Are fantasies always something you "really" want to happen, whether you admit it or not?

coastalkid

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Jul 26, 2016
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California, USA
Does a fantasy always have to be good? Does it have to be something "think" you “really” want to happen? Can it also be something you dread but it still excites you? It seems to me that something you dread is more of a nightmare in reality, so, not so much a "happy fantasy".

I've been reading and browsing the "Sex Fantasy Forum" section. I noticed many fantasies I read were simple (still very bold) things. They didn't have enough context for me get why that "turns their crank". I have had this "scene" in my head and it is all about the things sexually that I'm not certain about, the stuff I'm not sure I'd do. Then, in an instant, I'm thinking that if I'm dwelling on them is that because I secretly want the uncertain stuff?

I end up asking myself, "Is this a nightmare or a fantasy?" Just asking?
 
Fantasy-free minds are barren. When a woman told me that she never fantasizes, my first inclination was not to believe her. How is it possible not to fantasize? But as I am the equivalent of a psychological rat terrier, when I sniff out something interesting, I must rip my prey from its hiding place. I have insisted that the fantasy-free woman, as her open pussy spread before my mouth and tongue, reveal to me everything that floated through her mind as I was licking her to an orgasm. I wanted to know what images, what sensations, what feelings, what backdrops unfolded in her mind. What I found was that for such a woman, sex was, as it was for 99% non-human female mammals, just sensation. Most female mammals go into heat, which produces an itch-like irritation in their reproductive organs, which the male effectively scratches, and just as scratching an itch feels good, the sex feels good to the female animal. But there is only physical sensation.

So what I discovered, after much questioning and probing of many women, was that each woman falls on somewhere on a broad spectrum, where at one end no fantasy whatsoever plays out in the mind; and at the other end, reality contributes less than 1% to the sexual experience, the remaining 99% existing in a dream world. For example, some women have told me that they do fantasizes, it's just that the fantasy is identical with reality, her mind fills with the image of me eating her or me fucking her.

Moving a little further to the right, some women have described the vaguest fantasies; for example, she imagines a masked man raping her. I ask what does the man look like and she replies, "just a masked man." I persist, "Is he black or white or Asian? Is he even human or a vampire or a alien or a monster or a spirit? Is he short or tall, strong or frail, young or old, clean or dirty, bald or thick haired, are his hands smooth or rough, is his cock long or short, is fat or skinny, how hard is his cock, how hot is it against your skin, what color is its cock head, what does his breath smell like, how is he breathing, what is he saying, what does his voice sound like, deep or high, threatening or seductive, does he know you, why is he wearing a mask, is he someone you would recognize, is he hiding a handsome or ugly face under the mask, has he followed you, what is he wearing, where does he grab you, how does he overwhelm you, what prevents you from escaping, what are your surroundings, are you at home, in bed, elsewhere, outside or inside, who else is nearby, who is watching, who can help, do you want to be saved, what is he doing right now to your body, how are you positioned, what do you feel right now, is it shame, anger, fear, lust, embarrassment, anguish, pain, humiliation, degradation, ecstasy, bliss, delight, or do you feel soiled, dirtied, abused, violated, or do you feel sexually alluring, enthralling, is he raping you because he must, because your body compels him to, why is he raping you, what will he do when he is spent, what will you do?

And after the long interrogation, I was told that just some vague, anonymous masked man is raping her, nothing more. And I believe her. Imagination is like muscles, some are strong, others weak. Her imagination was feeble and pathetic, alas. The sad fact is that many take pride in their stodgy, turgid, tedious, and colorless imaginations. They see themselves as being solid, practical, constant, open-eyed, grounded in reality individuals. As far as I am concerned, however, the greatest poverty is that of imagination. And I don't just mean sex-related imagination.

I had girlfriend who fantasized exclusively about robots and aliens raping her. (I assumed that all the robots were male, but who knows). One women I knew had nothing but forced-public-nudity fantasies, where she was forced to strip naked and stand in front of a large window in a business building on a crowded street or that her house caught on fire and she escapes, standing naked with the crowd watching the fire be put out...

The fascinating thing is that what we find sexually stimulating is often something we cannot do; for example, all the men who think of nothing but lesbians licking the night away can never be a lesbian and the women lusting for robots that do not exist. I am sure that following the success of Harry Potter books, there are those who exclusively fantasize of having sex with centaurs.
 
Does a fantasy always have to be good? Does it have to be something "think" you “really” want to happen? Can it also be something you dread but it still excites you? It seems to me that something you dread is more of a nightmare in reality, so, not so much a "happy fantasy".

I've been reading and browsing the "Sex Fantasy Forum" section. I noticed many fantasies I read were simple (still very bold) things. They didn't have enough context for me get why that "turns their crank". I have had this "scene" in my head and it is all about the things sexually that I'm not certain about, the stuff I'm not sure I'd do. Then, in an instant, I'm thinking that if I'm dwelling on them is that because I secretly want the uncertain stuff?

I end up asking myself, "Is this a nightmare or a fantasy?" Just asking?
Like beauty it's in the eye of the beholder. One man's fantasy is another man's nightmare.
 
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I have a fantasy that a "Beautiful, Stunning, Gorgeous" woman ties me up and whips or canes my cock and balls. She would have to be the type that could grace the pages of high fashion mags or that 99% of people would agree is beautiful. I have seen some videos that are pretty graphic and there is no way to imagine that permanent damage isn't being done. In fact some of them show the damage afterwards and the bruising and bleeding seem real enough. I sometimes return to and masturbate to them while imagining myself in the position of the receiver, but I would never have the guts to allow that to happen and couldn't imagine enduring the pain.
To be clear, even if i were to be placed in this situation, I would not be a willing participant, but the idea of it, effed up as it is, is very stimulating to me.
 
I have a fantasy that a "Beautiful, Stunning, Gorgeous" woman ties me up and whips or canes my cock and balls. She would have to be the type that could grace the pages of high fashion mags or that 99% of people would agree is beautiful. I have seen some videos that are pretty graphic and there is no way to imagine that permanent damage isn't being done. In fact some of them show the damage afterwards and the bruising and bleeding seem real enough. I sometimes return to and masturbate to them while imagining myself in the position of the receiver, but I would never have the guts to allow that to happen and couldn't imagine enduring the pain.
To be clear, even if i were to be placed in this situation, I would not be a willing participant, but the idea of it, effed up as it is, is very stimulating to me.
Yeah, experiencing physical pain isn't something I'd want for a lifetime or lifestyle. I do understand the submissive nature of the appeal in that regard but achieving my sexual satisfaction with this kind of pain isn't something I fantasize about.

That said, I have masturbated to stories about submissive husbands being spanked to sobbing tears. I would never want that for myself but there is a curiosity in me that has a draw more about submitting to a wife. The pain is not the draw, submitting to a dominant wife is.

Like you, I could never imagine wanting physical pain or imagine that kind extreme punishment as something that would be a desirable lifestyle.
 
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I have talked to people who have acted on them and they ended up getting jealous and everthing went to hell and others who loved it. I met a couple who had a 3sum fmf and the wife divorced her husband because she realized that she liked eating pussy more than dealing with men. OUCH for the hubby.
Hence the notion, "Is this a fantasy or a nightmare?" Some fantasies are best left as just that only, a fantasy. The consequences of sharing a fantasy can be devastating if there is the slightest bit of being unsure of how your partner perceives the interest. Some of these extreme instances are not the kind of thing to be desired as "full time" lifestyle. Curiosity infers an unknown and that unknown often has far too many unintended outcomes.
 
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I have talked to people who have acted on them and they ended up getting jealous and everthing went to hell and others who loved it. I met a couple who had a 3sum fmf and the wife divorced her husband because she realized that she liked eating pussy more than dealing with men. OUCH for the hubby.
Fantasy or not you need to have total communication on both parts wants needs boundaries Total communication about everything. There is people on here saying this iscwhat im.doing he or shenwill.have to deal with it. THAT.IS TOTALLY WRONG AND WILL.LEADCTO SEVERE PROBLEMS FOR EVERYONE
 
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I have talked to people who have acted on them and they ended up getting jealous and everthing went to hell and others who loved it. I met a couple who had a 3sum fmf and the wife divorced her husband because she realized that she liked eating pussy more than dealing with men. OUCH for the hubby.
My guess is the woman agreed to a fmf because she was already strongly attracted to women and had been for awhile. More so then she felt attracted to men.
 
Does a fantasy always have to be good? Does it have to be something "think" you “really” want to happen? Can it also be something you dread but it still excites you? It seems to me that something you dread is more of a nightmare in reality, so, not so much a "happy fantasy".

I've been reading and browsing the "Sex Fantasy Forum" section. I noticed many fantasies I read were simple (still very bold) things. They didn't have enough context for me get why that "turns their crank". I have had this "scene" in my head and it is all about the things sexually that I'm not certain about, the stuff I'm not sure I'd do. Then, in an instant, I'm thinking that if I'm dwelling on them is that because I secretly want the uncertain stuff?

I end up asking myself, "Is this a nightmare or a fantasy?" Just asking?
Sometimes I fantasise that my girlfriend/lover (we don't live together) tells me that she has been seeing another guy and they are getting married. He will be moving in with her.
She confesses all this to me in the kitchen where we were having a cup of tea. She apologises and kisses me. She said I can go to the wedding if I want. And she offers to show me her sexy undies later that she will wear on her wedding night.
She says that to cheer me up right now she would wear her high boots and nothing else and kneeling in front of me, suck me off. I won't be able to fuck her as she's promised him that her cunt is just for him now. She shows me her cunt and pulls it open at my request and I think of the other man's spunk that it has contained and that had dripped out.
She then says she will lick my arse while I wank. She does this and I turn and cum on her face.

Sometimes I think of being at her wedding and watch her looking beautiful walking up the aisle with her new man. It's agony. She turns and smiles at me while I nurse a huge hard on.
 
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Sometimes I fantasise that my girlfriend/lover (we don't live together) tells me that she has been seeing another guy and they are getting married. He will be moving in with her.
She confesses all this to me in the kitchen where we were having a cup of tea. She apologises and kisses me. She said I can go to the wedding if I want. And she offers to show me her sexy undies later that she will wear on her wedding night.
She says that to cheer me up right now she would wear her high boots and nothing else and kneeling in front of me, suck me off. I won't be able to fuck her as she's promised him that her cunt is just for him now. She shows me her cunt and pulls it open at my request and I think of the other man's spunk that it has contained and that had dripped out.
She then says she will lick my arse while I wank. She does this and I turn and cum on her face.

Sometimes I think of being at her wedding and watch her looking beautiful walking up the aisle with her new man. It's agony. She turns and smiles at me while I nurse a huge hard on.
I'm not a cuck nor is my wife a hot wife. She knows I want it because I told her. She does tease me about it in bed, usually to get me to cum. Sometimes I think she does it just to get me to finish because once she starts in with the stories I don't last long. Her stories have gotten progressively better over time too!

Instead of her doing all the "dirty talk", I shared this with her last time we fucked. One of my favorites is her finally allowing me to witness her riding on a big cock. Her stories are often about finding big cocks on her walks through the neighborhood so, big cocks are within walking distance, how convenient. So, my story dovetails with hers with my twist.

She tells me that she'll finally give in and let me see her with a big cock but only for a few seconds and then I'm to wait in the living room watching TV. I understand and I'm willing to take whatever I can get! She gets herself ready and goes to the bedroom and tells me to get the door when he arrives. She tells me that when he gets there let him in and direct him to the bedroom, she'll call out to me when she's ready for me to see, otherwise watch TV and don't bother her.

Minutes later there's a knock on the door. I don't recognize his face when he says, "Hello neighbor!" He's my age, maybe a little taller, in much better shape! I point to the bedroom and tell him she's waiting for you. I see him walk down the hall, open and close the door behind him. I resist the urge to wait by the door and listen and return to my TV baby sitter.

A few minutes later she calls out through the closed door. I sprint to the door! I open it and she's sitting up on his thighs facing me "cowgirl style". I can't tell if he's inside her or not. I notice her chin is shiny with saliva. She puts her finger up to her lips to tell me not to talk. She raises her hips and I can see he's not in her yet. His huge cock and his feet and legs are all I can see of him. I notice she dripping wet. She is literally dripping! She never gets wet for me. We always use lube and I can tell there's none on her pussy.

She locks her eyes on mine, grabs the cock and swabs it back and forth at her opening. Her eyes kind of roll as she ever so slowly sinks on his cock and rests on his balls. She takes a couple rides to adjust and crooks her finger to come closer. When I'm close she whispers, "Baby, he's touching a place you never will! Now go and wait in living room and close the door behind you please."

I go back to my TV show and wait.
 
Short answer: No
Longer answer: I would say that a fantasy is neither something one wants or don't want, in the beginning. It becomes something you want to happen IRL when you start to think that you want it to happen.
But what we want and don't want isn't the important question, in my opinion. The important questions comes after you start to think that you would like to experience it for real:
  • SHOULD I try to make it reality?
  • Can I HANDLE IT?
  • Am I READY for possible effects?
  • Do I know myself enough and have a good understanding and control of my feelings and emotional life?
When you can answer those questions is where you begin to be able to separate those fantasies that you might make real, and those that should stay strictly a fantasy. But even then there are no guarantees.
 
Some people are lucky to have found a compatible partner! I’m not suggesting that there isn’t work that accompanies that luck. It’s just that having a partner that is open minded and nonjudgmental is a huge game changer! Believe me, you are blessed!
Most of it is really down to luck. Because there really is no way to tell once you start going out with them. It’s not a conversation that occurs until you are really committed to each other. Than when you do. It’s hard to gauge what their answer will be on the matter. So essentially, I believe it’s nearly impossible to go out and find a new Hotwife, unless she is already an existing one. In general, you mold them around your fantasies once they agree to be shared. And if they really love you, there is a high chance she will do it for you provided she is open minded and comfortable in her own skin. On a personal level, my fantasies have been quite conservative so it has not been hard for my wife to accommodate them. She was making sex videos in Japan/Thailand before she met me, I only found out after I started sharing her. So the seed was planted before I arrived on the scene. To my wife, having sex with different men is one of the easiest things she can do for me. She has said being a mother will be much harder. Sex and being shared with different men to her is just for pleasure and she doesn’t take it too seriously.
 
Short answer: No
Longer answer: I would say that a fantasy is neither something one wants or don't want, in the beginning. It becomes something you want to happen IRL when you start to think that you want it to happen.
But what we want and don't want isn't the important question, in my opinion. The important questions comes after you start to think that you would like to experience it for real:
  • SHOULD I try to make it reality?
  • Can I HANDLE IT?
  • Am I READY for possible effects?
  • Do I know myself enough and have a good understanding and control of my feelings and emotional life?
When you can answer those questions is where you begin to be able to separate those fantasies that you might make real, and those that should stay strictly a fantasy. But even then there are no guarantees.
Couldn't agree more. The idea (fantasy) of your wife can be a very erotic and sensual concept. But the reality is very different. I experienced it myself that first time even though I thought I was ready and wanted it. Not to mention talking it out with my wife and her feelings as well as excitement about it. Then first time I stood and watched her take another man's cock in her hand, guide it in to her pussy, and then slowly lower herself on to him it was an incredible thrill. I mentioned in other threads that I call this the point of no return. I had to decide in that moment to let go of put a stop to it. If you are a husband who thinks he wants to see his wife with other men then in my opinion you need to think it ALL the way through. The emotions and ego will come up along with that tinge of jealousy so you want to be as prepared as you can for that swell of uncertainty in the heat of the moment. I was ready, stayed in control and have never regretted a moment and that was almost 25 years ago.
 
Does a fantasy always have to be good? Does it have to be something "think" you “really” want to happen? Can it also be something you dread but it still excites you? It seems to me that something you dread is more of a nightmare in reality, so, not so much a "happy fantasy".

I've been reading and browsing the "Sex Fantasy Forum" section. I noticed many fantasies I read were simple (still very bold) things. They didn't have enough context for me get why that "turns their crank". I have had this "scene" in my head and it is all about the things sexually that I'm not certain about, the stuff I'm not sure I'd do. Then, in an instant, I'm thinking that if I'm dwelling on them is that because I secretly want the uncertain stuff?

I end up asking myself, "Is this a nightmare or a fantasy?" Just asking?
I really want to take my first cock in the ass! I am bi but have only done oral.
 
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