[M] Late 30 here.
I’ve been seeing a middle-late 40s couple for the last year and a half 4 - 5 times a year since we both live in other states. She and I communicate on a weekly basis and everything has been very well with them and me. We usually meet in a hotel for a weekend every 2 - 3 months together. She and I will fool around while her husband watches.
They have enjoyed the dynamic and this is the first time I’ve ever been a “bull” for a couple. However I’m realizing that although this whole “situation” is extremely hot (validation from an attractive woman, fucking her in front of her husband with his permission, communicating with her, etc)…..it’s not something that is worth sustaining ultimately for me.
However, I am nearing the point where I want to start looking for a woman that I can be in a monogamous relationship with in the future. Also someone where we both want to be in each others lives for the rest of our lives, have a family with and get married too.
I’ve realized recently that more than anything is that I want to know what it’s like to have a meaningful, emotionally connected and long-term relationship with a woman with whom we both want the same things with each other, and share similar values and also have differences which makes us work well for each other. As ironic as this sounds, I am a romantic at heart but I keep a lot of my emotions and feelings buried deep down for fear of rejection.
I have been addicted to pornography ever since I was a teenager and I have also had a string of very short (less than 6 months) term relationships. My porn addiction, sometimes paralyzing insecurities and my horniness enabled me to only seek it service level and ego-boosting validation from women through short-term relationships where my focus largely unconscious at the time was on the sexual validation.
With that being said, I have had two dating /short-term relationship experiences last year which ended. For the better ultimately because I learned a lot about myself from them. Each time before so decided to date these women, I let this hot wife know that I am choosing to date someone with the hopes of it going somewhere long-term. She was understanding because at the core, this “connection” I have with her and her husband is a sexual/fantasy connection.
So here I am now. For the past 2 months I’ve been grappling with ending this connection or lieing to myself and saying to myself f that I can keep it up without doing more damage to my lust-poisoned mind. But my continued contact with is just pro-longing my own moral/emotional/spiritual/mental self-growth.
I also don’t have any dating prospects on the horizon. I am planning on “weaning” myself from my porn addiction and taking dance lessons instead. To get the rush from dancing with women, but stopping at any opportunities that could lead to me hooking up with anyone. I do not want to lead someone on emotionally when sex is involved and I don’t want to have sex with someone I’m dating in the future until 3 - 6 months (soo that the sexual rush doesn’t take over feelings I have for a partner) and this ruining the chance of a meaningful relationship from starting.
Dilemma: Today I sent her a video of a hotwife sucking her bulls cock while her was caged next to her. She thought it was really hot and is going to ask her husband if he can wear one the next time we see each other. My lust filled mine wants to meet them one last time and have that hot experience with her. But I need to be honest and let her know that I can’t do this anymore for the above reasons.
Advice?
I’ve been seeing a middle-late 40s couple for the last year and a half 4 - 5 times a year since we both live in other states. She and I communicate on a weekly basis and everything has been very well with them and me. We usually meet in a hotel for a weekend every 2 - 3 months together. She and I will fool around while her husband watches.
They have enjoyed the dynamic and this is the first time I’ve ever been a “bull” for a couple. However I’m realizing that although this whole “situation” is extremely hot (validation from an attractive woman, fucking her in front of her husband with his permission, communicating with her, etc)…..it’s not something that is worth sustaining ultimately for me.
However, I am nearing the point where I want to start looking for a woman that I can be in a monogamous relationship with in the future. Also someone where we both want to be in each others lives for the rest of our lives, have a family with and get married too.
I’ve realized recently that more than anything is that I want to know what it’s like to have a meaningful, emotionally connected and long-term relationship with a woman with whom we both want the same things with each other, and share similar values and also have differences which makes us work well for each other. As ironic as this sounds, I am a romantic at heart but I keep a lot of my emotions and feelings buried deep down for fear of rejection.
I have been addicted to pornography ever since I was a teenager and I have also had a string of very short (less than 6 months) term relationships. My porn addiction, sometimes paralyzing insecurities and my horniness enabled me to only seek it service level and ego-boosting validation from women through short-term relationships where my focus largely unconscious at the time was on the sexual validation.
With that being said, I have had two dating /short-term relationship experiences last year which ended. For the better ultimately because I learned a lot about myself from them. Each time before so decided to date these women, I let this hot wife know that I am choosing to date someone with the hopes of it going somewhere long-term. She was understanding because at the core, this “connection” I have with her and her husband is a sexual/fantasy connection.
So here I am now. For the past 2 months I’ve been grappling with ending this connection or lieing to myself and saying to myself f that I can keep it up without doing more damage to my lust-poisoned mind. But my continued contact with is just pro-longing my own moral/emotional/spiritual/mental self-growth.
I also don’t have any dating prospects on the horizon. I am planning on “weaning” myself from my porn addiction and taking dance lessons instead. To get the rush from dancing with women, but stopping at any opportunities that could lead to me hooking up with anyone. I do not want to lead someone on emotionally when sex is involved and I don’t want to have sex with someone I’m dating in the future until 3 - 6 months (soo that the sexual rush doesn’t take over feelings I have for a partner) and this ruining the chance of a meaningful relationship from starting.
Dilemma: Today I sent her a video of a hotwife sucking her bulls cock while her was caged next to her. She thought it was really hot and is going to ask her husband if he can wear one the next time we see each other. My lust filled mine wants to meet them one last time and have that hot experience with her. But I need to be honest and let her know that I can’t do this anymore for the above reasons.
Advice?
