How to get super reluctant wife into this?

[keylife022]

Hello all,

I have spouse who is super conservative upbringing and all. When I brought this up, she says absolutely not and cites conservative upbringing and how it is wrong and all.

So question, how were you able to get your reluctant wife who hated hearing this fetish brought up, to her actually doing it?

And did that first experience go?

forsing something on your wife that she is fundamentally against will ruin your marriage.
Tread lightly.
This isn’t for everyone. You need to respect your wife

 

[imherManwantHER]

Hello all,

I have spouse who is super conservative upbringing and all. When I brought this up, she says absolutely not and cites conservative upbringing and how it is wrong and all.

So question, how were you able to get your reluctant wife who hated hearing this fetish brought up, to her actually doing it?

And did that first experience go?

Anything new or any update with y’all?

 

[imherManwantHER]

Yeah, I honestly do think that for me and my wife I really couldn’t get it up unless I was like watching the porn or fantasizing about it so our sex life definitely started to really suck and I got very lucky that she met a black guy that was openly trying to fuck her and I honestly think for me my wife just got a weird combination of horny and pissed And the first time she actually fucked the guy there was like almost some animosity in it. I remember saying something to the effect of like you’re about to get what you ask for and then I watched this guy fuck her for like 2 1/2 hours and it kind of I don’t know it dumb She realized I was so turned on by it and that I was satisfied and that I didn’t hate her and that I loved her afterwards that I wanted to do it more and yeah, I just got lucky. I definitely think back to it and she could’ve easily left me for that guy.

Positive turnout. Thanks for sharing Dude

 

[jsaltydog]

I can personally attest to the great difficulty in being married to a wife raised in an ultra conservative Christian household. It has taken decades to put a small dent in that wall. My wife knows I crave sex but after years of her being ambivalent towards sex caused me to shut down. She's always known that a "good wife" doesn't withhold sex from her husband and she would have sex with me as a form of obligation. She never understood the implications. It didn't sink in until I failed to get hard for her. It had been more than a month since the last time we had sex and I "should" have been more that n ready for it

I was in tears. I shut down. I felt like I lost my best my best friend. The ONE thing I wanted more than anything, a sex life that was fun and fulfilling was now something that was gone. My wife finally became aware of the depth of my heartache. I felt defeated and hopeless. I refused to discuss it with her, the pain and the absence of any hope was just too much to deal with. All the joy and life in my personality and behavior was gone. I felt like a zombie.

Eventually we did have a discussion. Even then my wife was so blinded by her attitude towards sex that she didn't understand her role in my feelings and emotions. She tried explaining herself by saying, "Sex just isn't as important to me as it obviously is to you." This statement was also obvious. She didn't consider how devastating her admission would be. I took it as another failure on my part to elevate her desire for sex. I didn't offer anything that she would crave. Even though she was not intending to cause more hurt, she did so unwittingly.

I think she's beginning to understand the results of her suppression of "all things sexual". Her comfort in ignoring it has shown it's visible impact on me and she has taken some ownership it's outcome. Things are getting better though. She has, at my request, engaged in being vocal during sex. She knows I find the hot wife scenario as exciting. She of course has said it would never happen. I told her that I didn't expect her to do anything she didn't want to do.

She has agreed to engage in "dirty talk" in bed. She was timid and awkward at first but now she has come up with stuff that even surprises me. She's learned to make me orgasm whenever she wants me to just by talking. I'm re-energized as a result and I can see her being comforted by my renewed enthusiasm in her smile. We've also had much more frequent and satisfying sex.

We have been married 47 years and I would say dealing with a conservative spouse is one of the three toughest hurdles in having a satisfying sex life. The two other major "showstoppers" were post-partum depression and menopause. Amazingly, we are still together. We may be moving at a snail's pace but we are moving!

Wow. I can identify with your situation. We have been married more than 30 years. My wife never really opened up to sexual experimentation. She clearly likes to receive oral from me. Beyond that, she has no idea of what a good sexual relationship is. Her idea of male sexuality is what she sees in movies. She thinks that a guy can just finish on the director's cue. She just wants me to hurry up and finish after she is satisfied. More times than I care to think about, she just got tired of sex after I had satisfied her desires, would quit and leave the bed, and watch me stroke myself to a release, looking at me with disgust. She turned a beautiful aspect of life into something obscene. Sex with her was like walking through a minefield. I never knew when I would touch her in a certain way or place that would set her off in an angry, explosive outburst. I had to be really careful whenever touching or kissing her. She resisted orgasm whereas my previous women partners thanked me for my ability to give them that pleasure. Here is something interesting: Early in our relationship, she thanked me for letting her enjoy her sexuality. Judging by the R-rated movies she watches on the internet, she seems to like ...... scenes. She is harshly critical of men who look at women.

I have no doubt that she is lesbian and should have connected with a female partner. I know that she has had lesbian encounters. Yet, she is too inhibited to admit it or to pursue her true desires. I spoke with a woman who knows about one of her lesbian affairs. She said that my wife had no clue about sex or a woman's body. Seems that even with another woman, my wife is not a very enjoyable sexual partner.

The end result is that I dreaded sex with her. It was not enjoyable, and instead was very stressful. At my age (back then mid-50s), I didn't think that cheating with other women was a practical solution. So, I acted on my curiosity about bi-sex. Since then, I have had sex with men and enjoy it more than whatever I had with my current wife. She did find out about my meetings with men, and was super critical of me, yet never referred to her own lesbian pursuits. Wow, talk about double standard. She makes me appreciate my previous intimacy with women, including with my first wife, and dearly regret that things didn't work out with them.

 

[coastalkid]

Wow. I can identify with your situation. We have been married more than 30 years. My wife never really opened up to sexual experimentation. She clearly likes to receive oral from me. Beyond that, she has no idea of what a good sexual relationship is. Her idea of male sexuality is what she sees in movies. She thinks that a guy can just finish on the director's cue. She just wants me to hurry up and finish after she is satisfied. More times than I care to think about, she just got tired of sex after I had satisfied her desires, would quit and leave the bed, and watch me stroke myself to a release, looking at me with disgust. She turned a beautiful aspect of life into something obscene. Sex with her was like walking through a minefield. I never knew when I would touch her in a certain way or place that would set her off in an angry, explosive outburst. I had to be really careful whenever touching or kissing her. She resisted orgasm whereas my previous women partners thanked me for my ability to give them that pleasure. Here is something interesting: Early in our relationship, she thanked me for letting her enjoy her sexuality. Judging by the R-rated movies she watches on the internet, she seems to like ...... scenes. She is harshly critical of men who look at women.

I have no doubt that she is lesbian and should have connected with a female partner. I know that she has had lesbian encounters. Yet, she is too inhibited to admit it or to pursue her true desires. I spoke with a woman who knows about one of her lesbian affairs. She said that my wife had no clue about sex or a woman's body. Seems that even with another woman, my wife is not a very enjoyable sexual partner.

The end result is that I dreaded sex with her. It was not enjoyable, and instead was very stressful. At my age (back then mid-50s), I didn't think that cheating with other women was a practical solution. So, I acted on my curiosity about bi-sex. Since then, I have had sex with men and enjoy it more than whatever I had with my current wife. She did find out about my meetings with men, and was super critical of me, yet never referred to her own lesbian pursuits. Wow, talk about double standard. She makes me appreciate my previous intimacy with women, including with my first wife, and dearly regret that things didn't work out with them.

Man, my heart goes out top you brother! One of the worst feelings you can have is to not be motivated to have sex with your wife, especially when you crave an exciting sex life with all your heart. It's crushing to have your desire taken away from you by your spouse. I struggle with resentment for having wasted my best sexual years waiting for her to come around.

I totally sympathize with you. It's really difficult to not being "conditioned" by the rejection, the comments, the ambivalence and the absence of any sexuality. Over time you just come to not caring because when do (finally) get to have sex it's uninspired, unfulfilling and routine.

As I said in my earlier post, my wife has made great strides to make our sex lives better. Even with her new effort little things show how deeply ingrained the attitudes are. One time recently after sex I thanked my wife. I said thanks for having sex more often with me. We had sex three times that week. That hadn't happened in years. She replied, "Your welcome. I know it's important to you and I'm glad to do it. You need sex more often than I do. I get it. I just don't need it as much."

Her heart was in the right place. It struck me that I've never created a desire in her to "want it". She is who she is! I don't mean to sound like someone who is never satisfied and it's never enough. It's just that I want someone that truly enjoys enough to want it. As awesome of an effort she's made of late, that need has never changed and probably never will.

My heart goes out to you. Your situation sounds emotionally numbing. I don't blame you for seeking bi-sex. You needed your "fix" sexually and you did what you thought was your best solution. No doubt that your world would be totally different if your wife had a different attitude about sex to start with. I try hard not to think about all the fun we missed out on. It doesn't do me any good to think about it.