Kate and I have been very active in our 'alternative lifestyle' for over 20 years. We have belonged to a few local swing clubs, we have visited swing clubs in other States, we have attended National and Regional lifestyle conventions, enjoyed many vacations (over 20 times) at Hedonism II in Jamaica, and even been on swinger Caribbean cruises. I mention this only to establish that we have met hundreds of lifestyle folks over the years.
The only consistent thing we have found in getting to know so many lifestylers is that every couple has different aspects of sexual freedom that they enjoy. Some couples only play with other couples, some include single men, etc... We have heard so many variations of hotwife/stag-vixen/cuckold that one can imagine. If they like something they do it more and if they dislike something they don't do it again. Practicing an alternative lifestyle gives people the freedom to enjoy what they like. People try too hard to put labels on things or put people in ideological boxes.
We do play with other couples but not often. Our fun is getting my wife laid, usually with me watching, jerking off, and cleaning her up afterward. We only go to clubs or events where we can find guys to have sex with Kate. Lifestyle conventions are couples-only as was our Windjammer cruise. Kate has sex with the bartenders and security guys working the conventions, and on the cruise, she had sex with some of the crew members. At Hedo there are always plenty of single guys for my wife to choose from...that's why we have been there so many times.
Guys who have sex with my wife are just guys and I am never denied sex or forced to do anything. That being said, I admit that there is some inherent subtle humiliation or submissiveness involved with sitting in a chair jerking off while I watch other guys enjoy my wife. Likewise with me licking their cum out of my wife in front of them or sometimes sucking their cock. It is all mutual consent fun among adults.
We have experienced many different scenarios in our activities to get my wife laid by different guys. I love to share stories of our experiences and answer questions. Feel free to PM me.