This is the consequences of this life style when things go bad. I know there are lots of stories about how great this experience can be when things feel so good. But I know from experience, like you, how this can destroy a family when things go bad. For anyone wanting to experience this life style, make sure your relationship is sound. Even if you feel your relationship is good, take it slow and access the situation as you go along. Its easy for your wife or girlfriend to forget what is important to them and make bad choices. No one wants to admit this on the site, but its a real danger to a relationship if someone gets destracted and forgets their family. Its not always rainbows and roses so tread lightly because only the strongest relationships can survive long term.
Making a Hotwife!
- Thread starter Iahotwifeshusband
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Reveur
Couple
We are sorry what's happened to you.
We are in the lifestyle since more than 35 years, we have had from the beginning rules that they are not into a discussion.
- we played only if all 2, 3 or 4 players are ok with it and feel good with it.
- No nmeans no, from one from us must be respected from the other.
- Single play (lovers) never over night and not at home.
- to have a break from lifestyle a time where the birth from children was.
- first family and privat vanilla events.
- only in clubs it is allowed to do what everyone from us, to do what he wants.
Lifestyle is only working in solid marriage that is based on trust and honesty.
Sorry for my bad English.
We are in the lifestyle since more than 35 years, we have had from the beginning rules that they are not into a discussion.
- we played only if all 2, 3 or 4 players are ok with it and feel good with it.
- No nmeans no, from one from us must be respected from the other.
- Single play (lovers) never over night and not at home.
- to have a break from lifestyle a time where the birth from children was.
- first family and privat vanilla events.
- only in clubs it is allowed to do what everyone from us, to do what he wants.
Lifestyle is only working in solid marriage that is based on trust and honesty.
Sorry for my bad English.
Yesterday afternoon, I told my wife that it was time to legally separate. Nothing she has done since meeting this guy tells me that we have any future. She agreed.
I put together several emails with information she needed about our current financial picture and questions I had about living together but separate and division of duties. I explained that I would no longer be available to make her life easier and that the point of separation was for her to see what life would be like without me. She said she understands.
I told her that this isn’t what I want but that what I want is not an option. She has taken that option off the table, so this is the best remaining option for me. I told her that I deserve someone who cares for me as much as I care for them.
Four hours later, my wife reached out and informed me that she was going to tell her friend that they could be friends and nothing more. I asked for clarification. My wife said after meeting him for dinner, she realized this may not be what she wants. She said she wants to focus on her and the kids and figure out who she is. She wants to be happy and carefree again. I told her that I want her to be happy. She said she wants the same for me. I said we both have a lot of work to do before that can happen, regardless of what happens next. She agreed.
It was getting late and she starts working early so she said she was going to bed. I haven’t slept well as i am so confused. I have no idea how to interpret her latest move. I assume we are still separating but she isn’t seeing him for now. I don’t thin’ it is over forever yet for her but that is just an educated guess. I have so many questions, but will do my best to save them until we can talk face to face. Who knows when that will be. We will be traveling this weekend as a family and won’t be able to talk with the kids around all of the time.
If nothing else, at least she had a moment of clarity. Whether she will feel that way today remains to be seen. I just need to know so I can move forward. I have been spinning in circles for a month. My hope is that she will agree to counseling and figure out what she needs to be happy. Then I hope she is honest with me about what that means for me.
I still believe a legal separation is the right next step. I want her to seriously think about life after me to decide if she wants a life with me or not. At this point, I don’t know what it will take to move past this myself.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to support me and share their experiences. It means a lot!
I put together several emails with information she needed about our current financial picture and questions I had about living together but separate and division of duties. I explained that I would no longer be available to make her life easier and that the point of separation was for her to see what life would be like without me. She said she understands.
I told her that this isn’t what I want but that what I want is not an option. She has taken that option off the table, so this is the best remaining option for me. I told her that I deserve someone who cares for me as much as I care for them.
Four hours later, my wife reached out and informed me that she was going to tell her friend that they could be friends and nothing more. I asked for clarification. My wife said after meeting him for dinner, she realized this may not be what she wants. She said she wants to focus on her and the kids and figure out who she is. She wants to be happy and carefree again. I told her that I want her to be happy. She said she wants the same for me. I said we both have a lot of work to do before that can happen, regardless of what happens next. She agreed.
It was getting late and she starts working early so she said she was going to bed. I haven’t slept well as i am so confused. I have no idea how to interpret her latest move. I assume we are still separating but she isn’t seeing him for now. I don’t thin’ it is over forever yet for her but that is just an educated guess. I have so many questions, but will do my best to save them until we can talk face to face. Who knows when that will be. We will be traveling this weekend as a family and won’t be able to talk with the kids around all of the time.
If nothing else, at least she had a moment of clarity. Whether she will feel that way today remains to be seen. I just need to know so I can move forward. I have been spinning in circles for a month. My hope is that she will agree to counseling and figure out what she needs to be happy. Then I hope she is honest with me about what that means for me.
I still believe a legal separation is the right next step. I want her to seriously think about life after me to decide if she wants a life with me or not. At this point, I don’t know what it will take to move past this myself.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to support me and share their experiences. It means a lot!
Reveur
Couple
Everyone needs second chance, who knows maybe she is honest with you and wants to try one more time. Or it is the financial side.
Wish you a lot of luck.
Wish you a lot of luck.
I'd still get the process of the paperwork done. She's to irrational and goes from one extreme to the other. Focus on you and your kids, get the paperwork filed. It can always be canceled.
Don't trust her
Don't trust her
It sounds a bit like a roller coaster ride for.you. Hopefully things change for the better and you work things out. But, it will most definately be a steep road ahead and will need a commitment from her.
She's bat shit crazy and a dangerous narcissist not to be trusted around your sons. They are at a very impressionable age, keep her away. They need to see dad man up and do the hard stuff, be strong and cut her out of your life. She has spent years disrespecting you and her role as mother.
"Me first" is not a roll model.
"Me first" is not a roll model.
Sadly I agree with your self-assessment. When it's over it's over! Your happiness is also important and you shouldn't need to sacrifice it for her happiness., it's supposed to be mutual.
Strangely, the process for reconciliation and divorce can run a parallel course right up until the papers are signed as a final, binding judgement. In other words, she could be demonstrating that she is all in with you and you could tell your attorney to hold off with the final submission. If she shows that she still wants to be with the other man, you just keep pressing forward with the divorce.
In other words, she will need to figure out if her primary relationship is with you or the other man (or even someone else).
Not much new to add over the past day. We did have a few minor interactions via text yesterday and she called me briefly after dinner last night. I was in the car with my son, so it was light banter only. She is looking at our financial information, which I provided, to come up with her suggestions on how to divide assets and liabilities. I have a feeling I will have to push this as it is in her best interest to keep all of our finances together.
She will come home tomorrow and hopefully there is some time to talk about next steps this weekend. We are all traveling together to a weekend sporting event for our son so time for just the two of us will be limited.
She will come home tomorrow and hopefully there is some time to talk about next steps this weekend. We are all traveling together to a weekend sporting event for our son so time for just the two of us will be limited.
I would give her a finite amount of time to make a reasonable recommendation. If she stalls beyond that timeline turn it over to your legal team and let them handle it. Tell your lawyer(s) to obtain the best outcome for you. Then detach. Lord knows they cost a lot, so make them do the heavy lifting.
You certainly dont want her sticking around because of her dependence on your financial support. If shes taking this long to come around then her feelings for you are probably not there and shes unsure about the next step. You will likely have to decide the next step for her. In either case, if you decide that you want to move to divorce, you will have to begin the process of dividing financials and assets.
Keep in mind if you both can agree on how to split the assets and custody of the boys, then avoid the lawyers and find a paralegal to draw up the paperwork. Its a ton cheaper.
Yup! The longer the lawyers are engaged, the more $$$$$ gets eaten away from both sides. The only ones who win are the lawyers.
@Iahotwifeshusband, make sure you retain a shark of a lawyer who has a good track record of getting the job done. They may be more expensive up front, but could likely be less expensive in the long run.
Our whole family will be traveling together this weekend for a sporting event so I won’t be making any updates to this thread and I don’t expect any groundbreaking changes.
The next steps are learning how my wife thinks we should separate finances and talk about splitting assets. She has the information from me to make her own review and proposal. I also have some thoughts on this topic but want her to share her thoughts first.
The next steps are learning how my wife thinks we should separate finances and talk about splitting assets. She has the information from me to make her own review and proposal. I also have some thoughts on this topic but want her to share her thoughts first.
My brother went through a similar situation.
He said he felt like a "paycheck with a penis".
He said he felt like a "paycheck with a penis".
If she drags her feet, start making decisions for her. Take control.
Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll realize what a fool she's been. Good luck ! We're pulling for you
Pretty uneventful weekend, which is a good thing. We had a few minutes to talk and were able to share where we each are at right now and what we expect moving forward. We talked a bit about dividing up finances but didn’t make any decisions as she didn’t have all the details in front of her.
There are a lot of layers to her current thought process. She turns 40 in a few weeks and she admits she is having a bit of a midlife crises. She wants more fun and excitement in her life after raising kids since she was 20. I am ten years older and very conservative in life. Her new friend is a wild spirit like my wife. It is something that’s been missing for her for 20 years as she focused on being a mom. She admitted that I have lost my shine but knows it is because I put my family first. Neither of us have taken care of ourselves for years and in many ways we blamed the other person.
I have dreamed of a more exciting life on many occasions, but haven’t ever followed through. She and I have both been emotionally distant for a long time and were afraid to ask for more from the other person. How we reacted to that distance is the root of the pain. In her eyes, the genie is out of the bottle and she doesn’t really want to put it back. She also knows that I have always had her back, and just needs to decide what she wants moving forward.
We are still proceeding with the formal separation, but we are talking and it helps to know what she is thinking. No matter what, we need to keep the kids as priority number one. Everything else is negotiable.
I am starting to realize that I will be happy, in time, no matter how this turns out. It just sucks right now!
There are a lot of layers to her current thought process. She turns 40 in a few weeks and she admits she is having a bit of a midlife crises. She wants more fun and excitement in her life after raising kids since she was 20. I am ten years older and very conservative in life. Her new friend is a wild spirit like my wife. It is something that’s been missing for her for 20 years as she focused on being a mom. She admitted that I have lost my shine but knows it is because I put my family first. Neither of us have taken care of ourselves for years and in many ways we blamed the other person.
I have dreamed of a more exciting life on many occasions, but haven’t ever followed through. She and I have both been emotionally distant for a long time and were afraid to ask for more from the other person. How we reacted to that distance is the root of the pain. In her eyes, the genie is out of the bottle and she doesn’t really want to put it back. She also knows that I have always had her back, and just needs to decide what she wants moving forward.
We are still proceeding with the formal separation, but we are talking and it helps to know what she is thinking. No matter what, we need to keep the kids as priority number one. Everything else is negotiable.
I am starting to realize that I will be happy, in time, no matter how this turns out. It just sucks right now!
The pain her rejection caused is going to be part of you forever, but it will get better. Research says it generally takes men about 5 years to really process the grief.
I suggest you do something proactive for yourself. Hit the gym to burn off energy.
When my life hit emotional rock bottom I went skydiving. Now when I think back on that time I have a very positive feeling about things instead of strictly negative. And get laid, go find a hooker and fuck her ass off.
I have been working out daily and it helps. I need some way to burn the energy and I am less stressed when I am done working out. Plus, it will improve my posture, fitness level, and confidence longer term.
I want to get the separation paperwork filled out this week and signed so we both know where we stand. My wife requests right now are very reasonable and would not significantly change me long term financial plan. That takes one of my concerns off the table by getting it documented. Then,I can focus on the mental and physical aspects of losing my wife and best friend. It’s going to take some time, but I have faith everything will be okay.
I want to get the separation paperwork filled out this week and signed so we both know where we stand. My wife requests right now are very reasonable and would not significantly change me long term financial plan. That takes one of my concerns off the table by getting it documented. Then,I can focus on the mental and physical aspects of losing my wife and best friend. It’s going to take some time, but I have faith everything will be okay.
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