34m/31f We've been together 5 years and just got married early this year. She had limited dating experience and almost no sexual experience when we met. Since our relationship started she's developed a healthy sex drive, she definitely has a submissive side, but she's still a bit shy/clumsy in the bedroom. She has trouble communicating what she wants, knowing what to say, and how to act. She still gets a bit tense during penetration (she relaxes after a couple minutes). To use her words, she "can't get out of her own head" during sex. In contrast, I have a lot of sexual history and I think the difference sometimes makes her self conscious.
Almost two years ago I started to become interested in this lifestyle (not sure if I'm a cuck or stag. I am fairly submissive). I (stupidly) confessed it to my wife after just a couple months. As expected, she was caught off guard. She wasn't repulsed or anything, but she found the whole thing very strange. Discussing it did give a great boost to our sex life (we've had some dry spells), and eventually she did admit she was attracted to a coworker of hers.
Obviously he's not a great option, but we were able to use that as a way to explore the fantasy a little. She admitted she talked about him with some girls at work (guessing how big he must be), she had played with herself thinking about him a couple times, and occasionally after a few drinks she'd talk about him a little more openly to me ("he seems like he'd be rough"). Once she even went out drinking with some coworkers and by the end of the night it was just the two of them. She later admitted she was tempted to kiss him, but obviously didn't. That night, though, when she came home she did get really loud during sex when I prompted her to say his name.
I thought we were making good progress, then I (again, stupidly) showed her a post I made on reddit. It wasn't anything bad, just sharing some feelings I had on the lifestyle. I hoped letting her read it would give her a better understanding of where I was coming from. The next day she sent me a text basically saying "I partake in this for you, but I don't ever actually want to do this." She also said, while she finds her coworker attractive, all the talk made things a bit awkward since, well, she still sees him everyday.
In the year since then, I've mostly avoided bringing up the topic. Her attraction to the coworker is largely faded because she finds him infuriatingly stupid. Once in a blue moon she'll bring up the lifestyle, mostly teasing me about it (she recently told me about an erotic dream she had about a celebrity. She talked about how hot it was to "feel" his muscles and she remembers telling him "my husband would probably be ok with this."). Sadly, our sex life began to suffer again for several months.
Recently, however, I've tried to turn things around. I keep re-reading the message she sent me when she initially rejected the idea and I've started to realize: first and foremost *I* need to be her "bull." I need to make a greater effort in helping her feel sexy and confident in the bedroom. It's been a work in progress but our sex left has been great the last few weeks. I bought her some lingerie she genuinely likes (she doesn't have a lot of sexy clothing). I bought her some toys that she *really* likes. And just in general I've been better about flirting with her and reminding her how hot she is.
The lifestyle is something I still want to explore, and I've been keeping notes about some feelings I'd like to eventually discuss with her. I've tried to tell myself this will probably never happen, and if it does it'll take a few years, but I do sincerely think it's something she would have fun with if she ever wanted to explore.
Thanks to anyone who actually read all that lol. Any feedback is appreciated.
Almost two years ago I started to become interested in this lifestyle (not sure if I'm a cuck or stag. I am fairly submissive). I (stupidly) confessed it to my wife after just a couple months. As expected, she was caught off guard. She wasn't repulsed or anything, but she found the whole thing very strange. Discussing it did give a great boost to our sex life (we've had some dry spells), and eventually she did admit she was attracted to a coworker of hers.
Obviously he's not a great option, but we were able to use that as a way to explore the fantasy a little. She admitted she talked about him with some girls at work (guessing how big he must be), she had played with herself thinking about him a couple times, and occasionally after a few drinks she'd talk about him a little more openly to me ("he seems like he'd be rough"). Once she even went out drinking with some coworkers and by the end of the night it was just the two of them. She later admitted she was tempted to kiss him, but obviously didn't. That night, though, when she came home she did get really loud during sex when I prompted her to say his name.
I thought we were making good progress, then I (again, stupidly) showed her a post I made on reddit. It wasn't anything bad, just sharing some feelings I had on the lifestyle. I hoped letting her read it would give her a better understanding of where I was coming from. The next day she sent me a text basically saying "I partake in this for you, but I don't ever actually want to do this." She also said, while she finds her coworker attractive, all the talk made things a bit awkward since, well, she still sees him everyday.
In the year since then, I've mostly avoided bringing up the topic. Her attraction to the coworker is largely faded because she finds him infuriatingly stupid. Once in a blue moon she'll bring up the lifestyle, mostly teasing me about it (she recently told me about an erotic dream she had about a celebrity. She talked about how hot it was to "feel" his muscles and she remembers telling him "my husband would probably be ok with this."). Sadly, our sex life began to suffer again for several months.
Recently, however, I've tried to turn things around. I keep re-reading the message she sent me when she initially rejected the idea and I've started to realize: first and foremost *I* need to be her "bull." I need to make a greater effort in helping her feel sexy and confident in the bedroom. It's been a work in progress but our sex left has been great the last few weeks. I bought her some lingerie she genuinely likes (she doesn't have a lot of sexy clothing). I bought her some toys that she *really* likes. And just in general I've been better about flirting with her and reminding her how hot she is.
The lifestyle is something I still want to explore, and I've been keeping notes about some feelings I'd like to eventually discuss with her. I've tried to tell myself this will probably never happen, and if it does it'll take a few years, but I do sincerely think it's something she would have fun with if she ever wanted to explore.
Thanks to anyone who actually read all that lol. Any feedback is appreciated.
