Trying to get into the Stag+Vixen lifestyle

[New_Stag_GER]

Hi everyone,

First-time poster, here. Been reading here for a while and finally decided to share our situation and ask for thoughts from people who’ve actually lived this.

I’m 40, my wife Sarah is 40 (3 months older), together 16 years, married 12. No kids. She’s curvy/chubby, wide hips, big butt, firm C-cups, dark blonde shoulder-length hair, quiet, caring, observant, good-hearted “good girl” type. And I love every part of her. We are soulmates in the original sense. We think the same tings and end each others sentences. So on the emotional level, we are in sync.
Sexually is a different story though.
We have sex about once a week, and the sex feels routine. She’s not much in for experimentation. When she wants sex, she wants me inside now, and come quickly. Not because I’m bad at it, but because she can’t delay the gratification of having an orgasm. She is always up for another round afterwards though.
She knows, that my own sex drive is magnitudes higher than hers. She also knows, that I’m into other women. She even points them out for me on the street or in the sauna, liking how I look at them.

A while ago, after having sex, I talked about having fantasies, not only about other women, but also her being desired by other men. She did tell me, whenever she got stared at in the sauna and it made me hot, knowing she was desired by other men. I then admitted to her, that I have this crazy fantasy of walking in on her one night, catching her with another man… Watching them initially, then joining in, fucking the mess he left inside her…
She looked at me in disbelief and told me that this was “not normal”. She didn’t judge me or shut me down, but I dropped the topic as I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

I haven't brought up this specific topic ever since, but it is still my peak fantasy.
We did some mild dirty talk on occasion, her telling me which guy in the sauna she found hot. But she always makes it very clear, that she has zero desire to ...... with anyone but me, as she only finds me sexually attractive. (Something I as a man feel hard to believe)

Another story worth mentioning: The last couple of times when we were at the spa / sauna I went to the steam room for the salt peeling without her. (she doesn’t like the steam much) Each time I sat next to a woman, that I then offered to help rub in the salt on her back. I then gave them a massage with much more passion than appropriate and watched them turn into wax between my fingers.
Afterwards I’d return to Sarah and told her about it, which she was fine with, as she got to enjoy the extra energy from me when we came home…

Now my ‘Plan’ is to make her join me in the steam room next time, acting like we don’t know each other. Her sitting next to a dude, asking him to help with her back. Having him touch her, while I watch and give her the safety.

Another Plan is the following: I recently discovered that you can have interactive stories with Grok AI. I had a story about my peak fantasy, me walking in on her which went on for over 20 pages. I exported it as a PDF. I’m waiting for the right moment to have her read it, as it is insanely hot (Could post it here if you want)

So I guess I want her to normalize the tought of being desired by other men (which she already likes) but give her the certainty that I won’t be mad about it. I want her to know, that she’s the center of my fantasies and that I want to explore this new chapter together with her.
Only am I unsure about how to do that, after her “not normal” comment.
I don’t want to persuade or coax her into anything that she might not feel safe with. I want her to grow curious about it on her own pace.

Questions for the community (especially Stag-Vixen couples):

• How did you start? What was your first real step after talking rules?
• How did you handle the first time she was with someone else (jealousy during vs. after)?
• Did your wife ever get territorial/jealous when you wanted other women? How did you navigate that?

Thanks for reading. I love Sarah more than anything — she’s my home, my center. This isn’t about replacing her; it’s about making our sex life hotter together. Any advice/stories/experiences appreciated.

Thanks,

Eric

 

[Chrisje4u]

I recognize a lot of parts from your story, only iḿ not into flirting with another woman and she would certainly not approve.

 

[thebeginner]

Hi everyone,

First-time poster, here. Been reading here for a while and finally decided to share our situation and ask for thoughts from people who’ve actually lived this.

I’m 40, my wife Sarah is 40 (3 months older), together 16 years, married 12. No kids. She’s curvy/chubby, wide hips, big butt, firm C-cups, dark blonde shoulder-length hair, quiet, caring, observant, good-hearted “good girl” type. And I love every part of her. We are soulmates in the original sense. We think the same tings and end each others sentences. So on the emotional level, we are in sync.
Sexually is a different story though.
We have sex about once a week, and the sex feels routine. She’s not much in for experimentation. When she wants sex, she wants me inside now, and come quickly. Not because I’m bad at it, but because she can’t delay the gratification of having an orgasm. She is always up for another round afterwards though.
She knows, that my own sex drive is magnitudes higher than hers. She also knows, that I’m into other women. She even points them out for me on the street or in the sauna, liking how I look at them.

A while ago, after having sex, I talked about having fantasies, not only about other women, but also her being desired by other men. She did tell me, whenever she got stared at in the sauna and it made me hot, knowing she was desired by other men. I then admitted to her, that I have this crazy fantasy of walking in on her one night, catching her with another man… Watching them initially, then joining in, fucking the mess he left inside her…
She looked at me in disbelief and told me that this was “not normal”. She didn’t judge me or shut me down, but I dropped the topic as I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

I haven't brought up this specific topic ever since, but it is still my peak fantasy.
We did some mild dirty talk on occasion, her telling me which guy in the sauna she found hot. But she always makes it very clear, that she has zero desire to ...... with anyone but me, as she only finds me sexually attractive. (Something I as a man feel hard to believe)

Another story worth mentioning: The last couple of times when we were at the spa / sauna I went to the steam room for the salt peeling without her. (she doesn’t like the steam much) Each time I sat next to a woman, that I then offered to help rub in the salt on her back. I then gave them a massage with much more passion than appropriate and watched them turn into wax between my fingers.
Afterwards I’d return to Sarah and told her about it, which she was fine with, as she got to enjoy the extra energy from me when we came home…

Now my ‘Plan’ is to make her join me in the steam room next time, acting like we don’t know each other. Her sitting next to a dude, asking him to help with her back. Having him touch her, while I watch and give her the safety.

Another Plan is the following: I recently discovered that you can have interactive stories with Grok AI. I had a story about my peak fantasy, me walking in on her which went on for over 20 pages. I exported it as a PDF. I’m waiting for the right moment to have her read it, as it is insanely hot (Could post it here if you want)

So I guess I want her to normalize the tought of being desired by other men (which she already likes) but give her the certainty that I won’t be mad about it. I want her to know, that she’s the center of my fantasies and that I want to explore this new chapter together with her.
Only am I unsure about how to do that, after her “not normal” comment.
I don’t want to persuade or coax her into anything that she might not feel safe with. I want her to grow curious about it on her own pace.

Questions for the community (especially Stag-Vixen couples):

• How did you start? What was your first real step after talking rules?
• How did you handle the first time she was with someone else (jealousy during vs. after)?
• Did your wife ever get territorial/jealous when you wanted other women? How did you navigate that?

Thanks for reading. I love Sarah more than anything — she’s my home, my center. This isn’t about replacing her; it’s about making our sex life hotter together. Any advice/stories/experiences appreciated.

Thanks,

Eric

It's an amazing experience and lifestyle, but you have to have trust and open communcation between you and your wife to even get off the ground.

Is it possible to convince your wife? Possibly yes. Some eventually agree (mine did). Some never agree.

There are a ton of great 'how to' get your wife to ...... with other guys guides on here. Some are really really good, others not so much.

All I can say is you are a long ways from talking rules. First step is to convince your wife. And that involves a whole lot of communication and making her comfortable with the whole idea. For me it was a lot of role-play. Then slowly introducing MFM porn into our sex play. Letting her know it wasn't about me ...... with other women. Making her feel sexy. Planting the seed of what it would be like for her to enjoy another man's cock with my permission. I made it hot and fun.

It was also dispelling a lot of her fears like ensuring her that our relationship would be stronger because of it, and her having sex with another man wouldn't risk the relationship we had. She did a lot of research on her own as well before she came around.

It literally took years 4-5, before she was comfortable enough to try it. Who knows, your wife might come around much sooner. But, I would say don't give up. There were times I was ready to give up but I kept talking it through with my wife and here we are. We both are very happy and couldn't imagine not having tried it. I would say the only thing we regret (i know my wife does) is not having done it much sooner 🙂

 

[New_Stag_GER]

It's an amazing experience and lifestyle, but you have to have trust and open communcation between you and your wife to even get off the ground.

Is it possible to convince your wife? Possibly yes. Some eventually agree (mine did). Some never agree.

There are a ton of great 'how to' get your wife to ...... with other guys guides on here. Some are really really good, others not so much.

All I can say is you are a long ways from talking rules. First step is to convince your wife. And that involves a whole lot of communication and making her comfortable with the whole idea. For me it was a lot of role-play. Then slowly introducing MFM porn into our sex play. Letting her know it wasn't about me ...... with other women. Making her feel sexy. Planting the seed of what it would be like for her to enjoy another man's cock with my permission. I made it hot and fun.

It was also dispelling a lot of her fears like ensuring her that our relationship would be stronger because of it, and her having sex with another man wouldn't risk the relationship we had. She did a lot of research on her own as well before she came around.

It literally took years 4-5, before she was comfortable enough to try it. Who knows, your wife might come around much sooner. But, I would say don't give up. There were times I was ready to give up but I kept talking it through with my wife and here we are. We both are very happy and couldn't imagine not having tried it. I would say the only thing we regret (i know my wife does) is not having done it much sooner 🙂

Yes that's exactly why I want to try this. However when I did my research, there seems only be two camps. One the one hand guys like you who tell how amazing it is. On the other hand the cautionary tale ala "it destroyed our life". I do firmly believe that Our relationship has all the prerequisites to make it great. However I am nervous about doing damage to her trust and confidence in me.

So yeah, first step is to convince her, sure. But that’s already a huge step. More like an entire chapter. So I'm really looking for some inspiration on how do do the very first baby steps.
I mean we did jokingly talk about it after sex. When we talked about other women, she asked me, "what if I had sex with another man?" I basically told her, that I want her to come home, seduce me and whisper all the details into my ears. I got horny just thinking about it. But she didn't think i was serious and wasn't really reciprocating.
Overall she is very conservative when it comes to sex. She doesn't watch porn, doesn't touch herself on her own. The only time i might bring up something sexy is when we're at it anyways.
So the obvious choice is to start right there. But how to crack that door open, without making her scared or uneasy? Thats the big question for me.

 

[thebeginner]

Yes that's exactly why I want to try this. However when I did my research, there seems only be two camps. One the one hand guys like you who tell how amazing it is. On the other hand the cautionary tale ala "it destroyed our life". I do firmly believe that Our relationship has all the prerequisites to make it great. However I am nervous about doing damage to her trust and confidence in me.

So yeah, first step is to convince her, sure. But that’s already a huge step. More like an entire chapter. So I'm really looking for some inspiration on how do do the very first baby steps.
I mean we did jokingly talk about it after sex. When we talked about other women, she asked me, "what if I had sex with another man?" I basically told her, that I want her to come home, seduce me and whisper all the details into my ears. I got horny just thinking about it. But she didn't think i was serious and wasn't really reciprocating.
Overall she is very conservative when it comes to sex. She doesn't watch porn, doesn't touch herself on her own. The only time i might bring up something sexy is when we're at it anyways.
So the obvious choice is to start right there. But how to crack that door open, without making her scared or uneasy? Thats the big question for me.

Start with the role play my friend. Also, when you're both out, at the grocery store, hardware store, night club, whatever, it doesn't matter where, let her know other guys are checking her out. Doesn't even have to be true. Just tell her, "hey babe, did you see that guy, he was so checking you out!" If she asks who, tell her it was some hot guy. It'll get her mind working. You may not think so, but it will. She will be thinking about it. All women want to be desired. Especially by their husbands, but it's also very sexually appealing for them to know they are being desired, thought about by men other than their husband.

That's the first step.

Then start to use those occassions in the bedroom when you're having sex. This is where you have to be a little cautious pending on how into it she is. If she's into roleplay, then by all means go all in. If she's not, then you have to introduce these ideas and scenarios little by little. For example, go down on her, don't make her cum right away. Play with her. Get her really wet, almost on the verge of cumming and then slow it down. That's when you tell her you're so lucky to be eating the pussy of a woman who is so hot - so hot all the guys around her are checking her out.

Tell her, "I bet that hot guy is home right now thinking about you, rubbing his dick". Then keep eating her. Then when you think she's about to cum, pull back again. Say, "...it turns me on so much knowing all these guys get so fucking hard looking at you. I bet you they wish they could be inside you right now". Then keep eating her out. At that point MAKE HER CUM. She will cum hard, probably harder than she has before.

You can go on like this for as long as you want. It's the same when you're fucking her. I think you get the picture. This does a few things. First, there's no threat to her - you're just letting her know that she's highly desirable. You're not saying, oh I want that guy to fuck you. Or you should fuck that guy. It's simply letting her know she is HOT, and she is SEXY, and all these men out there that she doesn't know think it too.

It will get her thinking about it even when you're not having sex. When she's out she'll probably notice some guy looking in her direction, and her brain will think, wait, maybe what my husband was saying was true. These guys do want me. It'll increase her libido.

Second, it will turn her on at another level. She'll get wetter, hornier, and her orgasms will be more intense. All very good things. She will want sex with you more. And, she will also start to associate the idea of these guys 'wanting her' with thees more freqent, and more powerful organsms. It's a very very tiny step, but it's basically planting the seed of "hey, I'm sexy, I'm desirable, I'm fuckable, and I have better orgasams, better sex, knowing these guys are stroking their hard cocks because of me!!! It's very subtle, but it's associating hot sex with another man's cock.

Then it's just repeat, repeat, repeat. But you have to know when to push the roleplay, and when to pull back.. You can't go 110% all the time. Sometimes, it just has to be about you and her. Make sure she knows she's your only one. That you're a team. That you'll be together forever. And then, that "IF YOU WERE EVER TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS", ie: have her sleeep with another man, that you would be doing it together (metaphorically), as a team. It's not just her doing it. It's something you are doing TOGETHER. An activity that will only strengthen your bond.

Repeat, repeat, repeat... you just have to use your imagination and try new ideas, new scenarios.

hope that helps....

 

[New_Stag_GER]

Start with the role play my friend. Also, when you're both out, at the grocery store, hardware store, night club, whatever, it doesn't matter where, let her know other guys are checking her out. Doesn't even have to be true. Just tell her, "hey babe, did you see that guy, he was so checking you out!" If she asks who, tell her it was some hot guy. It'll get her mind working. You may not think so, but it will. She will be thinking about it. All women want to be desired. Especially by their husbands, but it's also very sexually appealing for them to know they are being desired, thought about by men other than their husband.

That's the first step.

Then start to use those occassions in the bedroom when you're having sex. This is where you have to be a little cautious pending on how into it she is. If she's into roleplay, then by all means go all in. If she's not, then you have to introduce these ideas and scenarios little by little. For example, go down on her, don't make her cum right away. Play with her. Get her really wet, almost on the verge of cumming and then slow it down. That's when you tell her you're so lucky to be eating the pussy of a woman who is so hot - so hot all the guys around her are checking her out.

Tell her, "I bet that hot guy is home right now thinking about you, rubbing his dick". Then keep eating her. Then when you think she's about to cum, pull back again. Say, "...it turns me on so much knowing all these guys get so fucking hard looking at you. I bet you they wish they could be inside you right now". Then keep eating her out. At that point MAKE HER CUM. She will cum hard, probably harder than she has before.

You can go on like this for as long as you want. It's the same when you're fucking her. I think you get the picture. This does a few things. First, there's no threat to her - you're just letting her know that she's highly desirable. You're not saying, oh I want that guy to fuck you. Or you should fuck that guy. It's simply letting her know she is HOT, and she is SEXY, and all these men out there that she doesn't know think it too.

It will get her thinking about it even when you're not having sex. When she's out she'll probably notice some guy looking in her direction, and her brain will think, wait, maybe what my husband was saying was true. These guys do want me. It'll increase her libido.

Second, it will turn her on at another level. She'll get wetter, hornier, and her orgasms will be more intense. All very good things. She will want sex with you more. And, she will also start to associate the idea of these guys 'wanting her' with thees more freqent, and more powerful organsms. It's a very very tiny step, but it's basically planting the seed of "hey, I'm sexy, I'm desirable, I'm fuckable, and I have better orgasams, better sex, knowing these guys are stroking their hard cocks because of me!!! It's very subtle, but it's associating hot sex with another man's cock.

Then it's just repeat, repeat, repeat. But you have to know when to push the roleplay, and when to pull back.. You can't go 110% all the time. Sometimes, it just has to be about you and her. Make sure she knows she's your only one. That you're a team. That you'll be together forever. And then, that "IF YOU WERE EVER TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS", ie: have her sleeep with another man, that you would be doing it together (metaphorically), as a team. It's not just her doing it. It's something you are doing TOGETHER. An activity that will only strengthen your bond.

Repeat, repeat, repeat... you just have to use your imagination and try new ideas, new scenarios.

hope that helps....

Man, that sounds like a great plan. Easy to do, not too pushy, exactly what I was looking for. Thanks a lot mate!
I'll keep you posted on any progress ^^

 

[PornStud49]

Male strippers can really get a woman in the mood. Invite a male stripper to your house to dance for your woman while you watch.

Get one that she is really into, and one that hangs low is in his g-string. LOL. See if that would make her pussy wet. She has to agree to it. Male strippers are easier to do with than female strippers. Men are very transactional. LOL. Male strippers can be hot for a straight man: he can imagine himself the stud while he watches his wife getting aroused.

Do all you can do to get her aroused by men on a physical level.