Stepping back objectively, I don’t think we’re a good match at all.
I’m 37, she’s 25 and the age difference can make things challenging.
When we’re out for drinks with her friends, I try to fit in, and at least look younger than I am. But I feel intimidated, like a total outsider, like I’m trying too hard. And they’re artist types, and I’m sure to them, I’m just this older boring business guy who inexplicably is with their friend.
She’s also native-American, and while her family’s been welcoming, they still have to think of me as the new older white man dating their .......
And she’s active and outdoorsy, which I am, to a degree. But she was a tomboy through high school. She’d go out after-school and shoot coyotes with some guy friends. She opened rodeos at 15, by riding a lap around the stadium on a horse and carrying a flag.
And her past boyfriends were all rugged, strong men. One guy was in the military. Another worked in construction.
My gf will say she’s never dated anyone like me before. And that I make her laugh like no past bf’s have. And that our convos can be so intellectually stimulating.
But she’s 25, and likes to party/drink. And she can be very fun and friendly, particularly when buzzed. (Which is how I met her).
At some point, I feel she’s going to wake up and say WTF am I doing with this boring-ass loser. And realize she wants a real man again. And an alpha-male cock again, who can give her the fucking she craves and deserves.
I never expected a girl like her would ever go for me. I’m thin/decent-looking, but she’s the hottest girl I’ve ever been with. Perfect face, great natural tits, toned ass, etc.
I didn’t think we’d make it past a second date and was stunned when she starting talking about moving in with me.
But after moving in w/me last January, she’s now made it clear she’s thinking marriage.
Yes, objectively, I can ask myself, “do I really want to rush into marriage and be divorced in a couple years for now my second time.”
But I do freaking love her, cherish her, and head-over-heels for her. And I’ll never score such a beautiful girl again. So, I’m planning to propose to her in the new year.
But I’m also insecure as f*ck right now. Which is probably why I want to show off her pics/vids while sucking off alpha male cock.
So, will my cock-sucking desire go away once I’m engaged or married?
In the short term, probably not. Though maybe another mind-blowing cock-sucking experience could tamper the compulsion for a while.
Like after I divorced, I completely lost any interest, and the desire only really came back after my gf moved in with me.
So, it can recede and come back, and presumably recede again. Like maybe I’ll lose interest in the first couple years of marriage, and be more successful fighting off the thoughts after that.
But right now, I’m just hoping to meet an alpha-male and show off my girl and suck cock before I propose/get engaged.
If there were opportunity to continue sucking cock and showing her off while engaged, I'm pretty sure I'd be back on my knees. But ultimately, and perhaps wishful thinking, I do think my desire to be used/humbled/cock-slapped is just a phase.
