Sounds like you need the right man to explore your deepest darkest fantasies. Life is short, don't miss out on it while you can. You don't want to look back and wish you had done something that you had been to nervous/scared to try.
As for pics, don't feel embarrassed to share your explicit picks, if your face is blurred no one will know who you are. The thrill of it might get you really turned on. This is a place to share those pics with some anonymity if you want. And share those fantasies as well, many of us here are just like you, just exploring some of our fantasies.