Hello friends, I hope you are well. My name is Paulo and I'm 33 years old. I am from Brazil, I work in a leadership position in a large company, I have a comfortable socio-economic situation and I live in a large house in the countryside of the district. I have been married for 3 years to my wife Larissa, with whom I have had a stable relationship for 6 years. She is 34 years old, is an architect and works in her own office and also has her financial independence. We met through a mutual friend. My childhood best friend, Henrique, studied with her during college. Later, they, who were very close friends, lived together for some time in a fraternity when they began their working lives. One day when Henrique came to visit me in the city where I lived, he invited Larissa to have a few drinks with us and we ended up falling in love. Larissa has always been a free and independent woman, who is not too attached to the common concerns of traditional society such as sexism. And at that time I still carried a lot of the “sexist” values with which I was raised, such as excessive jealousy. I believe that the beginning of my fantasy was due to this contrast and an episode with her ex-boyfriend. When we started to get into a more serious relationship, she still had a badly ended relationship with her most recent ex-boyfriend. It was a 4-year relationship that had ended in a turbulent way, with betrayals on his part, and that despite having separated, there was still a remnant of feelings that made them still try to reactivate the relationship. And just then she found me. So in that first month, 80% of the time she was with me and 20% was with him. When I found out (through some messages I happened to see on her cell phone) I was furious. We fought badly and I said horrible things to her, many of them sexist in nature, even though we didn't have a serious and stable relationship yet, which gave her the right to do whatever she wanted. And during this fight, I forced her to give me more details about these times she saw her ex boyfriend while she was seeing me. And she, hoping not to lose me, ended up saying a few things. My concern was that they had sex because it would somehow amount to a bigger betrayal than if they hadn't (pure bullshit in my head since she was single).
I asked and she told me things like how many times they had sex these days, where they had sex, how much time they had spent together and so on. This tormented me for a while. We broke up and I spent about 3 months very bad, trying to understand what I was feeling and what she felt for me, but I decided that I liked her enough to try to move on and forget what happened. And that's when we started a serious relationship that resulted in our marriage. Despite the fact that I decided to forget it, this episode silently changed my mind. For a long time I had nightmares at night imagining the two of them having sex. When we had sex, I sometimes wondered if he gave her more pleasure and things like that. In a nutshell, this intensified for 6 years and morphed inside me until I really decided to do something about it. And here I am starting my journey. After about 3 years suffering from this, plus 3 years secretly accepting the fantasy, I'm here for the first time opening up in this post, wanting to exchange information and talk to you. See you. Paulo.
I asked and she told me things like how many times they had sex these days, where they had sex, how much time they had spent together and so on. This tormented me for a while. We broke up and I spent about 3 months very bad, trying to understand what I was feeling and what she felt for me, but I decided that I liked her enough to try to move on and forget what happened. And that's when we started a serious relationship that resulted in our marriage. Despite the fact that I decided to forget it, this episode silently changed my mind. For a long time I had nightmares at night imagining the two of them having sex. When we had sex, I sometimes wondered if he gave her more pleasure and things like that. In a nutshell, this intensified for 6 years and morphed inside me until I really decided to do something about it. And here I am starting my journey. After about 3 years suffering from this, plus 3 years secretly accepting the fantasy, I'm here for the first time opening up in this post, wanting to exchange information and talk to you. See you. Paulo.