Unsure what I want ?

Wa
Bit of an unusual one, but looking for advice. I mentioned to my GF (32), that my fantasy was a MFM. She was okay with it, we chatted about hotwifing etc. I set up an account in fab swingers, chatted to some guys. Then we kinda pulled back. I love watching hotwife porn, I'm definitely not a cuck, not in the humiliation or cages or anything like that, and I make my GF cum every time, I'm fairly big. But I still find the idea of watching her with someone else hot, I like the slutty naughty side of it. If we do any dirty talk relating to sharing during the deed I cum super quick. Now my issue is the post nut, I then have shame. I'm not looking at pursuing a meet but should I stop watching hotwife porn etc.
For context if I pushed it my GF would do it, for me. But she's not really wanting to, but she does seem wet when we've talked about it during sex. And recently when I said her pussy
was made for being a hotwife, she said would you like that, then what would you like to see.
Want to watch me jerk off to her?