Advice please

[ExploringCouple]

Hello, my wife and I recently started to dip our toes into this kind of stuff. We've had 2 encounters with a guy we found and vetted for literally months. He's a good guy, respectful. We're starting slow and taking baby steps.... Nobody wants to get hurt or feel like they hurt someone.

When we play, I'm in charge of what happens. I have sex with my wife and use the other guy as a second set of hands to help me pleasure her. I have him feel her body, squeeze her tits, spank her, insert her plug, use dildos on her, etc. She loves it and gets extremely orgasmic. It's fun! Last time I felt brave enough to let her play with his cock at various points during the fun. However, when I picture in my mind, her actually sucking his dick or me standing aside and watching him fuck her, I feel a sense of panic and distress. Is this normal?

I have a huge fear that if the other guy is bigger than me, has a better body, stuff like that, that she will have better orgasms with him than she does with me and she might consider him to be better than me sexually. I love my wife deeply and I want to be nothing less than number one in all areas for her. That is our current situation right now. I am in wedded bliss.

I brought my concerns to her and she said I am worrying about nothing, because she knows that I will always be her best sexual experience and her best orgasm. It warms my heart to hear her say that, but I have trouble accepting it because she has almost no sexual experience outside of me. She had sex with one guy one time before we got together. So I fear she may not really know what she's talking about.

I'm happy to show her a good time and introduce a little variety and new sexual experiences, I just don't want her to prefer those experiences over her sexual experience with me. I feel that this is a very basic desire for a husband that truly loves his wife. So my long-winded question is basically, for those with experience, is my wife correct? If I could truly accept that I would always be number one sexually to her then it would give me a massive amount of confidence to press forward. But if there is a chance that she could prefer sex with another guy or think he's better than me in bed then I'm not so sure this is something we should be doing. If that happened, my masculinity would be shattered and my confidence would completely evaporate. I would not feel like a man anymore.

Apologies for the long post and any advice would be appreciated thank you!

Edit: I forgot to mention a couple things that might be relevant. My biggest opposition and source of anxiety is the thought of being on the sidelines while the other guy takes her one on one. If I'm still intimately involved then I feel less scared of it because I'm still helping to give her those orgasms.

The whole reason for us doing this is to throw gasoline on our already hot sex life. I thought I would be really turned on seeing her do stuff with another guy. And I am! But what I've discovered is that my biggest source of pleasure comes from how hot and horny she gets in those situations, not necessarily her doing stuff with the other guy. I can give her so many intense orgasms because she is already highly aroused due to the kinky nature of our situation. It makes me feel like a God among men when I'm giving her massive orgasms back to back to back, etc. We want to keep the focus of our play on each other. The goal is the enhance the already great sex we have together, not to find "better" sex with someone else. We're laser focused on each other as we do this.

 

[GabrielBigHard]

Hi there and welcome here!

 

[HWandStag]

I think you should be very careful since she will likely have better more intense orgasms with a few of the other men. Most men in Here are ok with that and even love that aspect.

 

[ExploringCouple]

I think you should be very careful since she will likely have better more intense orgasms with a few of the other men. Most men in Here are ok with that and even love that aspect.

How do you not feel second best sexually to the one you love in those situations? So you're saying she is incorrect and if we do this enough eventually some guy will be sexually better than me in her eyes?

We really enjoy where we're at now. Do you think there's anything wrong with just staying right here?

I forgot to mention that I feel MUCH better at the thought of sharing her as long as I'm involved. I can't stand being on the sidelines with my own wife ya know? I think if we allowed penetration, it would start with dp or dvp because then I'm intimately involved as well. If she has an earth shattering orgasm from it I'm good with it because it couldn't have happened without me. I still feel like it's about us, not them.

 

[Nathaniel]

I agree with HWandstag, you should think all of it through if you really want this. Sure, its ok to feel nervous or uneasy at first, but if you guys decide to dive into this lifestyle, there will be guys who will make her orgasm better than you, who may also be manlier than you in the sense of keeping your wife much more satisfied than you will, and its something you have to live with, and obviously enjoy, if you really want it to be worth it.
My wife has had sex with many guys, and not all of them have been the best people, but the majority of them satisfied her in ways i just cant, and im ok with that, because its a feeling i enjoy to think of, despite the humiliation. But let me know if you have more questions. Good luck!

 

[ExploringCouple]

I agree with HWandstag, you should think all of it through if you really want this. Sure, its ok to feel nervous or uneasy at first, but if you guys decide to dive into this lifestyle, there will be guys who will make her orgasm better than you, who may also be manlier than you in the sense of keeping your wife much more satisfied than you will, and its something you have to live with, and obviously enjoy, if you really want it to be worth it.
My wife has had sex with many guys, and not all of them have been the best people, but the majority of them satisfied her in ways i just cant, and im ok with that, because its a feeling i enjoy to think of, despite the humiliation. But let me know if you have more questions. Good luck!

Thanks for the reply. I have zero interest in being humiliated or being made to feel like less of a man. To what you've said, I've spoken to many couples that do this and I notice that the determination of if the girl has better sex with other men is that the bf /husband gets off on that idea. It boils down to the wife wanting to please her husband and share in his turn on of her fucking "better" men with him. With other couples that the guy isn't into that aspect sexually, I notice that the wives tend to maintain that their husband is the best sex they've ever had, or sometimes I hear that the other guy isn't better, just different. What are your thoughts on my observations?

 

[Nathaniel]

I think its mostly right, as not every husband is in it for the humiliation. I think it mainly comes down to how comfortable you feel with yourself, as a man, and how secure your marriage is. Like i said, my wife has been with many guys, but at the end of the day, we love each other, and continue to be together, even with her lovers giving her a better sexual experience. We try to work as a couple even with everything else. That has always made me feel like the man for her, and it gives me the confidence to let her be with other men without it bothering me.

 

[ExploringCouple]

I think its mostly right, as not every husband is in it for the humiliation. I think it mainly comes down to how comfortable you feel with yourself, as a man, and how secure your marriage is. Like i said, my wife has been with many guys, but at the end of the day, we love each other, and continue to be together, even with her lovers giving her a better sexual experience. We try to work as a couple even with everything else. That has always made me feel like the man for her, and it gives me the confidence to let her be with other men without it bothering me.

I'm not worried 1% about our marriage. It is rock solid. But I couldn't look at myself in the mirror as a man if I knew the woman I love considers other men to be better than me sexually. As long as I knew I'm still the best, I'm emboldened to get buck wild. But if I'm no longer the best sex for her, I'd be absolutely crushed and feel like I'm not even a man at all anymore.

 

[Nathaniel]

I personally dont see it that way, and its great that you guys are solid, but if that’s how you would feel, then my advice would be not to go along with it. You also mentioned that she has almost no experience outside of your marriage, and that can always change, as she tries with other men, so i would think it may not be the right fit for you.

 

[ExploringCouple]

I personally dont see it that way, and its great that you guys are solid, but if that’s how you would feel, then my advice would be not to go along with it. You also mentioned that she has almost no experience outside of your marriage, and that can always change, as she tries with other men, so i would think it may not be the right fit for you.

Possibly. We can just stick to my current comfort level with other men and get with single girls and couples (she REALLY wants to watch me fuck a hot girl or bull for a couple).

 

[Nathaniel]

Yeah, really whatever makes both of you more comfortable, otherwise i think it would just hurt you guys more than anything else

 

[sterling]

Hello, my wife and I recently started to dip our toes into this kind of stuff. We've had 2 encounters with a guy we found and vetted for literally months. He's a good guy, respectful. We're starting slow and taking baby steps.... Nobody wants to get hurt or feel like they hurt someone.

When we play, I'm in charge of what happens. I have sex with my wife and use the other guy as a second set of hands to help me pleasure her. I have him feel her body, squeeze her tits, spank her, insert her plug, use dildos on her, etc. She loves it and gets extremely orgasmic. It's fun! Last time I felt brave enough to let her play with his cock at various points during the fun. However, when I picture in my mind, her actually sucking his dick or me standing aside and watching him fuck her, I feel a sense of panic and distress. Is this normal?

I have a huge fear that if the other guy is bigger than me, has a better body, stuff like that, that she will have better orgasms with him than she does with me and she might consider him to be better than me sexually. I love my wife deeply and I want to be nothing less than number one in all areas for her. That is our current situation right now. I am in wedded bliss.

I brought my concerns to her and she said I am worrying about nothing, because she knows that I will always be her best sexual experience and her best orgasm. It warms my heart to hear her say that, but I have trouble accepting it because she has almost no sexual experience outside of me. She had sex with one guy one time before we got together. So I fear she may not really know what she's talking about.

I'm happy to show her a good time and introduce a little variety and new sexual experiences, I just don't want her to prefer those experiences over her sexual experience with me. I feel that this is a very basic desire for a husband that truly loves his wife. So my long-winded question is basically, for those with experience, is my wife correct? If I could truly accept that I would always be number one sexually to her then it would give me a massive amount of confidence to press forward. But if there is a chance that she could prefer sex with another guy or think he's better than me in bed then I'm not so sure this is something we should be doing. If that happened, my masculinity would be shattered and my confidence would completely evaporate. I would not feel like a man anymore.

Apologies for the long post and any advice would be appreciated thank you!

Edit: I forgot to mention a couple things that might be relevant. My biggest opposition and source of anxiety is the thought of being on the sidelines while the other guy takes her one on one. If I'm still intimately involved then I feel less scared of it because I'm still helping to give her those orgasms.

The whole reason for us doing this is to throw gasoline on our already hot sex life. I thought I would be really turned on seeing her do stuff with another guy. And I am! But what I've discovered is that my biggest source of pleasure comes from how hot and horny she gets in those situations, not necessarily her doing stuff with the other guy. I can give her so many intense orgasms because she is already highly aroused due to the kinky nature of our situation. It makes me feel like a God among men when I'm giving her massive orgasms back to back to back, etc. We want to keep the focus of our play on each other. The goal is the enhance the already great sex we have together, not to find "better" sex with someone else. We're laser focused on each other as we do this.

My response may be a little different here but it has been our experience that as long as there is good communication you will be fine letting her have the pleasure she wants and needs. The first time is the hardest but once you see her being pleasured by the other guy things tend to work out as long as the communication is there for the 2 of you. You seem to have a very respectful 3 rd party in that he does not press to fuck her so that is always a good sign. We have enjoyed this kind of play for years with no problems. Relax, stay in the room and if you like on the same bed and just let it happen....you will love it.

 

[2wheel]

Hello, my wife and I recently started to dip our toes into this kind of stuff. We've had 2 encounters with a guy we found and vetted for literally months. He's a good guy, respectful. We're starting slow and taking baby steps.... Nobody wants to get hurt or feel like they hurt someone.

When we play, I'm in charge of what happens. I have sex with my wife and use the other guy as a second set of hands to help me pleasure her. I have him feel her body, squeeze her tits, spank her, insert her plug, use dildos on her, etc. She loves it and gets extremely orgasmic. It's fun! Last time I felt brave enough to let her play with his cock at various points during the fun. However, when I picture in my mind, her actually sucking his dick or me standing aside and watching him fuck her, I feel a sense of panic and distress. Is this normal?

I have a huge fear that if the other guy is bigger than me, has a better body, stuff like that, that she will have better orgasms with him than she does with me and she might consider him to be better than me sexually. I love my wife deeply and I want to be nothing less than number one in all areas for her. That is our current situation right now. I am in wedded bliss.

I brought my concerns to her and she said I am worrying about nothing, because she knows that I will always be her best sexual experience and her best orgasm. It warms my heart to hear her say that, but I have trouble accepting it because she has almost no sexual experience outside of me. She had sex with one guy one time before we got together. So I fear she may not really know what she's talking about.

I'm happy to show her a good time and introduce a little variety and new sexual experiences, I just don't want her to prefer those experiences over her sexual experience with me. I feel that this is a very basic desire for a husband that truly loves his wife. So my long-winded question is basically, for those with experience, is my wife correct? If I could truly accept that I would always be number one sexually to her then it would give me a massive amount of confidence to press forward. But if there is a chance that she could prefer sex with another guy or think he's better than me in bed then I'm not so sure this is something we should be doing. If that happened, my masculinity would be shattered and my confidence would completely evaporate. I would not feel like a man anymore.

Apologies for the long post and any advice would be appreciated thank you!

Edit: I forgot to mention a couple things that might be relevant. My biggest opposition and source of anxiety is the thought of being on the sidelines while the other guy takes her one on one. If I'm still intimately involved then I feel less scared of it because I'm still helping to give her those orgasms.

The whole reason for us doing this is to throw gasoline on our already hot sex life. I thought I would be really turned on seeing her do stuff with another guy. And I am! But what I've discovered is that my biggest source of pleasure comes from how hot and horny she gets in those situations, not necessarily her doing stuff with the other guy. I can give her so many intense orgasms because she is already highly aroused due to the kinky nature of our situation. It makes me feel like a God among men when I'm giving her massive orgasms back to back to back, etc. We want to keep the focus of our play on each other. The goal is the enhance the already great sex we have together, not to find "better" sex with someone else. We're laser focused on each other as we do this.

"Best laid plans of mice and men.............". After she has had 1 guy before you she has already told you the you'll always be the best. "We'll hang him followed by a 1st class trial", before experiencing other men that determination has already been made. Sounds like she's saying that for your ego.

Yes, you should feel antsy and angst the 1st few times, but put it aside understanding that it's about her enjoyment, her pleasure. If the next guy is bigger than you, and I assure you there will be bigger guys than you, what will you do? This LS isn't for everybody. There will be bigger and better. That's the way it is, if you can't accept that don't go further.

I hate when my HW kisses, it drives me nuts. BUT I understand it's part of the experience for her and to be expected so I keep it in, to myself. It's all for her pleasure.

One last thought for you, even the strongest of marriages sometimes don't survive this LS, that sometimes all the communication in the world won't overcome a HW falling in love with one of her partners.

 

[ExploringCouple]

"Best laid plans of mice and men.............". After she has had 1 guy before you she has already told you the you'll always be the best. "We'll hang him followed by a 1st class trial", before experiencing other men that determination has already been made. Sounds like she's saying that for your ego.

Yes, you should feel antsy and angst the 1st few times, but put it aside understanding that it's about her enjoyment, her pleasure. If the next guy is bigger than you, and I assure you there will be bigger guys than you, what will you do? This LS isn't for everybody. There will be bigger and better. That's the way it is, if you can't accept that don't go further.

I hate when my HW kisses, it drives me nuts. BUT I understand it's part of the experience for her and to be expected so I keep it in, to myself. It's all for her pleasure.

One last thought for you, even the strongest of marriages sometimes don't survive this LS, that sometimes all the communication in the world won't overcome a HW falling in love with one of her partners.

I'm not worried about our marriage. We are deeply in love with each other. And for us I know my wife wouldn't enjoy it if she knew it caused me pain. I also don't let her kiss the guy we play with. That's an act of love and reserved for me. There's passionate emotion attached to it. I spoke to her again this morning after sex. She told me again that no other guy can compare and I will always be her best sex and most satisfying orgasm. It's confusing because I love her and I want to believe her so bad. But then there's people telling me that she's going to get off better and enjoy sex with other guys more than with me, it's inevitable. I'm not sure what to believe. I think it's different for different people. I don't know.

 

[ExploringCouple]

My response may be a little different here but it has been our experience that as long as there is good communication you will be fine letting her have the pleasure she wants and needs. The first time is the hardest but once you see her being pleasured by the other guy things tend to work out as long as the communication is there for the 2 of you. You seem to have a very respectful 3 rd party in that he does not press to fuck her so that is always a good sign. We have enjoyed this kind of play for years with no problems. Relax, stay in the room and if you like on the same bed and just let it happen....you will love it.

Is it selfish of me that I always want to be in on the action? I'm not comfortable just standing there watching him take her from me. I want to be part of her pleasure. More of a threesome than hotwife I guess.

Are you still your wife's best sex? Or are you the one she goes home to after getting better sex from another man?

 

[Robert Smith]

I have been in the lifestyle for nearly 30 years so I think I have had some experience. I think you are worrying too much. If you and your wife love each other and just want to enhance your sex life by introducing others just do it. It is only natural for women to feel extra sexy and experience more intense orgasms if two men are stimulating them. Relax and go for it

 

[Scrambled]

I read a doctoral thesis recently that summed up the hotwife (cnm) experience as being full of anticipation, novelty, and excitement. That’s what he brings.
You offer stability, consistency and pleasure.
Jordan Peterson says, we think we are unique, one of a kind, 1 in a million. If you’re 1 in a mil, you are 1 in 30 in New York City alone Since there is 30 million people. He also says, you can always find someone who is better if you compare yourself.
The other guy is a treat. Your wife values you for the stability and consistent pleasure. The things you cannot possibly give her are the anticipation and excitement. You need a surrogate for that, and that’s the other guy. He has a role, She has her role.
Shes not looking to replace you. Let her have the novelty and excitement.

 

[sterling]

Is it selfish of me that I always want to be in on the action? I'm not comfortable just standing there watching him take her from me. I want to be part of her pleasure. More of a threesome than hotwife I guess.

Are you still your wife's best sex? Or are you the one she goes home to after getting better sex from another man?

We are best friends, best lovers and yes she says she does cum better with me. I do know how satisfied she feels after taking a good fucking from another man though and I for sure want her to have that experience. Some over the years have been better hung, some have been able to fuck longer and make her cum very hard but the bond we have far outweighs anything she has with the other guy.

 

[ExploringCouple]

I read a doctoral thesis recently that summed up the hotwife (cnm) experience as being full of anticipation, novelty, and excitement. That’s what he brings.
You offer stability, consistency and pleasure.
Jordan Peterson says, we think we are unique, one of a kind, 1 in a million. If you’re 1 in a mil, you are 1 in 30 in New York City alone Since there is 30 million people. He also says, you can always find someone who is better if you compare yourself.
The other guy is a treat. Your wife values you for the stability and consistent pleasure. The things you cannot possibly give her are the anticipation and excitement. You need a surrogate for that, and that’s the other guy. He has a role, She has her role.
Shes not looking to replace you. Let her have the novelty and excitement.

Thank you for the insightful reply. I understand what you're saying. The comparing aspect is what is paralyzing me from going further. I want to be compared.... And I want to be best in her eyes. That's risky (not according to her though 🙄). Honestly we aren't looking to make her a hotwife. I realize that's what the majority of people here are into but that's not for us. I think that's why I have a tough time getting advice. People assume. We're looking to explore guys, girls, couples, but in accordance with everyone's comfort levels. The thing that actually prompted us to open up was how good our sex life already is.... How could we make it even hotter between the two of us. This is about us together as a couple. We have been through some great times and some extremely horrible times together. Ride or die basically. We mean too much to each other to do ANYTHING that would cause the other pain or jealousy. I am just trying to find a way to wrap my head around letting another man fuck her and not worrying about becoming second best sexually in her mind. That way, I won't feel any pain or jealousy and she can feel good about it. If I'm hurt, she's hurt, vice versa. And we're honest with each other, so she will always know how I feel. I don't conceal emotions because it's not healthy.

 

[ExploringCouple]

We are best friends, best lovers and yes she says she does cum better with me. I do know how satisfied she feels after taking a good fucking from another man though and I for sure want her to have that experience. Some over the years have been better hung, some have been able to fuck longer and make her cum very hard but the bond we have far outweighs anything she has with the other guy.

That's great man, I love hearing this. You have it all! Love, companionship, friendship, and you're her best sex even after the other guys. That's what we want. I love hearing stuff like this.