Hi everyone,
First-time poster, here. Been reading here for a while and finally decided to share our situation and ask for thoughts from people who’ve actually lived this.
I’m 40, my wife Sarah is 40 (3 months older), together 16 years, married 12. No kids. She’s curvy/chubby, wide hips, big butt, firm C-cups, dark blonde shoulder-length hair, quiet, caring, observant, good-hearted “good girl” type. And I love every part of her. We are soulmates in the original sense. We think the same tings and end each others sentences. So on the emotional level, we are in sync.
Sexually is a different story though.
We have sex about once a week, and the sex feels routine. She’s not much in for experimentation. When she wants sex, she wants me inside now, and come quickly. Not because I’m bad at it, but because she can’t delay the gratification of having an orgasm. She is always up for another round afterwards though.
She knows, that my own sex drive is magnitudes higher than hers. She also knows, that I’m into other women. She even points them out for me on the street or in the sauna, liking how I look at them.
A while ago, after having sex, I talked about having fantasies, not only about other women, but also her being desired by other men. She did tell me, whenever she got stared at in the sauna and it made me hot, knowing she was desired by other men. I then admitted to her, that I have this crazy fantasy of walking in on her one night, catching her with another man… Watching them initially, then joining in, fucking the mess he left inside her…
She looked at me in disbelief and told me that this was “not normal”. She didn’t judge me or shut me down, but I dropped the topic as I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
I haven't brought up this specific topic ever since, but it is still my peak fantasy.
We did some mild dirty talk on occasion, her telling me which guy in the sauna she found hot. But she always makes it very clear, that she has zero desire to ...... with anyone but me, as she only finds me sexually attractive. (Something I as a man feel hard to believe)
Another story worth mentioning: The last couple of times when we were at the spa / sauna I went to the steam room for the salt peeling without her. (she doesn’t like the steam much) Each time I sat next to a woman, that I then offered to help rub in the salt on her back. I then gave them a massage with much more passion than appropriate and watched them turn into wax between my fingers.
Afterwards I’d return to Sarah and told her about it, which she was fine with, as she got to enjoy the extra energy from me when we came home…
Now my ‘Plan’ is to make her join me in the steam room next time, acting like we don’t know each other. Her sitting next to a dude, asking him to help with her back. Having him touch her, while I watch and give her the safety.
Another Plan is the following: I recently discovered that you can have interactive stories with Grok AI. I had a story about my peak fantasy, me walking in on her which went on for over 20 pages. I exported it as a PDF. I’m waiting for the right moment to have her read it, as it is insanely hot (Could post it here if you want)
So I guess I want her to normalize the tought of being desired by other men (which she already likes) but give her the certainty that I won’t be mad about it. I want her to know, that she’s the center of my fantasies and that I want to explore this new chapter together with her.
Only am I unsure about how to do that, after her “not normal” comment.
I don’t want to persuade or coax her into anything that she might not feel safe with. I want her to grow curious about it on her own pace.
Questions for the community (especially Stag-Vixen couples):
Thanks,
Eric
First-time poster, here. Been reading here for a while and finally decided to share our situation and ask for thoughts from people who’ve actually lived this.
I’m 40, my wife Sarah is 40 (3 months older), together 16 years, married 12. No kids. She’s curvy/chubby, wide hips, big butt, firm C-cups, dark blonde shoulder-length hair, quiet, caring, observant, good-hearted “good girl” type. And I love every part of her. We are soulmates in the original sense. We think the same tings and end each others sentences. So on the emotional level, we are in sync.
Sexually is a different story though.
We have sex about once a week, and the sex feels routine. She’s not much in for experimentation. When she wants sex, she wants me inside now, and come quickly. Not because I’m bad at it, but because she can’t delay the gratification of having an orgasm. She is always up for another round afterwards though.
She knows, that my own sex drive is magnitudes higher than hers. She also knows, that I’m into other women. She even points them out for me on the street or in the sauna, liking how I look at them.
A while ago, after having sex, I talked about having fantasies, not only about other women, but also her being desired by other men. She did tell me, whenever she got stared at in the sauna and it made me hot, knowing she was desired by other men. I then admitted to her, that I have this crazy fantasy of walking in on her one night, catching her with another man… Watching them initially, then joining in, fucking the mess he left inside her…
She looked at me in disbelief and told me that this was “not normal”. She didn’t judge me or shut me down, but I dropped the topic as I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
I haven't brought up this specific topic ever since, but it is still my peak fantasy.
We did some mild dirty talk on occasion, her telling me which guy in the sauna she found hot. But she always makes it very clear, that she has zero desire to ...... with anyone but me, as she only finds me sexually attractive. (Something I as a man feel hard to believe)
Another story worth mentioning: The last couple of times when we were at the spa / sauna I went to the steam room for the salt peeling without her. (she doesn’t like the steam much) Each time I sat next to a woman, that I then offered to help rub in the salt on her back. I then gave them a massage with much more passion than appropriate and watched them turn into wax between my fingers.
Afterwards I’d return to Sarah and told her about it, which she was fine with, as she got to enjoy the extra energy from me when we came home…
Now my ‘Plan’ is to make her join me in the steam room next time, acting like we don’t know each other. Her sitting next to a dude, asking him to help with her back. Having him touch her, while I watch and give her the safety.
Another Plan is the following: I recently discovered that you can have interactive stories with Grok AI. I had a story about my peak fantasy, me walking in on her which went on for over 20 pages. I exported it as a PDF. I’m waiting for the right moment to have her read it, as it is insanely hot (Could post it here if you want)
So I guess I want her to normalize the tought of being desired by other men (which she already likes) but give her the certainty that I won’t be mad about it. I want her to know, that she’s the center of my fantasies and that I want to explore this new chapter together with her.
Only am I unsure about how to do that, after her “not normal” comment.
I don’t want to persuade or coax her into anything that she might not feel safe with. I want her to grow curious about it on her own pace.
Questions for the community (especially Stag-Vixen couples):
- How did you start? What was your first real step after talking rules?
- How did you handle the first time she was with someone else (jealousy during vs. after)?
- Did your wife ever get territorial/jealous when you wanted other women? How did you navigate that?
Thanks,
Eric
