Desperately needing advice

[OKCdude]

***10yrs ago my wife cheated, we were married 7yrs at the time. She was a Bartender before we got married and was one until about 1yr after she cheated.

***Wife: 5'5", 140lbs, long brown hair, brown eyes, very attractive. 37yrs old when she cheated.

***The GUY: 6', white, her age, muscular, good looking. I only saw him once, she told me afterwards that it was him. He was at the bar while she was working. This is AFTER she cheated with him.

***She met the guy at the bar. She fucked him 4 times that she admits to. She was messaging another guy, too. Judging by the messages, it was just a matter of time until she would have fucked him as well. So, knowing this, there is no telling how many guys she fucked while we were married.

***The GUY brought another girl in the bar one night while my wife was working. He kissed her. My wife went into the bathroom and cried. This was BEFORE I caught her. Looking back now, I remember a night that she came home from work drunk, crawled in bed with all of her clothes on and was crying. At the time she said it was a bad night at work, now I realize this was the same night she saw him kiss the girl.

***After she admitted to cheating she said, "I liked him, I liked him a lot".

***BEFORE catching her cheating we would have CUCKOLD fantasy play in bed. I even told her that I'd like to see her with another man. She got mad! So, this is why a lot of this makes no sense to me.

***I stayed with her because of family. I didn't want to ruin their lives.

***She said she cheated because we weren't having sex often(true), and I wasn't giving her enough attention. She said that she felt like we were 'roommates'.

***I have an above average cock, she said he was small. She admitted to cumming with him, but said that she had to play with herself to get there. She said that they couldn't do it doggy, because he was too small.

Now, it's been 10yrs since she cheated. We almost never have sex. It's been over 2yrs. I would LOVE for her to cuckold me, but have no idea how to approach it.

I appreciate any advise and or guidance...
Thank you

I'm willing to answer any and all questions 100% honestly.

 

[Ameliashubby]

Hey man it looks like you guys had a pretty rough go of it over the years, one thing that seems to be pretty consistent across the board is that this kink works for people who have a really strong relationship, and the people who have rocky ones end up with the wife leaving when she finds someone else. I assume you don't want that, so the best start would be to try and patch things up and reignite the spark between you two, if it's been over 2 years since you have had sex then it might be a hard sell and might end bad if you suggest opening the door for her. You want her to have sex with others but make love to you if that makes sense.
Every relationship has its ups and downs and they take work, if you can sort out the issues you guys are having and get your sex life going you have a good chance of her trying it out since she was already willing to sleep with others. You just want her to be doing it for the right reasons.
I hope that helps.

 

[OKCdude]

Hey man it looks like you guys had a pretty rough go of it over the years, one thing that seems to be pretty consistent across the board is that this kink works for people who have a really strong relationship, and the people who have rocky ones end up with the wife leaving when she finds someone else. I assume you don't want that, so the best start would be to try and patch things up and reignite the spark between you two, if it's been over 2 years since you have had sex then it might be a hard sell and might end bad if you suggest opening the door for her. You want her to have sex with others but make love to you if that makes sense.
Every relationship has its ups and downs and they take work, if you can sort out the issues you guys are having and get your sex life going you have a good chance of her trying it out since she was already willing to sleep with others. You just want her to be doing it for the right reasons.
I hope that helps.

Great advice. I will try to get our sex life back on track then move slowly from there.

Any suggestions on how to approach it once the time is right?

 

[btweets]

I agree with the above suggestion and that in most cases you want to already have a strong foundation in your relationship before opening it up! However, in some cases there is a chance that you can actually strengthen a relationship by opening it up! The fact that she’s already shown you that she can and will cheat on you if she’s unhappy in your relationship is testimony to the point that she may not be willing to wait around before she decides to go through with it again. It would be of great help if you knew all the reasons that made her decide to do it in the past. Does she suffer from low self esteem and that the attention she gets from other guys makes her feel better and more confident about herself? If this is the case or something of the like, then you can almost be assured that she’s going to do what makes her feel good. So if you get the feeling that she’s having or going through the same thing again, it might benefit you, and your relationship to get a jump ahead of it and instead of waiting until she makes a decision on her own, you might want to make it a decision that you both make together. Consider talking to her openly about what is going through her thoughts and mind. Tell her that it’s perfectly alright to be completely open and honest about with you about what’s been going through her mind and ask her if she’s had thoughts about cheating on you again, and that you would much rather have some involvement and make it about something that the both of you could enjoy together rather than her having this secret life, and that you would totally understand why she would have those feelings again and to make sure she knows that it’s something that would turn you on and excite you, but only if it’s something you do together! Remind her that it’s not cheating if you’re aware of what she’s doing and that you’re not left out alone! Now what you would need to feel that way is something only you can decide. It can range from so many different ways, anywhere from having an agreement that she tells you in great detail everything that happened, to her having to tell you about it beforehand, etc.... If done correctly, you both could get what you want out of this and yes, it could very well make your relationship stronger!!

 

[inkedangels]

Great advice. I will try to get our sex life back on track then move slowly from there.

Any suggestions on how to approach it once the time is right?

Bang on 👍

 

[Jamesass]

***10yrs ago my wife cheated, we were married 7yrs at the time. She was a Bartender before we got married and was one until about 1yr after she cheated.

***Wife: 5'5", 140lbs, long brown hair, brown eyes, very attractive. 37yrs old when she cheated.

***The GUY: 6', white, her age, muscular, good looking. I only saw him once, she told me afterwards that it was him. He was at the bar while she was working. This is AFTER she cheated with him.

***She met the guy at the bar. She fucked him 4 times that she admits to. She was messaging another guy, too. Judging by the messages, it was just a matter of time until she would have fucked him as well. So, knowing this, there is no telling how many guys she fucked while we were married.

***The GUY brought another girl in the bar one night while my wife was working. He kissed her. My wife went into the bathroom and cried. This was BEFORE I caught her. Looking back now, I remember a night that she came home from work drunk, crawled in bed with all of her clothes on and was crying. At the time she said it was a bad night at work, now I realize this was the same night she saw him kiss the girl.

***After she admitted to cheating she said, "I liked him, I liked him a lot".

***BEFORE catching her cheating we would have CUCKOLD fantasy play in bed. I even told her that I'd like to see her with another man. She got mad! So, this is why a lot of this makes no sense to me.

***I stayed with her because of family. I didn't want to ruin their lives.

***She said she cheated because we weren't having sex often(true), and I wasn't giving her enough attention. She said that she felt like we were 'roommates'.

***I have an above average cock, she said he was small. She admitted to cumming with him, but said that she had to play with herself to get there. She said that they couldn't do it doggy, because he was too small.

Now, it's been 10yrs since she cheated. We almost never have sex. It's been over 2yrs. I would LOVE for her to cuckold me, but have no idea how to approach it.

I appreciate any advise and or guidance...
Thank you

I'm willing to answer any and all questions 100% honestly.

if you cheat once fine but any more then that you keep cheating when the chance come but you got to do what best for you`

 

[OKCdude]

Yea try rebuilding the relationship. Take time out just for each other. Start going on dates again. It may be awkward at first cause of the time and emotional distance but clearly you love your family.

Rebuild it. At least till you are having sex again. Then mention that you realize you can’t have sex with her as much as wants/needs for X number of reasons. What ideas do you have? And listen. If it seems reasonable to bring up hotwifing do so. If not wait. Be patient.

If I have problems getting hard then that will be an easy transition is to us doing what ever it takes to make her happy. This cuckolding

At least that makes sense to me. How about you?

if you cheat once fine but any more then that you keep cheating when the chance come but you got to do what best for you`

Yes. I agree. And the signs make it look like she was probably cheating often.

Just being real.

 

[OKCdude]

I agree with the above suggestion and that in most cases you want to already have a strong foundation in your relationship before opening it up! However, in some cases there is a chance that you can actually strengthen a relationship by opening it up! The fact that she’s already shown you that she can and will cheat on you if she’s unhappy in your relationship is testimony to the point that she may not be willing to wait around before she decides to go through with it again. It would be of great help if you knew all the reasons that made her decide to do it in the past. Does she suffer from low self esteem and that the attention she gets from other guys makes her feel better and more confident about herself? If this is the case or something of the like, then you can almost be assured that she’s going to do what makes her feel good. So if you get the feeling that she’s having or going through the same thing again, it might benefit you, and your relationship to get a jump ahead of it and instead of waiting until she makes a decision on her own, you might want to make it a decision that you both make together. Consider talking to her openly about what is going through her thoughts and mind. Tell her that it’s perfectly alright to be completely open and honest about with you about what’s been going through her mind and ask her if she’s had thoughts about cheating on you again, and that you would much rather have some involvement and make it about something that the both of you could enjoy together rather than her having this secret life, and that you would totally understand why she would have those feelings again and to make sure she knows that it’s something that would turn you on and excite you, but only if it’s something you do together! Remind her that it’s not cheating if you’re aware of what she’s doing and that you’re not left out alone! Now what you would need to feel that way is something only you can decide. It can range from so many different ways, anywhere from having an agreement that she tells you in great detail everything that happened, to her having to tell you about it beforehand, etc.... If done correctly, you both could get what you want out of this and yes, it could very well make your relationship stronger!!

She said she cheated because we we hardly had sex and I wasn't giving her attention.

Guys were ALWAYS hitting on her at the bar.

Picture Austin Kincaid, but with a much more attractive face.

 

[OKCdude]

***UPDATE***
Today I brought up us having sex. I have some new pills that we have never tried. One of her friends told her about them.

Any advice on the sex? Anything that I should focus on, or possibly try to accomplish? If I can't get hard and perform, I'll have her 'queen' me, she likes that. Do you all feel like if I can't get hard that will work out better in the long run as far as her possibly cuckolding me?

In the past I've had a LOT of problems performing, because she cheated. Is there any advice on helping me through this issue?

This is a 100% real situation. Thank you all SO MUCH!!!

 

[OKCdude]

I am so thankful to have finally found this community! I have been struggling with this for a very long time.

The idea to 'fetishize' my wife cheating was actually the idea of my Findom(Financial Domme) on Twitter. It has really helped me see light at the end of the tunnel.

And, now with the resources available here, I'm hopeful that I can make this a reality. I have already received so much great advice and guidance. Thank you all so much!!!!

 

[2wheel]

forget adding another person to the mix right now
work on you relationship
if your relationship is weak another person will kill it

 

[OKCdude]

forget adding another person to the mix right now
work on you relationship
if your relationship is weak another person will kill it

Great advice. I will do that.

 

[OKCdude]

***UPDATE***
It's looking like me and my wife will be having sex tonight...

Is there anything that I can "do physically" that might help her start thinking about sex with another man? Not anything 'verbal', I know that we're no where close to that yet. But, anything "physically"?

 

[OKCdude]

Well, we didn't have sex.

We watched IDOL instead lol

Holy fuck the girl that plays Jocelyn has an amazing ass!

 

[OKCdude]

***UPDATE***
I've brought up having sex several times, and my wife always blows it off.

Thoughts or advice?

 

[Anonymousrob84]

I am so thankful to have finally found this community! I have been struggling with this for a very long time.

The idea to 'fetishize' my wife cheating was actually the idea of my Findom(Financial Domme) on Twitter. It has really helped me see light at the end of the tunnel.

And, now with the resources available here, I'm hopeful that I can make this a reality. I have already received so much great advice and guidance. Thank you all so much!!!!

Is your wife aware of the Twitter domme?

 

[OKCdude]

Is your wife aware of the Twitter domme?

no

 

[Anonymousrob84]

no

Trust breeds trust. Open communication is the cornerstone of a successful lifestyle relationship.

 

[OKCdude]

****UPDATE**** So, I missed a golden opportunity to talk about the cuckold thing with my wife. Here's what happened. We were talking about my Niece and her husband, my Niece is bi and brings home girls that her and her husband mess around with. My wife jokingly ask, "would you care if I had a girlfriend"? I said, "no". She looked surprised. She then said, "well that wouldn't happen, because you know I'm not into girls"(she isn't). But... I swear it was like I could see the gears spinning in her mind. I felt like she wanted to say, would you care if I had a boyfriend? But, I'm sure she didn't say that. because of the living hell that we both went through when she cheated. However, oddly then she asked, "do you even care about me"? I said, "of course". She then replied, "well, it seems like if you cared for me that you would want me all to yourself". I said that "I care about and love her". This was the end of the discussion. This whole thing was out of the blue, and I wasn't prepared at all. I am almost certain she will bring this conversation up again within a few days, because of how she reacted. I want to be totally prepared next time. I'll bet she will bring it up jokingly, and say something like, "I still can't believe that you said you wouldn't care if I have a girlfriend." I fell like I should respond by saying that I love her, and because of my inability to perform that I feel like it's unfair to her. And, as long as she would include me, that it would make me happy to know that she's happy. Keep in mind that if we have this conversation, me and her both would know she's not really talking about a 'girlfriend', because 'she's not into girls'. But, I don't think that I should mention a guy... do you? If I can convince her that this is about her and me not being selfish and wanting her to be happy then maybe... she will bring up the 'boyfriend' thing. PLEASE TELL ME HOW I SHOULD APPROACH THIS CONVERSATION, IF IT HAPPENS?

 

[2wheel]

If you truly have no problem with her having an 'outside interest' male or female then you need to tell her, BUT it's about her not you.

Tell her you're into compersion: her joy is your joy, her happiness is your happiness, her pleasure is your pleasure REGARDLESS of who, what, where and when. You need to be sincere and make sure she understands it's unconditional AND your relationship with her is of primary importance.

If she accepts that then ask her what she really wants. If she doesn't accept you;re sincerity ask her what you can do the prove it.

You'll need to be nimble and fleet of foot, but remember it's all about HER not you.