Cucks who submit to bulls

I'm afraid of this happening. I haven't watched them yet. She wants me to at some point. She also wants me to guide him into her and has talked about me sucking him. I already feel so embarrassed he gets to fuck her I really struggle to imagine how I will look her in the eye after she sees me completely submit to him... Even facing him seems hard... I imagine I would be immediately submissive and not be able to look him in the eye. It took a long time for me to trust my wife with this, but to submit to a man feels like a very difficult next step I still need time to adjust to.

All that said... yes it turns me on and I jerk off to the idea... lol it is so confusing being a cuck...