How to you give that gentle nudge without appearing pushy?

Jul 21, 2017
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Colorado
I know I'm still new around here, but let me give a slight history before I mention what's going on with my wife and I.

I've been with my wife for about 21 years. She has been aware of my fantasy of sharing her with another guy since about 5 years into our relationship when she woke me from a dream where I was telling her how much I liked seeing her with some guy (I sometimes talk in my sleep). At first she was appalled and hurt assuming I didn't love her and that I really wanted an excuse to bang some other women. Obviously, that is so far removed from the truth it isn't worth spending much time discussing. But as I expressed to her my fantasies and she and I began having a little dialogue about them, we began incorporating my fantasies into roleplaying over the next 15 years or so. She has a lot of reluctance to go through with anything real, but has certainly enjoyed my fantasies in the bedroom with just us. We do have periods where we play this way, but there are also times when she wants me focused on her and not playing "naughty" or "the small dick game" as we began calling it over time. In recent months, we have discussed this more and more and she is totally reluctant to go through with anything, but she is well aware that she could if she wanted to. For me, that's a key part of this - she has to want it, because it won't do a thing for me, if she doesn't want it.

Now, I also have the kind of job that keeps me away a LOT. Basically 2 weeks out of every month, I am out of town. It totally sucks for her, because she doesn't have any friends nor any close family members, so she tends to be a single mom for most of the time I'm away (In truth, though, a couple of our kids are too old to really need much attention) and doesn't ever do anything for herself. I have made suggestions that she find hobbies, some friendships and have - both, seriously and jokingly - told her I would be happy for her, if she wanted a boyfriend on the side while I'm gone. She has expressed that she doesn't feel good enough about herself to do this sort of thing and feels she is so lonely that she would make something more out of it than she should. Either way, she knows I support her fully in anything she wants to do, but until I am able to find a job that keeps me home, this is the lifestyle we currently have.

Last night, however, as we said our good nights to each other on the phone, I told her to have sweet dreams and she jokingly told me she was going to dream about a celebrity she likes (Sometimes during our roleplay, the dildo we use is referred to with his name). Obviously, I fully support her imagination...lol. Today, she told me she had been invited by a our neighbor's kid (who is an adult) to celebrate her dad's birthday - he happens to be divorced. I expressed that I didn't want her to feel like she had to be cooped up in the house and having some adult interaction might do her some good. Of course, I secretly hope someone flirts with her and she flirts back and possible has some fun, so I told her she should go to the party and enjoy herself.

She said she would rather go shopping....sigh!

So, how do I give her a nudge to ENJOY life a little and have some fun. I love the person she is, but I think some fun would seriously do her some good.

What thoughts, opinions or advice do you all have?
 
Jun 10, 2017
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Midwest USA
Getting into the lifestyle does take time sometimes longer than one and in most cases guys would like it too. I would tell you don't get frustrated with the slow walk but try to get excited with every step towards the ultimate goal of your wife enjoying her sexual desires with another guy.

we don't have her input here or the ability to ask her questions so anything we suggest is based only on what you have told us and is certainly a very small part of a larger picture.

I hear you say her reluctance, how to gently nudge and not appear pushy. With those words and description I would recommend not sending her out there on her own to emerge in the lifestyle with another man. She needs you to be with her as this happens for her comfort and confidence. I guarantee she is worried that if something goes wrong or its a bad experience you won't be around to tend to her. This lifestyle you are desiring is about both of you getting something out of it. So when possible make those steps together.

So far you two role play and talk about this together and that seems to be where her comfort lies in the lifestyle in that it's with you. It's a great sign that she wants you to be a part of this versus her going into it on her own. In time maybe she is more comfortable initiating and taking control of who, where and when.

Get on a date site and set up an account. Go to a lingerie place pick out something WITH her and take some pictures in a nice setting. Post those pictures with your comfort level on what it shows body wise or facial , post those on the site. Take some for interested prospects that shows the face and possibly more body. With her discuss the interest from guys and who she seems to have interest in. By doing this it's about you both doing this together plus it's hot for us stag/cucks seeing the interest of her and what she gravitates too. You'll probably role play in your mind or with her about some of them.

Pick out a few guys and start a conversation with them. Do this together most like her doing the talking she call or tells you about the conversation and what you think she may aske what she should say and as a guy you know what a guy wants to hear so you make suggestions.

You can do this with clubs, parties or going with her to a bar as it's impossible to know what you two enjoy but keep the focus that you both are in this together.


You both sound so similar in my wife and I relationship so I tend to gravitate in responding to your questions. We have been married and together for 26 years with an adult child and one in HS. I work a lot through the day and into the evening so my wife enjoys the play during the day when everyone is a way. Some of he guys like for us to go out which we do on occasions. What I will tell you is we are truly as one and still to this day she'll call me about a new guy she met or th conversation she is having and my favorite she's like a child afterwards telling all the details and how good it was with her lover. I often give an example of two young ladies who are BFF and tell each other everything as that's how it is with my wife and I. I get the feeling that is how it is with your wife as well.
 
Jul 21, 2017
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Colorado
Thanks for all of the insight you offer here. During some of the times she has mentioned she has interested, she has asked, "Would you be there with me? I'd want you there." I, of course said, "I would do whatever you wanted - either there or not - so, if you want me there, then I would be there." Then there have been other times where she has said, "If you find me the guy, I'll do it." Honestly, at this point, I'm waiting for the next "go ahead" to take the lead on the matter. Just to see what happens...
 
Jun 10, 2017
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Midwest USA
Sometimes I find myself more anxious for her to go meet a new gentleman especially if she has been on a break. I remind myself and often tell her I would feel like a real creep if I ever found out you had sex with a guy just to please me. I follow that up with its about you and us experiencing the lifestyle together and that she has to want to be with another guy that she likes and willing to experience sexually.

Others have no problem but I seen the post on the other site and you will get that trick her into it setup scnero. I just telling you I hear you live your wife and you are her man which says a lot and means you two can experience the lifestyle in more deeper ways than others can because of your closeness you being her defender. I wouldn't risk losing the trust if she found out because you wanted to happen sooner. The trust she has doing this with you will make it so much easier and build a special bond as this is part of your love making and not something she does on the side.

When we started and trust me our story runs close to yours in our relationship as you describe. I wanted bad and it was frustrating waiting and what could I do t make it happen. I wanted to watch her with him and to find out that was her sticking point, she felt uncomfortable doing it in front of me. She said she was satisfied with me sexually and doing that in front of me would make her feel odd and against what she was programmed not to do. She wanted to and enjoyed that it was about us so I agreed that I would let her have her time alone either with here away or me in the home but not in the room.

She chatted with a few guys and got to know them so when it came time to meet she would know him better and had other things to talk about besides sex. He came over with me there and we chatted over a couple drinks, they got in the hot tub and well things unfolded from there and that's for another story and time. I didn't realize that I would enjoy hearing them in another room and the angst I would feel knowing what was happening and being excluded. It added another kink I didn't realize I had as a cuckold/Stag..

If I was a betting man and I do on occasions I put high odds on you becoming a true stag/Cuckold and it being a positive experience for you both. Have said that I have lost my fair share of bets so best of luck lots of talking not overly pushing all the time talking and patience will do you good. I like where this is going and look forward to seeing your story play out.