It sounds like there is a direction she leans in during the heat of the moment or while under the influence. So while sober and not in the act what do YOU want and what does she want? We spend most of our lives in the sober/not in the act portion. If you both agree while sober it might be something to consider. There is a big difference in role play and fantasies vs actually doing it. Post orgasm reality is a thing and you both need to be comfortable in the aftermath, which by the way is not a fixed stagnant state. A little excitement and deviance seems to lead to more. Talk it out. Does it seem you would still feel the same way on a Tuesday morning at 9AM on your way to work? As long as you are both good with that then think about moving forward. Maybe start slow as opposed to multiple guys at the first trial.
Its also perfectly OK for some fantasies to remain as fantasies. Maybe there are other things that would scratch that itch? I know where you are coming from as I was there. I had a fantasy that overcame me and opted to reveal it to my wife and we did move forward, not exactly in the exact direction of my fantasy but close enough that I just pushed forward. The pre orgasm mind was a bit clouded and we did have an amazing time but we also had a lot to overcome after the fact. It led to a year of extra marital sex so a lot of baggage. Not trying to discourage you or I would be a hypocrite, just letting you know to look at big picture.
If you and more importantly your wife, do go from monogamy to group sex in one sitting then hats off to you.
