Why Do I Want Her To Do This?

Oct 18, 2022
I know there is a psychology at work here. Just can't understand it. You're raised to fight for, to win over, then to protect and defend your wife/gf from some other guy taking her away from you. And while I don't want that to happen I want nothing more than to let her enjoy - to WANT her to want to be with another guy sexually. I love seeing her turned on by and flirting with another man. She has now accepted this fantasy and is very much turned on by it now even more than I am. Even has a guy she's already working on. And he on her. And I LOVE it. Nothing makes me more excited or turned on. They are undoubtedly going to wind up in bed together. Why is this so hypnotic and paralyzing? Why do I want this to happen? It is not a normal desire. And comes with a bit of risk. But I don't care. I am going to let it happen. Just wish I could understand the insanity behind it.


Dec 14, 2019
Aurora, Illinois
I know exactly how you feel and the best way for me to describe it is that firstly, I can separate the difference between being in love and having an intimate relationship, versus the natural human desire for wanting/needing sexual pleasure and sex. Secondly, when I’m in a relationship, especially a serious one, I want her to be happy in every way possible. And if I’m out of line ladies, I truly apologize, but for way too long, Women have been scrutinized and unfairly judged, labeled and/or treated and looked upon negatively, for feeling, wanting and doing the same exact thing that Men were. They’ve been raised and taught by parents and society to act a certain way and to appear like a proper lil sweet and innocent girl. This belief system created and had the effect on so many Women that made it more difficult for a lot of them to open up and be comfortable enough to share their sexual thoughts, fantasies and experiences, or at least some of them. Lol. So getting back to my point. I absolutely love it when I’ve created a relationship based on trust, honesty and a safe, non-judging environment shared between us. Once we reach that stage, I begin to ask her things and talk openly about them with her. It’s never that long before she begins opening up and I start to uncover the ‘real’ her that’s been hidden deep within her. I quickly realize that there’s a whole other side to her and the more I hear, the more turned on I get! I listen intently and start to form an image in my mind of what it could have looked like and what she must have been feeling. That’s when I get really excited and will usually detect her own excitement as she’s reliving that memory. Once I feel like that and the more we role play, share our fantasies and even act out on some of the smaller ones, the more I want us to keep having fun and to keep making her happy! At this point we’ve been reading stories and watching amateur porn and I managed to get her feeling and knowing that she’s perfectly normal for having and wanting to openly experience her sexual desires. The more we talk and the more I convince her how much of a turn on it will be for me, and her, I t’s not long before we’re going out clubbing and hunting and then we’re signing up on a swingers websites and such. Anyway that’s just my point of view to share.
Jan 17, 2022
The greatest gift a man can give a loving caring wife is to allow her to explore her sexuality from within a loving stable marriage.

For us it brought us closer together, cemented us as best friends even if it changed over time the dynamics of our sexuality together.

Its something we do and experience emence enjoyment from and have over 36 years, we stated when she was 17 when she was the main driver.

Unfortunately what a lot of wannabe chaps do not realise is that it doesnt work for the majority of couples, both have to be wired a certain way and this LS can distroy a relationship and marriage too. Females emotions and attachments are difficult to understand for a man.

Its a dangerous game in a lot of ways.
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Dec 6, 2019
Denver area
I completely understand your confusion with the cuckold psychology. My wife and I have been in this lifestyle for over 30 years and I still have no idea why I get so much arousal from her having sex with another guy.

It started in college for us. We were engaged and living together when I found out she was fucking a good buddy of mine. I was so confused. I knew I should have been raging with jealousy, but instead the thought of her fucking my buddy was some of the most intense arousal I had ever experienced.


Nov 13, 2022
If you're a reader, ' Sex at Dawn' may provide some perspective. It's written by sociologists and contends that humans evolved to be polyamorous and monogamy is the circular whole we keep trying to squeeze our square pegged sexuality through.
Dec 11, 2021
That is a good question, also a complex one. We know that the concept of an open marriage like ours would sound strange to some people, and is not for everybody. Especially since a part of the foundation in a traditional marriage is, monogamy and having sex with other people a taboo. Typically, once you are married if you have sex with another person outside of the marriage it is cheating. That is one of the things about our marriage, which makes it so unique. The boundaries of the marriage are not traditional, and not like anyone else’s. Having sex with other people has only made us closer as a couple, and has enhanced our “sex life”. We have a marriage of trust, and honesty, and most importantly openness. This openness is what has allowed us to pursue relationships with people outside of our marriage and freely communicate about our sexual desires. We have found that a lack of communication is the root of most problems in relationships. When it comes to sex in our marriage, we think outside the box. Having this open relationship has allowed us to talk about our thoughts, feelings, and boundaries when it comes to sex. It has been an important part of what has made our marriage so solid.

Like everyone else, our relationship is founded on our love for each other, but love is not the same as sex. We don equate sex with sex and love and for us the two are mutually exclusive. Sex is centered on intimacy, but we believe intimacy can be either emotional or physical. For us, to be emotionally intimate we have to be in love with that person. This emotional intimacy is something we only share with each other. However, we think you can share a physical intimacy with anyone you choose.

So why do we have sex with other people? It is not about getting something we do not get from each other. In fact, it is the feeling of completeness we get from one another that allows us to think about sex with others. One of the differences in our marriage is that we have been able to take the sex to another level. That we both can have other sexual partners, and not feel threatened by it. We think if there was something missing, and we were seeking out other people to fill that void, then that would be a problem. We see having sex with another person as just another aspect of our overall sex life. However, we do not put any value on it beyond that. We have always said that sex with other people should be to add or enhance our sex life and it has.

When we have sex with other people, it is just us having fun. We feel the “adventures” we have had we others has been all about having “sexual fun”. We want to both please each other and see each other being pleased by others. If we have a whim involving sex with someone else, then we are all for it. We know what our love is, how strong it is, and how solid our marriage is, and this gives us the freedom we need to do this. We have complete faith and in trust in each other and never feel threatened by others. When we are with other people, the sex satisfies desires, fulfill a fantasy’s, and used to explore erotic ideas.

Having said all that as far as where "we" are coming from, I get what you are saying only don't see desire to see wife with others as insanity or not normal. I guess I would say it is an erotic adventure and I have got to experience the privilege of seeing the wife pleased by other men and the power of her sexuality. I feel I have grown as a man, lover, partner, husband. My mind has been opened up to experiencing new things and exploring my sexual side that I might not have otherwise. No regrets.