Yeah this all sounds good and is kind of the ideal situation I'd want. One issue is finding that guy - I have one really close friend that I definitely trust, whose wife basically doesn't have sex with him and who I think my wife kind of likes and feels sorry for. She insists she doesn't really find him attractive and says she only teases him (really she kind of flirts with him) because "he's harmless." He's a bit of a chick-magnet though and women always talk to him when we go out. My wife knows this and I think that's what might make him attractive - that other women want him (except his wife lol). Yet, I have zero fear she would ever leave me for him, they are just not compatible in that way and he also would never go behind my back. It's a bit weird though since my wife knows his wife and he works for me. I am also not sure how I would feel repeatedly seeing a dude who had fucked my wife in social settings.
Like you say, it is hard to predict exactly how I'd feel the first time. If it turns out I feel a lot more jealousy than I anticipate, it would be a lot easier not having to see the guy again.
In terms of controlling the sexual encounters, it concerns me that if she had sex with a friend we often see, it provides more opportunity for unplanned things to happen. Like what if she decides "well he already fucked me, why not let him do it again" at a time where I don't know about it. I think I could probably trust my wife not to do this but you never know.
Beyond this, I have no one I would trust and feel comfortable doing this with.
Yeah, I think I would definitely start this way, with maybe just a oral. I think an ideal scenario is I start fooling around with my wife, undressing her, and then begin with something like me going down on her, then the other guy takes his cock out for her to stroke or her sucking my cock while I open her legs so the other guy can touch her pussy, maybe go down on her. Then I'd fuck her while he puts his cock near her mouth, prompting her to suck it.
I think if we can manage to have one good first encounter, it will totally change her attitude. She often comes up with all sorts of rationale in her head as to why she isn't going to like something but then once she experiences it, she totally changes her mind. Case and point - she had never eaten Indian food when we first met so I tried taking her to an Indian restaurant but she wouldn't get out of the car. She had various ridiculous reasons she didn't want to even try it. I thought it was so crazy I almost questioned dating her lol... then sometime later she relented, loved it and now frequently cooks Indian dishes / forces me to go out for it even if I'm not in the mood.
This seems much the same to me. Knowing how she is, I am 100% sure she would very much enjoy an MFM experience (provided the other dude doesn't ruin it) but she is hung up on various notions of why it is abnormal and not good for our marriage.
This is why deliberately planning it seems challenging. Maybe we can eventually get there but it is very hard for her to have a sober conversation about it, outside of the arousal of us having sex. However, I feel like if we were in the right situation, where she'd had a couple drinks to relax, we got to talking with some guy she was attracted to, who got what was going on, and then I put the moves on her / coaxed her to let the other guy touch her, things would take off from there. I think if that worked out, then it would be possible to have a conversation about planning the next encounter.
I did actually one time, a few years ago, when I first introduced this idea to her, try to get her to meet a guy at a hotel with me, who would initially just take photos / video of us having sex... and then maybe more could happen if she wanted. She initially kind of consented but then as I was making arrangements to actually do it, she suddenly got upset, said she didn't want it and backed out. Who knows though, we're definitely in a different place now and maybe that could work if I tried it again at some point. I think a big part of her reluctance is also insecurity about someone else seeing her body and it seems like her confidence about that is improving between going to the gym and noticing more how when she goes out with her friends, guys mostly try to hit on her.
Maybe I'll bring up planning something again eventually if nothing more spontaneous happens. I think maybe in the next year or so it could be the right time.
I am not really sure I'd want to know that and incorporating someone we both know into sex talk seems like it would potentially promote cheating. One of the big things I am afraid of in pushing the sharing further currently, is that my wife will take it as a green-light to do something (even though I've made it clear I'd consider it cheating if she did something without my knowledge). Given how difficult it is for her to soberly talk about this and how long its taken for her to gradually admit more and more that it turns her on, I think there is a chance she could decide that, since I want her to fuck another guy but she is afraid to do it with me, maybe she could do a trial-run and fuck someone by herself. Having sex talk about a specific person almost seems like a green-light to do something with them.
That said, it also depends who it was. If it was some guy I had a sort of adversarial or competitive relationship with, like the douchebag husbands of a couple of her friends, it would definitely create negative feelings. On the other hand, if it was just some random dude removed from our social life, like a contractor doing work at the house, I don't think I'd mind. You don't know who its going to be though until you pry haha... and I'm not sure I want to find out.
I do know the type of guys she likes though and I feel like it might be better to meet someone who fit the description but who was removed from our social life.
Thanks for the feedback and suggestions. I feel like your experience and style of sharing is pretty relevant to what I'm hoping to accomplish.
Hopefully I won't come off as too preachy and rambling, but here goes. Our rules were very explicit with both of us actively working to make certain the other was secure in the relationship. I may get flamed on here for some of this. 😄
I didn't ask you some background questions and wants which played a big role in all my sharing relationships, especially with my wife. So here are ours which hopefully you can take away some things for yourselves.
Both my wife and I when we started preferred bareback (I discovered i really enjoyed sloppy seconds after doing it too) which then brought up the issue of birth control and how to be safe from a health perspective. She was on the pill but after our first pregnancy we agreed she should stop taking it. Those 2 parameters were the start that pushed us towards long-term relationships.
Another issue was taking pictures and videos which was something I really enjoyed and she later discovered she really enjoyed viewing as well. Any decent guy would need to trust us with the media. Mutual trust popped up as the core quality we were seeking and offering, because for all this we would need a guy who was transparent and honest.
We also wanted partners that were discrete. Our lifestyle was never exposed to our family, vanilla friends or kids even over 12 years of being involved which, I believe, is a validation of our process. We wouldn't have been crushed on my side had it come out, but her family would have been a different story.
She had to like the guy obviously, but so did I; not in a sexual way, rather getting along or a friendship. I wasn't looking for, nor was she, some insecure egotistical guy out to prove something. We wanted friendly, exploring, learning and maybe teaching. Fortunately I have a real good sixth sense about people which kept us from picking bad partners.
Along these lines, I strongly recommend picking someone you know already and trust. It complicates things in some ways, but with the right guy those are outweighed by knowing their background and personality. If you are like me, which I think is the case, you are the alpha sharing your wife. It won't bother you that you see the guy in your social circle if you pick the right guy or guy(s). He is the guest you are the host. It isn't submissive for you to see them. Mine actually acted submissive to me in social interactions and all were very masculine guys (read my stories).
The birth control issue also took us out of playing with full intercourse between her next 2 pregnancies (3 years inbetween) which took alot of patience after doing our first "real" threesome during her second. We did oral only and pictures, plus our FMF threesomes happened during this "intermission". Those were fun but not my favorite. I tried to find a vasectomy safe guy, but she wasn't into older men who were the only guys I could find who had gotten the procedure. After our third she had her tubes tied and I got a vasectomy as well.
Basically by our requirements we had really slimmed down the available pool of potential partners we had to chose from and it took a lot of work and most definitely a lot of patience to find suitable partners. I have a story on here "Petite Wife College Athlete" which describes our process in some detail. Our process was also centered around the idea of us "First". The partners were included to "enhance" our relationship, not replace the other. If it ever appeared that an extra or couple was a problem, even briefly for non-sex life events, we agreed we both had the right to decide to back off.
I am hearing in your words you want "together encounters" not "separate encounters", similar to the way we approached it. I'm a Voyuer Alpha not submissive cuck (although there is nothing wrong with that in Seinfeld speak), which can be a difficult concept for some women to understand based on popular misperceptions of cuckolding. It is an important conversation to have with your wife IMO about your insecurities. There is nothing wrong with having insecurities, we all have them, especially on your most important relationship.
I would also listen to her when she says she is afraid she will get carried away. You don't want that to happen, so you need to be clear that this isn't a "greenlight" to do whatever she wants, but a redefining of fidelity; it isn't chaos but hard and fast rules even if those are untraditional rules. State things explicitly, no "assuming". One of our rules was we always had sex (to include kissing or petting) together (she wanted it that way as well with the women). If she or I were to have sex without the other present that would have been cheating. If she ran into the guy or me a woman that conversation would be told to the other (which was fun actually). Again, we both had veto power at any time, which we each only used once.
The most critical boundary you should commit to each other is that neither one of you will do anything or allow anything to happen that you are uncomfortable with doing. No "going along" or taking "one for the team". This requires both of you to be honest with yourselves. It is okay to be insecure with something by saying no. It is also important to self-reflect on when something changes from an ask to pestering pressure.
As competitive guys, you should weed them out and you should be the "dominant" male in all encounters (you being dominant is important for your wife in a standard male led relationship, so don't lose it. It is different in female led relationships), although I was always a friendly, polite, benevolent host, which is what I recommend.
I used subtle but clear mannerisms to get this across (Funny how it works with guys) such as; i always setup our get togethers, I was the one greeting them at the door with her joining later, they got a strong handshake with eye contact, i was typically their only point of contact outside our get togethers. She also interacted with me, make eye contact, mouthing "I love you" or "you are wonderful", asking what they should do next during stops. She overtly did things for me she knew I liked watching. This is easy if your wife is collaborating because the guys are often as nervous as you. They will want you talking to break the tension. It should be a threeway conversation and interacton, not a quiet 2-way interaction with you as an outside observer. It's just like having a buddy overto your house; you wouldn't expect him to come over to hang-out with your wife alone, but interact with her only with you. Same thing here.
Also don't worry about her thinking she will be uncomfortable with you there the first time. Mine said the same thing our first time which was absolutely not the case. The one time i left the room for a few minutes while she was still "engaged with the guy" she felt like something was missing without me there.
Your wife should be onboard to help ease your insecurities especially for the first time. You may be the driver behind sharing, but you're still human with feelings and doubts. She should know directly that you do not want to lose her sharing her (even if you mention that you think that is a remote possibility) but that you want it to make your marriage stronger which you know it can. You can tell her you researched it. 😄
One rule my wife wanted, which she told the guys, to avoid what happened once with a covert candidate guy; if a guy ever mentioned wanting to see her alone, even joking, it would be over immediately for good. We never had to use it. She also let the guys know all communications, whispers etc. were shared. If you pick right the guys get it; they are a privileged guest you both are inviting to join you.
I feel this relates because you and I are alike separated by 2 decades. In your posts I hear the same feelings i had with similar concerns before my wife and I had our first threesome. My recommendation is patience, as you are doing. Sharing will make even a great marriage better. It does complicate things somewhat, but it should be in a fun secret between you two way. Start with things together by yourselves, which you are already doing with fantasy talk, etc. then move on to being watched, foreplay only, oral only or some limited partner play to start if needed to make you both comfortable.
I remember the moment I felt completely relaxed and connected to my wife in a threesome. After the guy's first orgasm they were both sitting on the floor, with her back against his chest, their legs out in front of them, her inside his legs and his arms around her with his hands palms down on her thighs. She lifts her knees up exposing her pussy, telling the guy to spread her pussy lips so i can see her cum filled pussy. It was a wow moment. It was a gorgeous picture too with her having the most amazing sultry smile.
