Hey,
I’ve been with my wife for five years, two of them married. We’re both 34. Even before we got together, W. knew that in my previous relationship I’d had some non-standard experiences – threesomes, cuckold-type dynamics. From the moment we became a couple, though, this topic basically never came up again in conversation.
From the start, our sex life was very intense, at times even perverse. I quickly discovered, for example, that W. enjoys rimming. She’s most comfortable in a dynamic where I’m clearly dominant – which feels natural and comfortable for me as well, even though at the same time I also have other needs and fantasies when it comes to sex.
After about two years of being together, however, the frequency of sex started to gradually decrease. I want to stress one thing very clearly: apart from this one area, our relationship from the beginning until now has been genuinely very good. We’re emotionally close, we talk a lot, we like cuddling, we miss each other, we feel best when it’s just the two of us, and we share common passions. Basically nothing changed – except the sex.
I’ll also add that my wife is a very attractive woman and she’s aware that men find her attractive. On the one hand she’s confident, but on the other she doesn’t use that attractiveness at all: she’s more of a homebody, really likes spending time at home, and after coming back from work she almost immediately “switches” into home mode. I’ve also never had any red flags from her suggesting cheating – quite the opposite, I’ve always felt that she wants to spend as much time with me as possible. She never hides with her phone or does the kinds of things people usually call alarming. We’re soul mates, I have no doubts about that.
More or less from the moment sex started becoming less frequent, thoughts about so-called controlled cheating began to return to me – with the difference that for the first time they were about W. These fantasies gradually developed, until two weeks ago, during a spontaneous evening with whisky, when we were both already pretty ......, something unplanned happened. First half-jokingly, then more and more seriously, I told her that just the perspective of seeing her with another man turns me on.
To my surprise – I was worried she’d at least get pissed off or firmly say “no,” also because she knew about my earlier experiences with my previous partner – she reacted incredibly well. I saw different emotions in her, but there was nothing negative in them. She laughed a bit nervously, her eyes were shining, she exaggeratedly pretended she didn’t believe me. As I kept confessing, she even started asking seemingly provocative questions – whether I’d like this or that kind of situation. Then she said that, actually, she wasn’t surprised, and finally she looked me deep in the eyes with a slight smile and quietly said that “the wolf is drawn to the forest.”
Basically, that night I told her everything that had been “weighing on” my mind. That I fantasize less about specific scenarios and more about the idea that it would be her who wants something – from innocent flirting to regular sex. That both small things and bigger ones turn me on. But above all, that what excites me most is that it’s her desire and that she has control – the idea of me arranging situations doesn’t turn me on at all.
After a long time, when I had more or less outlined the whole picture of what excites me, there came a moment when W. decided to define her position in this situation. She said: “I’m not saying yes, I’m not saying no,” admitting that when she thinks about it, it’s actually another thing in which we fit together – I have these fantasies, and she, as she put it, has always had “something of a slut” in her. She also added that I’m the first man she didn’t want to cheat on and actually hasn’t cheated on. She said as well that this conversation is nice for her because – as I know perfectly well – she hates control from men (it’s one of the things that turned her off in her previous relationships). She admitted that if she were to imagine it right now, there’s no one “on the horizon,” that her contacts are mostly limited to work, and that she’s no longer the kind of party girl who goes out on the town with friends after work. She only added that if she were to imagine such a “situation” with someone she knows, it would be her last ex – she said that “he’d probably be up for it.” Overall, the whole evening was marked by openness, ease, and laughter, and ended with very good sex, with no references to the topic of the conversation anymore.
The next day was very interesting. I could see that despite the hangover, W. was in a great mood the whole time. We didn’t “take anything back,” we didn’t blame it all on alcohol – as if without words we reassured each other about our positions from the previous evening. Even though W. hadn’t done this in a very long time (certainly for at least a year), while cuddling up to me she started talking about how she’d like to have a ...... with me. On its own, that wouldn’t have been that surprising – after all, it wasn’t the first time she’d said it – but what surprised me was that after such a long time it came up precisely NOW. I don’t know if I’m interpreting this correctly, but I took it as a good sign: that my confessions didn’t push her away, quite the opposite. Am I wrong?
Throughout the following week we practically didn’t touch on the cuckold topic. Instead, we returned a bit to flirting, and during the week we also had sex – you can see that something has revived in terms of frequency. Until finally the weekend came, when – which happens rarely, since we drink maybe once every few months – we loosened up with alcohol at a party at her parents’ place. On the way home and getting into bed, a bit ......, the topic came up again. I only mentioned that I’d dreamed of a scene where she was having sex with her ex (the one she’d said she could potentially go for such an arrangement with), and I was watching. Again, this didn’t meet with any resistance from her. I know she was ......, but I also know that when she truly doesn’t like something, she protests regardless of how sober she is. That evening was definitely more “visual.” Her reaction turned me on a lot, and during sex I started telling her what I see when I think about such a situation. W. also got aroused, and heatedly she even asked me: “Would you want to go after him afterward?” You can probably imagine how that affected me. A moment later she went even further, bringing up pregnancy – she asked whether the perspective of her being pregnant but me not knowing with whom would turn me on, and whether I would raise the ...... as my own. I know it was just a fantasy, but the mere fact that she was asking such questions was another very significant thing for me, which again I took as a good sign.
However, the next morning, almost immediately after waking up, I noticed that she was embarrassed and confused. She quickly admitted that she feels guilty, that she doesn’t want to even mentally enter a stage she closed a long time ago (her ex), that throughout our entire relationship similar thoughts about him never even crossed her mind, and that she would generally like what happened the previous evening not to have happened – especially the conversations about him in that context. I know her, and I could see that she was saying this sincerely.
Wanting her to feel taken care of, I immediately emphasized that I don’t want anything related to the cuckold topic to make her uncomfortable – that it’s supposed to be pleasure for her, not a source of negative emotions. I stated that if she wants, I won’t bring up the topic even a single word anymore, that I won’t initiate anything, and that if needed we can completely bury this whole thread.
Seeing my decisiveness and confidence in what I was saying, she quickly let me know that the problem isn’t the topic itself, but connecting it with her ex partners. Of course I accepted that, adding that for her own good I won’t come back to it on my own, and if she wants to, she’ll initiate it herself.
And now a few days have passed, and I’ve got a few questions swirling in my head. Putting all of this together, I’m wondering what – in your opinion – the chances are that something could actually happen in the future in the cuckold area.
What should I do now (and what should I not do) so that everything goes in the “right” direction? On the one hand, I think I really can’t initiate anything anymore, because I’ll scare her off and discourage her. On the other hand, there’s the thought that if I don’t somehow fuel it at all, she’ll “forget” about it and there will be no chance of me ever being a cuck.
What should I do now – for the good of both this topic and our relationship? What could the dynamic of our relationship look like in terms of cuckold?
Thanks for reading. I’ll be grateful for any opinions – the female perspective is also very important to me.
I’ve been with my wife for five years, two of them married. We’re both 34. Even before we got together, W. knew that in my previous relationship I’d had some non-standard experiences – threesomes, cuckold-type dynamics. From the moment we became a couple, though, this topic basically never came up again in conversation.
From the start, our sex life was very intense, at times even perverse. I quickly discovered, for example, that W. enjoys rimming. She’s most comfortable in a dynamic where I’m clearly dominant – which feels natural and comfortable for me as well, even though at the same time I also have other needs and fantasies when it comes to sex.
After about two years of being together, however, the frequency of sex started to gradually decrease. I want to stress one thing very clearly: apart from this one area, our relationship from the beginning until now has been genuinely very good. We’re emotionally close, we talk a lot, we like cuddling, we miss each other, we feel best when it’s just the two of us, and we share common passions. Basically nothing changed – except the sex.
I’ll also add that my wife is a very attractive woman and she’s aware that men find her attractive. On the one hand she’s confident, but on the other she doesn’t use that attractiveness at all: she’s more of a homebody, really likes spending time at home, and after coming back from work she almost immediately “switches” into home mode. I’ve also never had any red flags from her suggesting cheating – quite the opposite, I’ve always felt that she wants to spend as much time with me as possible. She never hides with her phone or does the kinds of things people usually call alarming. We’re soul mates, I have no doubts about that.
More or less from the moment sex started becoming less frequent, thoughts about so-called controlled cheating began to return to me – with the difference that for the first time they were about W. These fantasies gradually developed, until two weeks ago, during a spontaneous evening with whisky, when we were both already pretty ......, something unplanned happened. First half-jokingly, then more and more seriously, I told her that just the perspective of seeing her with another man turns me on.
To my surprise – I was worried she’d at least get pissed off or firmly say “no,” also because she knew about my earlier experiences with my previous partner – she reacted incredibly well. I saw different emotions in her, but there was nothing negative in them. She laughed a bit nervously, her eyes were shining, she exaggeratedly pretended she didn’t believe me. As I kept confessing, she even started asking seemingly provocative questions – whether I’d like this or that kind of situation. Then she said that, actually, she wasn’t surprised, and finally she looked me deep in the eyes with a slight smile and quietly said that “the wolf is drawn to the forest.”
Basically, that night I told her everything that had been “weighing on” my mind. That I fantasize less about specific scenarios and more about the idea that it would be her who wants something – from innocent flirting to regular sex. That both small things and bigger ones turn me on. But above all, that what excites me most is that it’s her desire and that she has control – the idea of me arranging situations doesn’t turn me on at all.
After a long time, when I had more or less outlined the whole picture of what excites me, there came a moment when W. decided to define her position in this situation. She said: “I’m not saying yes, I’m not saying no,” admitting that when she thinks about it, it’s actually another thing in which we fit together – I have these fantasies, and she, as she put it, has always had “something of a slut” in her. She also added that I’m the first man she didn’t want to cheat on and actually hasn’t cheated on. She said as well that this conversation is nice for her because – as I know perfectly well – she hates control from men (it’s one of the things that turned her off in her previous relationships). She admitted that if she were to imagine it right now, there’s no one “on the horizon,” that her contacts are mostly limited to work, and that she’s no longer the kind of party girl who goes out on the town with friends after work. She only added that if she were to imagine such a “situation” with someone she knows, it would be her last ex – she said that “he’d probably be up for it.” Overall, the whole evening was marked by openness, ease, and laughter, and ended with very good sex, with no references to the topic of the conversation anymore.
The next day was very interesting. I could see that despite the hangover, W. was in a great mood the whole time. We didn’t “take anything back,” we didn’t blame it all on alcohol – as if without words we reassured each other about our positions from the previous evening. Even though W. hadn’t done this in a very long time (certainly for at least a year), while cuddling up to me she started talking about how she’d like to have a ...... with me. On its own, that wouldn’t have been that surprising – after all, it wasn’t the first time she’d said it – but what surprised me was that after such a long time it came up precisely NOW. I don’t know if I’m interpreting this correctly, but I took it as a good sign: that my confessions didn’t push her away, quite the opposite. Am I wrong?
Throughout the following week we practically didn’t touch on the cuckold topic. Instead, we returned a bit to flirting, and during the week we also had sex – you can see that something has revived in terms of frequency. Until finally the weekend came, when – which happens rarely, since we drink maybe once every few months – we loosened up with alcohol at a party at her parents’ place. On the way home and getting into bed, a bit ......, the topic came up again. I only mentioned that I’d dreamed of a scene where she was having sex with her ex (the one she’d said she could potentially go for such an arrangement with), and I was watching. Again, this didn’t meet with any resistance from her. I know she was ......, but I also know that when she truly doesn’t like something, she protests regardless of how sober she is. That evening was definitely more “visual.” Her reaction turned me on a lot, and during sex I started telling her what I see when I think about such a situation. W. also got aroused, and heatedly she even asked me: “Would you want to go after him afterward?” You can probably imagine how that affected me. A moment later she went even further, bringing up pregnancy – she asked whether the perspective of her being pregnant but me not knowing with whom would turn me on, and whether I would raise the ...... as my own. I know it was just a fantasy, but the mere fact that she was asking such questions was another very significant thing for me, which again I took as a good sign.
However, the next morning, almost immediately after waking up, I noticed that she was embarrassed and confused. She quickly admitted that she feels guilty, that she doesn’t want to even mentally enter a stage she closed a long time ago (her ex), that throughout our entire relationship similar thoughts about him never even crossed her mind, and that she would generally like what happened the previous evening not to have happened – especially the conversations about him in that context. I know her, and I could see that she was saying this sincerely.
Wanting her to feel taken care of, I immediately emphasized that I don’t want anything related to the cuckold topic to make her uncomfortable – that it’s supposed to be pleasure for her, not a source of negative emotions. I stated that if she wants, I won’t bring up the topic even a single word anymore, that I won’t initiate anything, and that if needed we can completely bury this whole thread.
Seeing my decisiveness and confidence in what I was saying, she quickly let me know that the problem isn’t the topic itself, but connecting it with her ex partners. Of course I accepted that, adding that for her own good I won’t come back to it on my own, and if she wants to, she’ll initiate it herself.
And now a few days have passed, and I’ve got a few questions swirling in my head. Putting all of this together, I’m wondering what – in your opinion – the chances are that something could actually happen in the future in the cuckold area.
What should I do now (and what should I not do) so that everything goes in the “right” direction? On the one hand, I think I really can’t initiate anything anymore, because I’ll scare her off and discourage her. On the other hand, there’s the thought that if I don’t somehow fuel it at all, she’ll “forget” about it and there will be no chance of me ever being a cuck.
What should I do now – for the good of both this topic and our relationship? What could the dynamic of our relationship look like in terms of cuckold?
Thanks for reading. I’ll be grateful for any opinions – the female perspective is also very important to me.
