She's afraid she'll fall in love

[unknownkinker]

Hi guys,

I've talked to my wife on couple of occasions about stag/vixen kind of lifestyle and the deal breaker seems to be here:
She says she needs an emotional connection in order to fuck somebody and doesn't want to be tempted with all these other guys. It's maybe not the first or second guy that's she's worried about but later down the road some 10th guy comes along and she falls in love... What then?
In the current situation she doesn't want to risk it :/
She said I won't be your hotwife but hotfriend if we do stuff like that haha

Anybody know how to go around that one since it's a pretty valid point?

 

[Viet-play]

Yes, interested to hear responses

 

[digitalzoom1]

Hi guys,

I've talked to my wife on couple of occasions about stag/vixen kind of lifestyle and the deal breaker seems to be here:
She says she needs an emotional connection in order to fuck somebody and doesn't want to be tempted with all these other guys. It's maybe not the first or second guy that's she's worried about but later down the road some 10th guy comes along and she falls in love... What then?
In the current situation she doesn't want to risk it :/
She said I won't be your hotwife but hotfriend if we do stuff like that haha

Anybody know how to go around that one since it's a pretty valid point?

Yes it's a valid point as most wives need an emotional attachment to trust a man using her body and the more they fuck the more the attachment, if it's a one night stand it will be hot for her but won't have the full potential a ongoing relationship will have, so as a husband if you want her to get the most out of it you must expect her to love him and trust him even to the point of wanting to carry his child, for some that is a very strong feeling,, my wife has had 3 longterm lovers and countless one night stands,the difference between them is amazing, one guy fucked her for 20 years so as you would expect he was on an equal footing as me, she had been sterilised so carrying their children wasn't an option for her,so yes she has loved them all and still does the last one although circumstance means they haven't had sex for over 4 years they are still in contact every day several times a day so are just waiting until the physical side of their love can start again.

 

[SmallHubbyTexas]

My wife needs the emotional attachment as well. I knew going in she would have feelings for the other man. We are at 4.5 years in this lifestyle and she has 3 boyfriends and she loves all 3. I am ok with that, she still loves me, I love her and we are still married. They are boyfriends and I am her husband.

 

[curioushusband0]

During the initial conversation where I explained to my wife her having sex with a good looking guy with a big dick, she explained why would she stay with me if she is getting this amazing sex with this good looking guy. She said these things out of being in the angry and hurt stage that I would “share her”. The reality is, you have to know your relationship. Personally I am a a very good looking guy, in great shape, (wife and I are the same age), we have so much fun together, we have a lot in common, we have (3) kids together we are raising and I have a very good career…chances of her actually liking the other guy so much she would leave me is so small that it doesn’t concern me that much. That might sound arrogant to some but I just don’t see my wife ever having a situation where she would divorce me publicly and move on, thus breaking apart our family. Plus she wouldn’t want everyone to know we had some kind of open marriage.

 

[du_sabot]

Yea, I think it depends on the women but my wife is the same way. The difference is she is married to me and we have kids. She’s not going to fuck that up. She loves some of her boyfriends but it’s more of a friend love then a I want to marry you love

 

[curioushusband0]

Yea, I think it depends on the women but my wife is the same way. The difference is she is married to me and we have kids. She’s not going to fuck that up. She loves some of her boyfriends but it’s more of a friend love then a I want to marry you love

Exactly, I think men that have been married for years and have kids with their wife are more solidified in their relationship. If the wife comes to an understanding that this is something to make them happier, then it’s a bonus in the relationship.

 

[unknownkinker]

I would tend to agree with you @curioushusband0. Only problem is I'm not that worried but she is.
How did you project that so she feels safe? (or I'm in a bad position in her mind and only a small step up would be enough haha)

 

[curioushusband0]

I would tend to agree with you @curioushusband0. Only problem is I'm not that worried but she is.
How did you project that so she feels safe? (or I'm in a bad position in her mind and only a small step up would be enough haha)

Well, I would analyze my situation…it sounds like you’re married. Do you have kids? Are you good looking? Do you make good money? How likely could she do better than you? Lots we would want to know so that we can address her concern/rebuttal.

I would explain that sex has different aspects. Sometimes it’s making love, sometimes it’s sensual and lusty, other times it’s just fucking. Tell her it’s not love, that’s reserved for your relationship.

If that’s not an option, ask her what would work. How could she see it happening? Ask her to brainstorm a solution with you.

Is there a celebrity she would bang? If she would bang them without knowing them, then why not bang a good looking stranger with a big dick without a connection?

You could ask, hey what if we had a guy come over and hang out, then you just jerk him off. Essentially starting soft and slow in this process. Lower risk for you both. Say hey let’s try this and just see if we enjoy it. Then as you gain some experience, you can determine if she would actually fall in love if she had sex with someone. That way you’re working around the stoppage point of, “if I have sex I might fall in love” but you’re also taking some steps.

 

[unknownkinker]

Thanks for the nice writeup!

We have kids yes, I am good looking and make plenty of money so we should be fine in that area.
Problem is she's very hot and most of the guys who see her would like to hmhm jump on the booty train Which is flattering for me ofc but at the same time you're now dealing with rich and spoiled guys potentially who can afford stuff that you as a "regular" ($300k+) salary guy simply cannot follow.

She did say that is she clicked with someone on all levels etc etc would be very hard for her to disconnect and regardless of the kids it would be bye bye since what kids essentially need is happy parents.

I'll try to ease it in by going out and encouraging her to look as sexy as she can be. We'll see what will evolve from that one.

 

[Submissivedanny]

My wife was the same. She has to have an emotional connection. She tried a few guys then she met a guy that she really fell in love with. She loves him very much and they fuck a couple times a week and even go away on weekend or for a weeks vacation. While she loves him she also loves me and said she will never leave me. It has worked out very well. I am friends with her lover and sometimes we do things together. I think the key is my wife is allowed to see him whenever she wants and go away with him whenever she wants. She says she has the best of both worlds. She has a lover that satisfies her sexually and a husband that loves her and does all the cooking and chores at home.

 

[curioushusband0]

My wife was the same. She has to have an emotional connection. She tried a few guys then she met a guy that she really fell in love with. She loves him very much and they fuck a couple times a week and even go away on weekend or for a weeks vacation. While she loves him she also loves me and said she will never leave me. It has worked out very well. I am friends with her lover and sometimes we do things together. I think the key is my wife is allowed to see him whenever she wants and go away with him whenever she wants. She says she has the best of both worlds. She has a lover that satisfies her sexually and a husband that loves her and does all the cooking and chores at home.

Do you have kids?

 

[Submissivedanny]

Do you have kids?

No kids at home

 

[Crag Hack]

Many of my girlfriends were afraid of this but if what you're talking about happens you will discover many wonderful experiments for each other's pleasure! Just say that this can make her for you more desired and loved

 

[DaveS]

My wife has an older lover she has been seeing for about 18 months now. I have seen how their relationships has changed from her just wanting him to fuck her to her now caring for him. I would not say she loves him but she does have strong feelings for him. It is natural for that to happen when he fucks her and cums in her so often. The good thing is we can talk about her feelings and mine. She is clear she doesn't want another husband. We both agree having feelings for others is fine as long as we are honest about them with each other. I ask her if she loves him she say no but I do love his cock

 

[Memories4Us]

My wife said early on that one of the things holding her back was exactly this: that she might fall in love with him or Vice versa.

As time went on she began to understand that her need for a connection was different from falling in love and that last hurdle was overcome.

She was able to test this out last week when she met a guy that she had been chatting with for a couple of months. There was a connection right away but those feelings didn’t involve love. In her words it was more of a caring, compassionate connection with him.

My wife is not a slut to be used or degraded. She’s a human being with feelings. Now that she’s experienced being alone with a different man for a couple of hours without having sex, she’s come to the realization that she wants more of it.

 

[Erotibbc4u]

Hi guys,

I've talked to my wife on couple of occasions about stag/vixen kind of lifestyle and the deal breaker seems to be here:
She says she needs an emotional connection in order to fuck somebody and doesn't want to be tempted with all these other guys. It's maybe not the first or second guy that's she's worried about but later down the road some 10th guy comes along and she falls in love... What then?
In the current situation she doesn't want to risk it :/
She said I won't be your hotwife but hotfriend if we do stuff like that haha

Anybody know how to go around that one since it's a pretty valid point?

Could always become a poly-amorous couple, where she can freely "fall in love" with another without the fear of losing the marriage. Something you should explore. Google the term and research it together. I've been in one myself with a couple.

 

[unknownkinker]

We've had multiple discussions about this already and she's in the "never going to happen phase" BUT I have a strong feeling it will. Just need to keep working on it

She did think about it tho and said that she was thinking about only having sex once with a guy so feelings don't develop.

Then she throws multiple other objections like: what do you get out of this, I don't need this in my life now (since we have a 6m old baby at home, second child), whete would I find the time to do all the chattings and search and probably althe strongest ones mentioned from the above was where would we even find a guy who would accept that. Like nobody would do that if they know she was married. That one made me laugh since obviously she doesn't understand horny man Rold her we can open a Tinder, write exactly what is the situation and see how many willing participants we would get... Probably shit ton

 

[Crag Hack]

We've had multiple discussions about this already and she's in the "never going to happen phase" BUT I have a strong feeling it will. Just need to keep working on it

She did think about it tho and said that she was thinking about only having sex once with a guy so feelings don't develop.

Then she throws multiple other objections like: what do you get out of this, I don't need this in my life now (since we have a 6m old baby at home, second child), whete would I find the time to do all the chattings and search and probably althe strongest ones mentioned from the above was where would we even find a guy who would accept that. Like nobody would do that if they know she was married. That one made me laugh since obviously she doesn't understand horny man Rold her we can open a Tinder, write exactly what is the situation and see how many willing participants we would get... Probably shit ton

Just trust your intuition, I see on your post that you inspired by success. Children and family life certainly get in the way but think that in your situation it's pretense yet

 

[SexualOptions]

I have to be detached for it to happen. I will never ever be alone with a guy sexually. Everything must be done in full view with similar play going on likewise. I have gfs where they did not follow this and either their bf/husband or them got to attached and ruined their relationship. You are messing with a hornets nest so you have to know clearly, it is worth it? If you think it's worth it of course go for it but be prepared for it to go wrong. We have a couple where the husband is the most amazing sex partner anyone has ever had, the man is an incredible lover. There is not a female in our group who doesn't want him all the time when we get together (including me). The ones who get more alone with him (still all same room but of to the side or more secluded) are the ones who go through attachment issues. I make certain to be in the center of the room in clear view of my husband and the man's wife. My mindset is always, this guy is a Great S*** & F*** and I enjoy it for what it is. My husband is equally as good but there is still something about this man that I can't quite put my finger on, even his cum is amazing. I spend a good deal of time with his wife and she can't even tell you what it is. She knew/knows how other women are with him accepting it as part of who they are. Incidentally she is quite a good lover as well so we couple up quite often. So I have a friendship with them both, mostly her, get f***ed by her husband, do not spend any alone time with him, I let my husband do all the talking with him. Lol - I have even had conversations with her as her husband is having at it with me. Now that's detachment! As I have noticed quite a few people I know are not able to do this well and get themselves and their relationships in a good deal of trouble. Tread carefully, please...