Advice needed

[Rjb31]

I'm a 31 year old male my partner is 28 we have 2 young children and our own home. Everything you could wish for.

About a week ago I told my partner I would like to watch her have sex with either a man or women. I've had this desire for a little while but now it's out I'm confused.

She's said yes she up for it but her condition is that it's a man first. This is so she knows that I just don't want to see another women naked and in case I join in in that situation.

Also we got engaged last year but she has said she is up for it but would put any marriage planning off as she doesn't feel like this is her idea or a marriage. But will stay together and enjoy this life.

I'm not sure where I go with this now especially we've never tried anything like this before.

Is this fantasy of mine best kept a fantasy?

I think I need the marriage side just for commitment purposes.

She's been very support which for some reason makes it more difficult to decided to go ahead with it.

 

[MG1958]

I'm a 31 year old male my partner is 28 we have 2 young children and our own home. Everything you could wish for.

About a week ago I told my partner I would like to watch her have sex with either a man or women. I've had this desire for a little while but now it's out I'm confused.

She's said yes she up for it but her condition is that it's a man first. This is so she knows that I just don't want to see another women naked and in case I join in in that situation.

Also we got engaged last year but she has said she is up for it but would put any marriage planning off as she doesn't feel like this is her idea or a marriage. But will stay together and enjoy this life.

I'm not sure where I go with this now especially we've never tried anything like this before.

Is this fantasy of mine best kept a fantasy?

I think I need the marriage side just for commitment purposes.

She's been very support which for some reason makes it more difficult to decided to go ahead with it.

Think about it cause I think she's telling u something that you need to sit down and talk to her straight up B4 you decided...check your options and special check hers first good luck

 

[Rjb31]

Thanks

We have spoke quite alot about it and she's been amazing with it.
She has put the ball in my court but for some reason her then not wanting to get married but stay together and continue with the sharing is fine.

Am I just being a male and not seeing what she's trying to tell me?

 

[MG1958]

I believe is your decision to stay together and enjoy sharing her or make her your wife and just leaved as a fantasy is your call she already give you the options it's hard but think about it and try to talk to her about it cause it's looks like she already make the decision ....if you want to share her it's up to u and her not one can make that decision just think what you really want to do...

 

[MG1958]

I know someone on this wonderful side would help you more than I do cause they been in that position and I know they would help yo just give a chance for someone else to advise you about this B4 u jump the boat in here is a lot of smart good people with good head on the shoulders you'll see their answes soon

 

[Rjb31]

Thanks alot for your help

 

[mikehungbull]

I think that since you mentioned it to her the chance of it going back to normal is slim, if you get married she most likely will continue thinking back to it, and lead to problems down the road. If you live out the fantasy and continue as normal she may realise that she does want that and change her mind about marriage. I would play it safe and avoid marriage until you are 100% sure you both are on the same page because divorce is a problem you don't want to deal with. For now just enjoy living out your fantasy and hopefully it works out for you.

 

[Rjb31]

Hi Mike Thanks for your feed back

I do agree with to u now it's out in the open there no going back.

I can't fault her at all she's been really supportive of it. We even watched it on porn and she seemed keen. I mean she said that she's happy I've opened up about it.

What gets my mind ticking is though she's Always wanted marriage it's only this that she has now said it's either we live the life of sharing and no marriage or we we don't and get married.

But she has even said take your time to think about it. I'm not sure if she's actually really up for it but frightened to say but she seems almost too ok with it.

Not sure if I'm reading into but maybe further talk with her would help

Any advice on first times or just go for it?

 

[mikehungbull]

At this point I say go for it, it seems like the best option of it working out for both of you. And feel free to private message me.

 

[BikerBill]

Your desires most likely will not change, mine certainly did not. My first marriage of 10+ years ended in divorce because I could not get the desire to share her with other men out of my head and she would not agree to give it a try and experiment with it.

I have been with my current wife over 20 years, we were together several years before we married. I told her of my desire to share her sexually with other men early on in our relationship and she was very reluctant but I finally got her in the right scenario and we had a 3-some with another guy. She loved it and I shared her with 15 - 20 other men over the next few years before we finally married. We still love to play in the lifestyle and we both enjoy the same things sexually, that is very important to both of us.

From my personal experience I would say fulfill your fantasies with each other before you marry, it is far better to find out you are not compatable before you marry than to suffer through a divorce later. Most people's sexual desires get stronger when not fulfilled and if those desires are strong enough it will drive you apart in the end!

 

[Niceguy47460]

I would say you need to see if she is cheating on you first because she agreed to quickly . and it kinda sounds like she has someone she might replace you with is the reason she doesn't want to get married

 

[TheoandSophia]

I Agee with a bit of cheating concern but you know her better than us strangers. My wife has a similar condition too so I think it’s normal.

 

[Robert Smith]

I think you need to live out your fantasy at least once and see if the experience is as good as you think it will be. You will never get the idea out of your head so go for it now. If she doesn't like it or if she is cheating on you or if she doesn't want to marry you you need to find out now. Most people are afraid of losing their lady and never push the issue and then are frustrated the rest of their lives. After my first marriage failed I told myself I would never get married again until I found a woman that liked the same lifestyle I did. Have been with Elaine for 35 wonderful sex filled years

 

[Rjb31]

Hi thanks for all replies

I deffinitly know she's not cheating. I have also shared these responses with her and she thinks and maybe i also think the 1st thread is not worded right or taken out of context.

In one moment im mad and raging hard about seeing her fuck another man and suck him off but then then next moment I'm doubting it and yea your probably right that fear of losing her to someone else and losing everything for a fantasy.

Maybe that's the risk and thrill of it that goes with this life style

 

[TheoandSophia]

I completely under stand that sentiment. Is you concern once the boner goes away you’ll regret it or fear you’ll lose her? If so START SLOW! Very slow sex does not need to happen in your first session. Maybe just a massage. We all know there’s more than one way to enter a cold pool

 

[longislandguy631]

Hi thanks for all replies

I deffinitly know she's not cheating. I have also shared these responses with her and she thinks and maybe i also think the 1st thread is not worded right or taken out of context.

In one moment im mad and raging hard about seeing her fuck another man and suck him off but then then next moment I'm doubting it and yea your probably right that fear of losing her to someone else and losing everything for a fantasy.

Maybe that's the risk and thrill of it that goes with this life style

It sounds like you are in quite the dilemma my friend. You want to share a woman that you are not married to. You two have children together and a house, but you don't have the commitment that you want from her. Married couples with children and a house get into this lifestyle and have some security knowing that the guy/girl that they invite into the relationship to have sex with the wife will not be in their relationship. I meet up with a few couples and when I leave their house, they do not have worry or think about me until the next time they get the urge. I think in your case, you know in the back of your mind that you are fearful that there is not a marriage there that will provide that security you are looking for. It is a very slippery slope, I am sure it gets amplified because of how secure this woman is that you have. She is leaving all the decisions up to you.... that is quite a woman! I think it is great that you are able to share these deep desires with her. Keep in mind if this happens, the emotions will be all over the place. You will definitely know yourself and her on a deeper level.

 

[Uncledude55]

At this point I say go for it, it seems like the best option of it working out for both of you. And feel free to private message me.

I'm a 31 year old male my partner is 28 we have 2 young children and our own home. Everything you could wish for.

About a week ago I told my partner I would like to watch her have sex with either a man or women. I've had this desire for a little while but now it's out I'm confused.

She's said yes she up for it but her condition is that it's a man first. This is so she knows that I just don't want to see another women naked and in case I join in in that situation.

Also we got engaged last year but she has said she is up for it but would put any marriage planning off as she doesn't feel like this is her idea or a marriage. But will stay together and enjoy this life.

I'm not sure where I go with this now especially we've never tried anything like this before.

Is this fantasy of mine best kept a fantasy?

I think I need the marriage side just for commitment purposes.

She's been very support which for some reason makes it more difficult to decided to go ahead with it.

Dude....You seriously need to stop and really think about this ! Your "partner" is telling you something...."put any marriage planning off as she doesn't feel like this is her idea or a marriage." She's saying sharing her IS NOT her idea of a marriage. She's also saying this is your idea, not hers, and you'll have to live with the consequences of YOUR decision. If you do this you can forget getting married to the woman that has given you 2 children. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for over 20 years. We've seen this scenario many times over the years and it almost never ends well. My advice is have allot of patience and forget "living out your fantasy at least once" and just keep it a fantasy. Maybe after you've been married a few years she might be willing to explore, but right now....if you love this woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her, you'd better put off any idea of sharing her.

Just sayin

 

[Hwcouple702]

We agree with Uncledude55...what could you possibly be thinking? You don't even know if you want her to actually go through with it and she has told you that she doesn't wish to be married and involved in this. You have a family and that should come first. We've known married couples that have had rocky experiences before they ended up getting past them. When your wife asks "Why would you want me to do that?"...and it happens pretty much to every married couple at first...then you can talk it out and describe what you've read and how you feel, etc. When it's your girlfriend...who has just told you she's not going to marry you if you engage in this...she really has no reason to stick around if she feels you think she's a whore, don't care about her enough, etc...and those are also quite common early feelings which women consider. Now, you probably don't feel that way about her...but in a woman's mind...if she feels that way then it's difficult to get past. Let this go! Fantasize, jack off, think about it while you are having sex...but don't say anything more about it. Once you are married and your family and relationship are secure...then perhaps you can watch a R movie on TV about a Hotwife or something and leave the discussion up to her. It seems you've planted the seed and she may be interested...but..she has two kids and would probably rather have a secure family over a fantasy sex life that often DOES NOT live up to expectations. We are rare birds really...those who are able to do this and actually enjoy it. The reason so many people in the lifestyle are over 40 is because most likely take that long to build trust, security, etc.

HW

 

[Rjb31]

Just wanted to say thanks for all the feed back especially the last 2. Really hit home. Me and my partner have been through this and everything tonight and realised this would have a fair bigger effect on us then we may have realised well especially me.
(and I was the 1 that wanted it!)

We will both keep it a fantasy that we can enjoy as a couple rather than a third person.

Im just glad I went through this to make me realise how big this really is.

All the best guys and maybe just maybe you'll hear from us soon.

ENJOY!

 

[MG1958]

Just wanted to say thanks for all the feed back especially the last 2. Really hit home. Me and my partner have been through this and everything tonight and realised this would have a fair bigger effect on us then we may have realised well especially me.
(and I was the 1 that wanted it!)

We will both keep it a fantasy that we can enjoy as a couple rather than a third person.

Im just glad I went through this to make me realise how big this really is.

All the best guys and maybe just maybe you'll hear from us soon.

ENJOY!

I'm happy for u guys Good Luck