Getting my hotwife back into hotwifing ?

[Diesel88]

I know you guys like a story so I’ll try and include a few juicy details:
So our hotwifing lifestyle started with a mutual text conversation with a like minded friend .. though I had wanted it to start well before that lol chance just kinda happened and he started flirting with her via text and she actually really enjoyed it .. (before then she had said no to the idea of anyone else ) I’m not sure exactly how this flirting started but it was all with my permission. the flirting quickly turned to suggestive messages about the both of us giving her pleasure .. she seemed to love this idea and it escalated to swapping nudes with him etc. when we finally decided to give it a go it was under the agreement that we were all just catching up and whatever happened happened .. she didn’t want to be pushed into anything which is understandable. For our first catch up she wore this kinky school skirt which we now call her naughty skirt (she would wear it whenever we had a catch up with someone she was willing to fuck) after a few drinks and my friend making the comment that “he wouldn’t take a shot of tequila unless he could chase it with tasting her pussy” things were under way .. from there we ended up with a couple of mutual friends I would share her with and then quickly moved to searching online where we found her more partners .. some of which we had 3ways with and some that she had encounters with alone and sent me pictures and descriptions (I should add .. I’m not a classic cuckold , I’m not sure what I am .. I enjoy sharing my wife , watching her with other men and her having encounters with other men and sending me photos and videos but ONLY people we have both agreed upon .. not sure what that makes me lol but we would have encounters where I was there watching , joining in , or also encounters where I was at work and receiving pictures and videos or stories about how she had just jerked him off under the covers on the lounge because his friends were there .. this was the most erotic moment of our lives and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other ..
this all came to a screaming halt when she crossed the line with someone without my permission, consent and permission were the foundation of our lifestyle so I was pretty broken .. we decided to stay together but put that lifestyle on hold for a short while .. that short while has now been 4 years .. we now have a 2 year old daughter and I’m itching to get back into it .. the issue is that when I bring it up it’s always a “maybe” or if she says yes it’s strictly with the one person we started with and if I’m honest it sounds like she’s agreeing more for me than her ... how do I get my former hotwife who loved the lifestyle to bring her spark back ? I don’t want her to just do it for me I want my sexy hotwife back .. is this possible or should I just settle for the fact that time has passed ?

 

[2wheel]

not sure what that makes me

we decided to stay together

You are what I call a "hotwife husband"

The second part is where I think your restart issue lies. I seems like you didn't discuss it as a 'misdemeanor' and fix it, it sounds like you prosecuted it like a 'felony'. I can see her reluctance to restart for fear that it may happen again and the 'felony' penalty will be separation and divorce.

 

[Hwcouple702]

Those rules are killers for a wife. Just let her have fun with who she wants or if she enjoys "cheating" and you find out...who cares? She's having fun and you really don't need to know everything she is doing at that specific time. If it's turning into a relationship then it's a problem. If it's just sex, then let her call the shots and she will be back in to it when she's ready to do so on her terms.

HW

 

[verkitwme]

Communication is the KEY. let her know you want her to be a hotwife but not to do anything without keeping you in the loop.

 

[2wheel]

Communication is the KEY. let her know you want her to be a hotwife but not to do anything without keeping you in the loop.

You must be using our playbook. I'm involved in most every encounter and can vary from 'approval' to cleanup. Only once did she 'stray' from this, of course it took a while to get our 'sea legs'. But it's smooth sailing.

In my wildest dream did I ever think Id' say it's smooth sailing having my beloved wife fuck other men. But here we, I think it's called evolution.

 

[dennisrouvy]

I'm in the same boat (speaking of sea legs). My wife did all sorts of crazy things when we first married and then we had a lovely daughter (8 years ago) and I can understand my wife's reluctance with a new child, but she eventually turned everything off when it comes to even mentioning what we used to do. At least she used to get a pretty hot and heavy massage after giving birth and tell me about which was ok by me if that's all it was going to be. But now, it's even taboo to mention what we did...a real bummer.

Really trying to get things going again....hope it works for you.

 

[dennisrouvy]

👆 Now that's well said and sage advice.

 

[verkitwme]

So many husbands try and try, badger and suggest for years to get their wives to take the plunge. Then when she agrees, these guys want to make the rules and have things done according to their rules. Once a wife has decided and the rules have been set, then that's just the beginning. In the end, this isn't just about whatever the husband's fantasy is but it's about fulfilling her fantasies and pleasures. The "rules" are essential guidelines to start the journey, but she needs to be free to indulge her desires as she becomes more experienced. If she finds a guy who really pleases her and she pleases him, then that's way preferable to many normal scenes where some guy who you just met plays with her but doesn't really do it for her. That is probably more the norm in this lifestyle than many guys all pleasing her with each encounter. Within reasonable boundaries she must be allowed to indulge her desires. Clearly that doesn't include "relationships" which endanger the marriage. After all, most of you husbands wanted this and now that she is doing it and enjoying it, many of you can't stand not being in control. You aren't. You created this now live with it and enjoy it by knowing she is enjoying herself as are the guys who are playing with her. Clearly she is getting something else she desires if she is getting regular sex from another guy. As long as your relationship is strong then just roll with it. Sometimes the wives enjoy that autonomy and the knowledge that they are in charge and doing something tawdry, forbidden and satisfying. As the OP has found out (along with many others on this forum) YOUR rules where YOU make the decisions will get old for her and it often results in her no longer being interested in hotwifing. Is that what you really want for her? If so, then stop pestering her about returning to the lifestyle. If you want her to continue after this situation then just apologize, let her know it's a growing process and just leave her with the knowledge that she is free to do as she pleases but you would like to be a part of it as much as possible. Sometimes threesomes, sometimes setting up her dates, sometimes cleanup, sometimes you don't know anything about it but you get the excitement of wonder what she's doing on those business trips or when you're gone to work. That knowledge that she is totally turned on by the thought of getting together with a playmate who pleasures her in a way you can't. It's natural. Wondering who's seed is left behind inside her when you go down on her. FWIW

HW

IT took me two years of hubby's instance to "take the plunge" wish I had done it sooner. Best move of my life !!!

 

[Diesel88]

thanks for all the advice I should mention that our ground rules were agreed that she was free to pursue who she wanted we would all meet up for a chat drinks etc and go from there .. if we both gave the green light on the person she was free to talk catch up with him whenever as long as she was open with me and on many occasions she would go and hang out with a guy then tell me afterwards what happened take vids and pics for me .. it was hot af and I didn’t have an issue with it at all, we did the initial meets together so that neither of us would be uncomfortable, It wasn’t so much I was choosing her partners for her .. she always had final say .. but if I didn’t like the vibe or energy of someone And thought they were untrustworthy I would shut it down, the crossing the line part wasn’t that she did something without asking me first .. it was that we had previously met with this person and I could tell straight off the bat that he would become a problem if she pursued him so I said no to it .. she then went behind my back and did it anyway .. surprise surprise he became a problem when she wouldn’t do it again and he threatened to try and expose our lifestyle to the public lol .. i know there’s different levels to this lifestyle (well I do now) I didn’t even really know it had a name or what it was .. it was just something we did that turned us both on lol .. for us what worked was open communication and both of us agreeing on partners for her that’s the way we both wanted it .. unfortunately this little snag kinda brought it to a halt and it was my fault .. i was still kinda new to the lifestyle and I took it pretty hard ..
so you think I should address the situation with her and apologise for it ?

 

[Diesel88]

yeah It wasn’t often that I said no but if I did it was for good reason, I feel like originally we took time off from it because of her guilt and she was reluctant to dive back in after such a massive set back now I think it’s just that it’s been so long she doesn’t have the desire anymore .. I made a joke to her yesterday about my sexy hotwife making an appearance again and she DID say never say never lol so fingers crossed I guess, maybe she just needs to stumble on the right person to bring her back in .. as I said in the initial post we kinda fell into the lifestyle when my friend started flirting with her .. the original friend we started with has tried again but she just kinda fobs him off apart from the occasional light flirting lol .. honestly not surprised lol she’s fucked him so many times it’s probably gotten a little boring for her being pursued by him over and over .. but stumbling across the right person a second time ? Once in a million chance I think 🤦‍♂️

 

[2wheel]

Everyone's story here has some thread of commonality. BUT each it distinctly different.
The one thing that is true throughout, SHE WHO HAS THE PUSSY IS IN CHARGE!!

• I badgered her for years until she finally gave in to 'shut me up', she took to it like a duck to water - 18 months 100+ different partners, many repeats - 2 GBs
• She was a slut when younger (many years before we met) having had 500+ men
• We did set some basic ground rules - some for my peace of mind, some for hers, some for ours

• I am involved in every encounter from an OK to participation sans one (me)
• We play at home (us)
• I don't like kissing - she keeps it to a minimum (me)
• I don't do any setup (her)
• No connection with partners - it's just for sex (us)
• She does bareback only (us)
• No long cocks (her)
• She won't tell me about her sexual past (her)
• Groups are OK (us)
• Race or age isn't an issue (us)
• She occasionally parties with her bestie who is also a HW - I'm not allowed any involvement only after the fact details (her)
• No humiliation (us)
• No anal (her)

What works for us may not work for anyone else.