Wife has past trauma around swinging. Is it wrong to pursue it again?

[Hieronymo]

You’ve left wise comments on my posts. May I ask advice?
My wife and I were talking about swinging this summer and she was a bit shy, but it was going, until she got PTSD style triggered by things she’d forgotten about her ex (who left her 15 years ago with her friend and the wife of a couple they hooked up with, it was messy). In general she thinks swingers are unhappy, because their friends were druggy people in a rough town — not like the LS folks I meet. She has bad associations with sex parties, nude beaches, clubs and pic sharing (all the fun stuff) because of this crowd and this bozo. After she got triggered she shut down all sex talk and most sex for four months until she finished her masters. She said when she was done she’d “see a therapist to get over these barriers around seeing other people “. Now she doesn’t want to because she feels it will be arduous.

Ive been cool. She finds emotional talks tiring. When we did have a big sex talk recently, She gave a No to swinging but was surprised when I then explained that most of my motivation was to see her pleasured, she’d be in charge, etc. She’s not convinced, but she listened. We also looked at naked wives on Reddit, she wanted to see boobs like hers, and also young pretty cosplay girls (she’s bi for the likes of Gaga, etc). She wants us to have a threesome with her fucking machine Rodney, and we’ve been experimenting with BDSM for months, which is all about trust, rules, consent.

i drastically increased the housework I do, offer to let her sleep in while I handle the kid every morning, and do any task she asks immediately and without complaint. Trying to be the dream husband. She felt bad about her body and now by your suggestion we work out several times a week as a couple activity, and we’ve both lost weight. I’m also going to see a therapist so I have an outlet for my non monogamy urges and issues.

Why is it okay for me to open our marriage? I feel like I’m inflicting this idea on her but I DO think it’s better to be sexually liberated, and she loves dick something fierce! What else should I do?

best,

JJ

 

[Snoopsissy]

You’ve left wise comments on my posts. May I ask advice?
My wife and I were talking about swinging this summer and she was a bit shy, but it was going, until she got PTSD style triggered by things she’d forgotten about her ex (who left her 15 years ago with her friend and the wife of a couple they hooked up with, it was messy). In general she thinks swingers are unhappy, because their friends were druggy people in a rough town — not like the LS folks I meet. She has bad associations with sex parties, nude beaches, clubs and pic sharing (all the fun stuff) because of this crowd and this bozo. After she got triggered she shut down all sex talk and most sex for four months until she finished her masters. She said when she was done she’d “see a therapist to get over these barriers around seeing other people “. Now she doesn’t want to because she feels it will be arduous.

Ive been cool. She finds emotional talks tiring. When we did have a big sex talk recently, She gave a No to swinging but was surprised when I then explained that most of my motivation was to see her pleasured, she’d be in charge, etc. She’s not convinced, but she listened. We also looked at naked wives on Reddit, she wanted to see boobs like hers, and also young pretty cosplay girls (she’s bi for the likes of Gaga, etc). She wants us to have a threesome with her fucking machine Rodney, and we’ve been experimenting with BDSM for months, which is all about trust, rules, consent.

i drastically increased the housework I do, offer to let her sleep in while I handle the kid every morning, and do any task she asks immediately and without complaint. Trying to be the dream husband. She felt bad about her body and now by your suggestion we work out several times a week as a couple activity, and we’ve both lost weight. I’m also going to see a therapist so I have an outlet for my non monogamy urges and issues.

Why is it okay for me to open our marriage? I feel like I’m inflicting this idea on her but I DO think it’s better to be sexually liberated, and she loves dick something fierce! What else should I do?

best,

JJ

Hi if you read my post entitled - last post - totally fucked - I’m in a similar position to you but a lot worse so I would drop all interest in continuing cuckolding and keep it triple locked in your head as a fantasy only - at the very least you got to soft swing , I would treasure that again in your head only and come to terms with the fact that is not who she is or wants to be now

 

[Hotwifenstag01]

You’ve left wise comments on my posts. May I ask advice?
My wife and I were talking about swinging this summer and she was a bit shy, but it was going, until she got PTSD style triggered by things she’d forgotten about her ex (who left her 15 years ago with her friend and the wife of a couple they hooked up with, it was messy). In general she thinks swingers are unhappy, because their friends were druggy people in a rough town — not like the LS folks I meet. She has bad associations with sex parties, nude beaches, clubs and pic sharing (all the fun stuff) because of this crowd and this bozo. After she got triggered she shut down all sex talk and most sex for four months until she finished her masters. She said when she was done she’d “see a therapist to get over these barriers around seeing other people “. Now she doesn’t want to because she feels it will be arduous.

Ive been cool. She finds emotional talks tiring. When we did have a big sex talk recently, She gave a No to swinging but was surprised when I then explained that most of my motivation was to see her pleasured, she’d be in charge, etc. She’s not convinced, but she listened. We also looked at naked wives on Reddit, she wanted to see boobs like hers, and also young pretty cosplay girls (she’s bi for the likes of Gaga, etc). She wants us to have a threesome with her fucking machine Rodney, and we’ve been experimenting with BDSM for months, which is all about trust, rules, consent.

i drastically increased the housework I do, offer to let her sleep in while I handle the kid every morning, and do any task she asks immediately and without complaint. Trying to be the dream husband. She felt bad about her body and now by your suggestion we work out several times a week as a couple activity, and we’ve both lost weight. I’m also going to see a therapist so I have an outlet for my non monogamy urges and issues.

Why is it okay for me to open our marriage? I feel like I’m inflicting this idea on her but I DO think it’s better to be sexually liberated, and she loves dick something fierce! What else should I do?

best,

JJ

Have you tried talking about yours and her fantasies while hot in the moment? Suggestive comments, and roll play might be a good place to start.

 

[Hieronymo]

Have you tried talking about yours and her fantasies while hot in the moment? Suggestive comments, and roll play might be a good place to start.

This was how she i triggered her two of the three times it happened, with dirty talk.
It’s been suggested to me by a wife that outside the bedroom is better when she’s not naked and vulnerable.

 

[Hieronymo]

Hi if you read my post entitled - last post - totally fucked - I’m in a similar position to you but a lot worse so I would drop all interest in continuing cuckolding and keep it triple locked in your head as a fantasy only - at the very least you got to soft swing , I would treasure that again in your head only and come to terms with the fact that is not who she is or wants to be now

Hi, I must have been unclear. We have not soft swung. She swung at least once with her ex.

 

[Snoopsissy]

Hi, I must have been unclear. We have not soft swung. She swung at least once with her ex.

Ah I see , well I swung with my last partner and was I suppose you might say a sort of bull with a married couple , with both of these in mind and having had dirty talk and physical cues from my wife which I thought she couldn’t possibly fake ( turned out she could though ) we went down a similar route of chatting whilst although in bed no sex had happened . During our play time SHE suggested it unfair on me that I would be left out if she was being shared , I then acted on what she told me and those physical cues and I was asked all about my past knowledge of swinging - what did I do , where to meet , what to talk about etc - only to find out that she was disgusted with the whole idea of it all and as for seeing a therapist that won’t sit well either because maybe your wife will think like mine and say once it’s in you , nothing will change that , so unless you catch her or she approaches you to do it I would leave well alone , if she suggests 100% to open the marriage then do not pursue it in any way

 

[Hieronymo]

Ah I see , well I swung with my last partner and was I suppose you might say a sort of bull with a married couple , with both of these in mind and having had dirty talk and physical cues from my wife which I thought she couldn’t possibly fake ( turned out she could though ) we went down a similar route of chatting whilst although in bed no sex had happened . During our play time SHE suggested it unfair on me that I would be left out if she was being shared , I then acted on what she told me and those physical cues and I was asked all about my past knowledge of swinging - what did I do , where to meet , what to talk about etc - only to find out that she was disgusted with the whole idea of it all and as for seeing a therapist that won’t sit well either because maybe your wife will think like mine and say once it’s in you , nothing will change that , so unless you catch her or she approaches you to do it I would leave well alone , if she suggests 100% to open the marriage then do not pursue it in any way

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

 

[Snoopsissy]

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Thank you very much , before turning any thoughts into action I asked for advice on here and was advised to talk it through with no clothes on or any sex , I did this and it made no difference , my wife never reads anything but I’ve now noticed her reading things and have saw screenshots on her phone from websites about cuckolds and swinging - all ones with negative inputs / results probably to reinforce her own views about it . Has been and is a nightmare with end result unknown only because I reacted on my thoughts to satisfy and please her and nothing else because I love her so much , reality can’t be further away from what I envisaged simply because I put my thoughts and fantasies into action 🙁

 

[Hieronymo]

Ah I see , well I swung with my last partner and was I suppose you might say a sort of bull with a married couple , with both of these in mind and having had dirty talk and physical cues from my wife which I thought she couldn’t possibly fake ( turned out she could though ) we went down a similar route of chatting whilst although in bed no sex had happened . During our play time SHE suggested it unfair on me that I would be left out if she was being shared , I then acted on what she told me and those physical cues and I was asked all about my past knowledge of swinging - what did I do , where to meet , what to talk about etc - only to find out that she was disgusted with the whole idea of it all and as for seeing a therapist that won’t sit well either because maybe your wife will think like mine and say once it’s in you , nothing will change that , so unless you catch her or she approaches you to do it I would leave well alone , if she suggests 100% to open the marriage then do not pursue it in any way

I’ve told her some but not all of my feelings about it and I know she won’t trick or trap me but I’m not raising the issue again for the time being.

 

[Hieronymo]

Thank you very much , before turning any thoughts into action I asked for advice on here and was advised to talk it through with no clothes on or any sex , I did this and it made no difference , my wife never reads anything but I’ve now noticed her reading things and have saw screenshots on her phone from websites about cuckolds and swinging - all ones with negative inputs / results probably to reinforce her own views about it . Has been and is a nightmare with end result unknown only because I reacted on my thoughts to satisfy and please her and nothing else because I love her so much , reality can’t be further away from what I envisaged simply because I put my thoughts and fantasies into action 🙁

If your wife won’t see a therapist, You can see a therapist on your own and it will definitely help your communication with her. Im a therapist trust me in this. Therapy helps.

 

[Hieronymo]

I’d like to refocus discussion on my wife and her issues.

 

[Hieronymo]

The way I see it, she was willing to do anything 15 years ago, but nothing she did with this guy was enjoyable and then he dumped her for someone they hooked up with. So now she gets triggered When she thinks about playing with others. If the triggers were not there or if she had dealt with them, she would be up for anything.

 

[Hieronymo]

Turns out her last marriage was OPEN. He left her and she has no desire to do it again. But he was a a prize asshole so I think it’s worth it for me to continue to fully explain what my concept is and why I want to do it. Thoughts?

 

[Hieronymo]

About a year after first bringing it up we will be going to some swinger parties soon.

 

[Snoopsissy]

I’d like to refocus discussion on my wife and her issues.

Yes apologies for intruding on your issue , didn’t mean to hijack your thread just wanted to share my problem in case anything at all is similar or helps you in any way