My wife and I have been together for 5 years and married for two. Few months before our wedding, we are having pillow talk after sex and talking about our fantasies. She said she wanted a threesome with two guys and I sort of mentioned I would be really turned on seeing her with two guys. Seeing her response to that, gave me the courage to tell her the truth about my cuckold fantasies. It was incredibly cathartic because I have never imagined telling anyone about it. I told her it has been my fetish since I was a teenager. She didn't know anything it what the word meant beside that I was really turned on by the idea of my partner having sex with other men. She wasn't judgemental at all and was really into it as well. Our sexual histories were quite different. I was molested when I was 8 by older teens so grew up with the warped sense of sexuality. I always wonder if that sort of pushed me in to this fetish because I aroused by the idea of being used...but I digress. Anyways, my wife is a very sexual person and also very attractive so had a much more extensive sexual history. My wife had our first encounter with a week of me coming out to her. While the lead up was really hot, I sort of had a breakdown when it actually happened. I was super ashamed of myself and felt like I had irreperabably damaged our relationship. We got through that bad pretty quickly but we took a break for many months. Eventually, we developed more of a hotwife dynamic. She has hooked up with maybe 8 guys. Most of them were one night stands but there were a couple that were longer lasting. We both seemed to like that better but is was always hard to find guys who were good candidates. Over time, my wife had picked up on some of turn ons like eating her eat after sex or that I liked her being in charge. I never expressively told her about my specific fantasies and she never looked too deeply into cuckolding itself. We always have called her lovers paramour because she thought the word bull was stupid.
Anyway, we have been on vacation in Paris. She matched with a guy on tinder. He turned out to be kinda perfect lover for her and by her impulsive and my full encouragement sort of had an intense sexuality and emotional time with him. I was present in the apartment for some of it but a lot of it was without me. I feel like an idiot because I told her I was low key turned on by her acting like he was her boyfriend. Abruptly, over the last few days she said she didn't want to have sex with me right now. She kinda has been sort of cool and distant but also reassuring. Tonight was our last night here. They hooked up alone in our room while I waited. By this time, I was starting to feel some angst and anxiety but we all went to dinner. Afterwards, I strongly suggest to myself that I wanted to have him have sex with her one more time. I let him back in the hotel and waited until they called me up. During this time, they sent me a few videos which was the most I had gotten. In one of them he, let's show your husband how I fuck you. He was pretty aggressive but my wife was obviously were into. When I came back up, we all hugged each other and I left her and my wife say a few more words before he left. Outside of bed, he has been almost gracious and very respectful towards me.
We at kinda quitely after before getting ready for bed. Usually, we always have sex after her encounters. He mentioned she was horny but I didn't try to initiate sex. Soon after she said, we don't you beat off now next to her. I almost feel like he looked up cuckolding on life and had my wife kinda test out my fantasies. I have had fantasies but FLR but it never factord into our marriage. I guess I am terrified that my wife know fully understands sort of my darkest and most shameful fantasies. We go back home tomorrow but I am literally shaking out of anxiety. I don't understand how things are going to be once we go back. I guess I desperately wanted this fantasy but had no plans of making it happen. We have normal lines back home. She has made all my fantasies come true but it was almost like a switch was turned on. I love my wife but I feel like I have sort given up all my power without even realizing it. I know how much this sounds like a bad story but I need advice. I don't want to be "pussy free" or have affection withheld from me. She is asleep now so I have no idea if she was just role playing my fantasies now that she fully understands them. I am worried because while the guy has been super nice, I feel dumb for having exposed myself like this?
Basically, are there people who actually manage to hold this dynamic without it ruining their lives?
Anyway, we have been on vacation in Paris. She matched with a guy on tinder. He turned out to be kinda perfect lover for her and by her impulsive and my full encouragement sort of had an intense sexuality and emotional time with him. I was present in the apartment for some of it but a lot of it was without me. I feel like an idiot because I told her I was low key turned on by her acting like he was her boyfriend. Abruptly, over the last few days she said she didn't want to have sex with me right now. She kinda has been sort of cool and distant but also reassuring. Tonight was our last night here. They hooked up alone in our room while I waited. By this time, I was starting to feel some angst and anxiety but we all went to dinner. Afterwards, I strongly suggest to myself that I wanted to have him have sex with her one more time. I let him back in the hotel and waited until they called me up. During this time, they sent me a few videos which was the most I had gotten. In one of them he, let's show your husband how I fuck you. He was pretty aggressive but my wife was obviously were into. When I came back up, we all hugged each other and I left her and my wife say a few more words before he left. Outside of bed, he has been almost gracious and very respectful towards me.
We at kinda quitely after before getting ready for bed. Usually, we always have sex after her encounters. He mentioned she was horny but I didn't try to initiate sex. Soon after she said, we don't you beat off now next to her. I almost feel like he looked up cuckolding on life and had my wife kinda test out my fantasies. I have had fantasies but FLR but it never factord into our marriage. I guess I am terrified that my wife know fully understands sort of my darkest and most shameful fantasies. We go back home tomorrow but I am literally shaking out of anxiety. I don't understand how things are going to be once we go back. I guess I desperately wanted this fantasy but had no plans of making it happen. We have normal lines back home. She has made all my fantasies come true but it was almost like a switch was turned on. I love my wife but I feel like I have sort given up all my power without even realizing it. I know how much this sounds like a bad story but I need advice. I don't want to be "pussy free" or have affection withheld from me. She is asleep now so I have no idea if she was just role playing my fantasies now that she fully understands them. I am worried because while the guy has been super nice, I feel dumb for having exposed myself like this?
Basically, are there people who actually manage to hold this dynamic without it ruining their lives?
