Fantasy vs. Reality

[strayder]

You're not ready for it. When you are ready you will have no doubts.

Not quite true, cos you never know for sure... Especially the first time you watch your wife with another man. Cos that is strong, no matter how prepared you are...

You must be very clear that you both want to do this. And very clear on both can back out of it ANY time, now matter what! Do not push your partner to do anything you and/or your partner will regret later, do not push your own arousal over to your partner to fulfil a horny dream you have. You will regret it!

Be open and honest about this, don't try to trick your partner in to do something he/she is not comfortable doing, if you or your partner is not ready for it don't do it. Like it is incredible hot watching another man empty himself completely in your wife mouth when he sucks his cock, but if she is not up for it do not forse her to swallow. Or she want to swallow but you don't want her doing it. Talk about it first, search your limits and agree on it.

Kissing. Reading that a lot of men thinks their wife kiss the other guy is a bridge to far, but thats just bullocks.. A man trust his cock deep inside her wife but he cant tongue kiss her? Come on, of cause he can. Kissing is only a way to make humans more horny and willing, nothing wrong with letting a guy tongue kiss your wife in my experience, it is the sweet feelings between your wife and the other guy you don't want. You have to be very clear about feelings, cos they going to show up, it is in our nature to have feelings for another person you are intimate with, but your wife (and you) have to be very clear on this and where to put your limits.

My wife have had a lover for the last four years and oncourse she has feelings for him! She is a women and woman can not have sex with a guy if they do not like him and of cause my wife likes her lover, she loves him and I'm totally fine with that. My wife knows that she can fuck as much as she likes with her lover, both alone and in threesomes, as long as she do not think that her lover is the greener grass on the other side of the fence. Cos he is really not greener and my wife knows this, cos she knows that he can get both in this way, and don't just one of us. And that is something you have to be very straight and honest about, cos when her lover gives my wife a multiple orgasms it is so easy to mistake this for deep love for å women or a man if you not aware of this before you starts. Cos your wife is really horny when she knowns her lover is coming over for a visit, this is totally normal and expected. Cos lets face it, your every week sex is not that exiting... Wild unconditional sex with another man is, and it is therefor very important that both are aware of this before going there...

During the first year my wife had her lover we talked a lot about this. And why I had the final saying of it. Now on the other hand, four years later, I let my wife go totally free with her lover. She spends nights with him alone sometimes 6 to 8 times a month, sometimes she spends a whole weekend with her lover at his cabin, I even sent her on a ten days vacation in Spain with her lover alone where they spent their whole day in a nudist resort and her lover really, REALLY fucked my wife's brains out during those ten days, but I can do all this in trust of my wife don't think that she are going to create a life with her lover... She is really content with having both, of us she knows where the boundaries is and respect that even though she really loves both of us very much.

Shearing you partner with another is a mine field if you decide not to be honest about this. Both of you have to be honest, to be aware that a good fuck with a lot of orgasms and hot kissing is not the same as a life long partner. I you can do this you are up for a lot of fun and very arousing times... And always remember, honesty is the key!

 

[JHotbrewer]

I appreciate the advice! Makes a lot of sense the way you put it.

It's good advice. I had an unusual intro to this lifestyle. My wife was a part time ...... when I first dated her and it didn’t freak me so when the prospect of sharing her came up later I had a soft entrance, so to speak. Really not sure how Id have managed in a normal situation..

 

[podex]

Non è proprio vero, perché non si sa mai per certo... Soprattutto la prima volta che guardi tua moglie con un altro uomo. Perché è forte, non importa quanto tu sia preparato...

Dovete essere molto chiari sul fatto che entrambi volete farlo. E molto chiari sul fatto che entrambi potete tirarvi indietro QUALSIASI momento, non importa cosa! Non spingere il tuo partner a fare qualcosa di cui tu e/o il tuo partner vi pentirete in seguito, non spingere la tua eccitazione sul tuo partner per realizzare un sogno eccitante che hai. Te ne pentirai!

Sii aperto e onesto su questo, non cercare di ingannare il tuo partner per fare qualcosa che non si sente a suo agio a fare, se tu o il tuo partner non siete pronti per questo non fatelo. Come è incredibilmente eccitante guardare un altro uomo svuotarsi completamente nella bocca di tua moglie quando gli succhia il cazzo, ma se lei non è d'accordo non costringerla a ingoiare. O lei vuole ingoiare ma tu non vuoi che lo faccia. Parlane prima, cerca i tuoi limiti e concordali.

Baci. Leggere che molti uomini pensano che le loro mogli bacino l'altro tizio è un ponte troppo lontano, ma sono solo stronzate. Un uomo si fida del suo cazzo dentro la moglie ma non può baciarla con la lingua? Dai, certo che può. Baciare è solo un modo per rendere gli umani più eccitati e disponibili, non c'è niente di male nel lasciare che un tizio baci con la lingua tua moglie secondo la mia esperienza, sono i dolci sentimenti tra tua moglie e l'altro tizio che non vuoi. Devi essere molto chiaro sui sentimenti, perché si faranno vedere, è nella nostra natura provare sentimenti per un'altra persona con cui hai intimità, ma tua moglie (e tu) dovete essere molto chiari su questo e su dove mettere i vostri limiti.

Mia moglie ha un amante da quattro anni e ovviamente prova dei sentimenti per lui! È una donna e le donne non possono fare sesso con un ragazzo se non le piace e ovviamente a mia moglie piace il suo amante, lo ama e io sono totalmente d'accordo. Mia moglie sa che può scopare quanto vuole con il suo amante, sia da sola che in sesso a tre, finché non pensa che il suo amante sia l'erba più verde dall'altra parte della staccionata. Perché in realtà non è più verde e mia moglie lo sa, perché sa che può ottenere entrambe le cose in questo modo, e non solo uno di noi. E questa è una cosa su cui devi essere molto diretto e onesto, perché quando il suo amante fa avere a mia moglie orgasmi multipli è così facile scambiarlo per amore profondo per una donna o un uomo se non lo sai prima di iniziare. Perché tua moglie è davvero eccitata quando sa che il suo amante verrà a trovarti, questo è del tutto normale e previsto. Perché diciamocelo, il sesso settimanale non è poi così eccitante... Il sesso sfrenato e incondizionato con un altro uomo lo è, ed è quindi molto importante che entrambi ne siate consapevoli prima di andarci...

Durante il primo anno in cui mia moglie ha avuto il suo amante, ne abbiamo parlato molto. E perché ho avuto l'ultima parola. Ora, invece, quattro anni dopo, ho lasciato che mia moglie si muovesse completamente con il suo amante. Trascorre le notti con lui da sola, a volte 6-8 volte al mese, a volte trascorre un intero weekend con il suo amante nella sua baita, l'ho persino mandata in vacanza in Spagna per dieci giorni con il suo amante da sola, dove hanno trascorso l'intera giornata in un resort per nudisti e il suo amante ha davvero, DAVVERO scopato il cervello di mia moglie durante quei dieci giorni, ma posso fare tutto questo fidandomi di mia moglie, non penso che creerà una vita con il suo amante... Lei è davvero contenta di avere entrambi, di noi sa dove sono i confini e li rispetta anche se in realtà ci ama entrambi molto.

Tagliare il tuo partner con un altro è un campo minato se decidi di non essere onesto su questo. Entrambi dovete essere onesti, per essere consapevoli che una bella scopata con un sacco di orgasmi e baci bollenti non è la stessa cosa di un partner per tutta la vita. Se riesci a farlo, sei pronto per un sacco di divertimento e momenti molto eccitanti... E ricorda sempre, l'onestà è la chiave!

hai espresso molto bene il concetto di espansione di coppia. Molti confondono l'eccitazione data dalla fantasia di vedere la moglie posseduta da un altro uomo con la realtà dei fatti. Parlare con la moglie è essenziale. Capire fin dove si è disposti ad arrivare. Il limite da non superare. Ci sono voluti due anni dal momento in cui ho confessato la mia fantasia di cuckold a mia moglie, al momento in cui lei ha deciso di incontrare un altro uomo. Abbiamo bisogno di una forte complicità, di un solido legame di coppia. Il cuckoldismo non è una passeggiata. In alcune coppie è meglio lasciare la fantasia.

 

[2wheel]

I have been able to turn fantasy into reality twice, I am fortunate.

Funny how I consider myself fortunate to get my 'woman' to have sex with other men.

 

[vinocpl69]

I have been able to turn fantasy into reality twice, I am fortunate.

Funny how I consider myself fortunate to get my 'woman' to have sex with other men.

Because you and those of us who have are fortunate…wear that label proudly 😊

 

[coastalkid]

I’ll post my story and questions soon but to help from someone that just did this. Be fucking careful. Like they say, you can’t uniting the bell. How true this is.

I’ve been into the fantasy for a LONG time. When I watched porn it was practically the only porn I would watch. If you bring it up to your lady you need to study her response and set ground rules and talk talk talk. If either of you don’t agree on something figure it out and be certain where you both stand going forward. Any discrepancies on an expected outcome could mean disaster and you can’t take it back. Also be fearful of her seeing you different. Do not l, I repeat do not push if she’s not into it. If ...... goes south you need her support to help you emotionally, and vice versa.

I will tell you that being jealous and wanting this is enough to make your head split, I was horny and stroking but dying inside. Felt sick to my stomach lost a bunch of weight and then find myself fantasizing over it again. And to those saying ya you just get through that and your a cuck well let me tell you it isn’t that easy. Ask yourself, after the sex is done and days have passed will you be ok if she is talking to this guy all the time. Will you be ok not knowing what she is doing, will you be ok if she comes home late and legit has a reason but you have it in your head she might have been with him, ask yourself if you are ok with her having another relationship outside of yours. Are you guys strong enough to endure that? Will she view you the same? He will be new and exciting.. can you deal with the lack of attention you will receive? If you have an argument and she goes to see him will you be fearful of your relationship?

Look this stuff doesn’t always happen but it could and it does. Fantasy is cool it’s hot, but be careful turning this into reality

Something that gets overlooked or not given much attention, are wives ready to truly handle the reality. In order for it to be a "shared fantasy" there has to be some commonality in fantasy. That sounds easy enough. The tough part is where those fantasies do not have a commonality. Those parts seem to be where the anxiety and anguish comes from.

In another forum I belong to I read about a wife that said, "You fucked up! You said this is what you wanted and now you don't get a say in it!" She went on to admit that once given the chance for her husband to say no, she could no longer view her husband in the same way as when they first married. I don't think her husband had any idea how far his wife would carry that given she no longer respected her husband for wanting the fantasy so badly.

I've noticed a familiar scenario with a strange inconsistency. When wives are first presented with idea of being a hot wife they are self conscious of their age, their weight, their looks, their skill, and any other self perceived fault. With the encouragement of their husbands some wives are able to suppress these perceived faults and when they successfully make the jump to being a hot wife their confidence soars. All those faults have been diminished. Yet when that transition occurs all those insecurities pass on to the husbands/bfs. They now carry the doubts of being attractive, desirable, skilled enough or any other self perceived fault they see within themselves. The inconsistency is where the encouragement is not reciprocal.

It is very, very rare that you read anything here about a wife that encourages her husband and calms his insecurities. Usually it's the opposite of that, they push boundaries, they break or change rules, they act with unilateral impunity. I've always had a hard time understanding how a wife/gf reconciles that in their heads.

 

[jaazhubby]

Anyone else wonder if they’d actually be okay with it if their hotwife fantasies became reality? I’ve long fantasized about sharing my wife with other men. I even enjoy sharing her pics and talking dirty about her with guys online. The problem is that it doesn’t extend to real life. If we’re in public and I see a guy checking her out or trying to flirt with her, I immediately feel jealousy creep in. Same thing if I see her checking out other men (which she does often).

I want to talk to her about the idea of sharing her, but what if she agrees and I find out I’m not ready for it? Should I just drop the idea?

I think you need to talk to my mister 🙂 It's a big step. I have seen people taking that step without preparations and dialogues. Big mistake!

 

[majorem]

Something that gets overlooked or not given much attention, are wives ready to truly handle the reality. In order for it to be a "shared fantasy" there has to be some commonality in fantasy. That sounds easy enough. The tough part is where those fantasies do not have a commonality. Those parts seem to be where the anxiety and anguish comes from.

In another forum I belong to I read about a wife that said, "You fucked up! You said this is what you wanted and now you don't get a say in it!" She went on to admit that once given the chance for her husband to say no, she could no longer view her husband in the same way as when they first married. I don't think her husband had any idea how far his wife would carry that given she no longer respected her husband for wanting the fantasy so badly.

I've noticed a familiar scenario with a strange inconsistency. When wives are first presented with idea of being a hot wife they are self conscious of their age, their weight, their looks, their skill, and any other self perceived fault. With the encouragement of their husbands some wives are able to suppress these perceived faults and when they successfully make the jump to being a hot wife their confidence soars. All those faults have been diminished. Yet when that transition occurs all those insecurities pass on to the husbands/bfs. They now carry the doubts of being attractive, desirable, skilled enough or any other self perceived fault they see within themselves. The inconsistency is where the encouragement is not reciprocal.

It is very, very rare that you read anything here about a wife that encourages her husband and calms his insecurities. Usually it's the opposite of that, they push boundaries, they break or change rules, they act with unilateral impunity. I've always had a hard time understanding how a wife/gf reconciles that in their heads.

Yeah, the problem is, how many couples do you know where the relationship is basically them bickering like siblings all the time? That seems to be a significant portion of the couples we know. Anyone starting out from that kind of relationship is bound for trouble I think. There are also a lot of couples where the woman is more submissive and follows the man's lead because that is the traditional role she learned to play and while many women eventually start to question this as they mature, they are kept in place by self-doubt over their own worth and ability... Many women have this incredibly ability to blind themselves to their desirability to other men, blowing all their imperfections out of proportion, even when the truth seems really obvious. I mean, men will fawn over my wife, give her compliments, and she'll be like "I doubt he really meant it."

Once a women realizes she is so desired by other men, especially if those men are more attractive, fit and successful than their husband, it can create a shift in the power dynamic. If you're in a relationship where your roles are based on perceived worth rather than mutual respect and love, a shift in the power-dynamic is going to cause turbulence.

On the flip side, I think women also need to have the wisdom to realize that their new fuck-buddy is just that, they're here for sex and it doesn't mean they would want to date them or that it would work out long-term, even if they did.

If your wife is already confident, loving and put's your needs first, it is much more likely hotwifing can work than if you're starting out as some bickering couple with questionable respect for one another.

 

[cockoldguy]

Anyone else wonder if they’d actually be okay with it if their hotwife fantasies became reality? I’ve long fantasized about sharing my wife with other men. I even enjoy sharing her pics and talking dirty about her with guys online. The problem is that it doesn’t extend to real life. If we’re in public and I see a guy checking her out or trying to flirt with her, I immediately feel jealousy creep in. Same thing if I see her checking out other men (which she does often).

I want to talk to her about the idea of sharing her, but what if she agrees and I find out I’m not ready for it? Should I just drop the idea?

You need to drop the Idea.. You are not advanced enough in your relationship..

 

[coastalkid]

Knowing if your ready is a hard question to answer. It’s complicated in many ways, especially emotionally, both for the husband and the wife. There is a big difference between wanting to see your wife with another man, and seeing you wife with another man. You have to have compersion (a feeling of happiness caused by another person's happiness, especially by seeing one's romantic or sexual partner interacting positively with another one of their partners) to really appreciate the dynamics of an open marriage. You have to come to terms that for you, once it happens it can’t be taken back, you can’t un-see what you have seen, and your wife can’t be unfucked. Even though I thought I wanted to share my wife and was ready, I admit that in those first few experiences I was not as ready as I thought and struggled with many mixed feelings. Psychologically it was a bit of a mind fuck and it was definitely an emotional rollercoaster. It takes a certain kind of man to be able to push pass being overly possessive of your wife and moving on from the way of thinking or mindset established by old moral traditions and tired clichés. Also, everyone has an ego, and as expected I felt jealousy, insecurity, inadequacy, and was just plain uncomfortable seeing some other guy buried balls deep in MY wife. I had to suppress my initial reaction or urge to stop everything. By not stopping what was happening I was giving away the most important person in my life to another man. It tested my self confidence and my confidence in my relationship with my wife. The doubt crept in to my thoughts, is he better than me, does he make her feel things I can’t, would she still want me, and would she still love me. Not to mention the physical difference, younger, better body, better looking, bigger cock etc. Sharing your wife tests the trust, love, and security of a marriage. I would add that prior to anything happening, the wife and me and many conversations about it to try and agree on some of our expectations and concerns.

Everything you said in this post represents the "reality"! Even when you've had lengthy discussions and felt prepared for it there are unanticipated feelings and emotions that arise from the dynamic. The unknown in the equation is reaction and response from a wife experiencing what she has little or no experience with. A husband will be hyper sensitized to the reactions and responses of his wife. He'll look for ANY clues whether they are mentioned or unmentioned. His mind will tumble through the potential outcomes from best case to worst case scenarios.

The part of your post I highlighted in red is something of an oddity to me. I've read many posts about men wanting their wives to get into being a hot wife. Their wives are often reluctant and show anxiety due to their own self perceptions and personal insecurities. These feelings are obvious and real. Those feelings are often quelled by the support and encouragement of the husband.

It seems like an insult to the intelligence of women to believe that they are unaware that all the insecurities and self doubt they once had could potentially become the insecurities of their husband. I'm not the husband of a hot wife and all those things you worried about are the same things I've wrestled with when I ask myself if I really want this. I feel like I'm an average guy and these seem like obvious and average concerns. Once again, it seems like an insult to women to believe they don't have thoughts about what is going on in their husband's head.

The missing piece is the "two way street" of how a husband encourages his wife and how she (at least in most posts) leaves it to her husband to struggle with his insecurities and self doubt without her support. It really makes me wonder if "compersion" is a "one way street". I've yet to read one post about a wife having her own form of "compersion" for her husband. Most often it's the opposite. You commonly read, "You're the one that wanted this!" or, "I gave you the opportunity to say no and now we're going by MY rules!" Statements like that infer that there will be no further discussions or compromises. That seems hardly an encouragement.

I wish I could find a place (forum) where there are posts about wives that are TRULY aware of the reversal of insecurities and the emotions of their husband. It would restore my faith in women if I read more about how wives recognized the issue and what they did about it. I can read Literotica if I want to read fiction. Far too often wives are depicted in a sensationalized extreme that makes for good masturbation. It's practically a stereotype to describe wives as going from a loving, devoted wife to a self consumed, emboldened, uncaring and unconcerned person. I just don't buy the idea that a wife can easily transition from the kind, sweet, devoted, loving wife to acting so out of character. It feels like Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde, and that's fiction.

Once again, I find it an insult to women to think they are so simple that they are insensitive to, or unilaterally dismissive of the concerns and worries of their husbands after they embrace being a hot wife.

 

[Discretefun66]

Everything you said in this post represents the "reality"! Even when you've had lengthy discussions and felt prepared for it there are unanticipated feelings and emotions that arise from the dynamic. The unknown in the equation is reaction and response from a wife experiencing what she has little or no experience with. A husband will be hyper sensitized to the reactions and responses of his wife. He'll look for ANY clues whether they are mentioned or unmentioned. His mind will tumble through the potential outcomes from best case to worst case scenarios.

The part of your post I highlighted in red is something of an oddity to me. I've read many posts about men wanting their wives to get into being a hot wife. Their wives are often reluctant and show anxiety due to their own self perceptions and personal insecurities. These feelings are obvious and real. Those feelings are often quelled by the support and encouragement of the husband.

It seems like an insult to the intelligence of women to believe that they are unaware that all the insecurities and self doubt they once had could potentially become the insecurities of their husband. I'm not the husband of a hot wife and all those things you worried about are the same things I've wrestled with when I ask myself if I really want this. I feel like I'm an average guy and these seem like obvious and average concerns. Once again, it seems like an insult to women to believe they don't have thoughts about what is going on in their husband's head.

The missing piece is the "two way street" of how a husband encourages his wife and how she (at least in most posts) leaves it to her husband to struggle with his insecurities and self doubt without her support. It really makes me wonder if "compersion" is a "one way street". I've yet to read one post about a wife having her own form of "compersion" for her husband. Most often it's the opposite. You commonly read, "You're the one that wanted this!" or, "I gave you the opportunity to say no and now we're going by MY rules!" Statements like that infer that there will be no further discussions or compromises. That seems hardly an encouragement.

I wish I could find a place (forum) where there are posts about wives that are TRULY aware of the reversal of insecurities and the emotions of their husband. It would restore my faith in women if I read more about how wives recognized the issue and what they did about it. I can read Literotica if I want to read fiction. Far too often wives are depicted in a sensationalized extreme that makes for good masturbation. It's practically a stereotype to describe wives as going from a loving, devoted wife to a self consumed, emboldened, uncaring and unconcerned person. I just don't buy the idea that a wife can easily transition from the kind, sweet, devoted, loving wife to acting so out of character. It feels like Dr. Jeykll and Mr. Hyde, and that's fiction.

Once again, I find it an insult to women to think they are so simple that they are insensitive to, or unilaterally dismissive of the concerns and worries of their husbands after they embrace being a hot wife.

Well thought out response and as far as the stories or posts on here where the wives are depicted as uncaring or dismissive of the husband’s feelings I can only say that has not been my experience. In 26 plus years of an open relationship with my wife at no time has she made me feel insecure, insecure, degraded me as her husband, or made me feel personal self-doubt. This lifestyle has only strengthen our bond as a couple and deepened our respect for one another.

I acknowledge that there are couples who enjoy the cuckold lifestyle that leans heavily towards the degrading of the husband’s role in the marriage and I am not judging, just pointed out that clarifying that is not what we have sought. I think you are right, at least from our perspective, in that this lifestyle is a “two way street”. The insecurities that I felt in the beginning faded not just because of high level of personal self-confidence but because my wife not only did not behave differently towards me (negatively) but also showed gratitude.

I would say that there probably our wife’s who can be a Jekyll or Hyde in the lifestyle but I do not know if that is a change in their personality, role-play, or a combination of both. In my opinion if my wife’s personality/attitude towards me was to change after having sex with another man to dominant from that of a loving wife I would not be on board. I do not subscribe to the line from the wife, “this is who I am now or this is what you wanted” as an excuse for the change.

I do believe you can open a Pandora ’s Box once the wife experience sex with another man but I mean it in a positive way. Having the husband’s support to explore allows the wife to freely pursue sexual desires and fantasies, especially those condemned by social or moral standards.

As I said there may be wives like the ones described in threads who go from being caring and loving to unfeeling and demoralizing towards their husbands. I agree that in some of the threads this aspect is being sensationalized a bit for effect. Some men get off having a wife that is controlling or dominant as a fantasy connected to their own sexual desires “let go” an open up to the thrill of vulnerability.

Thanks for your thoughtful response and wrestling with your feelings as far as entering this life style and sharing your wife with other men is not uncommon. I had plenty of feelings, emotions, personal insecurities, and my ego to overcome. You hear about some people that dive in to the lifestyle but we waded in. We talked about doing something small and moving slowly to the next thing taking bigger and bigger steps. You could consider something like this. Good luck.

 

[coastalkid]

Well thought out response and as far as the stories or posts on here where the wives are depicted as uncaring or dismissive of the husband’s feelings I can only say that has not been my experience. In 26 plus years of an open relationship with my wife at no time has she made me feel insecure, insecure, degraded me as her husband, or made me feel personal self-doubt. This lifestyle has only strengthen our bond as a couple and deepened our respect for one another.

I acknowledge that there are couples who enjoy the cuckold lifestyle that leans heavily towards the degrading of the husband’s role in the marriage and I am not judging, just pointed out that clarifying that is not what we have sought. I think you are right, at least from our perspective, in that this lifestyle is a “two way street”. The insecurities that I felt in the beginning faded not just because of high level of personal self-confidence but because my wife not only did not behave differently towards me (negatively) but also showed gratitude.

I would say that there probably our wife’s who can be a Jekyll or Hyde in the lifestyle but I do not know if that is a change in their personality, role-play, or a combination of both. In my opinion if my wife’s personality/attitude towards me was to change after having sex with another man to dominant from that of a loving wife I would not be on board. I do not subscribe to the line from the wife, “this is who I am now or this is what you wanted” as an excuse for the change.

I do believe you can open a Pandora ’s Box once the wife experience sex with another man but I mean it in a positive way. Having the husband’s support to explore allows the wife to freely pursue sexual desires and fantasies, especially those condemned by social or moral standards.

As I said there may be wives like the ones described in threads who go from being caring and loving to unfeeling and demoralizing towards their husbands. I agree that in some of the threads this aspect is being sensationalized a bit for effect. Some men get off having a wife that is controlling or dominant as a fantasy connected to their own sexual desires “let go” an open up to the thrill of vulnerability.

Thanks for your thoughtful response and wrestling with your feelings as far as entering this life style and sharing your wife with other men is not uncommon. I had plenty of feelings, emotions, personal insecurities, and my ego to overcome. You hear about some people that dive in to the lifestyle but we waded in. We talked about doing something small and moving slowly to the next thing taking bigger and bigger steps. You could consider something like this. Good luck.

Thank you for your reply and thank you for understanding the motivation for my questions. It's tough to sort out the sensationalized posts from the true ones. It's much easier to believe posts that reveal the vulnerability of the husband/bf. Like in your post you state that at no time did your wife make you feel insecure or degraded yet further on in your reply you said you HAD plenty of feelings, emotions, personal insecurities and an ego to overcome. Even though your wife didn't intentionally MAKE you feel that way did she later realize why you had felt that way? When you were in the midst of those issues did you face them alone? Did your wife recognize your struggle(s) at the time? Did she do anything that helped you work past those issues?

 

[FilinaHotWife]

Terrific thread. Very genuine conversation with differing viewpoints.

I think there may be oversimplification of hotwifing, one size does NOT for all.

The cuckold kink has ZERO appeal to me.

Hotwifing, on the other hand, is a principal interest. By my version is her getting pleasured by extra men, NOT her going on dates or having a lover. Not that there is anything wrong with those into that but that is an ENTIRELY different lifestyle in which I would NEVER participate.

I also would NEVER do it near where we live, or with anybody we know. Strangers in far away countries you'll never see again is the scenario I envision.

I also could not disagree more with the statement about allowing kissing on the lips. That is a strict, no exceptions, rule. Too intimate. Id share her sexually, NOT emotionally.

My point is that there is a reason Baskin & Robbins has 31 flavors.

Im interested in experiences along the lines I have discussed, NOT scenarios where the wife has a lover, bull or goes on dates etc.

It sounds almost misogynistic to see all this negativity about wives becoming insensitive bitches so often after going into hotwifing. I think they were bitches to begin with and like to believe mine is NOT gonna go dirty as she is so inherently good (as opposed to my ex who IS inherently evil). OK everybody says it but . . .

 

[coastalkid]

Terrific thread. Very genuine conversation with differing viewpoints.

I think there may be oversimplification of hotwifing, one size does NOT for all.

The cuckold kink has ZERO appeal to me.

Hotwifing, on the other hand, is a principal interest. By my version is her getting pleasured by extra men, NOT her going on dates or having a lover. Not that there is anything wrong with those into that but that is an ENTIRELY different lifestyle in which I would NEVER participate.

I also would NEVER do it near where we live, or with anybody we know. Strangers in far away countries you'll never see again is the scenario I envision.

I also could not disagree more with the statement about allowing kissing on the lips. That is a strict, no exceptions, rule. Too intimate. Id share her sexually, NOT emotionally.

My point is that there is a reason Baskin & Robbins has 31 flavors.

Im interested in experiences along the lines I have discussed, NOT scenarios where the wife has a lover, bull or goes on dates etc.

It sounds almost misogynistic to see all this negativity about wives becoming insensitive bitches so often after going into hotwifing. I think they were bitches to begin with and like to believe mine is NOT gonna go dirty as she is so inherently good (as opposed to my ex who IS inherently evil). OK everybody says it but . . .

Thank you for this post! So often you read that men will say they had these "cuckold tendencies" all along yet kept them private because of a fear of being judged. If that's true then couldn't a wife do the same thing when it comes to being "an insensitive bitch" too? Would it be that different if a wife said she had tendencies to be an insensitive bitch all along but she kept it private because she didn't want to be judged?

I agree with you it does sound misogynistic. I have always found it difficult to believe that a wife that truly and deeply loves her husband can flip a switch and become an insensitive bitch. It seems like an insult to women that they can be characterized this way. I believe it is difficult to act so uncharacteristically unless that trait was already suppressed deep in their character to begin with.

I also agree with you about there being a multitude of ways that couples enjoy their own individualized lifestyle. You almost never read about how a couple works through the issues with kindness and sensitivity to each other, which in my opinion is how most of those couples started their relationship. Instead, you quite often see posts that describe their wives as being insensitive bitches after becoming a hot wife, which in my opinion WASN'T how they started their relationship. It just doesn't fit or make sense.

 

[Lovefeet]

Terrific thread. Very genuine conversation with differing viewpoints.

I think there may be oversimplification of hotwifing, one size does NOT for all.

The cuckold kink has ZERO appeal to me.

Hotwifing, on the other hand, is a principal interest. By my version is her getting pleasured by extra men, NOT her going on dates or having a lover. Not that there is anything wrong with those into that but that is an ENTIRELY different lifestyle in which I would NEVER participate.

I also would NEVER do it near where we live, or with anybody we know. Strangers in far away countries you'll never see again is the scenario I envision.

I also could not disagree more with the statement about allowing kissing on the lips. That is a strict, no exceptions, rule. Too intimate. Id share her sexually, NOT emotionally.

My point is that there is a reason Baskin & Robbins has 31 flavors.

Im interested in experiences along the lines I have discussed, NOT scenarios where the wife has a lover, bull or goes on dates etc.

It sounds almost misogynistic to see all this negativity about wives becoming insensitive bitches so often after going into hotwifing. I think they were bitches to begin with and like to believe mine is NOT gonna go dirty as she is so inherently good (as opposed to my ex who IS inherently evil). OK everybody says it but . . .

Nailed it

 

[tonylawson]

Anyone else wonder if they’d actually be okay with it if their hotwife fantasies became reality? I’ve long fantasized about sharing my wife with other men. I even enjoy sharing her pics and talking dirty about her with guys online. The problem is that it doesn’t extend to real life. If we’re in public and I see a guy checking her out or trying to flirt with her, I immediately feel jealousy creep in. Same thing if I see her checking out other men (which she does often).

I want to talk to her about the idea of sharing her, but what if she agrees and I find out I’m not ready for it? Should I just drop the idea?

Embrace the jealousy and use its energy to your advantage

 

[Discretefun66]

Thank you for your reply and thank you for understanding the motivation for my questions. It's tough to sort out the sensationalized posts from the true ones. It's much easier to believe posts that reveal the vulnerability of the husband/bf. Like in your post you state that at no time did your wife make you feel insecure or degraded yet further on in your reply you said you HAD plenty of feelings, emotions, personal insecurities and an ego to overcome. Even though your wife didn't intentionally MAKE you feel that way did she later realize why you had felt that way? When you were in the midst of those issues did you face them alone? Did your wife recognize your struggle(s) at the time? Did she do anything that helped you work past those issues?

For better or for worse I did not let on to my wife the feelings/emotions I was going through in the moment. I kept everything to myself and continued to encourage her and act (albeit a small act) like I was very turned on by seeing my wife with other men. Each time we had MFM adventures it became less and less difficult to process until reaching the point where I was turned on by what she was doing with other men. So to answer the question of facing my feeling alone, yes I faced them alone. This also answer the next question since I never shared my true feelings at the time there was no opportunity for her to help or know I was struggling. I should clarify that the most intense feelings where in the first few MFM encounters. Sharing her went from partially negative to extremely positive very quickly. I was able to handle it and did not need to say anything to her. It isn't a science but I would say or give advice along the lines of if when you first get in to the lifestyle and your feelings of doubt, jealousy, bruised ego, inferiority, threatened, etc. subside then you will be alright.

I can only speak for myself but can say that if my feelings did not lesson over time then I would have put an end to what we where doing. It would have been a big red flag that sharing the wife with other men was not something I could not only handle but learn to enjoy. I think I said it before but this lifestyle is not for everyone. The marriage has to be rock solid and communication between each other open and honest.

 

[coastalkid]

For better or for worse I did not let on to my wife the feelings/emotions I was going through in the moment. I kept everything to myself and continued to encourage her and act (albeit a small act) like I was very turned on by seeing my wife with other men. Each time we had MFM adventures it became less and less difficult to process until reaching the point where I was turned on by what she was doing with other men. So to answer the question of facing my feeling alone, yes I faced them alone. This also answer the next question since I never shared my true feelings at the time there was no opportunity for her to help or know I was struggling. I should clarify that the most intense feelings where in the first few MFM encounters. Sharing her went from partially negative to extremely positive very quickly. I was able to handle it and did not need to say anything to her. It isn't a science but I would say or give advice along the lines of if when you first get in to the lifestyle and your feelings of doubt, jealousy, bruised ego, inferiority, threatened, etc. subside then you will be alright.

I can only speak for myself but can say that if my feelings did not lesson over time then I would have put an end to what we where doing. It would have been a big red flag that sharing the wife with other men was not something I could not only handle but learn to enjoy. I think I said it before but this lifestyle is not for everyone. The marriage has to be rock solid and communication between each other open and honest.

Thanks for your reply. It was everything I expected it to be, honest and sincere!

Now that you've adjusted and you're "into" it, have you ever told your wife about how you felt back then, or is it something that's better left unsaid? Your telling of your story doesn't seem so unusual in regard to what I've read. I read many posts where men faced exactly the things you mentioned. Do you think it would make a difference in women if they were more aware of those feelings a husband has?

Once again, thank you for your reply! My questions are as sincere as your answers are! It makes sense when everyone says (including you) that, "The marriage has to be rock solid and communication between each other open and honest." I also believe that you need to have your own head together so you can have that rock solid marriage and open communication!

 

[Discretefun66]

Thanks for your reply. It was everything I expected it to be, honest and sincere!

Now that you've adjusted and you're "into" it, have you ever told your wife about how you felt back then, or is it something that's better left unsaid? Your telling of your story doesn't seem so unusual in regard to what I've read. I read many posts where men faced exactly the things you mentioned. Do you think it would make a difference in women if they were more aware of those feelings a husband has?

Once again, thank you for your reply! My questions are as sincere as your answers are! It makes sense when everyone says (including you) that, "The marriage has to be rock solid and communication between each other open and honest." I also believe that you need to have your own head together so you can have that rock solid marriage and open communication!

You’re very welcomed and thank you for the honest questions. I appreciate the conversation we have been having and I have been trying to answer you as honestly as I can.

I did eventually share my feelings with my wife regarding what it felt like to see her with other men. But when I did it was more along the lines of explaining why seeing her with others was a turn on and to share how over time, I evolved personally.

To give some context I would consider myself personality wise an Alpha, clean cut conservative type, not much in to role play especially anything DOM/SUB related (have experimented). An open relationship in my early years would definitely not have been something I would consider.

I can’t say if sharing my apprehension early on would have made a difference. I think it may have because the wife may have not opened up if she thought I was conflicted or it was a negative experience. My attitude was I suppose in line with how most of us (men) keep things bottled up. To an extent I did not say anything because I had already told her I was good with it and did not want to back out/down. I have to give this some more thought but I would say it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself, at least initially because they don’t really serve of purpose to share them. I was not ready to pull the plug after our first experience but would say that if you have overwhelming negative feelings you should put a stop to it.

I should mention that the “conflict” felt in my opinion is pretty normal. It is one of those things that on the one hand your wife is having sex with another man and this is taboo. Then on the other hand my wife is having sex with another man and this is such a turn on.

To add on to what you said as far as that you, “believe that you need to have your own head together” I think you are 100% correct, this is very much a mental challenge. Confidence, ego, jealousy, possessiveness are all things/emotions in our heads. It is something we have to deal with before going forward.

I think I mentioned going slow when thinking of having an open relationship and how to know how you will REALLY react. Something I heard once was to share a pic or pics of your wife with another man and then see how his reaction to her makes you feel. It is sort of superficial but it is a start. I did not try this myself but it would seem one way to “test the waters” of your own emotional reactions.

 

[coastalkid]

You’re very welcomed and thank you for the honest questions. I appreciate the conversation we have been having and I have been trying to answer you as honestly as I can.

I did eventually share my feelings with my wife regarding what it felt like to see her with other men. But when I did it was more along the lines of explaining why seeing her with others was a turn on and to share how over time, I evolved personally.

To give some context I would consider myself personality wise an Alpha, clean cut conservative type, not much in to role play especially anything DOM/SUB related (have experimented). An open relationship in my early years would definitely not have been something I would consider.

I can’t say if sharing my apprehension early on would have made a difference. I think it may have because the wife may have not opened up if she thought I was conflicted or it was a negative experience. My attitude was I suppose in line with how most of us (men) keep things bottled up. To an extent I did not say anything because I had already told her I was good with it and did not want to back out/down. I have to give this some more thought but I would say it is better to keep your thoughts to yourself, at least initially because they don’t really serve of purpose to share them. I was not ready to pull the plug after our first experience but would say that if you have overwhelming negative feelings you should put a stop to it.

I should mention that the “conflict” felt in my opinion is pretty normal. It is one of those things that on the one hand your wife is having sex with another man and this is taboo. Then on the other hand my wife is having sex with another man and this is such a turn on.

To add on to what you said as far as that you, “believe that you need to have your own head together” I think you are 100% correct, this is very much a mental challenge. Confidence, ego, jealousy, possessiveness are all things/emotions in our heads. It is something we have to deal with before going forward.

I think I mentioned going slow when thinking of having an open relationship and how to know how you will REALLY react. Something I heard once was to share a pic or pics of your wife with another man and then see how his reaction to her makes you feel. It is sort of superficial but it is a start. I did not try this myself but it would seem one way to “test the waters” of your own emotional reactions.

I too appreciate the conversations and I thank you for your patience with the questions. It sounds like you were wise to suppress your initial feelings. You gave yourself time to "evolve" as you put it.

It also sounds like you've survived and moved on personally. How do you guys do your "hot wifing"? What is your own personal sex life like? Is it better than ever?