That is a good question, also a complex one. We know that the concept of an open marriage like ours would sound strange to some people, and is not for everybody. Especially since a part of the foundation in a traditional marriage is, monogamy and having sex with other people a taboo. Typically, once you are married if you have sex with another person outside of the marriage it is cheating. That is one of the things about our marriage, which makes it so unique. The boundaries of the marriage are not traditional, and not like anyone else’s. Having sex with other people has only made us closer as a couple, and has enhanced our “sex life”. We have a marriage of trust, and honesty, and most importantly openness. This openness is what has allowed us to pursue relationships with people outside of our marriage and freely communicate about our sexual desires. We have found that a lack of communication is the root of most problems in relationships. When it comes to sex in our marriage, we think outside the box. Having this open relationship has allowed us to talk about our thoughts, feelings, and boundaries when it comes to sex. It has been an important part of what has made our marriage so solid.
Like everyone else, our relationship is founded on our love for each other, but love is not the same as sex. We don equate sex with sex and love and for us the two are mutually exclusive. Sex is centered on intimacy, but we believe intimacy can be either emotional or physical. For us, to be emotionally intimate we have to be in love with that person. This emotional intimacy is something we only share with each other. However, we think you can share a physical intimacy with anyone you choose.
So why do we have sex with other people? It is not about getting something we do not get from each other. In fact, it is the feeling of completeness we get from one another that allows us to think about sex with others. One of the differences in our marriage is that we have been able to take the sex to another level. That we both can have other sexual partners, and not feel threatened by it. We think if there was something missing, and we were seeking out other people to fill that void, then that would be a problem. We see having sex with another person as just another aspect of our overall sex life. However, we do not put any value on it beyond that. We have always said that sex with other people should be to add or enhance our sex life and it has.
When we have sex with other people, it is just us having fun. We feel the “adventures” we have had we others has been all about having “sexual fun”. We want to both please each other and see each other being pleased by others. If we have a whim involving sex with someone else, then we are all for it. We know what our love is, how strong it is, and how solid our marriage is, and this gives us the freedom we need to do this. We have complete faith and in trust in each other and never feel threatened by others. When we are with other people, the sex satisfies desires, fulfill a fantasy’s, and used to explore erotic ideas.
Having said all that as far as where "we" are coming from, I get what you are saying only don't see desire to see wife with others as insanity or not normal. I guess I would say it is an erotic adventure and I have got to experience the privilege of seeing the wife pleased by other men and the power of her sexuality. I feel I have grown as a man, lover, partner, husband. My mind has been opened up to experiencing new things and exploring my sexual side that I might not have otherwise. No regrets.