Hi everyone,
I’m a 30-year-old man, married to my 31-year-old wife. A few years ago we had some experiences with an open sexuality (mainly swinging or hotwife style, I guess many of you here will understand). At some point, life threw some external problems at us (family, work, various stresses) and everything stopped.
In the meantime we got married, moved in together, and according to her, we have now resolved all those “issues” that were preventing us from living this lifestyle more serenely. I have always been ready and motivated — in fact, during the most stressful periods, this was exactly what I wanted most to feel close to her. She always said she needed a completely free mind, and I have always respected that.
Now, objectively, there are no more external reasons. Yet I feel a lot of reluctance from her side. She keeps saying that I should already consider myself lucky for what we have (and in many ways I am), that I have to respect her timing, and that she doesn’t feel ready yet. I do respect her timing, I’ve never pressured her, but I’m starting to feel frustrated because this is important to me.
The biggest problem is that I find it really hard to talk about it with her. Whenever I try to bring up the subject, she becomes rigid and defensive. I clearly told her that I would like to be able to discuss sex and desires more openly, and she replied that there’s no problem for her and that I should feel free to talk. A few days later I tried again and she immediately dodged the conversation or shut it down. When I said “okay, let’s drop it,” she even got angry.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I would really love to rediscover the complicity and sexual freedom we once had, but I’m afraid of pushing too hard and creating even more distance. At the same time, I can’t just pretend nothing’s wrong, because for me this is an important part of our relationship.
Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
How did you manage to reopen the conversation in a calm way without making her feel pressured?
Is there a better way to communicate about these topics when one partner is reluctant?
Or should I just accept that for her that phase is permanently closed?
Thanks to anyone who wants to reply,
I’m a 30-year-old man, married to my 31-year-old wife. A few years ago we had some experiences with an open sexuality (mainly swinging or hotwife style, I guess many of you here will understand). At some point, life threw some external problems at us (family, work, various stresses) and everything stopped.
In the meantime we got married, moved in together, and according to her, we have now resolved all those “issues” that were preventing us from living this lifestyle more serenely. I have always been ready and motivated — in fact, during the most stressful periods, this was exactly what I wanted most to feel close to her. She always said she needed a completely free mind, and I have always respected that.
Now, objectively, there are no more external reasons. Yet I feel a lot of reluctance from her side. She keeps saying that I should already consider myself lucky for what we have (and in many ways I am), that I have to respect her timing, and that she doesn’t feel ready yet. I do respect her timing, I’ve never pressured her, but I’m starting to feel frustrated because this is important to me.
The biggest problem is that I find it really hard to talk about it with her. Whenever I try to bring up the subject, she becomes rigid and defensive. I clearly told her that I would like to be able to discuss sex and desires more openly, and she replied that there’s no problem for her and that I should feel free to talk. A few days later I tried again and she immediately dodged the conversation or shut it down. When I said “okay, let’s drop it,” she even got angry.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I would really love to rediscover the complicity and sexual freedom we once had, but I’m afraid of pushing too hard and creating even more distance. At the same time, I can’t just pretend nothing’s wrong, because for me this is an important part of our relationship.
Has anyone here been through a similar situation?
How did you manage to reopen the conversation in a calm way without making her feel pressured?
Is there a better way to communicate about these topics when one partner is reluctant?
Or should I just accept that for her that phase is permanently closed?
Thanks to anyone who wants to reply,
