Non-scary activities for a nervous wife?

Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
Hi all, my wife has expressed interest in threesomes but had a really bad swinging experience with a crappy ex and that’s made her nervous around the subject of other people. She knows I talk about kink with online kinky friends. I’d like her to get to know some lifestyle people and see that they are not weirdos, but she has said she won’t go to a sex party, for example.

Can anyone recommend any less-scary, less-threatening — but still sexy — (probably online) activities we can try, so she can feel in control of the experience and experiment with what she likes in a safe space? Was there something that helped your partner get more comfortable? She likes both men and women.

Thanks in advance.
 
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Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
Here’s what I came up with. She might still be nervous about some of these.
  1. Share no-face body pics with another couple or single male
  2. Join a group video chat with other couples but just watch
  3. Browse dirty pictures on Reddit and comment if we like them
  4. Watch a couple fuck on cam but don’t broadcast
  5. Set up a Kik for her and make a Reddit ad with the address in it
  6. Read erotic story together on a topic she chooses
  7. Take sexy pics in costumes for my eyes only
  8. Video chat with a dominatrix about light BDSM techniques
  9. Write an erotic story with someone on r/dirtypenpals
 
Last edited:

Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
I’m undoing the damage done by the real piece of work she was married to before. Gotta be patient. But she’s horny like everyone else. So I think it’s about giving her a situation where she feels enough control.
 

Hwcouple702

Well-Known Member
Verified
Aug 15, 2018
186
1,292
143
Join and become a paid member of a quality lifestyle site for your area. Find meet and greet parties that are held at a local venue, bar, etc. Meet people in a completely non threatening environment and just make some connections by chatting with other sexy guys and girls.
 
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Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
Join and become a paid member of a quality lifestyle site for your area. Find meet and greet parties that are held at a local venue, bar, etc. Meet people in a completely non threatening environment and just make some connections by chatting with other sexy guys and girls.
Like a munch, yeah. The in person aspect is way beyond her comfort level. I’m looking for online interactions I think. Thanks though.
 
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Scrambled

Active Member
Dec 7, 2020
111
95
28
Hi all, my wife has expressed interest in threesomes but had a really bad swinging experience with a crappy ex and that’s made her nervous around the subject of other people. She knows I talk about kink with online kinky friends. I’d like her to get to know some lifestyle people and see that they are not weirdos, but she has said she won’t go to a sex party, for example.

Can anyone recommend any less-scary, less-threatening — but still sexy — (probably online) activities we can try, so she can feel in control of the experience and experiment with what she likes in a safe space? Was there something that helped your partner get more comfortable? She likes both men and women.

Thanks in advance.
This is where my wife can meet me in the middle for now:
  1. Flirt with other men. Touching, hugging, compliments, inuendos.
  2. Carry a couple of condoms in her purse "just in case"... because, "you never know"
  3. Ever heard of a cuddling party? (Google it) Go to "cuddling parties" to cuddle with other men.
  4. Share detailed fantasies about other men and she works to get a rise out of me.
  5. Read a hotwife romance novel.
  6. Texts me sexy nude/partially nude pictures and videos of guys she fantasizes about having sex with.
  7. Dress super sexy (no bra,no underwear, super short, low cut, form fitting + heals) to go out to lunch or go shopping with a male friend or a group of male friends that I know she's attracted to.
  8. Go out to a male strip show with a friend (male or female.)
  9. Wear a short minidress with no underwear. We sit at a high bar table. She intentionally flashes some guys by leaving her legs slightly open while we talk. Or she intentionally wears revealing clothes like a sheer top that a guy would need to be close enough to notice.
  10. Go to a dance club/bar and dance with other men. She goes home with me.
  11. FULL body, nude massage from a man of her choosing, no towel to cover.
  12. Do a nude photo shoot with another man as the photographer. He uses our camera, our SD card. The photo shoot is multiple photos in various stages of clothing-- trying on things, and removing, until we have fully nude with a variety of poses.
  13. A board game involving another man where the stakes are mildly erotic.
  14. Sign up for a website like Bumble where she can meet men. (Different from the meetup site.)
  15. Request a dick pics from a guy.
  16. Engage in a video chat with a nice guy who lives far away.
  17. Go to a weekend sex workshop/conference where they teach/ talk about various techniques
  18. Nude sunbathing on a public beach front and back side.
If we can find/create the situation, she will do these things.
 

Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
This is where my wife can meet me in the middle for now:
  1. Flirt with other men. Touching, hugging, compliments, inuendos.
  2. Carry a couple of condoms in her purse "just in case"... because, "you never know"
  3. Ever heard of a cuddling party? (Google it) Go to "cuddling parties" to cuddle with other men.
  4. Share detailed fantasies about other men and she works to get a rise out of me.
  5. Read a hotwife romance novel.
  6. Texts me sexy nude/partially nude pictures and videos of guys she fantasizes about having sex with.
  7. Dress super sexy (no bra,no underwear, super short, low cut, form fitting + heals) to go out to lunch or go shopping with a male friend or a group of male friends that I know she's attracted to.
  8. Go out to a male strip show with a friend (male or female.)
  9. Wear a short minidress with no underwear. We sit at a high bar table. She intentionally flashes some guys by leaving her legs slightly open while we talk. Or she intentionally wears revealing clothes like a sheer top that a guy would need to be close enough to notice.
  10. Go to a dance club/bar and dance with other men. She goes home with me.
  11. FULL body, nude massage from a man of her choosing, no towel to cover.
  12. Do a nude photo shoot with another man as the photographer. He uses our camera, our SD card. The photo shoot is multiple photos in various stages of clothing-- trying on things, and removing, until we have fully nude with a variety of poses.
  13. A board game involving another man where the stakes are mildly erotic.
  14. Sign up for a website like Bumble where she can meet men. (Different from the meetup site.)
  15. Request a dick pics from a guy.
  16. Engage in a video chat with a nice guy who lives far away.
  17. Go to a weekend sex workshop/conference where they teach/ talk about various techniques
  18. Nude sunbathing on a public beach front and back side.
If we can find/create the situation, she will do these things.
A few of these at the end that aren’t in person seem like possibilities for us, thanks Scrambled!
 
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desimilf80

Well-Known Member
Dec 11, 2017
106
559
93
Here’s what I came up with. She might still be nervous about some of these.
  1. Share no-face body pics with another couple or single male
  2. Join a group video chat with other couples but just watch
  3. Browse dirty pictures on Reddit and comment if we like them
  4. Watch a couple fuck on cam but don’t broadcast
  5. Set up a Kik for her and make a Reddit ad with the address in it
  6. Read erotic story together on a topic she chooses
  7. Take sexy pics in costumes for my eyes only
  8. Video chat with a dominatrix about light BDSM techniques
  9. Write an erotic story with someone on r/dirtypenpals
Agree, a few more that may work
10. Go to a gentlemens club with her, there will be quite a few girls around, not working, have a drink only
11. When having sex, ask her to fantasise she is having sex with someone else and afterwards ask her who it was.
12. Make a video of yourselves wearing classy face masks, like the Venice masks not covid masks, watch it later and see if you want to share that with penpals
 

Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
Agree, a few more that may work
10. Go to a gentlemens club with her, there will be quite a few girls around, not working, have a drink only
11. When having sex, ask her to fantasise she is having sex with someone else and afterwards ask her who it was.
12. Make a video of yourselves wearing classy face masks, like the Venice masks not covid masks, watch it later and see if you want to share that with penpals
Thanks, masks are a good idea. She already has slutty costumes. However, she is very sensitive about sharing images (her ex abused this privilege) and sadly we can’t go to a strip club or anywhere for months because of Covid. I’m trying to make Reddit/other online stuff seem less scary to her. Surely there are sexy online experiences and there has to be a way to make them feel non threatening.
 
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Scrambled

Active Member
Dec 7, 2020
111
95
28
A few of these at the end that aren’t in person seem like possibilities for us, thanks Scrambl
Thanks, masks are a good idea. She already has slutty costumes. However, she is very sensitive about sharing images (her ex abused this privilege) and sadly we can’t go to a strip club or anywhere for months because of Covid. I’m trying to make Reddit/other online stuff seem less scary to her. Surely there are sexy online experiences and there has to be a way to make them feel non threatening.
Exactly! Maybe you could start a hotwife group for the Not quite there hotwife. Or.... r/Approachinghotwife
 
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Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
Ha, at this point I think she’d consider “hotwife” an insult and not realize it means “I can have all the dick I want” lol
 
Dec 21, 2016
303
609
93
dead easy drop your knickers turn round and bend over and open wide and feel the pleasure and react accordingly the way your body wants too dead simple and your juices will soon start to flow
 

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Angelo1977

Member
Aug 18, 2020
86
49
18
I would suggest a very smooth seduction

The person seducing should be given all the info and red flags, so he can disarm any ticking timebombs. Plus he should be awaure that he will need ti invest time and effort to mature the situation
 

Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
dead easy drop your knickers turn round and bend over and open wide and feel the pleasure and react accordingly the way your body wants too dead simple and your juices will soon start to flow
I did tell her about that aspect actually, hehe.
 

Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
I would suggest a very smooth seduction

The person seducing should be given all the info and red flags, so he can disarm any ticking timebombs. Plus he should be awaure that he will need ti invest time and effort to mature the situation
That’s where we are. I explained that she has the fun and my benefit is watching her enjoy herself.
 
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Hieronymo

Male
Jan 5, 2021
51
52
18
Okay! As her first step into this kinky world, I showed her Reddit for the first time. She wanted to look at women with mom bods like hers, she was most interested in that. She’s not feeling great about her mom bod so I think seeing similar moms being confident about their bodies interested her.
Contemplating next steps. She is NOT ready to share pics yet.
 

Bobby75

Male
Verified
Feb 11, 2017
312
408
63
Cape Cod Ma
Okay! As her first step into this kinky world, I showed her Reddit for the first time. She wanted to look at women with mom bods like hers, she was most interested in that. She’s not feeling great about her mom bod so I think seeing similar moms being confident about their bodies interested her.
Contemplating next steps. She is NOT ready to share pics yet.
Don’t push the pic thing. Keep telling her how beautiful she is and that other men feel the same way. Tell her how someone commented about her looks even if you have to make it up
 

Hwcouple702

Well-Known Member
Verified
Aug 15, 2018
186
1,292
143
Okay! As her first step into this kinky world, I showed her Reddit for the first time. She wanted to look at women with mom bods like hers, she was most interested in that. She’s not feeling great about her mom bod so I think seeing similar moms being confident about their bodies interested her.
Contemplating next steps. She is NOT ready to share pics yet.
That is a very positive progression. This would be a GREAT time for her to begin a fitness lifestyle and to change her body back into something she is comfortable with. There is certainly nothing wrong with all shapes and sizes in the lifestyle and we love so many diverse shapes and sizes we meet, but if she isn't comfortable with her body she can change that. The added confidence and activity will def increase her desire for sex and will transfer to all other areas of her life as well. Both of you could train together. With CoVid and all of the resulting lack of social opportunities this is the perfect time to begin. We recommend "Starting Strength" (or The Barbell Prescription if you are approaching or over 40) as a great program, requires very little time and provides the most opportunity for strength and muscle gains without all of the time consuming other stuff. Very little equipment is needed and most gyms have what is needed. Pretty simple program and pays huge dividends. As always, you can simply begin walking more, perhaps running if that's your preference and other calisthentics.

Mrs Hotwife