Agreed samsar and it’s coming - was sort of closely watching her on holiday to see what type etc of woman she paid a bit more interest in or looked twice etc but couldn’t really see much at all so doubt that it’s another woman - on holiday in the car she got 3 text messages and 2 of them were funny . Now when she gets a message she usually answers straight away . First message exactly that - 2nd message left it around a minute or so but then I thought said something trivial but she had a real nervous edge to it - then answered - I was driving so couldn’t see who it was from . Exactly same again with message no 3 - left it a bit then another nervous statement sort of to distract me from the message so I wouldn’t say - who’s that messaging or aren’t you going to answer that - I don’t know but yet again with her something just seemed off about it . I think something is going on still and this blaming me for saying stuff to have a better sex life ( see my post to coastal kid and the texts are there please ) is the perfect smokescreen to not have a sex life with me . I don’t care if she’s used every night and I’d welcome that to watch and / or take part as at least then we’d have a sex life to share like it should be but this crap is going nowhere fast . Things in my mind are already at a different pace and unless things drastically improve ( which I doubt very much ) then my plans I already have put in place for a while now will come into action and there will be no way back - why can’t they just fuck. And not fight you to try and assert dominance over you at every fucking turn . I know she is like that as she constantly gives the same combative advice to her daw- ter with regard to her controlling boyfriend and there relationship too . It’s like payback time for every partner she has because her husband walked out on her . Thank you for your support samsar and to coastal kid also - I really do appreciate it . Everyone thinks my wife is so nice etc etc but they don’t fucking live with the bitch . Please take the time to read my saga lol on coastal kids reply to see what went down on holiday too
Am I right ??
- Thread starter Snoopsissy
- Start date
I'm glad you confronted her. She's on the road to ruin, all of her own making. I agree with Samsar, your marriage is in shambles. I feel terrible for you! You deserve SO much better. She is not going to change until she does some serious self examination. It's clear she will stand on the fact that she believes she has the moral high ground and if anyone needed counseling it would be you.
Her attitude is a reflection of the times we live in right now. People are steadfast in believing the lies they tell and the lies they swear to be the truth. She has comforted herself by believing that "sex" is the reason for her 1st husband leaving her. In doing so she has chosen to make sex the evil enemy. She is in denial, otherwise she wouldn't HAVE a vibrator, let alone use it for her own pleasure. Yet she does use it and it must confound her own thinking.
I'm beginning to wonder about her "I know all the ways to NOT be caught". I'm thinking she only knows ONE way to NOT be caught. That is to be asexual, or at least to give the outward "appearance" that she is. She's going to end up alone. She'll never admit SHE was ever the problem. Even if she had her ex back she would act the same way and have the same results all over again, simply because she can't change and won't take her fair share of the blame.
Life's too short to spend it the way it's going for you. Eventually you'll have to tell her those exact words. There's no longer any point in "catching" her. Now the REAL question is what in hell does she want in her life? It'd be interesting to me to know what she thinks a "perfect" relationship is like? Is it a female dominant one, one where she calls all the shots and can act unilaterally? I would imagine you are finding it really difficult to find an upside to being with her at all.
Her attitude is a reflection of the times we live in right now. People are steadfast in believing the lies they tell and the lies they swear to be the truth. She has comforted herself by believing that "sex" is the reason for her 1st husband leaving her. In doing so she has chosen to make sex the evil enemy. She is in denial, otherwise she wouldn't HAVE a vibrator, let alone use it for her own pleasure. Yet she does use it and it must confound her own thinking.
I'm beginning to wonder about her "I know all the ways to NOT be caught". I'm thinking she only knows ONE way to NOT be caught. That is to be asexual, or at least to give the outward "appearance" that she is. She's going to end up alone. She'll never admit SHE was ever the problem. Even if she had her ex back she would act the same way and have the same results all over again, simply because she can't change and won't take her fair share of the blame.
Life's too short to spend it the way it's going for you. Eventually you'll have to tell her those exact words. There's no longer any point in "catching" her. Now the REAL question is what in hell does she want in her life? It'd be interesting to me to know what she thinks a "perfect" relationship is like? Is it a female dominant one, one where she calls all the shots and can act unilaterally? I would imagine you are finding it really difficult to find an upside to being with her at all.
Yes totally agree with you I’m afraid - she won’t allow herself to be sexual especially since all of my partners have been open minded and a bit kinky - excluding my first wife who was a good catholic wife up until the point where she was being fucked at her work and so I was without knowing cucked . That’s why she constantly states none of her other partners liked any kinky stuff - only vanilla missionary stuff which is her puritanical vision of a husband and wife copulating . Her only way as you say to not be caught is not to do anything in the first place . I’ve no idea either what the perfect relationship would be - probably being able to wind the clock back 25 years ago where she the happy housewife too busy with her 3 kids and home to put out - hence why hubby found himself someone who wasn’t too busy with all that to get on her back for him ! . Yes exactly the double standards is appealing hence why I’m always to blame . Yes totally which is why I think she actually hates me and does not love or respect me . You are 100% correct coastal kid and wheels are in motion to end this farce I’m sorry to say - still right to the very end I had hope but her usual cruel and hurtful comments on holiday sealed the deal for her . I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for them to have a happy life - just fuck and your guy will forgive just about anything - why does everything be a grudge match and your mostly the loser .
Since her main pleasure seems to be tormenting you the best thing you can do is deny her the opportunity. Work on a project in the garage. Go to the pub. ...... in a spare bedroom or the couch or the garage, whatever but don't bother with ...... with her. Let her know you don't want some pity fuck from her. If she acts contrite, let her know that "You know ALL her ways of manipulating you!" and it won't work any more!
If she asks for a discussion, give it to her. Tell her you want out and that any life would be better than this. So far you've seen well and good that she can be mean spirited. Tell her that her disinterest has caused you to become disinterested. All you expect from her is grief. Tell her you're tired of being punished for what her ex did. If she denies that then ask her what you did that deserved the treatment she has for you? Tell her she has succeeded in running you off and that her bitterness has made you bitter too! Let her know that even if she did say she would change, you don't trust her word. Her track record and behavior show you exactly the opposite. There's no sense in holding it in any longer. Let her have it!
Seriously, at this point, I foresee two outcomes. One, she wakes up and realizes she's overplayed her hand. She's so consumed with the ex and her piety that she's lost herself. She'll begin to see herself as unkind and uncaring. I give that happening a remote chance, unlikely! Two, NOTHING! Nothing changes. She carries on just as she has, oblivious to your thoughts or feelings. You'll get over it, you always do she'll tell herself.
Move yourself out of the bedroom. Start looking up everything you can on divorce. Find other divorced men at the pub. Talk to them. Get your head prepared for the task. I swear I'm usually the guy that wants things to work out, but I'm also that guy that wants everyone to come out a winner. Right now both you and your wife are playing losing hands.
If she asks for a discussion, give it to her. Tell her you want out and that any life would be better than this. So far you've seen well and good that she can be mean spirited. Tell her that her disinterest has caused you to become disinterested. All you expect from her is grief. Tell her you're tired of being punished for what her ex did. If she denies that then ask her what you did that deserved the treatment she has for you? Tell her she has succeeded in running you off and that her bitterness has made you bitter too! Let her know that even if she did say she would change, you don't trust her word. Her track record and behavior show you exactly the opposite. There's no sense in holding it in any longer. Let her have it!
Seriously, at this point, I foresee two outcomes. One, she wakes up and realizes she's overplayed her hand. She's so consumed with the ex and her piety that she's lost herself. She'll begin to see herself as unkind and uncaring. I give that happening a remote chance, unlikely! Two, NOTHING! Nothing changes. She carries on just as she has, oblivious to your thoughts or feelings. You'll get over it, you always do she'll tell herself.
Move yourself out of the bedroom. Start looking up everything you can on divorce. Find other divorced men at the pub. Talk to them. Get your head prepared for the task. I swear I'm usually the guy that wants things to work out, but I'm also that guy that wants everyone to come out a winner. Right now both you and your wife are playing losing hands.
I know coastal kid - ha ha even a pity fuck would be something ! . I can see your outcome no 2 being the most likely . She will never change , as she has very blinkered views on a lot of things - I’ve said to her in the past - yes it’s your world according to your views . Also that would mean if she compromised ( which she doesn’t know the meaning of the word - in 9 years she has said sorry to me about 3 times ! ) that would mean her prudish views on sexual matters was wrong and she would not allow herself to admit that - certainly not to me . But what she is unaware of is after this weekend I will be putting separation initially leading to divorce wheels in motion . I will try and fuck her tonight / tomorrow and if the I’m not doing anything with you or any other similar words come out her mouth or a put down etc I will be telling her that her ...... will need to move out as either her or myself will be going into the spare room until she finds somewhere else to live as it is my house - again of which I’m always reminded off . It’s for all the things mentioned in our discussion and more that it always will be . Well I’ve stayed the pace but I’m always a loser with her . My past is always weaponised by her but she seems hesitant to talk about hers - I’m a dirty bastard but she once told me she was seeing a guy who wanted to train her arse- that was obviously before she became a nun and what do you expect a hot blooded guy to think when your told that and told she was being banged by her sisters fiancé and also by her boss after work . You would obviously assume she was a slut - wrong again - that’s probably just to lure you in - progressively leading to a downward spiral of your sex life - especially if you try and make it good for her - not for me - for her . Ultimately your getting nothing which is her end goal using any and all of your shortcomings ( which we all have ) against you so she doesn’t need to put out -. She is currently away to ‘ see her sister for an hour ‘ . Whether she is or not after the week in Spain now I don’t really give a rats ass , . I’m just sort of numb now and actually at the point I don’t need her for one thing . I was a single guy for. 5 years so can look after myself and my home just fine . If I knew then what I know now I’d have stayed that way . Irony of it all is when I was single I was actually tired of one night stands or maybe at most about a month , then I got bored and wanted a different piece of ass . Wanted someone - a sleeper slut - someone nice with no reputation but a private dirty slut and when she told me about her sisters guy - Was also told about her last partner - how they fucked for long sessions day / night and in every room in the house etc - said they split after a family thing - in reality I found out she was cheating on him - again not the person I married - I’d have been delighted if she’d been fucking someone else . For my part I was told that she didn’t like having sex / making love - during the day or at nighttime if it was light - just another part of pice by piece dismantling of our sex life and trying to degrade my sex drive I think to bring it more in line with hers ie once every couple of months .
You've done your due diligence! She's had every opportunity to turn things around. This is ALL on her now!
