Had the talk with my wife...she was into it...what now? Update with new pic

[StagVixenFutr]

Hello everyone,

New to the site. Hoping to get some feedback from everyone.

My wife (30) and I (30) went out last night for drinks and some billiards. Had a great time and by the end of the night we were both pretty buzzed. We sat down at the back of the bar and she brought up a few question about my sexuality. She's aware that I identify as Bi, and that I have always been interested in non-monogamy.

We get around to the topic of the type of porn I watch and fantasies that we both have and I finally came clean about my interest in the hot wife lifestyle. She wasn't even aware it was a thing and couldn't believe that I would be okay with her fucking other men without me also getting to have fun with other women. She started asking all kinds of question and admitted that the idea turned her on and that she often fantasizes about exploring with other people. After finishing up our last drink we called an uber and headed home.

Once we got home we headed straight to the bed room and had hot dirty sex. She pulled out her vibrator and started warming herself up, she looked me dead in the eyes and said "are you going to find a handsome man for me to fuck?".

As we fucked, she asked me to find her a "sexy man with a big fat dick that will hurt more that yours when he puts it in". :shock: We finished up with a cumshot on her breasts while she fucked herself with her vibe and asked me if "I wished it was a another mans cock instead of a vibrator".

So, it seems like this is an IDEA that she's into. Truth is my wife is naturally a very sexual person but she often suppresses her desires because of her conservative religious upbringing. Whats our next move? How do I proceed without scaring her off?

 

[cincy]

Lucky you...next time you are in a bar, let her pick out someone.

 

[StagVixenFutr]

OP

Our advice is to find a QUALITY lifestyle site. There are a few around. Kasidie is very well done. Become a PAID and CERTIFIED member, because free members without a COMPLETE, WELL THOUGHT OUT, QUALITY profile and pics will NOT result in much serious consideration for you. You want to AVOID VANILLA GUYS to start. They can be creepy, don't understand that it's a couple's thing and that BOTH of you have rules and fantasies. If you haven't discussed those things with your wife, then you MUST do so! We don't have too many rules. We previously had several but they eventually begin to get frustrating for both of us and that leads to just wanting to stop all together. We do much better without too many rules.

Our suggestion, find a party, club or event that people are attending on the lifestyle site you choose. Lifestyle people are almost universally NO PRESSURE. Sometimes there are high pressure people, but those don't last long in the lifestyle. Make sure the event allows single males. This way you can both become comfortable with guys actually approaching you and flirting with your wife and you. If she's bold enough, she can flirt with the guys too. If it's an "on premise" event then you can take it too a play area and go as far as your comfort levels allow. Eventually, she can start finding quality single males on the site to meet for drinks and dates.

Once again. Your biggest mistake will be attempting to pick up VANILLA GUYS at a bar. Quality "lifestyle" single males know how this whole thing works and will make this a much more positive and long lasting endeavor. A bad experience with some disrespectful asshole at a bar will make this a failure, likely forever if she's truly creeped out!

HW

Thanks for the response. I definitely agree with you about finding high quality, clean, respectful guys instead of random hookups. I’d want the experience to be the best possible experience she could have. I want her to be extremely attracted to him and I’d want him to be in good shape, well endowed (7-8 in and thick)and able to last. It’s important that he can last because I’m able to go as long as I want, and she has come to expect long sessions. I’ll definitely check out quality lifestyle websites.

Thanks again! Any and all advice is welcome

 

[JRodgers]

I agree with HW. Find a good site. Take some pictures of her. Let her decide which ones to use. Be sure to define your role in all of this too. Then check responses together to filter out the flakes. Good luck.

 

[DFW_Hotwife_Couple]

It's sort of an old thread but I'll give it a shot anyway... but there's really no "right" answer. Especially from a distance That being said, from a distance it looks as if she's very enthusiastic and very likely your concern is misplaced if you're thinking you'll scare her. The impression is also she's pretty forthcoming which reinforces that line of thinking (she seems likely to let you know if she has doubts, etc).

We have had good and bad luck both in-person and on the 'net. Both methods work fine depending on how you go about screening. We actually did better on CL before the flagging got so out-of-hand we couldn't keep an ad up, than we did on SLS where we have a lifetime membership.

That aspect is related to the question of "strangers vs friends" and there's so many variables only you can really weigh the pros and cons. We don't know you or your friends or the bars you hang out, etc.

More directly to the question you seem to have asked is you are at the point where the worst thing you could do is to show any jealous feelings, especially if that were to manifest in an extreme episode. Evidence seems to show that when the wife/gf is fired up and concerns about being exposed or whatever have been delt with if perhaps a fellow hasn't fully considered his emotional reaction to the love of his life thoroughly enjoying herself (especially if he's there to witness)and perhaps blows up in anger it's likely to be more than just a temporary mood-killer for her.

I find it hard to understand (somewhat) how a fellow can anticipate such events with only lust on his mind and then in the heat of the moment explode in a rage, yet I've read of dozens and dozens of cases where that is exactly what happens. In the cases of the reluctant female (a common theme) that's often one of the things she fears, and not an unfounded concern.

I think even the most prepared of us even still feel just a hint of self-doubt even in the most solid of relationships. Reflection is called for and when you go forward if you feel anything like that choke it down deep and don't let it out.

The key is to be confident in your relationship and able to separate "fun' from "love" and trust your SO to do the same.

 

[davelb76]

You and she can start an on-line dialogue with a couple of potential suitors and get a feel for which one(s) are worth meeting for drinks or dinner - no commitment. During your time w/ him both should get a feel for whether it's something you really want to do. She will drive the scenario - if she is interested you will have no doubt as she gives off a certain vibe. You need to assess your commitment at that time because once they're past the flirting and light petting stage - it's probably going to happen. You have to be prepared for the jealousy that comes along with the sexual excitement. We never play in our own backyard. Stacey wouldn't be comfortable and too worried about being outed. So we usually look for opportunities when we're traveling; or like this past weekend where we drove an hour (weekend vacation sort of) to a nearby town to meet her lover. Enjoy.

 

[Bullish4u2]

help her meet a bull

 

[StagVixenFutr]

It's sort of an old thread but I'll give it a shot anyway... but there's really no "right" answer. Especially from a distance That being said, from a distance it looks as if she's very enthusiastic and very likely your concern is misplaced if you're thinking you'll scare her. The impression is also she's pretty forthcoming which reinforces that line of thinking (she seems likely to let you know if she has doubts, etc).

We have had good and bad luck both in-person and on the 'net. Both methods work fine depending on how you go about screening. We actually did better on CL before the flagging got so out-of-hand we couldn't keep an ad up, than we did on SLS where we have a lifetime membership.

That aspect is related to the question of "strangers vs friends" and there's so many variables only you can really weigh the pros and cons. We don't know you or your friends or the bars you hang out, etc.

More directly to the question you seem to have asked is you are at the point where the worst thing you could do is to show any jealous feelings, especially if that were to manifest in an extreme episode. Evidence seems to show that when the wife/gf is fired up and concerns about being exposed or whatever have been delt with if perhaps a fellow hasn't fully considered his emotional reaction to the love of his life thoroughly enjoying herself (especially if he's there to witness)and perhaps blows up in anger it's likely to be more than just a temporary mood-killer for her.

I find it hard to understand (somewhat) how a fellow can anticipate such events with only lust on his mind and then in the heat of the moment explode in a rage, yet I've read of dozens and dozens of cases where that is exactly what happens. In the cases of the reluctant female (a common theme) that's often one of the things she fears, and not an unfounded concern.

I think even the most prepared of us even still feel just a hint of self-doubt even in the most solid of relationships. Reflection is called for and when you go forward if you feel anything like that choke it down deep and don't let it out.

The key is to be confident in your relationship and able to separate "fun' from "love" and trust your SO to do the same.

Hello DFW,

Thank you for your response to the thread. Things have kind of died down on the topic of exploring the hotwife lifestyle. Truth is she's inexperienced and was raised in a household that always pushed the idea of refraining from sexual activity until marriage. She's only had sex with 2 men, and the other guy seemed to be a huge let down in bed compared to me (he had a great cock, incredible body but zero stamina). We've been together since high school and I was her first. Her other experience was during a break that we had prior to getting married. Ill go ahead and admit that I didn't handle her sleeping with another guy well (hey, i was 22 at the time and somewhat insecure).

Let down sexual encounter + catholic guilt/shame + me being a dick about it at the time = Reluctant Hotwife

We've both done a ton of growing up over the last 10 years and Ive evolved into a self assured, confident, adult who has accepted and embraced my strengths/weaknesses/Kinks/Desires. Reading books like "The Erotic Mind", "Ethical Slut", and "Sex at Dawn" has had a huge impact on me. We both explored swinging for a bit last year, and even planned to meet a couple after chatting...they flaked. Another couple flaked....she decided she didn't want to invest anymore time but that's an interesting story on its own.

I've pulled my foot off the gas pedal but we often joke about her fucking other men, and I've flat out told her that I have no issue with her seeking extramarital sex as long as I am involved/aware, she said she didn't really believe I would be ok with her fucking other men without another women being involved. She recently admitted to men sending her messaged through social media and sent me a screen shot of the private message. I told her she should've responded and asked for a dick pic (jokingly). She laughed and said she wasn't interested but said she did kind of wish she had responded to another message she received. I teased her about it after she sent me a screen shot of him saying hello. I told her it wasn't to late but she passed on reaching out.

From a jealousy standpoint, I've come to identify as a pansexual and open minded individual whose open to alternative relationships (swinger, non-monogamous, Open, hotwife, etc). Im somewhat of a nudist and value sexual expression. I've gone through hotwife scenarios over and over again and rarely feel any jealousy, only extreme arousal. The idea of opening my bedroom door to find my wife with a cock in her mouth or on her back with her legs over another mans shoulders as he pounds her into bliss, remains one of my deepest and most desired fantasies but I'm not willing to push her into a situation she regrets.

 

[kort6776]

sit back, don't push her and enjoy

 

[StagVixenFutr]

sit back, don't push her and enjoy

I don’t plan on it. The worst thing I can do is push her into something she isn’t ready for and end up messing everything up. I’ve already told her that she can fuck whoever she wants...whenever she wants. It’s up to her if she ever persues it.

In the meantime I’ll keep planting the seed with small jokes and references, since she seems to enjoy it

 

[2wheel]

I don’t plan on it. The worst thing I can do is push her into something she isn’t ready for and end up messing everything up. I’ve already told her that she can fuck whoever she wants...whenever she wants. It’s up to her if she ever persues it.

In the meantime I’ll keep planting the seed with small jokes and references, since she seems to enjoy it

I told mine that several times with no move in that direction. But my saying it now and then turned into constantly over and over almost daily, TILL she finally did it to shut me up. The result was she was on board more fully than I could have imagined.
https://www.wifewantstoplay.com/threads/is-this-the-start-or-the-end-part-1.5839/

 

[StagVixenFutr]

I told mine that several times with no move in that direction. But my saying it now and then turned into constantly over and over almost daily, TILL she finally did it to shut me up. The result was she was on board more fully than I could have imagined.
https://www.wifewantstoplay.com/threads/is-this-the-start-or-the-end-part-1.5839/

That was a very hot read. I think I’m going to focus on making her FEEL like a sexual being and keep dropping playful hints about fucking other men. I do feel like she’s open to it. I just need to prove that I can handle it.

 

[2wheel]

And that in and of itself is a major task. Good luck. Please keep us posted.

 

[MUSCULAR_BULL]

I told mine that several times with no move in that direction. But my saying it now and then turned into constantly over and over almost daily, TILL she finally did it to shut me up. The result was she was on board more fully than I could have imagined.
https://www.wifewantstoplay.com/threads/is-this-the-start-or-the-end-part-1.5839/

U cuck?

 

[StagVixenFutr]

U cuck?

How many married women have you fucked? Did their husbands watch?

 

[StagVixenFutr]

Maybe I should introduce her to different places and activities where she would be in constant contact with men and encourage her to make friends. She’s naturally a social person and tends to be the type of person who lives in the moment.

She’s very attractive and gets attention from men whenever we go to the gym. She’s a petite girl...5 ft 1, 130 lbs great legs and and an amazing ass . Men are constantly checking out her ass. I just need her to embrace it rather than feel uncomfortable.

 

[Hwcouple702]

From a couple of other threads .....copy and pasted our response....

I don't know your financial situation but a great first step (if she's interested in being nude around others) would be to take her to a classy nude resort. We love Hidden Beach in Cancun. It's not a swinger place but there will be swingers there. If she could be comfortable just relaxing naked around others and seeing that it isn't anything horrible then her juices might get flowing. Next you could take her to Desire Resort (we prefer Riviera Maya) in Cancun. That is a swinger resort but many people are nudists and don't mind being around people having sex. She could watch people right next to her having sex and enjoying it....spouses having sex with other people and their partners enjoy it.

 

[StagVixenFutr]

From a couple of other threads .....copy and pasted our response....

I don't know your financial situation but a great first step (if she's interested in being nude around others) would be to take her to a classy nude resort. We love Hidden Beach in Cancun. It's not a swinger place but there will be swingers there. If she could be comfortable just relaxing naked around others and seeing that it isn't anything horrible then her juices might get flowing. Next you could take her to Desire Resort (we prefer Riviera Maya) in Cancun. That is a swinger resort but many people are nudists and don't mind being around people having sex. She could watch people right next to her having sex and enjoying it....spouses having sex with other people and their partners enjoy it.

Thanks for the advice. I definitely have considered something like this. Desire is on my bucket list. I was thinking about a trip around August. It’s a bit pricey for what you get compared to other resorts, so really hoping it’s worth it.

 

[Hwcouple702]

Not sure what you get at other resorts that you get at Desire....

 

[StagVixenFutr]

Not sure what you get at other resorts that you get at Desire....

Obviously there is something special that you get at desire that isn’t available anywhere else. I’ve just read some reviews about the amenities/beach/food being below average for the price. I guess the free and sensual atmosphere makes the experience worth it.