Stag versus Cuckold... (Note that both involve the term hotwife)

[seppo55]

I greatly desire the thoughts/insights of the knowledgeable practitioners found here on the husband's role in this type of arrangement. First some background. My wife and I have recently begun playing with the hotwife fantasy, primarily with me (the husband) being a cuckold. However, my wife is very shy and submissive, and would need me to arrange everything if things were ever to go from the fantasy stage towards any kind of reality. Now much of cuckolding literature involves the husband reverting to a much more submissive role as his wife (1) becomes more comfortable with her new role, and then (2) starts to enjoy it. Often in these scenarios, there is a good deal of welcome humiliation going on, as well as the husband becoming subservient to both his wife and her boyfriend. My question is, does it need to be that way? I think not. My own perspective is that I might very well like to watch another man sexually pleasure my wife, to revel in her enjoyment of a type of sex that I have difficulty providing for her, however, we both (my wife and I) are enjoying the encounter, which only takes place as long as we are both getting what we want from it. In that sense, the "boyfriend" is much more like a living sex toy than a quasi-dominant player with any king of rights to sexual favors from the wife or position of alpha dominance over the husband. I believe this attitude makes me more stag than cuckold...

Now it is true that marital relationships do evolve and change over time, and what might be true today might not be true tomorrow, but those dynamics begin with and can remain with the original husband-wife pair. While it may also be true that once out, the genie can never be completely, put back in the bottle, as long as the genie is granting our wishes alone, if the lines of communication are open between husband and wife with no deception (including engaging in self-deception), what pitfalls do any of you see going forward? Also, what is your take on separating sex from love, and should a husband expect that his wife will to some extant fall in love with a new man that is fucking her and providing deeply pleasurable sex with passion? Can one fall in love with a cock and not fall in love with that cock's owner?

My appreciation in advance...

 

[justanothercuck]

One thing I've learned over the past year or so, is that there isn't a one-size fits all situation. There are a lot of general terms out there that carry a lot of weight with them, but ultimately it's up to you and your wife to decide what works for you. Just because "cuckolding" usually involves humiliation, doesn't mean you have to include that in your own life. Just do what you enjoy and keep it at that. I personally prefer the term stag since, like you, I'm not into any humiliation. I also just love the idea of her being pleased by someone else like a human sex toy and not so much a "better man" giving her something else. That being said, there are some parts of cuckolding that I seem to enjoy. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what label someone would put on me, the important part is that my wife and I have found a great dynamic that works for us and that's what we do.

As far as your second concern, my wife needs some sort of connection beyond just physical attraction in order for her to enjoy herself. She's not the type that can go to a glory hole or just pick any hung guy. She likes to talk to them, hang out, etc... and the sex becomes part of that. That doesn't mean that she falls in love with them. It's very well known that for most women, attraction and arousal is as much mental as it is physical whereas us men, generally, couldn't care less what they think; if they're hot we're fucking! It's completely natural to feel jealousy and sometimes even feel threatened, especially early on. But at the end of the day you have to put trust in the strength of your relationship and love. I'm sure that you'll see extreme cuckolds/bulls say that she'll leave you for a better cock or someone who fucks her better, but that's all part of the general fantasy. Root yourself in your own reality rather than taking the extremes you see online and applying it to her/you.

Interestingly enough, my wife had a date last night with a guy she's been talking to a while. Apparently he hadn't realized that she was in an open relationship and when she mentioned it, his first question was "why are you still with him?". It's a question she says she gets a lot from the guys she sees. She them proceeds to explain that she loves me, and that she's not going to leave me just for some dick. Sure, she has guys who fuck her really really well, but a few hours of fucking aren't going to make the bond that we have formed over years go away. And yes, she has definitely fallen in love with some cocks without falling in love with the owner.

You know your relationship best. Trust in what you have and decide what's best for the two of you. It gets better and better each time. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more and best of luck with everything!

 

[seppo55]

One thing I've learned over the past year or so, is that there isn't a one-size fits all situation. There are a lot of general terms out there that carry a lot of weight with them, but ultimately it's up to you and your wife to decide what works for you. Just because "cuckolding" usually involves humiliation, doesn't mean you have to include that in your own life. Just do what you enjoy and keep it at that. I personally prefer the term stag since, like you, I'm not into any humiliation. I also just love the idea of her being pleased by someone else like a human sex toy and not so much a "better man" giving her something else. That being said, there are some parts of cuckolding that I seem to enjoy. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what label someone would put on me, the important part is that my wife and I have found a great dynamic that works for us and that's what we do.

As far as your second concern, my wife needs some sort of connection beyond just physical attraction in order for her to enjoy herself. She's not the type that can go to a glory hole or just pick any hung guy. She likes to talk to them, hang out, etc... and the sex becomes part of that. That doesn't mean that she falls in love with them. It's very well known that for most women, attraction and arousal is as much mental as it is physical whereas us men, generally, couldn't care less what they think; if they're hot we're fucking! It's completely natural to feel jealousy and sometimes even feel threatened, especially early on. But at the end of the day you have to put trust in the strength of your relationship and love. I'm sure that you'll see extreme cuckolds/bulls say that she'll leave you for a better cock or someone who fucks her better, but that's all part of the general fantasy. Root yourself in your own reality rather than taking the extremes you see online and applying it to her/you.

Interestingly enough, my wife had a date last night with a guy she's been talking to a while. Apparently he hadn't realized that she was in an open relationship and when she mentioned it, his first question was "why are you still with him?". It's a question she says she gets a lot from the guys she sees. She them proceeds to explain that she loves me, and that she's not going to leave me just for some dick. Sure, she has guys who fuck her really really well, but a few hours of fucking aren't going to make the bond that we have formed over years go away. And yes, she has definitely fallen in love with some cocks without falling in love with the owner.

You know your relationship best. Trust in what you have and decide what's best for the two of you. It gets better and better each time. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more and best of luck with everything!

Sage advice, and I may turn to you for more

 

[sabo11]

Many women can hold at bay a deep emotional connection and let the bull be a human sex toy for pure pleasure. Like the best lifesize sex doll available. There is always risk to the Stag / cuckold but there are ways to mitigate the risk like choosing much younger partners / bulls

 

[seppo55]

Many women can hold at bay a deep emotional connection and let the bull be a human sex toy for pure pleasure. Like the best lifesize sex doll available. There is always risk to the Stag / cuckold but there are ways to mitigate the risk like choosing much younger partners / bulls

Excellent suggestion. We have also considered having several at any one time, to avoid my wife being in effect monagamous to one boyfriend...

 

[sabo11]

For some young men, sleeping with a married woman (milf) is a fantasy, once accomplished some don't want to repeat very soon. They come back again but sometimes not for months. Not sure why that is just the way it plays out.

 

[verkitwme]

We HATE the term "bull" in our case we use the term "lovers" as that's what they are. Loving great guys....

 

[Uncledude55]

I greatly desire the thoughts/insights of the knowledgeable practitioners found here on the husband's role in this type of arrangement. First some background. My wife and I have recently begun playing with the hotwife fantasy, primarily with me (the husband) being a cuckold. However, my wife is very shy and submissive, and would need me to arrange everything if things were ever to go from the fantasy stage towards any kind of reality. Now much of cuckolding literature involves the husband reverting to a much more submissive role as his wife (1) becomes more comfortable with her new role, and then (2) starts to enjoy it. Often in these scenarios, there is a good deal of welcome humiliation going on, as well as the husband becoming subservient to both his wife and her boyfriend. My question is, does it need to be that way? I think not. My own perspective is that I might very well like to watch another man sexually pleasure my wife, to revel in her enjoyment of a type of sex that I have difficulty providing for her, however, we both (my wife and I) are enjoying the encounter, which only takes place as long as we are both getting what we want from it. In that sense, the "boyfriend" is much more like a living sex toy than a quasi-dominant player with any king of rights to sexual favors from the wife or position of alpha dominance over the husband. I believe this attitude makes me more stag than cuckold...

Now it is true that marital relationships do evolve and change over time, and what might be true today might not be true tomorrow, but those dynamics begin with and can remain with the original husband-wife pair. While it may also be true that once out, the genie can never be completely, put back in the bottle, as long as the genie is granting our wishes alone, if the lines of communication are open between husband and wife with no deception (including engaging in self-deception), what pitfalls do any of you see going forward? Also, what is your take on separating sex from love, and should a husband expect that his wife will to some extant fall in love with a new man that is fucking her and providing deeply pleasurable sex with passion? Can one fall in love with a cock and not fall in love with that cock's owner?

My appreciation in advance...

I'd like to second what justanothercuck wrote to you.

When I first joined this web site, I joined because of it's name thinking I'd find other like minded people (and I did)....but at first, after reading the comments and stories, I was confused. My wife and I had already been into swinging for quite some time and I knew I absolutely loved watching my wife with other men, but there was no way I'd ever put up with being humiliated or would eat another man's cum....let alone suck dick or take one in the ass !!! I actually almost deleted my account on here (glad I didn't). Long story short I found out that I'm what is termed a "Stag". So from that perspective, here are my answers....

"What pitfalls do any of you see going forward?" None as long as both of you communicate with each other and actually listen. Absolutely trust each other. Decide what the ground rules are before exploring the lifestyle. Oh....and no jealously....period, that will kill a relationship and marrage quick !!

"What is your take on separating sex from love, and should a husband expect that his wife will to some extant fall in love with a new man that is fucking her and providing deeply pleasurable sex with passion?" Absolutely not. My wife and I like to say, "Only I can make love to my spouse....anyone else is just a fuck, hopefully a good fuck." At the end of the night you have to know your wife is going home with you. She, as I, understand that there is a difference between "making love" and "hot, horny, sex".

"Can one fall in love with a cock and not fall in love with that cock's owner?" Define "love". My wife loves ice cream, she loves riding our motorcycle behind me, she loves sucking cock and licking pussy, but she isn't in love with anyone but me.

Over the years we have developed some really good and long lasting friendships with others in the lifestyle.

Hope this helps.

 

[seppo55]

Uncledude55, thank you for your thoughtful response. It does seem to be the case that open, honest communication is of paramount importance, as you and many others have communicated.