Im dating a man who wants me to have sex with other men. Is it common and if so how does a relationship like this work?

Feb 11, 2018
13
48
93
Switzerland
Im dating a man who wants me to have sex with other men. Is it common and if so how does a relationship like this work?

We’ve been dating for 4 months and it’s been amazing. For the first time I think real love is actually something that exist. We have a great sexual chemistry and we’ve explored new areas in that department, which brings me to this topic.

My boyfriend’s biggest fantasy is to have a threesome with another man. But in this threesome he only wants to watch! The idea of me being attracted to another man and being seduced by him, devoting myself to him, turns him on. All the while both men devote themselves to please me, my boyfriend holding and kissing me, the other man penetrating me.

It wouldn’t bother him at all to share me in a way that would actually humiliate him, he even wants it to be humiliating. Also, He knows I find black men attractive (I’m white and Latina) and most of my past relationships were with black men and it excites him even more, if I were to have a threesome with a black man.

He’s fixated on the idea that a black man with a bigger penis would satisfy me more and he wants him too. Yes, I’ve had men who were bigger and it’s definitely a bonus but my boyfriend is the perfect size and the best lover I’ve been with. I can’t imagine someone better than him, no matter how big, let alone wanting to actually sleep with someone else while he watches.

My boyfriend is so manly and at the same time he has sensibility and doesn’t hide his emotions. He’s dominant and in control and knows how to bring my sexual desires to satisfaction, some of which I didn’t know I had before I met him. He’s also jealous and a little possessive but in a overprotective sort of way.

So I can’t understand this other side of him, this fantasy where he would want me to do all the things that would normally lead to complete break up. Based on his personality, it doesn’t fit at all.

However, I’m open to the idea. I think it’s hot to be possessed by two men, both of them kissing and touching me. But it doesn’t go past heavy petting. I just can’t imagine myself submitting to another guy all the way. I’m afraid of what would happen if I do end up loving the sex with another man and it’s actually better than with my boyfriend, because right now it’s the best i ever had. To top that, would be dangerous.

And because I am in love with him and I can see myself being with him long term. Our relationship is going so well and I’m very happy with him. I don’t want to risk that, yet here I am trying to figure out, how I can open myself up to his desires and possibly make them my own.

I still can’t admit to him, that the idea of being able to explore with other men and still be with him, is appealing to me. We watch interracial porn together and he’s always asking me if I like the guy and if he turns me on and even though I do, I’m too afraid to admit it because it just feels wrong. It feels wrong to be in love and still be turned on by someone else.

So it’s even harder for me to admit that I do like the idea of being able to be open about people I find attractive and maybe even want to sleep with them.

To most women who are open about their sexuality thus may be a dream coming true but the hardest part about it is being able to still love and respect him as I do now and not let this change the way I see and feel for him. I, for one, could and would never want to share him with someone else. Something like that would make me retort to violence. So for him to not do anything to stop me from being with someone else makes it hard not to judge him in the end for it because I feel like if he loves me he should be man enough to stop something like that from happening.

I know it’s a narrow way of thinking and I hope people who have experience in this sort of thing can help with my questions and give me different perspectives from their point of views. I feel like I’m overthinking things to the extreme. So I would appreciate honest feedback and suggestions. Thanks for the support.
 

King404

Male
Mar 1, 2018
38
15
88
Roswell, Ga
I completely understand your point of view on this but for the outside looking in I strongly suggest being completely honest. Don’t be afraid to be honest about the things he’s asking because he’s asking for a reason, be that woman he explores with. Again I completely understand how you feel but if this interest him he’s going to want someone who shares the same interests or if not at some point he will feel he has to seek those desires with someone else. I think sometimes in relationships we tend to overthink and forget how to just live life to its fullest and have fun. Gradually ease into it and move at your own paste to build comfort with the idea.
 
Feb 11, 2018
13
48
93
Switzerland
i Want to be that women he can explore his desires with. I think it takes great courage to let another man take me and I try to tell myself it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.
Honestly, if i didn’t love him so much i wouldn’t mind sleeping with other people. It’s just confusing: how can I love someone and still want to sleep with someone else? I wish I could just let myself be ok with it and stop looking at everything like its black or white.
 

Leeman

Couple
Aug 5, 2017
272
457
146
Columbus
Im dating a man who wants me to have sex with other men. Is it common and if so how does a relationship like this work?

We’ve been dating for 4 months and it’s been amazing. For the first time I think real love is actually something that exist. We have a great sexual chemistry and we’ve explored new areas in that department, which brings me to this topic.

My boyfriend’s biggest fantasy is to have a threesome with another man. But in this threesome he only wants to watch! The idea of me being attracted to another man and being seduced by him, devoting myself to him, turns him on. All the while both men devote themselves to please me, my boyfriend holding and kissing me, the other man penetrating me.

It wouldn’t bother him at all to share me in a way that would actually humiliate him, he even wants it to be humiliating. Also, He knows I find black men attractive (I’m white and Latina) and most of my past relationships were with black men and it excites him even more, if I were to have a threesome with a black man.

He’s fixated on the idea that a black man with a bigger penis would satisfy me more and he wants him too. Yes, I’ve had men who were bigger and it’s definitely a bonus but my boyfriend is the perfect size and the best lover I’ve been with. I can’t imagine someone better than him, no matter how big, let alone wanting to actually sleep with someone else while he watches.

My boyfriend is so manly and at the same time he has sensibility and doesn’t hide his emotions. He’s dominant and in control and knows how to bring my sexual desires to satisfaction, some of which I didn’t know I had before I met him. He’s also jealous and a little possessive but in a overprotective sort of way.

So I can’t understand this other side of him, this fantasy where he would want me to do all the things that would normally lead to complete break up. Based on his personality, it doesn’t fit at all.

However, I’m open to the idea. I think it’s hot to be possessed by two men, both of them kissing and touching me. But it doesn’t go past heavy petting. I just can’t imagine myself submitting to another guy all the way. I’m afraid of what would happen if I do end up loving the sex with another man and it’s actually better than with my boyfriend, because right now it’s the best i ever had. To top that, would be dangerous.

And because I am in love with him and I can see myself being with him long term. Our relationship is going so well and I’m very happy with him. I don’t want to risk that, yet here I am trying to figure out, how I can open myself up to his desires and possibly make them my own.

I still can’t admit to him, that the idea of being able to explore with other men and still be with him, is appealing to me. We watch interracial porn together and he’s always asking me if I like the guy and if he turns me on and even though I do, I’m too afraid to admit it because it just feels wrong. It feels wrong to be in love and still be turned on by someone else.

So it’s even harder for me to admit that I do like the idea of being able to be open about people I find attractive and maybe even want to sleep with them.

To most women who are open about their sexuality thus may be a dream coming true but the hardest part about it is being able to still love and respect him as I do now and not let this change the way I see and feel for him. I, for one, could and would never want to share him with someone else. Something like that would make me retort to violence. So for him to not do anything to stop me from being with someone else makes it hard not to judge him in the end for it because I feel like if he loves me he should be man enough to stop something like that from happening.

I know it’s a narrow way of thinking and I hope people who have experience in this sort of thing can help with my questions and give me different perspectives from their point of views. I feel like I’m overthinking things to the extreme. So I would appreciate honest feedback and suggestions. Thanks for the support.
You have to be true to yourself.
 
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2wheel

Male
Apr 21, 2016
1,587
1,305
296
Bluffton, SC
My philosophy:

"it's only sex"

Just remember that phrase

BUT

always remember men can be very emotional - and it's very different pre-orgasm vs. post-orgasm - that's when fantasy ends reality starts

If you are really interested in following through with his desire:
1 - talk to him as if your engaged in this activity after he cums
2 - make sure you can actually be with another man
3 - make sure you can actually be with another man with him present (a second man)
 
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Leeman

Couple
Aug 5, 2017
272
457
146
Columbus
Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with. If he can't understand that you do not want to do this then move on. The good thing about it is you are only dating and that makes things easier to move on. This life is not for everyone and if it's not for you then don't do it and don't be persuaded by this site or anyone else, make up your own mind. If my wife would have said no then I would have let it go, I would not have tried to push her to do it. Once you've had sex with someone there is no do over. Do what you think is best
 
Jun 10, 2017
135
316
143
Midwest USA
My wife and I think of it like this, she has got the husband who loves her deeply and treats her like a wife in all that comes with it. Love, respect, compassion, sympathy, encouragement and on and on is what my wife has with me. Sure another guy may have a hot body and fucks like a god but sex isn’t everything because most of the time you need a life partner like a husband. So with me she gets the life partner and the hot body lustful sex with another guy or another one when she tires of the last one. She gets both and as she tells me it’s harder to find a good husband than it is finding a hot guy for sex.

To each their own as they say be true to yourself and be yourself. Some want traditional while others go their own way. No right or wrong in what you decide.
 
Last edited:

armyguyot1

Male
Mar 7, 2018
339
247
123
Northwest
i Want to be that women he can explore his desires with. I think it takes great courage to let another man take me and I try to tell myself it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.
Honestly, if i didn’t love him so much i wouldn’t mind sleeping with other people. It’s just confusing: how can I love someone and still want to sleep with someone else? I wish I could just let myself be ok with it and stop looking at everything like its black or white.
Love is in the mind. Sex is just fun.
 

armyguyot1

Male
Mar 7, 2018
339
247
123
Northwest
At least be honest about what turns you on. When she asks if you find a guy hot, be honest. He is trying to learn and be better for you. The only time I could get my wife to share fantasies was when I was in Iraq. I loved it. She won't admit to having nasty slutty thoughts now that I am home. Knowing her fantasies helped me in so many ways.
 

verkitwme

Couple
Mar 6, 2017
2,005
1
8,134
711
USA
My wife and I think of it like this, she has got the husband who loves her deeply and treats her like a wife in all that comes with it. Love, respect, compassion, sympathy, encouragement and on and on is what my wife has with me. Sure another guy may have a hot body and fucks like a god but sex isn’t everything because most of the time you need a life partner like a husband. So with me she gets the life partner and the hot body lustful sex with another guy or another one when she tires of the last one. She gets both and as she tells me it’s harder to find a good husband than it is finding a hot guy for sex.

To each their own as they say be true to yourself and be yourself. Some want traditional while others go their own way. No right or wrong in what you decide.
Well said !
 

verkitwme

Couple
Mar 6, 2017
2,005
1
8,134
711
USA
Communication is the key, kudos to your bf for starting to get the ball rolling and opening up about his feelings.
My hubby is a total Alpha male, successful in business and my best friend. He wanted me to do this, once I got my lovers 9 inch cock in me I was hooked.
Hubby is only 5-5.5 and the difference in size really makes a difference.
 

armyguyot1

Male
Mar 7, 2018
339
247
123
Northwest
It's been 5 months now and you have had a chance to consider, digest, admit whether this turns you on also. Does it? It should be a mutual thrill/fantasy for it to be worthwhile. Do you feel it in your thighs when he talks about it or turn your stomach when he talks about it? Do you breath hard from lust or anger? Hope to hear from you.
 

Myhotwife

Male
Jul 29, 2019
1,070
3,736
353
United States
i Want to be that women he can explore his desires with. I think it takes great courage to let another man take me and I try to tell myself it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.
Honestly, if i didn’t love him so much i wouldn’t mind sleeping with other people. It’s just confusing: how can I love someone and still want to sleep with someone else? I wish I could just let myself be ok with it and stop looking at everything like its black or white.
My wife is going through the same thoughts!