Wife wants this but wants me to not to want It

chuckrock

Male
Mar 28, 2017
12
4
83
So here might be our biggest sticking point right now. She has told me about a fantasy for years of having sex with a black guy for the typical reasons. We have toyed around with hit for years, but far from taking any action on it. Then she told me she really wanted to do it as we started talking about alternate sexual lifestyles and if any might be good for us. As we started to explore cuckolding, she kept saying she wanted to do it, wanted me to let her do it, but wanted me to really treasure her and not want to "give her away". I understand her conflict, but we always said we'd only do this if it brought both us sexual pleasure. If I supported her desire and fought it all the way inside, what fun would I be having. So it seems like the easy answer is to say we should drop the idea. But she says she really wants to do it. So we go in circles. Familiar to anyone?
 

xxxcouplexxx

Couple
Gold member
Dec 30, 2016
1,474
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UK
So here might be our biggest sticking point right now. She has told me about a fantasy for years of having sex with a black guy for the typical reasons. We have toyed around with hit for years, but far from taking any action on it. Then she told me she really wanted to do it as we started talking about alternate sexual lifestyles and if any might be good for us. As we started to explore cuckolding, she kept saying she wanted to do it, wanted me to let her do it, but wanted me to really treasure her and not want to "give her away". I understand her conflict, but we always said we'd only do this if it brought both us sexual pleasure. If I supported her desire and fought it all the way inside, what fun would I be having. So it seems like the easy answer is to say we should drop the idea. But she says she really wants to do it. So we go in circles. Familiar to anyone?
If you can't agree then don't its as simple as that
 
C

Cristobal1493

Guest
If you can't agree then don't its as simple as that

I know what you are talking about. I am still having similar conversations with my fiancee. Several things we've discussed, hopefully they help you in your communications with your wife:

I told my girl that at all times and all places I'd always be protective & caring of her and that all of that is true regardless if i am not jealous of the idea of her having her way with another man.

In many peoples' minds "monogamy" and "loyalty" are one in the same. This idea is preposterous and based on what we have all been told about marriage our whole lives, but it does NOT have to be true about all marriages. Marriage is a study in trust. Boundaries define permission. What two people agree to and then abide by is what defines the marriage NOT a priori assumptions about what marriage "should be".

I've pointed out to my fiancee that a lot of the cognative dissonance she's had on this is because she has a preconceived "ideal" of what marriage is. When we dug into THAT and explored them we'd discuss whether she felt those "ideals" where actually requisite for a happy, fulfilling, committed marriage or whether such could exist in the absence of some of those "ideals". I think your wife has some "ideals" about how she thinks a husband "should act". Explore what's behind that together.

I asked her if she wanted a "jealous, fearful & insecure husband" or if there was something more to it than that, something underneath. She brought up the 'protective' issue & I asked her, yes or no, if it is possible for swinging husbands to be protective of their wives and still consent to their playing with other men? (Ofcourse) Ok, then jealous and defensiveness are not requisite to protection and loyalty.

I asked if it is possible for my protective-ness to be expressed in a way other than being jealous/defensive? (Ofcourse) So then we explored how i can demonstrate that in a way which reassures her that i protect her (or that you "treasure" her) and that there are ways OTHER THAN strict monogamy to do that.
 

chuckrock

Male
Mar 28, 2017
12
4
83
I know what you are talking about. I am still having similar conversations with my fiancee. Several things we've discussed, hopefully they help you in your communications with your wife:

I told my girl that at all times and all places I'd always be protective & caring of her and that all of that is true regardless if i am not jealous of the idea of her having her way with another man.

In many peoples' minds "monogamy" and "loyalty" are one in the same. This idea is preposterous and based on what we have all been told about marriage our whole lives, but it does NOT have to be true about all marriages. Marriage is a study in trust. Boundaries define permission. What two people agree to and then abide by is what defines the marriage NOT a priori assumptions about what marriage "should be".

I've pointed out to my fiancee that a lot of the cognative dissonance she's had on this is because she has a preconceived "ideal" of what marriage is. When we dug into THAT and explored them we'd discuss whether she felt those "ideals" where actually requisite for a happy, fulfilling, committed marriage or whether such could exist in the absence of some of those "ideals". I think your wife has some "ideals" about how she thinks a husband "should act". Explore what's behind that together.

I asked her if she wanted a "jealous, fearful & insecure husband" or if there was something more to it than that, something underneath. She brought up the 'protective' issue & I asked her, yes or no, if it is possible for swinging husbands to be protective of their wives and still consent to their playing with other men? (Ofcourse) Ok, then jealous and defensiveness are not requisite to protection and loyalty.

I asked if it is possible for my protective-ness to be expressed in a way other than being jealous/defensive? (Ofcourse) So then we explored how i can demonstrate that in a way which reassures her that i protect her (or that you "treasure" her) and that there are ways OTHER THAN strict monogamy to do that.

Now there's a well thought out reply. Thanks!
 
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xxxcouplexxx

Couple
Gold member
Dec 30, 2016
1,474
5,638
491
UK
Yep, that's how it was for me too. I was really apprehensive but after my first time I was totally convinced.....
 
S

Same fantasies

Guest
So here might be our biggest sticking point right now. She has told me about a fantasy for years of having sex with a black guy for the typical reasons. We have toyed around with hit for years, but far from taking any action on it. Then she told me she really wanted to do it as we started talking about alternate sexual lifestyles and if any might be good for us. As we started to explore cuckolding, she kept saying she wanted to do it, wanted me to let her do it, but wanted me to really treasure her and not want to "give her away". I understand her conflict, but we always said we'd only do this if it brought both us sexual pleasure. If I supported her desire and fought it all the way inside, what fun would I be having. So it seems like the easy answer is to say we should drop the idea. But she says she really wants to do it. So we go in circles. Familiar to anyone?

Wife and I chat about the same thing. We both enjoy watching that type of porn; so we will keep the human out of it and buy a Caesar 3.0 thatll fuck her with me. Surprisingly she is also turned on about the idea as well. Cant wait to DVP her pussy.
 

ntcuck

Couple
Jan 5, 2017
118
213
123
Wife and I chat about the same thing. We both enjoy watching that type of porn; so we will keep the human out of it and buy a Caesar 3.0 thatll fuck her with me. Surprisingly she is also turned on about the idea as well. Cant wait to DVP her pussy.
Caesar looks inviting but no matter what , there is no replacement for the warm human flesh. Once our brains can let go of the preconceived notions of what I personally call Possession. I admit there was a time I let society tell me to be jealous and nobody is touching my wife in an erotic manner. Now that we have communicated and dispelled the fears of recreational intimacy it is so much more fun being married for 35 years. The day starts a new vigor and wondering if our dream fantasy is just around the corner.
Sorry I don't mean to judge others but that is where our sex toys just can not replace the adventure of a living breathing human being