on New Year's day, I will be in bed with my wife and it will be me who is making love to her.
 
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For men who are jealous: God, I was jealous the first time I saw my wife scream happily when she was fucked by my boyfriend. It tore inside me. But then I thought: hey, I love my wife just the way she is. And then I told myself: I could have this deep feeling only because she fucked strangers. That changed my position on jealousy significantly: Jealousy and love belong together and is a now beloved amplifier of my feeling of love for my wife.
 
The anxiety i had was, "am i making the right decision on this? where is this going to take us? What if she does end up liking this guy more than me? will she lose respect for me? will he be better than me and then always compare? what if i open pandora's box? what if they become an item? will i ever be able to see her the same way again? will i lose respect for her? will i ever hold this over her head? will she come down on me?" there are a ton of things that will pop up that make you really reconsider if this is a good idea.

you both will have some anxiety about doing it because there is the unknown factor involved when you do something risky like this. you never really know how either one will react to it. our egos will tell us we will be one way, but when it becomes real then you see how you really act. I think for you and your wife if you both accept that there may be some jealousy and perhaps regret after, and then agree to discuss it afterwards there will be a bit of peace. being very open and honest. discussing your fears before hand will help after the fact. you also need to make sure there is a no judgment policy and instant forgiveness policy in place if things don't go as well as you hoped for. remember you are in this together. you are introducing a third party into your intimate life. one that doesn't have any history or the same concern for your marriage as you do.

When my wife finally did it I was both confident and a wreck. Both aroused, and devastated. in control, and completely helpless. you will be going into emotional overload for a while. the true test is when it finally happens, and you see how you actually both react. only then will you know for sure if you can handle it or not.

for me there are times i still feel sick to my stomach about it, but i walk into the fire and deal with it. My wife has sex alone with her one night stands. I am not involved in it at all. This is what we both prefer, and what makes us comfortable. she doesn't find bulls, she acts as if she is single and hits the clubs and bars. she prefers the slam bam thank you ma'am. As do I. we both fear of emotional connection happening as this is really the real problem we face.

you have to admit that we have to be completely insane to put ourselves in this situation which can be what causes the end of your marriage. over what? a fantasy? a kink?
Very well written. This is the first thing most people should read.